11:

SOPHIE KEEPS HER PROMISE

Sophie Carmella smiled when she found Andrew sleeping beside her. They had both crept back into her room and went straight to bed, no words exchanged, as they held each other and let the scent of the other lull them into a calming slumber, knowing that when they awoke Sophie's break down would be a storm.

She smiled as she watched drool gather on her pillow before she put her hands up and pushed Andrew off the bed.

He groaned from the floor and sat up, rubbing the side of his head with his palm. "What the hell, Soph? That's not how you wake up your boyfriend."

"You were drooling on my pillow," she glared at him.

He climbed back into bed while wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "This is an appropriate greeting," he said before he swooped down and pulled her lips into a hard kiss.

Sophie giggled and parted her legs to make space for him. He easily slotted himself between Sophie's legs and kissed her, his tongue flicking out as he traced her lips and slipped it through, meeting her tongue with a fiery heat. "God, I forgot how kissing was so fucking good-"

He broke off with a groan when Sophie shifted against his hips and smiled slyly up at him. "Only kissing?"

"You make it so hard to resist," he grumbled dropping his head down to hers and closing his eyes, breathing in all of Sophie.

They haven't, in their four years of love, had sex. It wasn't that either of them didn't want to. It was just that Andrew wasn't ready. They were both virgins and they wanted each other to be that special someone but Andrew wanted it to be perfect. He said that the time will only help to build up the sexual frustration and so it would be mindblowing sex - sex like never before (his words not hers). And Sophie complied because Andrew had done so many things for her and he was right about her sexual frustration building up.

They had got intimate before.

Just not that intimate.

"I better go before your mum scolds me," he said, brushing his lips across her collarbone.

"Ma knows you're here," she replied, threading her fingers through his hair.

"But still-"

"Breakfast and then we'll have a heart to heart - fix this little lovers tiff - and have an epic make out session." Sophie raised her eyebrows as she waited for his response.

He didn't smile because he knew Sophie would see right through it. Instead he flopped down on her bed and stared up at the ceiling, saying, "if Mama Carmella gets angry at me I'm blaming you."

[•••]

Mrs Carmella had given Sophie and Andrew a glare, scrutinizing them.

"Don't worry, Ma. We haven't done the deed yet."

Andrew choked on the first gulp of orange juice he had when his girlfriend said those words. She bumped Andrew's hip and smiled up at him. "He's planning to make it special." 

Her mother had chuckled from the kitchen island, thinking that Sophie was merely kidding (because really, who could resist for four years?) and proceeded to offer them the menu for breakfast.

They were now back in the confinements of her room, but she didn't feel at all pressured. Andrew sat next to her, his thumb stroking her hand as his lips worked on her neck, making the nerves ease from her system.

"When Dad died I didn't know how to feel, what to feel. In fact, I didn't want to feel anything at all," Sophie said, staring down at her hands. Andrew's didn't seem to ease her this time. "I looked up to him so much and then I found out he was a lying, manipulative bastard and it made me hate him so much. When he died I didn't know how to feel. Ma and you are right. Dad did his role in this world and it was his time to go. But I didn't want to feel anything because I didn't know what to feel or how to react. I only realised Dad was a changed man after he died."

A sob bubbled up to her lips and she tried to pass it off as a breathy laugh. Andrew encircled her with his arms and squeezed her shoulders. They had all the time in the world, his squeeze had said.

"I was angry. At him for making me feel this way in the first place. At him for making me take so long to realise that he did want to be a better man and that he did keep true to his word. But mostly, I was angry at myself because I didn't realise that I had Dad back before it was too late. I was angry at myself because..." She took a deep breath. "I was angry at myself because I wasn't so sad to know that he died. I'm still not sad. The day I heard the news, Mrs Castor came to give it to me, I was shocked and I don't even know why I cried. I didn't feel sorrow in that moment. Maybe a little bit. Maybe. I don't quite know. I just thought of how it would crush Ma. How she would push me away. How his death would come between us."

Sophie laughed but it didn't hold an ounce of humour. "Ironic, isn't it? I ended up doing what I feared Ma would do."

"You're scared, Soph," Andrew said, realisation dawning his features. "What are you scared of?"

Sophie gulped. Why was telling her mother this part so much easier? But she forced herself to look back into Andrew's eyes because she promised to not push him away. She was keeping that promise.

"Seeing Dad die, it made me realise that we don't live forever. That one day I'll wake up to a dead body. That one day I'll find a dead body. That one day, I won't have you or Ma. Or worse, one day neither of you will have me and that thought...of you losing me...what it would do to you... That's a very fucking scary thought, baby."

Andrew closed his eyes and tears rolled down his cheeks. "Sophie," he whispered, tightening his hold around her. "Death is inevitable. But this world isn't the end. There's heaven and hell, remember?"

Sophie chuckled but Andrew frowned.

"Have you been having thoughts, Soph?"

He didn't have to specify which thoughts to know what he was saying. She hung her head shamefully, heat raising to her cheeks. "A couple of times, yes," she whispered, tears surfacing.

Self harm didn't seem all so bad when she thought about it but now...seeing her mother and Andrew break - that was something that broke her and hurt her and she scolded herself for ever thinking such horrid things.

"I don't understand, Andrew. Why life is so unfair. Why life is so fucking hard. I don't understand it all."

He massaged her shoulder, keeping her head to his chest. "It's not like this all the time, Soph. There's always going to be something that tries to knock us off our course but we always have to get back on our feet because we were given life for a reason. Let's make the most of it before it's too late."

She gazed up at him, her heart exploding all over again. "I missed you. I missed you so goddamn much. I was stupid. I shouldn't have said that about your parents... I just..."

"But it wasn't a lie. I don't have parents, Soph. You do. Well, you have one parent left. But what you said that night really did hurt me. You know, I used to envy you. How you had a perfect father and perfect mother before all of this went to shit. I realised then that we're all given this life - the life we're supposed to lead - for a reason. I don't have parents, yeah, but I can count the many other places in life that I'm fortunate. You can do it too. I know you can."

"It's just a little hard now." She sighed. "I wish it was all easy."

"Don't we all?"

He kissed her forehead and she moved her head up so that their lips would graze. "One day, Soph, I will give my all to you. When I'm sure that you'll give your all to me."

"You know I'll always give my all to you," she whispered, a little hurt at his words.

"Not right now. Your heart is broken and when we, you know, do the deed-" his smile was all playful but the look in his eyes was dead serious "-I want to have all of you. Your body, your heart and your soul. And right now, Sophie, you need just a little more time."

"To heal," she whispered, grazing her finger on the stubble that was on his chin.

"To heal," he nodded.

And just like that as Sophie lifted a lazy grin to her lips, said, "when was the last time you shaved, Andrew?" and pushed him off of the bed for the second time that day, they returned back to themselves.

They were Sophie and Andrew again.

United.