song: heart of stone
artist: Britt Nicole
year: 2016

straight_up_geek_ I had to tag you💕

Brick by brick I built hundred feet tall
All these walls are up higher than I thought
Let my secret out, I want them to fall
Bars and barricades this ain't what I want

Record a new song. Shoot a videoclip. Go on talk shows. Rehearse a new choreography. Perform on a crowded stage. Party with the A-list celebrities. Be the cover of a magazine. Repeat.
That's the spiral that Heather's life has become, being able to prove everyone wrong was her biggest goal. Proving her talent in the music industry was everything she ever wanted.
And she didn't spare sacrifices to accomplish her goals.

Like a prisoner
Like a prisoner
With these eyes of steel I'm living like a prisoner

Changing her clothes, not being able to sing what she writes and even cutting him off her life. She did everything that her manager told her to do, hoping that once she's famous she'd be controlling her own career.
For some time it was nice; being recognized on the streets, listening to her music on the radio, meeting famous people, wearing the finest clothes... But it got tiring, living with a promise that wasn't kept.

You know I closed the door yeah I closed the door
Yeah I did it 'cause I didn't wanna hurt no more

Her passion became a career. The songs she sing became unbearable to her. Writing songs wasn't as good as it used to be, it was hurtful to put so much work into something that wasn't appreciated. Going home was lonely, but staying in crowded places was even worst.
But at least pretending happiness was better than admitting that she was as lost as she was in high school.

They say that the armor makes you strong
I might be safe but I'm all alone
Been hiding from the light for way too long

School was hell for her. When she was fat she bullied everyday, mean comments about her weight were part of her routine. Then she lost weight and the rumors started along with slut-shaming.

Tell me you can break this heart of stone
Tell me you can break it
I need you to break it
Tell me you can break this heart of stone
Tell me you can break it
I need you to break it
Tell me you can break this heart of stone

The only thing that made school bearable was the handsome green eyed foreign student, Alejandro.
The first person that ever paid attention to her for a reason that was genuine. They met when he started tutoring Spanish in high school, in the beginning she was super reserved but after some time the started to get closer. But her insecurities usually took the best of her, and the fact that she was skinny when they met didn't help.
Even if she tried to deny, every second that they spend together was a moment she wished it had no end. She fell, hard. And that scared her.

Only you can break it
Only you can break it
Only you can break it, break it

They started dating in a beautiful day of September, they were only seventeen but seeing their happiness and the love in their eyes, you could think that in a few years they'd be happily married.
A few months later, one of covers went viral and she received a an email offering her the chance of a lifetime. And she took it. But unfortunately, one of the requirements on her contract was that she needed to be single.
She had a choice to make, and quoting her words "Alejandro, a chance like that only appears once. I'm sorry!".

Only you can break it
Only you can break it
Only you can break it, break it

Almost three years later, and she questions herself about her decision every day.
Waiting for another pointless meeting was awful. It always ended up in the same way, her hopes being frustrated.

-Heather, it's time.

Heather was so focused on her thoughts that she didn't even realize that someone was talking to her.

-Heather?- the female voice repeats- Hey... It's been a while since you wrote something.

-What?- the singer asks in shock, and the other girl points her notebook- Oh... well I guess I was inspired.

-That's a beautiful song!

-Thanks, Ashley!- Heather says.

Ashley was her manager's intern, she was a very nice and professional person. Probably one of the few people that Heather liked on her team.
They walked inside the room where the meetings happen. And there were her so not loved manager, Chris McLean, the intolerable person who was responsible for choosing her outfits, Blaineley O'Holleran, and the obnoxious owner of the label, Josh Hunt.

-Heather, as you know your contract ends in one year.- Chris said, and her girl thought "Thank goodness!"- We think that it would be beneficial for all of us if you signed a seven year contract. Specially since we have plans of producing your new album, people would love to see your loyalty towards us.

"Can you even spell 'loyalty' for fuck's sake?" the raven haired girl thought.

-Can I be in charge of what I'm going to sing? Or at least what I'm going to wear?

