In the first month Deji couldn't make it back to Bauchi as promised but he wrote to her explaining that the construction Company didn't hire him, he said he had another exam/interview with a Company called 'Shell'. He said it was not his dream job but at least if he has a job he would be able to take care of her.

She was so happy when she got the letter; she prayed for him in the reply, told him not to give up on his dream job. She even wrote a short poem for him on patience. Lol.

Her JAMB result came out first and she passed, her score was way above the cut off mark. She wrote immediately to inform him. They were still in touch in the beginning sha.

However, by the third month after his departure, she got sick one day. She was in the courtyard of the house one morning with her younger sisters; they were winnowing rice when she started sweating profusely. All of sudden she couldn't stand, she had to sit down because she felt light-headed.

Another day, she threw up and she just couldn't swallow her own saliva. One Aunty that had been observing her strange behavior told her Mum about it. At least this aunty was nice enough to inform her Mother first and not her Dad.

So, one night her mum woke her up from sleep and she saw that the Aunty was there too.

They asked her to kneel down and she did.

"When last did you see you period?" Her mother asked her in a whisper.

At this point she knew she was pregnant she was not daft; she had not seen her period for 3 months.

She couldn't answer the question, she just started crying because she knew she was in trouble.

"What did I tell you?" The Aunt said to her Mum.

Her mum threw her hands over her head and started crying, it was painful to watch, her Mother couldn't even cry out loud because she didn't want her co-wives in the neighboring rooms to hear them.

"You have to take care of it before he (her father) finds out" Her Aunt whispered to her Mum as she untied the pouch she was hiding under her wrapper and started mixing some herbs in a bowl of water. "My brother would kill the two of you, if he ever finds out"

"You are lucky I noticed this early and I am very proactive," Her Aunt continued as she handed the bowl to Lydia's Mum. "The herbalist said she just needs to take this once daily for five days and it will clear up neatly without any side effects"

Her mother nodded in appreciation to the woman then passed the bowl to Lydia "Drink it...all of it" Her mother said seriously.

Lydia shook her head. "I want to keep it"

Her Aunt laughed weakly.

"Are you Mad?" He mother said breathlessly as fresh tears welled up in her eyes.

"I am keeping it" She insisted, "The father will ma-..."

Her mother slapped her hard before she could finish the sentence, she started seeing stars, and her whole face felt numb. She couldn't hear anything again in the 3 minutes that followed that slap because her ears were ringing.

After that, a small struggle followed between the 3 of them as they attempted to force her to drink it but she succeeded in knocking the bowl over and the dark green liquid spilled onto the floor.. Her mother cried all night.

The next day she wrote a letter to Deji and gave it to her younger Sister, Hannah. She used to send the letters to him through the school post but the school was on holiday, so Hannah had to take sneak out to town.

Hannah said she struggled in the post office a little because the procedure was long and confusing. But she was able to send it sha.

Hannah knew about her and Deji but Lydia warned her not to tell anyone who the Man is, because if they find out that she got pregnant in school and by a teacher, it would ruin her younger sisters' chances of going to the University.

Deji will come and take her away once he gets the letter. He is going to come and save her and their unborn child from these shallow minded people. She was going to elope with him, which was the plan.

Unfortunately for her, somehow, her father heard about it too soon after her mother discovered. Her father has never hit her in her 19 years on earth but on this particular day, he dragged her to the courtyard and called everyone out, especially her sisters because he wanted to use her as a scapegoat.

He beat her like he was beating a man that day, he said he wanted to 'remove' the pregnancy. At a point he grabbed her by the neck and asked her to name the bastard that 'did it to her' but she didn't say anything. So he flung her to the ground.

"Is this why you refused to go through with you marriage?" He roared. Her Father had tears in his eyes but he didn't cry. "Is this the example you want to set for your sisters? You want to spoil the family name?" He shook his head in utmost disappointment.

She felt very bad and ashamed she let him down plus he was a well-respected elder in Church.

She saw her elder brothers polishing their machetes by the side impatiently, they just wanted to hear the name of the Man, they were ready to kill the impregnator. They were so mad.

When her Father got tired of beating her, he called her Stepmothers and the other aunties to hold her down so the Herbalist would administer a new abortion herb.

One of her stepmothers brought her own special herbalist for the occasion; this one claimed his own herb was the most potent abortion herb, they only had to give her one dose. They held her down while the herbalist forced it into her mouth the way African grandmas force-feed babies.

