"Sootkit! Sootkit, where are you?!"

With difficulty, Sootkit woke up.

Directly across from him, an unfamiliar white she-cat lay in a nest, staring at him with shocked yellow eyes.

He looked around confusedly. This wasn't the nursery.

"Sootkit!" That was Hickorypelt's voice coming from outside.

"Get out of here!" The white she-cat snapped. She had a funny accent. "Go to your mother!"

Hailfall, right?

Sootkit, still dazed and tired, nodded and started squeezing out of his nest. As he climbed out, he looked back to see Antkit limply roll deeper into the bed.

"Antkit?" He murmured, raising his paw to shake his brother's shoulder.

Hailfall was instantly on him, picking him up by the scruff rushing out of the den, muttering obscenities to herself. The kit squinted as they abruptly went from the comfortable shade to harsh sunlight.

Hickorypelt was frantically pacing camp, calling out her son's name. She immediately fell silent when Hailfall presented him to her.

"Is this yours?" The white she-cat asked, muffled. Hickorypelt froze at the sight of the two, and started rushing toward them.

When the she-cat finally put him down, Sootkit stumbled awkwardly on weak legs and fell. His mother was immediately upon him, smothering him with licks and sniffs. "What were you doing there?!" She fussed, her voice strained with emotion. "What have I told you about going in there?!"

Sootkit was in no position to respond, seeing as how he was practically drowning in her tortoiseshell fur. But he spoke anyways, in a clear monotonous voice. "I think Antkit is dead."

Hickorypelt went silent. Sootkit believed for a moment that she hadn't heard him. That was okay. He was ready to repeat it.

Antkit is dead. Antkit is dead. Why was that so easy to say. Why didn't he feel upset.

The two medicine cats were suddenly with them. Sparrowflight began leading his mother away from him, speaking softly. Before he could try to go after them, Sagepaw grabbed him by the scruff, and he was once again being carried away.

She brought him to the nursery. Of course. She left the second he was dropped into his nest. Of course.

He watched numbly as she rushed out, half of him wanting to go after her. The other half emotionlessly asked, What's the point?

He slumped onto his side.

The nursery was empty. He expected himself to begin crying there and then, with no one to see. That was why he didn't start weeping before, right?

But still no tears came. Or sadness. Or emotions for that matter.

He remembered Wolfheart telling him and Antkit stories of the many battles he had lived through. The elder had recalled a battle that had occurred when he was still only an apprentice. After much bloody fighting, the clash had seemingly ended out of nowhere, with the opposing Clan suddenly backing off, and then retreating moments later.

The young Wolfpaw was overcome with relief when the battle ended. But that relief quickly turned into horror when he realized that it had ended because his mentor had been murdered.

The gray tabby had immediately burst into tears and lament. Wolfheart himself had found his eyes watering at the dim memory.

That was how cats were supposed to respond to death. It was how you dealt with it, and how you begin to heal. So why couldn't he? Why did he just feel so... empty?

He heard several gasps outside. But the kit didn't move. He already had a pretty good idea of what had caused them.

Light footsteps entered the den. He looked up, only for his bored and half-lidded eyes to widen in surprise at the sight of Palekit. The usually proud she-kit had her eyes glued to the ground, and was awkwardly shuffling towards him, like she didn't want to be there.

Sootkit looked at her in puzzlement. What was she doing here?

Palekit's somber eyes rised up to his. "Have you heard?" She asked softly.

Sootkit slowly nodded.

A quiet sob broke from the she-kit, and she came forward, touching her nose to his cheek in a gesture of comfort. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She whispered, more to herself than to him. "I can't believe it either. It just keeps coming to me that he's gone, and making me guilty-."

"Don't feel guilty." Sootkit interrupted. Palekit whipped up at him. "You didn't kill him. He got sick from sneaking into the medicine den. Stop blaming yourself."

The she-kit froze. She was wearing a look of shock, seemingly numb to the tears streaming from her eyes. "You're not mad?" She whispered.

"No. The slap had nothing to do with it." He replied curtly.

Palekit said nothing, eyes wide, reeling from the casual forgiveness that came so rarely to her. Suddenly, she came forward and leaned her head against his thin shoulder. "Thank you." She mumbled.

Sootkit gave her a reassuring lick on the shoulder, before pausing and examining his situation. Here he was, comforting his friend for the death of his brother.

Palekit eventually pulled away. "I'm sorry. This isn't about me." She muttered, wiping her face.

