Songs We Listen to at the Café

Dustin

I'm drowning from my thoughts that afternoon.

I couldn't think of anything but Eli's situation. It's been a week since we last saw each other and the only thing I keep getting from her is that she's fine and I have nothing to worry about. I know I should not worry anymore, but deep inside it's killing me every time that I'll think about her.

The coffee didn't help to stop me from thinking about her. Every minute I'm checking my phones for her messages. But when I already received a message from Eli's Tita Lola that I should stop worrying about her niece, that's when I finally got up and took a deep breath of relief.

I'm sorry, Tita Lola, sobrang nag-aalala lang po talaga ako kay Eli.

I sent a message to Tita Lola before leaving my office. I stayed at my office when Eros and Venus asked me to take a break for a while dahil nga bakas na bakas sa mukha kong kinakain ako ng pag-aalala. Nalagyan ko pa ng yelo 'yung order kanina na hot chocolate.

I know, Dio apo. But Eli's fine now. Don't worry.

Salamat sa pag-aalaga at pag-aalala sa kaniya hanggang ngayon.

Ingat ka d'yan, apo.

I couldn't help but smile when I received Tita Lola's reply. She's still as sweet as before. I missed how she calls me apo as if I'm already officially part of their family. Namiss ko tuloy iyong bicol express na madalas niyang lutuin tuwing bumibisita ako sa kanila noon.

After sending my last reply to Tita Lola, I then decided to get back at the café. Malapit na rin ang closing time and usually ako na lang iyong mag-isa nakabantay sa café because Eros and Venus are taking a break to prepare for the pub, nag-eenjoy raw silang magbantay sa pub kaya hinahayaan ko na lang din sila.

"Sige na, magpahinga na muna kayo." salubong ko kina Eros at Venus nang makabalik ako sa counter.

"We're planning to eat muna, Sir Dio, may gusto ba kayong ipasabuy?" Venus asked habang abala sa pagaayos ng kahera.

"Fast food ba o d'yan sa eatery sa kanto?" I asked.

"Sa eatery po yata bibili si Eros, 'no?" nabaling ang tingin niya kay Eros.

When they finally decided kung saan bibili ay nagpasabuy na rin ako dahil mukhang kailangan ko na rin nga talagang kumain. Iilan na lang din naman ang customer namin sa loob ng café kaya hindi na masama ang mag-working break.

"Kapag may Bicol express, get me one, Eros, thank you." I said to Eros and gave him a good amount of money na kasya na sa aming tatlo.

"Hala, sir, KKB na lang po." nahihiyang sambit naman niya.

"Hindi na, sige na." nakangiting pagpilit ko at hindi nagpatalo kay Eros.

Nahihiya naman silang nagpasalamat. Then Eros left the café to do his errands. Nagpaalam naman si Venus na mag-aayos na sa kitchen to prepare for their break, dahilan para maiwan akong mag-isang nakabantay sa café.

We only have two customers that time. I smiled at both of them nang magtama ang mga tingin namin. I made myself busy sa pagtingin sa bawat pader ng café, naghahanap ng maaaring ayusin.

Nabalik na lang ako sa reyalidad nang magpaalam 'yung isang customer namin. A smile carved into my lips again when I saw her posted a note at the Wall of Words.

"Have a nice day, have a good life!" nakangiting paalam ko sa customer.

Then our remaining customer asked for a glass of water. Hindi nagtagal nagpaalam na rin siyang umalis. Kasunod n'on ang pagbalik ni Eros holding a paper bag.

"I got your Bicol express, sir." nakangiting bungad ni Eros. "Tara, kain na po tayo."

I thanked him for it. Susunod na sana ako sa kaniya para kumain na rin ngunit may kaagad na pumasok sa café namin.

"Hi, you guys are still open, right?" a guy wearing a cap said as he entered the café.

"Yes, we're still open, come in." I replied, matapos ay sinabihan sina Eros na mauna na sa pagkain.

I watched the guy removed his cap and fixed his things at the table located at the center of the café.