She knew that trick so she hid the disgusting liquid in her mouth and acted like she had swallowed it. Immediately the herbalist released her nose, she spit it out in his face and glared at him defiantly.

The liquid was even tinged with her blood when it came out because her mouth was bleeding.

The herbalist was very shocked and disheveled when she did this, he said she was a 'cursed child' determined to bring shame to the family. He packed his stuff and took off in fear.

Her father just sighed then called her mother who was wailing and rolling on the floor.

"Take your daughter and leave my house. Go back to your village with your shameful daughter" He said to her mother angrily.

He said they were only allowed to return after they 'take care' of the pregnancy because he is not going to 'breed bastards in his house'.

**

They traveled to her mother's village. The village was a very remote community and 5 hours away from Bauchi town because there were no roads.

Her maternal grandmother (Kaka) laughed her head off when she saw them "I am not surprised, I've always known this one was troublesome. Now look where your stubbornness has gotten you....and your mother that refuses to caution you"

Lydia hated it more in her mother's village it was very remote, she couldn't send letters to Deji and her Kaka was annoying.

In the first weeks, their morning routine went like this; they call her and then her mother would give the abortion herb, she would turn it down, her mother would cry, and they would repeat it the following day.

Her Grandmother on the other hand never wasted time in discarding the herb every day, it seemed she didn't have the patience to be begging her up and down, she just wanted them to get on with their day.

"You know you can't come back home if you keep this pregnancy?" Her mother said to her one day. "I thought you wanted to go to Zaria? You will never go to school if you do this Lydia, No man is worth this"

"What do you know about love?" Lydia snapped at her Mother angrily "You married for convenience, you married my father to escape this wretched village" Her mother just shook her head at her, she looked deeply hurt by that so Lydia apologized.

"Mama listen, He (the father) loves me, he is only away to sort out some things, he is coming back soon and I will give birth to this child and proceed to school, ABU is not the only university in the world"

Her grandmother cracked up wildly at this one while her mother wailed louder.

***

By the end of the first month in her mother's village, her father sent for her Mum, he asked her to come back home (He had forgiven her) but without Lydia.

She was glad her Mum was gone, she didn't have to deal with her crying anymore on top of the pregnancy stress. But now, she had to deal with her infuriating grandmother....alone.

The old woman was annoying, she was in her early 50s but she claimed she had back ache and couldn't do anything so Lydia had to do all the chores in the house, deal with her nagging and listen to her dry gist. The only upside was her Grandmother never offered her the abortion herb or tried to talk her into terminating the pregnancy. She only used it to threaten Lydia during their arguments, anytime she wanted her to shut up.

Lydia couldn't wait for Deji to come get her out of that godforsaken village. She knew he would come, he has joked about it with her before; he would say; "You know if I get you pregnant, they won't be able to stop me from marrying you" And she would tell him not to try it o. But, he was only joking he truly wanted to go to school first, America to be specific.

Maybe this is God's plan after all. Perhaps God wants us to tie the knot before I leave for America? She told herself.

What kept her going though was the baby, most days she would dream about how she wants the child to be fierce like her but also she wanted the child to have Deji's calmness and charm. Deji is such a patient, charming and handsome man. She would gush to herself.

***

One day, she was sitting outside getting some fresh air, cradling her bump and thinking about the little creature growing inside her when her grandmother came back from wherever she went since in the morning. Lydia noticed the old woman was carrying 3 pouches of sugar.

"Where did you steal that?" Lydia questioned her suspiciously, as she stashed the pouches away in the kitchen hut.

"Are you insulting me now?" Kaka eyed her.

"I know you can't afford that" Lydia shot back.

"I'll throw you and your bastard out of my house if you don't watch that sharp mouth of yours" She sneered.

But Lydia smiled because the woman just acknowledged her baby's existence as a person, oddly enough, that threatening statement made her happy because it meant her grandmother had accepted that she was keeping it.

The following day, the Woman went out again but came back empty handed then she woke Lydia up from her sweet nap. She told her that, there is a new church in the village and she wanted her to go there and 'collect whatever they are sharing today'.

"Oh my God! I am tired" Lydia whined. "And we don't attend this church, why collect their food?"

The woman threatened her again; she said they won't eat her food again.

"But my mother has been sending us food!"