He responded with just a curt nod.

The she-kit looked at him. Sootkit shifted uncomfortably, feeling like he was guilty of something.

Finally, "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

The black tom opened his mouth to dismiss her, but caught himself. In all the weirdness and confusion, he forgot about what was waiting outside.

"Can you walk outside with me? I just don't want to go into the crowd alone." He said, after contemplation.

Palekit met his gaze with determined yellow eyes, and gave a nod.

Together, they left the den. Sure enough, the entire Clan was gathered once more around a body. At least Sootkit didn't have to ask who it was this time.

They began moving forward, wondering how they would go about getting through the impenetrable wall of cats. But then Hollyberry turned around at the sound of their pawsteps. Her eyes widened, but instead of shooing him away, she took a step to the side, allowing them to pass. Then the rest of the crowd noticed and began making way.

The two automatically started towards the center, Sootkit ducking his head behind Palekit's, as if that would hide him from all the adult gazes.

"It's a tragedy, really." One cat murmured. Along with it came whispers like, "And right after Shadeclaw yesterday," and, "Such a young kit shouldn't have to face death so quickly." And his personal favorite, "He must be devastated."

Devastation felt like nothingness, apparently.

Antkit was laying in the middle of the clearing. Hickorypelt stood with her nose pressed against his flank, weeping softly.

"You okay?" Palekit whispered. Sootkit nodded. The she-kit nodded towards the nursery, and slowly left the clearing.

Sootkit took one look at his brother and immediately turned away. Like Shadeclaw, they had tried to lay him in a more 'natural' position. However, coupled with his already jaunt cheeks, sunken eyelids, and bony frame, it only worked to create a disturbing and unnatural visual. He didn't look like he was just taking a nap, or whatever the medicine cats were going for. He looked like a corpse trying to imitate the living.

"All right everyone. Give them some space." An authoritative voice suddenly called out. Many heads turned towards the slight rise where the leaders den was. There stood the relatively small frame of the Clan deputy, Creekfur. "Clear up. We still have patrols today."

Slowly, gradually, the crowd around them began to disperse, and Sootkit soon found himself able to breathe easier. He inwardly thanked Creekfur for saving him.

He looked back towards the scene before him. After a few seconds of pondering, he padded towards Hickorypelt and pressed himself against her side, much like he had the first day Antkit was sick. Unlike then, however, his mother didn't cheer up. She didn't even acknowledge him.

He stayed there anyways, closing his senses to the world and trying to focus on her.

"...I feel like StarClan is punishing me."

Sootkit flinched at her words. Her voice was surprisingly clear, but sounded strained, like she was doing all she could to hold herself together. "I don't know why, but to me it feels like the only thing that makes sense. With all that's happened, why wouldn't that be it?"

The kit said nothing, pondering her words. Eventually, he asked,"What else has happened?"

Hickorypelt turned to look at him. Her yellow eyes were half-lid and empty. "I never told you, did I? About Acornkit and Owlkit."

"Who?"

"I was very sick right before your were born. With greencough. It was a very violent case, and some said it seemed almost determined to kill me. But Spiderfur managed to find catmint before that could happen. It helped me recover, but I was still sick and weak when I finally had you."

Hickorypelt paused there, staring numbly at the ground. Sootkit reached up to give her a comforting lick on the shoulder. On the inside, he felt confused. He already knew all this. Timberfang, Hickorypelt's brother, loved telling the story of how Spiderfur has miraculously appeared in camp one day with a bundle of catmint, saving the queen's life right before she gave birth.

Hickorypelt swallowed difficultly. "It wasn't always just you two. You actually had another brother and a sister. Acornkit and Owlkit." A ghost of a smile fell on her lips, but quickly faded. "I was still sick, and they were born barely responsive. But we named them all anyways. And then they died."

The queen's shoulders began trembling, and Sootkit realized that she was crying again. "Four kits, and now you're the only one left." She whispered with a broken voice.

Sootkit said nothing in response, but instead gently leaned his head on her slumped shoulders.

What else was there to do after such a revelation?

Despite the already slightly chaotic atmosphere in the Clan, somehow, even more commotion started up.

Sootkit slowly looked up, wondering what could possibly put the Clan in even more turmoil, and his eyes widened.

A border patrol was arriving back at camp. Among them was Spiderfur. He hadn't seen Sootkit emerge from the medicine den. He hadn't seen the commotion that followed.

He didn't know that Antkit was dead.