"Thank, God." nakangiting pagbaling naman niya sa akin. "What's your best seller here?" kalmadong tanong niya nang makalapit sa counter.

I showed him our menu. "People love our Iced Spanish Latte," I said.

"I see, but what would you recommend?" he asked matapos tinapunan ako ng diretsong tingin.

"I'd recommend our Vietnamese Latte, our beans for that are directly from Vietnam." I proudly said.

Naangat naman ang kilay niya. "That's cool. Sige, I'll get one, iced, please." he said matapos ay kaagad nag-abot ng bayad niya. "Can I also request a glass of cold water, please?" dagdag niya habang abala ako sa pag-process ng order niya.

"Sure, just a second." I said. "Can I have your name for the coffee?" I asked.

"Dustin." maikling sagot niya matapos ay kaagad na bumalik sa lamesa niya.

Bago ko pa tuluyang asikasuhin ang order ni Dustin, I checked my phone first for messages. Tita Lola just reacted a heart to my messages. Wala na rin akong nakuhang reply mukha kay Eli nang sabihan ko siyang mag-message lang if she needs anything today. That's when I decided to really focus on my job dahil baka kung ano na naman ang magawa ko sa order ng customer namin.

"Here's your water, sir." nakangiting sambit ko kay Dustin nang ilapag ang baso sa harapan niya.

"Thank you," he said at kaagad na uminom.

"Your coffee will be ready in a minute, sir." dagdag ko pa at tuluyang bumalik sa counter para ipagpatuloy ang paggawa ng kape niya.

Nabaling muli sa akin si Dustin. "What pastry would we recommend para sa coffee ko?" he asked.

"You're having iced Vietnamese latte, hmm..." I said while looking at our pastries of the day. "I'd say you get French toast or waffle." I added matapos ay muli siyang tinapunan ng tingin.

"Okay, please add waffle to my order, thank you, sir...?" he said na may pagtatanong sa dulo, probably asking for my name.

"Dio, call me Dio." nakangiting sambit ko pa.

"Great, thanks, Dio." Dustin said at biglang napatayo. "May restroom ba kayo?" he asked.

Kaaagad kong tinuro sa kaniya ang restroom namin. Mabilis din naman siyang naglakad patungo d'on. He looks tense, naging dahilan 'yon para balansehin ko ang timpla ng kape niya dahil baka mamaya mas lalo siyang mataranta.

I already finished making Dustin's coffee before he went back from the restroom.

"Your coffee's already at your table, sir, enjoy it." nakangiting sambit ko pa. "If you have thoughts to share, don't be shy to post them at our Wall of Words," dagdag ko kasabay ang pagturo ng wall na medyo malapit sa kaniya.

"That's cool ha, thank you again, Dio." he said.

Hindi nagtagal natapos ko na rin gawin 'yung waffles niya. I served it at his table habang abala siya sa pag-type sa laptop niya.

"Your waffle, sir." I said at marahang nilapag ang waffle sa gilid ng kape niya. "Nga pala, if you have any song request, feel free to ask me." nakangiting sambit ko matapos ay nagpaalam na sa kaniya para bumalik sa counter.

Nabaling naman ang atensyon ko kina Eros na tinatawag na ako para kumain. I told them I'm still good and will accommodate our customer first. We'll close na rin naman in a while. Tinuon ko na lang muli ang atensyon ko sa paghihintay ng mensahe mula kay Eli. Ngunit nabaling ang tingin ko sa customer namin nang marinig ko ang boses niya.

"Can I ask something?" Dustin said, kakaiba iyong tono ng pagsasalita niya. Kalmado ngunit alam mong hindi lang patungkol sa kung saan ang restroom na klase ng tanong.

"Anything." I said while calmly looking at him.

Nakita ko ang marahan niyang pagbuntong hininga bago tuluyang humarap sa akin. "Have you ever faked something?" tanong ni Dustin dahilan para makumpira kong sa malalim nga patungo ang usapan namin.