"That's mine, not yours," Grandma said. "I am only sharing because you are here"

When the woman saw that her threats were not working, she started begging, she said her back and knees were hurting otherwise she would have gone herself.

"Don't forget to collect one for the baby too!....Tell them you're carrying twins!" She called out as Lydia walked angrily to the new Church.

It was a 'serious' catholic church and there was a white Nun there Lydia was surprised they would come to such a remote village.

They distributed biscuits after the service and in trying to get that extra pack for her greedy grandma she spoke English to one of the local attendants, the attendant was was a Nigerian but not a northerner, her Hausa was not very strong. When the oyibo Nun heard someone speaking English, she turned around. She quickly came to meet Lydia, she looked very excited. The Nun asked her if she could read and write.

Lydia nodded and the woman exclaimed in joy. She said they needed a translator for bible study and for some stuff.

Lydia started working for the mission almost immediately, it was easy for her because she was past the vomiting and cranky phase of the pregnancy. The Mission paid her an allowance but she used most of it to post letters to Deji. It cost much more because she had to pay a boy to travel all the way to Bauchi to send the letters.

Her grandmother was sha happy she was now an insider in the church as per unlimited supply of freebies.

One day the Nun asked about the father of the baby and for the first time, she admitted how scared she was that he was not coming back. She broke down that day and cried, she had been trying to stay strong but that day the hormones got to her.

They consoled her, prayed for her and said a prayer for the baby and the father too.

"Maybe he hasn't received the letters," The nun said and Lydia smiled hopefully.

But she wasn't convinced deep down, she stopped receiving his letters right after she informed him she was pregnant. He probably doesn't want the Baby and now he doesn't want her anymore.

She was not ready to confront these fears, not in her state, so she always pushed these negative thoughts aside and held on to hope because it was a better alternative.

***

Dare was born preterm, about 7 weeks early. It was the most terrifying and happiest day of her life at the same time.

She thought he was going to die, but her Grandmother was the hero in this crisis, she said she had handled a preterm baby before she was even more experienced than the village midwife was.

Kaka wrapped him in all the wrappers she owned and the lit up two kerosene lamps in the room to keep him warm. They ran out of Kerosene at some point and she started using hot charcoal to warm up the room. She would go to the neighboring houses and collect their charcoal too.

Kaka forced Lydia out of the fear and shock, she told her to focus on nursing him because he needed it to survive. He was very tiny and weak he couldn't even suck on his own he was using all the energy he had to breathe. So she had to hand-express breast milk into a cup and feed him droplets. It was frustrating and she would cry every day and curse her father and all the people that forced her to drink abortion herbs. She blamed them all for it. But the one she blamed the most was Deji, she hated him so much.

Why didn't he come back.

It was when Dare was born that she knew her grandmother had been lying about her 'backache' all along. The Woman went all out for her and Dare. She cooked and took care of Dare and her too.

She would say; 'The only thing you are allowed to think about right now is milk, forget about every other thing'

By the 3rd week he started suckling on his own and both of them cried tears of joy. He started putting on weight and he even held her finger with his cute tiny hands. His eyes were so beautiful, He had Deji's face in the beginning but as his face took shape he started to look more like her.

By the time he reached the weight of a regular infant they held a small naming ceremony and the whole village showed up. Those villagers were poor but they all brought gifts for him, they brought knitted clothing, coconut oil, grains, whatever they could gather from their homes, and she cried because they didn't care where he was from, they didn't care about her story they just knew someone had a baby and they came to felicitate the mother. Their kindness touched her.

"What kind of name is Dan-Dare!" Lydia yelled at her grandma in the evening after everyone left "Change it!"

"Everyone knows his name now, you want me to go knock on every house in the village and tell them 'we want to change the Baby's name?"

They had a minor banter but Lydia knew it was too late. And honestly, Kaka deserved to name the boy she saved him.

After Dare turned 3 months, she finally accepted that Deji had bailed on her.

Or is he dead?.....He had better be dead! She thought as she drafted another letter to him.

***

So, before Lydia delivered Dare, the Nun had informed her about a commonwealth essay competition for an undergraduate scholarship in the UK. It was like the Chevening Scholarship but for undergrads so she applied for it and the Nun even helped her submit it when she left for Europe months back.

She was shortlisted and she got admission into University College London to study Politics and International Relations.

But in all these excitement, she didn't know she couldn't go with Dare until the full offer arrived and she paused. She didn't want to leave him behind. Her grandmother encouraged her to go; she offered to take care of Dare it was such a tough decision for her to make.