The two made eye contact at the same time, and Spiderfur froze at the display that was waiting for him.

Hickorypelt finally composed herself enough to raise her head to see what her clanmates were murmuring about. She took one look at her mate, and stood up and rushed towards him.

Sootkit looked vacantly after her. With his mother and Palekit gone, and only a pathetic imitation of a live cat to keep him company, he felt more alone than he had ever been.

His parents talked quietly in the entrance end of camp. He couldn't hear what they said, but it wasn't hard to guess.

Hickorypelt was discussing what had happened that morning. When she was done, she immediately thrust her head into the crook of her mate's neck, sobbing softly.

Spiderfur just stood there stiffly, eyes widened in shock. He never took his gaze off Antkit.

Finally, he gently pulled away from Hickorypelt. Sootkit watched as he gave her the exact same words he had given her seven days earlier.

"I have to go."

Without giving his mate time to speak, he turned around and began heading back towards the entrance. Sootkit stared hopelessly after him.

"No."

Hickorypelt stepped around him with surprising speed, now standing between him and the entrance.

The queen's long claws dug into the earth, and she was glaring daggers at him. Sootkit had never seen her this angry before.

"Why do you keep leaving?" She asked. Her voice was loud and clear, but trembled with rage and grief.

Spiderfur looked down, and his slender form quivered. As his mate, his son, and his entire Clan waited in anticipation, he decided to say nothing.

Hickorypelt's gaze burned into him. She took a step towards him, which he returned with a step back. "What's so important that you have to leave me to grieve alone? What is it that takes you away whenever we something happens to us?"

Spiderfur took a deep, unsteady breath, and mumbled something along the lines of, "I need to make things right."

The she-cat's furious expression didn't change. "Leaving isn't going to make anything right. Staying here and getting through this together will."

Her mate didn't react at all to that statement. His shoulders began shaking even more violently, and he spoke in a soft, broken voice. "Please. Please. You don't know. Please, just let me leave."

Hickorypelt's front faltered, and her eyes softened with pity and love. When Sootkit thought she would completely double down  and forgive her mate, her gaze steeled. "If you leave," Her voice shook, and she cleared her throat, "than I'm not letting you back in to my life."

Spiderfur finally looked up at her, his face grief-stricken and conflicted. He met Hickorypelt's yellow eyes, which stared back at him with pain but certainty.

He took a deep breath that threatened sobs, fixed his tired gaze straight ahead of him, and pushed passed his mate to the exit.

Sootkit wouldn't remember the reactions of his mother or his clan mate, or what they had to say about it, because all his surrounding senses seemed to leave him as he ran blindly towards where his father had disappeared to.

He was standing for the first time in the forest when his mind caught up to him, and without taking even a second to think, he set off towards the distant sound of crunching leaves, screaming out for his father.

The mad chase came to an end when he roughly collided with Spiderfur's haunches. He fell back and looked back up to his father's green eyes, which he had once looked to for guidance and comfort. They were now tinged red and tearful.

The gaze only held for a heartbeat, as Spiderfur looked away hastily dragged a paw across his eyes. "You shouldn't be out here." He coughed out, his voice broken beyond recognition.

Sootkit barely registered the weak comment. "Why did you leave us there? Why did you leave mother alone? She hurts a lot, and sometimes I'm not enough to comfort her."

"You don't understand." The tom whispered dismissively. "I need to make things right."

Sootkit looked at him in disbelief. The warrior stood away from him with his head held low. He wouldn't even look at his son.

The kit looked down too, feeling alone. Feeling guilty. And slowly, he began wondering.

Was it something he'd done?

No. He hadn't done anything. And here was his father, avoiding them, abandoning them as if they were to blame for his grief.

Anger welled up inside of him, and in the heat of the moment, Sootkit stood up and screamed, "I didn't kill Antkit! Losteye did!"

Spiderfur whipped around at him. Sootkit met his gaze with triumph.

Only to see in his father's green eyes absolute terror, far more than Sagepaw could ever conjure up. Sootkit looked up at him, and felt his adrenaline immediately fade away.

Spidefur's mouth opened to say something, but he found nothing, and instead turned and bounded away into the undergrowth.

The kit sat, and as his father's footsteps faded away, tears finally flooded down his face, and he let out the sob that he had been expecting all day.

He would remain in that spot until Timberfang found him nearing sundown and carried him back to camp, grieving that he'd lost not only his brother, but also his father that day.