While processing Dustin's question, I couldn't help but remember the conversation I had with Kyle a month ago. 'Yung usapan namin ni Kyle ang naging dahilan kung bakit mas natutuwa akong makipag-usap pa sa mga customers namin.

That conversation with Kyle also made me to add something at our café and pub. I added a sticker that says: Got things to share? Come in, it's a safe space. Nakapaskil 'yon sa glass door ng café. At magmula n'on samu't saring kwento na ang naririnig ko mula sa mga customer namin.

I like to hear their stories and share mine too. I like to hear what object from the past they'd want to see inside a box in front of them. I like to get to know them that even though for sure they'll never get back again at my café, at least they got to leave a mark and story here. Life is fleeting, but their stories stay at Twelve Days Café and at Twelve Midnight pub.

I didn't regret putting those stickers because it makes me glad whenever I hear my customers' stories, especially when they'd tell me that our conversation helped them in some ways.

I looked back at Dustin.

"I guess it's fair to say that I did," I said to answer his question earlier. "Siguro halos lahat naman ng tao ay may pinagtakpan ng katotohanan." I added as I peacefully sit at the highchair at the counter across Dustin's table.

"I hope that answer isn't a fake one." nakangiting sambit naman ni Dustin.

"I'm telling the truth, don't worry." I said at marahan pang natawa. "What made you ask question?"

"The table told me to." sagot niya habang nakaturo sa lamesa.

I'm positive that he's talking about the sticker. I also put a sticket at every table inside my café and pub. The stickers say: A coffee is best pair with deep talks. Share whatever you what as long as you're comfortable.

"I see." nakangiting sambit ko. "So, how about you? Have you ever faked something?" diretsong tanong ko sa kaniya.

Pinanood ko lang siyang daluhan iyong waffle niya bago pa tuluyang sumagot. "The waffle doesn't taste good."

Mabilis naangat ang kilay ko, halos mahulog pa ako sa kinauupuan ko. "What?! Oh, God, I'm sorry." natataranta kong sambit dahil ngayon lang ako nakarinig ng ganoong klase ng komento tungkol sa pastry namin.

Kaagad namang natawa si Dustin, "I'm kidding," natatawang sambit niya matapos ay uminom muli sa kape niya. "That's a fake review, I actually like your waffle, hindi bland ang lasa." nakangiting dagdag niya.

I took a breath of relief when I heard those words from Dustin. Akala ko'y mapopost pa kami sa social media dahil sa comments niyang iyon.

"To answer your questions, yes, I did too, I faked a lot of things." nabalik sa kalmado iyong boses niya.

"Care to elaborate if you're comfortable?" I asked, hindi ko kinalilimutang itanong sa mga nakakausap ko kung komportamble ba silang magkwento.

Dustin gave me a small nod. "Yes, I am," tipid muli siyang napangiti. "Kanina lang I faked something. 'Yung pag-order ko rito na akala mo'y may alam talaga ako sa kape at pastry sa pagtatanong kung anong masarap at best seller?" makahulugan iyong tingin niya sa akin. "That was all fake."

"Not to invalidate you ha, but I beg to differ," mabilis kong sambit. "I can't say you're faking, I just think you really want a safe order kaya nagtatanong ka."

"Fair point," marahan muli siyang napatango. "But I really don't act like that, I don't know if I came off as intimidating, pero hindi talaga ako gan'on." tipid pa rin ang mga ngiti niya ngunit ang mga mata'y niya alam mong nangungusap.

I also gave him a small smile. "Hindi ba minsan okay rin na magkaroon ng ibang character or personality, especially when you're around with people that don't know you?"

"That's the point," kaagad na singhal ni Dustin. "If I remember it correctly, buong buhay ko na lang nagpapanggap ako, nagtatago sa likod ng isang character even sa mga taong kilala ko at kilala ako." kalmado iyong boses niya ngunit bakas d'on ang bigat niyang nararamdaman.

"I'm sorry about that." halos wala na akong masabi.

