(Originally written on March 14 2024 and I'm doing better emotionally like I feel joy more often but everything around me is still falling apart and I'm less suicidal for a while like ever since getting discord and being able to talk with an irl friend more boosts my mood and I don't really feel that suicidal anymore but I may be depressed idk)

The image is mine but you can use it if you credit me the video is not and I'll be typing lyrics that I can relate to in some way also I'll try not to type the same thing over and over again ALSO THIS IS ONLY 18+ BECAUSE OF SUICIDE TOPICS AND THERE IS NOTHING SUS!

[There should be a GIF or video here. Update the app now to see it.]

Dinner-er is not over-er
I sometimes stutter when I get anxious so that reminds me of this!

You said something's wrong
She says something is wrong with things like how the house is decorated but she is the adult so it's fine if that's what she chooses to do!

And I can say the same to you
But I could say the exact same things because I notice things more than she does and I tell her about it but eventually she will take our pets to the vet soon but for example I have noticed a lump on our dog's neck and the birds nails seem to be kinda long and she's also having a baby and I fear for the future of everything and I can barley feel and when I do it's almost always negative and to top it off I'm almost 17 but she won't let me get a job because she feels like I'm not ready so it's not like I could take anyone anywhere if I wanted to!

Broken over and over again
It all started with the death of my biological dad when I was eight and only spiraled downward from there along with the foster care incident and the death of Gumball and Violet WHICH I WATCHED WITH MY OWN EYES AND TRIED TO SAVE THEM BUT THERE WAS NOTHING THAT COULD BE DONE and the death of James who was my stepdad that I was gonna call "dad" at the wedding but that never happened and he ended up dead a week before Christmas a couple years back and now mom has a new stepdad who I can tolerate him as a friend but I reject him as a father figure especially after he got my mom pregnant when that was the one boundary I begged both of them not to cross but they betrayed me anyway in what I suspect is spite of some kind!

What else can I Do?
All of these things are out of my control so I'm just stuck with it despite trying so hard to help and accept the past and move on but I just can't!

I've tasted friendship (a-ha)
I care about the few friends I have but I don't plan on making any more new irl friends!

I've tasted you (oh no!)
I have indeed bitten myself in a fit of rage and blood tastes like a sharp and metallic taste!

I've tasted dying and it tasted Good!
Eight year old me tried to kill myself in the stupidest way possible like I would eat just an apple for lunch everyday and I thought I would starve myself and die in one year despite eating normally at home but it didn't work because surprise childish me didn't do any research on how starvation actually works!

I've tasted heartbreak (Wah)
So many pets (and a couple people but for some reason I've always been insane and cared about my pets more than people) have died and sometimes I just stare blankly for hours wondering what could've been!

I've tasted food (uh oh)
Sometimes food helps me cope!

I've tasted dying and it tasted Good!
Twelve year old me tried to die again but of course it didn't work!

But that's dessert!
You can only die once and as of right now I have important responsibilities like the pets that are still alive and would die without me!

You can have it when the dinner is gone!
Life is not the best but I know I must remain here to take care of my adorable responsibilities!

But that's dessert!
Death is almost like cupcake frosting where a cupcake isn't complete without frosting but the cupcake must be baked before it is frosted!

You can have it when the dinner is gone!
You must wait for the cupcake to cool before for frost it!

So put it down
Put away the thoughts of how to die because I can't use them right now anyway

Author's Note
Always be kind because you never know what someone is going through!