But she trusted her grandmother, the woman loved Dare so much, she was super protective of him, when Lydia's mother came to visit she wouldn't even let her carry him she said they were the ones that tried to jinx the pregnancy but they failed.

She cried her eyes out the day she left for Kano Airport, at this point she was not even thinking about Deji. She was thinking about being separated from her Son for 4 years!

She focused on her studies and worked during the short breaks to earn extra some extra money to send down to Kaka and Dare.

In his first four years sha her grandmother raised him.

***

When she returned to Nigeria, he was big, the boy was growing fast he was taller than most kids his age. He didn't know her anymore he thought her grandmother was his mother. But with time they 're-bonded' and In trying to make up for their time apart she would take him everywhere with her. She took him with her for her NYSC, she served in Kaduna.

During her primary assignment, she started making efforts to find Deji, she travelled to NYSC Head office in Abuja to request for his full contact details. It took her a month of travelling back and forth before she got a lead; his home address. While she was going up and down in Abuja one day, she saw a UNICEF job advert somewhere and she just casually applied, for it.

As soon as she received her next allawee she travelled to Lagos, she didn't go with Dare to Lagos because she knew it was going to be a rough trip she went by road.

Funny enough the day she went to his house she actually dressed up, did her hair nicely, because she still had feelings for him despite the fact that he left her. Because obviously he left her, he was still alive and he was now working with Shell.

She told herself that he probably forgot about her because she was a village girl, now that she is refined, they might be able to rekindle their love. She was still hopeful when she knocked on his door that Saturday morning in Lagos.

But a woman opened the door. A very attractive woman! Lydia noticed she was heavily pregnant but she still looked good! Lydia was a mess during her own pregnancy.

This woman was good looking, she was also mixed race. Lydia had seen many mixed girls in the UK but this one was striking.

No wonder he didn't come back! She thought to herself. Lydia considered turning back for a second but no! she had to find Dare's father, Dare needs to know his father.

"Hello" The woman smiled warmly.

"Good morning. I am here to see Deji,... Deji Bakare?" Her voice almost ceased when she repeated his name. Somewhere deep down she hoped she had the wrong Deji's address.

"He has gone to the rig, in Warri" The woman said, she seemed exhausted from standing. Lydia knew that feeling in her final months with Dare walking around the house was a struggle.

"Oh, okay" Lydia said. She was so confused at this point, she didn't want to say anything to the woman, That would be cruel.

When she was pregnant herself, she couldn't even bring herself to admit that Deji had bailed on her even after months because she couldn't deal with the heartbreak.

She's not going to drop a bomb on a heavily pregnant woman.

"Do you know when he'll be back" She asked politely.

"Next week" the Lady said then pointed to her baby bump "I hope" she added humorously.

Which means she is probably due next week.

Lydia was mad at herself for even still harbouring small feelings for him, he didn't just abandon her, he had moved on.

That was the day she got over him completely.

****

She got the UNICEF job and they moved to Abuja after her NYSC. She moved with her Grandmother, and some of her siblings came to stay with her. Her mother came to visit occasionally but her father still wasn't ready to forgive her.

Dare was sick one time, he had chest pain. Kaka said he had the same chest pain two years ago while she was in the UK. The old woman said back then, she gave him ginger and he got better so she wanted to give him ginger again but Lydia took him to the hospital very early in the morning because she noticed he was also struggling to breathe.

"Are you asthmatic?" The Doctor asked her after listening to the symptoms as he took down some notes.

"No, I am not" She answered.

"What about his father?" The Doctor asked again, his head was still down. The Doctor looked cranky, and sleep deprived. His scrubs were untidy he looked like he needed a shower.

"He doesn't have a father," She said coolly.

The Man stopped writing his eyes went to her empty ring finger and then back at her face then he chuckled wearily.

"You impregnated yourself?" He said sarcastically in Hausa and she was mad with rage. Not because he was mocking her, (she was used to being mocked) but because he was cracking jokes while her Son was still struggling to breathe.

She wanted to say 'Yes I impregnated myself' or something offensive back to him, but she changed her mind. The man was not the cause of her problems and these days she picks her battles wisely plus she is a Staff of the United Nations, she cannot be behaving like a tout up and down so she just smiled instead.

⬇️⬇️⬇️Don't forget to vote ;)