Dustin just raised his eyebrows. "This is a safe space, right?" pag-iiba niya ng usapan.

"Safe and sound space, you can share whatever you want basta komportable ka, I'm all ears." nakangiting sambit ko na akala mo'y tropa niyang matagal na hindi niya nakita.

Lumaki iyong ngiti ni Dustin sa mga labi niya, but his eyes are telling the opposite.

"Alam mo ba kung saan ako galing bago ako pumunta rito?"

Mabilis akong umiling. "No clue."

"I was supposed to be on a date." Dustin said shortly.

"Oh, what happened?"

"I got stage fright, ewan, hindi ko siya nilapitan, I just told her na may biglaan akong kailangan gawin. I know she's mad at me kaya wala na akong nagawa kung hindi ang mag-sorry na lang." diretsong sambit niya sa akin.

"Can I ask if she's your girlfriend or someone you're courting...?"

"She's someone I met on a dating app last night, nag-aya siya manood ng sine, and I said yes, pero last minute ayon, nag-cancel ako." his eyes are telling me how guilty he is. "Hindi na ako magtataka kapag pinost niya ako sa social media na paasa, ghoster, o kung ano man, maybe from that I'd really know who and what I really am."

Dahil sa mga huling sinabi niya para bang natunugan ko iyong dinadala niya sa dibdib niya. Ngunit hindi ko siya pinangunahan at hinayaan na siya mismo ang magsabi sa akin ng bawat detalye.

"And alam mo ba, Dio, kahapon, I was on a different app too, waiting for something to hit me up, at nung meron na at sinabi niyang papunta na siya, I cancelled again. I don't know what's happening to me." pagpapatuloy ni Dustin sa kwento niya. "He called me paasa, wala raw akong pinagkaiba sa ibang lalaki sa app na 'yon, pero okay lang kahit ano pang tinawag nila sa akin."

I couldn't smile to at least lighten the situation.

"Can I ask something?" tipid kong tanong na kaagad niyang sinagot ng pagtango. "Why do you keep on saying na okay ka lang kung anong itawag sa 'yo ng ibang tao?" I asked.

"I don't know," kalmado niyang sagot. "Siguro dahil sa paraang 'yon malalaman ko kung sino talaga ako."

"What do you mean?" I asked again.

"I feel like I'm having an identity crisis." he said, which put us both in silence.

Walang nakapagsalita sa aming dalawa. Hinayaan ko siyang daluhan muli ang kape at waffle niya. I took a deep breath, trying to think what I should say. Mabuti na lang binalik ako ni Venus sa reyalidad nang magpaalam silang dalawa ni Eros.

Sinabihan ko silang dalawa na mauna na magpahinga at ako na ang bahala sa café dahil mukhang mapapahaba pa ang usapan namin ng customer namin.

Nang sandaling iyon naiwan kaming dalawa ni Dustin sa loob ng café. Naging dahilan iyon para lumapit ako ng pwesto sa kaniya.

"How can you say that you're having an identity crisis?" I asked Dustin habang naka-upo sa isang upuan na may dalawang lamesa pagitan sa aming dalawa.

He took a sip from his water before looking back at me. "I just graduated last year, sabi ko sa sarili ko noon after ko mag-graduate magpapahinga muna kao for six months dahil nakapapagod talaga mag-aral, it will be a good thing na rin para makapaghanda sa new chapter ng buhay ko as an adulting person," tuloy-tuloy na sambit niya. "I did break for six months, but after that para bang mas naligaw ako, hindi ko na alam kung saan ako pupunta o kung anong gagawin ko."

Marahan akong napatango at hinayaan siyang magkwento.

"That's when I decided to take a masteral degree, dahil wala akong naiisip gawin. Tambay lang ako sa bahay, ni hindi rin ako naghanap ng trabaho habang nagpapahinga. Parang sinayang ko lang 'yung degree ko sa education." pagpapatuloy ni Dustin. "I took a masteral degree dahil tingin ko d'on lang ako magaling, maging estudyante. Kasi nung mag-graduate ako, wala na ulit akong identity, so I enrolled again para estudyante ulit ako, para alam ko ulit kung sino ako."

I didn't know what to say. Natigilan ako hindi dahil sa bigat ng kwento niya ngunit dahil para bang nakikita ko ang sarili ko sa kaniya. Patago akong humugot ng buntong hininga para makapag-isip ng sasabihin sa kaniya.

"I understand your situation, Dustin, alam kong wala akong karapatan magsalita ng kung ano-ano dahil wala naman ako sa mismong sitwasyon mo, but..." I paused to gather my thoughts again. "But as someone na halos maligaw rin after graduating, I think it's a nature of life na pagdaanan natin 'to, but believe me, after that you'll be in a good track."

"So kailangan ko munang maligaw bago ko mahanap kung saan ako papunta?" he said, I heard a sarcastic tone from it.

"I guess so?" I said, halos hindi rin sigurado. "I read somewhere that there's nothing wrong with not knowing where to go or getting lost along the way because it'll lead you to a new path, which will guide you to a successful destination." I added. "I don't know if that makes sense."

"It did, may sense naman, ang hirap lang tanggapin," nakangiting sambit ni Dustin ngunit bakas pa rin ang bigat sa mga mata niya. "Nakahihiya na rin kasi sa parents ko, sila pa rin nagbabayad ng tuition ko sa masteral degree ko."

"Again, I'm not in the position to say this, but allow me: Just let them be your parents for now, hayaan mo munang gawin nila ang responsibilidad nila biglang magulang mo. Maging anak ka muna dahil sabi mo nga hindi mo pa kaya harapin ang reyalidad at natatakot ka. Ask your parents on what to do, it's their job to guide you." I said kahit na hindi alam ang buong kwento ng pamilya niya.

Marahang napatango si Dustin.

"Then after you finish your masteral degree at handa ka na sa new chapter of your life, tsaka mo na lang suklian 'yung mga binigay sa 'yo ng parents mo." dagdag ko pa. "I'm not saying that you should follow or do what I'm saying right now, these are just unsolicited thoughts I have." marahan naman akong natawa.

"No, they're good, Dio, don't worry." nakangiting sabi naman niya.

I was about to ask something again nang biglang tumunog ang cellphone niya.

"A message from the woman I stood up." paliwanag niya matapos muling pinatay ang cellphone niya.

"What happened nga pala d'on?" I asked, calmly.

"Ayon galit na galit pa rin siya," he explained. "At isang reyalidad na naman ang tinakbuhan ko kasi hindi ko alam kung saan talaga ako papunta." he added. "I don't even know I want to go to that place or whatever."

"What do you mean?"

Kalmado siya akong tinapunan ng tingin. "Remember when I said that I was also at a different app to meet a guy yesterday, then today, I was supposed to mean a woman...?" he asked me. "I don't know what I want, Dio, I'm so confused."

Mabilis naman naangat ang kilay ko. I should've held onto my seat dahil mabigat nga talaga iyong dinadala ni Dustin.

"I see, that's really hard," tipid na sambit ko. "It's hard now, but there's nothing wrong with that. Wala naman masama kung nalilito ka o hindi mo alam kung sino o ano ang gusto mo, Dustin." kalmadong sambit ko. "Ang masama ay i-ghost mo sila at takbuhan na parang wala lang." marahan akong napatawa to lighten the mood.

Tipid din naman siyang natawa. "I know, pero wala akong magawa kung hindi ang mag-sorry lang sa kanila dahil hindi ko talaga alam kung anong gagawin."

I let a moment of silence passed bago muling magsalita. Kinailangan ko munang makahinga nang maluwag.

"It's hard lalo na kapag hinahanapan ako ng mga magulang ko kung may girlfriend na raw ba ako," I heard Dustin said. "Pabiro ko na lang tatakasan 'yung usapan. Kapag 'yung mga tropa ko naman ang kaharap ako, aasarin lang din nila ako, mas lalo akong nahihirapan dahil sa mga sinasabi nila."

"Have you given a chance to ask yourself kung ano ba talaga ng gusto mo without hearing other people's opinions?" I asked Dio. "Because at the end of the day, you should be the one to decide who you really are and who you really want. Don't let other people dictate what you should be." I added while straightly looking at him.

"I know that, but..." nahinto siya. "Pero maging ako rin kasi hindi ko talaga alam kung sino ako at kung anong gusto ko."

"You are Dustin, and you can be whatever and whoever you want." I said to him with a smile.

Tipid din siyang napangiti. "I wish it's really that easy."

"What's something that's really hard for you right now, Dustin?" I asked, calmly.

Napako ang atensyon niya sa akin. "Aside from the fact na sayang lang 'yung degree ko," he paused for a while. "It's really hard for me to accept my sexuality and identity." he added dahilan para muli kaming matahimik.

"I guess it should start in you, Dustin," I said after a few second of silence. "You should be the one to accept yourself first and at dapat mong itatak sa utak mo na hindi ka sayang." I added.

He took a deep breath. He also took a sip from his coffee. Then he looked back at me.

"Safe space, right?" he asked.

"Safe space." I smiled.

He gave me a serious look. "I think I like men, sexually, but I like women, emotionally." Dustin said, calmly, then followed by a breath of relief.

I slowly nod. "I see, and that's valid, Dustin. We have this thing called genderfluid, and the community is very much accepting." I added. "Maraming tatanggap sa 'yo at magpapatunay na hindi ka sayang.

Pareho kaming napangiti ni Dustin. "Those are big words, and I'm happy to hear that, Dio."

"I hope gumaan ang pakiramdam mo." I said.

"It did, para akong nakahinga kahit papaano, but I know marami pang kailangan harapin." kalmadong sabi niya.

Marahan akong tumayo. "Baby steps, Dustin, baby steps. Then surely, you'll get there." nakangiting sambit ko pa bago tuluyang kuhanin ang baso niyang ubos na ang laman. "I'll get you some water again.

"Thank you, Dio, thanks a lot." nakangiting sambit niya bago ako tuluyang lumayo.

While pouring Dustin's water, I asked him: Do you have any song request?

"Surprise me," maikling reply niya habang abala sa pagtype sa cellphone niya.

I turned to Twelve Days Café Playlist and look for a song that will match Dustin's situation. Good thing, I came across Ben&Ben's Di Ka Sayang. I immediately pressed the play button and drown myself to the rhythm of the song as it serenades the whole café.

"Listen to the song, it's talking to you." I said to Dustin as I placed the glass of water on his table.

"This is a good song." he replied with a smile.

We went silence for a couple of seconds. Nilunod ang mga sarili sa mensahe ng kanta. I took a sip from my glass of water. Dustin also took a sip from his coffee.

"It's good, by the way." he said, referring to the coffee.

"I'm glad you liked it." I said, smiling.

Natahimik kaming muli dahil sa kanta. Ngunit 'di nagtagal muling nagsalita si Dustin.

"Ang hirap pala talaga ng adulting life, 'no?" I heard him say. "I guess we're both at the same age – 26, right?" he asked.

"Right." I replied.

"See, and look at you, it seems like you're enjoying what you're doing, unlike me."

I turned to him. "Don't compare my life to yours, Dustin," I calmly said. "I mean, yeah, it's normal for us to compare our life to other people's life, but I guess, nakalilimutan natin 'yung effort na ginagawa natin para sa sarili mismo natin." I added. "Give yourself credits sa bawat pagod at hirap na binubuhos mo para sa sarili mo."

"You're good with your words, Dio." he replied.

"I know you're better than me, ikaw 'tong may degree sa education sa ating dalawa, Sir Dustin." nakangiting sambit ko pa.

"Kinilig naman ako d'on," marahan pa siyang natawa. "But seriously, you're a good person, thanks for the talk."

"My pleasure," I said. "I really love talking to my customer, especially when they got stories to share."

"Ha? Hindi ka lang sa akin ganito? You're a traitor!" pabirong sambit ni Dustin dahilan para parehong natawa. "Kidding aside, that's good, to be honest. Minsan masarap din makipagkwentuhan, and this sticker is right. The best pair for coffee is deep talks." nakangiting sambit pa niya.

I also gave him a smile. "Just remember, Dustin, hindi ka sayang at hindi ka dapat manghinayang." I said while vibing to the song. "And if you feel like some people won't accept you, takbo ka lang ulit dito sa Twelve Days Café, tatanggapin at tanggap kita, Dustin." I added without breaking my smile.

"That's so sweet, Dio, mas matamis pa 'yan sa waffle na order ko." nakangiting sambit pa niya. "Nga pala, where can I write my thoughts? That Wall of Words look cool." tanong niya.

I then stood up to get the sticky notes. I gave them to Dustin and also handed him a pen. I let him write his thoughts in peace while listening to the song that's still playing. Afte a couple of second, Dustin stood up to post his notes to the wall.

I saw his paper where he wrote: I'm Dustin, I don't really know who I am right now, but eventually I'll meet my true self. At hindi ako sayang!

He gave me a sweet smile as he went back to his table. After a few moments inayos na rin niya ang mga gamit niya.

"I guess I'll go na, closing time niyo na rin." Dustin said after taking his final sip from his coffee.

Mabilis nabaling muli ang tingin ko sa kaniya. "Before you leave, can I ask you one more question?" I asked.

Nakangiti niya akong hinarap. "Yes, Dio, I'm single, here's my number." sambit niya matapos ay natawa dahilan para pareho muli kaming matawa. "Kidding," he added. "Sure, ano ba 'yon?"

I took a deep breath. "If there's a big box in front of you and it contains an object from your past, what object would you want to see inside that box?" I asked while we're still both sitting across from each other, meters apart.

He paused for a while and looked back at me after a few seconds. "I would like to see a letter from someone inside that box." he answered. "I remember throwing a letter during my last days in college, it's a letter from someone I know who had a crush on me – a guy." he continued. "I knew that letter is about him confessing his feelings for me, but since I still don't know how to act on it, and I still don't really know who I am, I decided to throw that letter." he added.

I slowly nod while processing his answers.

"I guess it would be nice to know what he wrote in that letter, perhaps through that I'd know who I really want. Kung hindi lang ako takot at sobrang nalilito, baka nalaman ko 'yung laman ng sulat mula sa isang taong siguradong wala naman balak na masama." pagpapatuloy niya bago pa tuluyang tumayo.

Tipid akong napangiti. Mulis siyang nagpasalamat. I wasn't able to comment for what he shared dahil nang tuluyang matapos ang kanta, nagpaalam na rin si Dustin sa pag-aalis niya.

Naiwan ako mag-isa sa loob ng café. I immediately cleaned Dustin's table. I decided to continue listening to the same song habang inaayos na ang kabuuan ng café para sa pagbubukas ng pub.

When I felt like my day has already ended, I received as message from Eli dahilan para pakiramdam ko'y muli akong nagkaroon ng lakas para sa panibagong araw.

Hello, Dio. Thanks for your concern.

There's nothing to worry about anymore. I'm good now.

I hope you had a good day at your café.

Let me know about our plan for next month. If you want, I can visit your café. Thank you!

I couldn't help but smile. I feel like I took a cup of coffee to have a hundred percent of energy. Nakahinga rin muli ako nang maluwag nang mabasa ang mensahe niyang wala akong dapat ipagalala. I didn't waste any more minutes at kaagad na nag-reply pabalik kay Eli. It was a good way to end my day.

But deep inside, I keep on hoping na sana hindi mapunta sa wala 'yung muling pagkikita namin ni Eli. Sana hindi masayang ang lahat ng mga pinagsamahan at pagsasamahan pa namin.