-Heather, we already established that once you're famous enough you get to make those decisions. But for now, it's up to us.- Josh answered with his way to rehearsed voice.

Always the same speech, she always wondered how much of this bullshit she could handle.

-So all I've been doing? My numbers? My awards? Don't mean shit.

-It's not that. But we think that you can grow way more with our plan.- Chris said.

-You know what? I'm done with this.- Heather said in a loud tone- I sacrificed way too much for this opportunity and I'm not gaining anything from you.

She took a breath.

-I agreed to do all of this. Sing songs I despite, only to be at the top of the charts. Using the most uncomfortable clothes. I exchanged my dignity for what? Nothing.

-Heather, we get that you're upset but think of your future.- Blaineley said.

-Believe me, I am. And this future doesn't include any of this shit.- she says - I'm not renewing my contract.

Crash like broken glass shattered on the floor
Finally a victory I've never felt before
Now the gates are open Imma run right through that door

The room was silent for a moment, that conversation didn't felt real. The only thing that made Heather believe that she finally had the gut to end things was the relief that she felt.

-You're joking, right?- her manager asks.

-I've never been more serious. I'm done with this, and by the way as soon as I'm out of here I'm getting a new manager.

-Good luck finding someone better. I doubt that anyone would wanna work with you.

-Actually... I quit.- Ashley says- Heather, after this mess is over, you have my number. I'd love to be your manager.

-That's just pathetic. You're just an intern.- Chris says.

-Honestly, I rather work with someone who's "just an intern" than with a pathological liar like you.- Heather says.

-You know... Even though I was just an intern, I worked way more than I should. I was doing your job without being properly paid.- Ashley states- I could easily sue you. I believe Ms. Courtney Barlow would love to help me with this.

Heather was shocked, even though she was close to Ashley she'd never guess that she would have taken her side.

-Actually... I read Heather's contract a few times and she could also easily sue you.- she says- You guys promised her two albums, and 'till this day you only produced one. And how could I forget about the psychological and vocal damage, the non beneficial diets... The list is long.

-Like you would actually take legal action. That would ruim your reputation and your career.

-I'm taking my chances.- Heather states- Courtney is a good friend of mine, and I know that she'd love to see you in court. And I'm sure that this label would love another PR disaster.

I'm never going back to the chains I wore before

The ball was on Heather's court, and judging by the look on their faces their hands were tied. And that was her chance of making things right.

-Fine. What can we do?- Josh asked, Heather knew that they really couldn't deal with another legal problem.

-I wanna quit.

-Fine. But all your songs become our property.-He says.

-Like I'd want to sing any of that.

After that she left the room. She took her things and left the place and only intended to comeback to sign the papers of her resignation.
But for now, she wanted to enjoy her freedom.

Like a prisoner, like a prisoner
With these eyes of steel I'm living like a prisoner
You know I closed the door yeah I closed the door
Yeah I did it 'cause I didn't wanna hurt no more

A few days later and the word was out that she wasn't working with her old team. The fans were being super supportive, she received many messages saying that they loved her no matter what and that she probably had a motive to do all of that.
She heard the doorbell and left the computer on the table.

-Hey.- Ashley says entering the apartment- Twitter has gone insane, they literally can't believe it. But apparently your fans are amazing.

-I was scared, honestly. I didn't want to disappoint them. They put me where I am, you know?- Heather says- I feel like I own an explanation for them.

-Well... I may or may not have booked a interview on The Sierra Show. - Ashley said with a smile.

She was amazing so far. She found an amazing new stylist, Lindsay, an incredible make up artist, Taylor, the best hair stylist, Anne Maria, the funniest choreographer, Brody. She got a meeting with a new label, and of the producers (Trent) seemed super interesting to work with; and another meeting with a creative director named Gwen.
It was like living the perfect dream. Except for one thing, well maybe two things.

-I thought you'd be happier. You're finally on charge, soon your story will be out.-Ashley said- You're going to do great things.

-I know. But there's something missing.

-You mean someone?- Heather looks at her friend in shock- What? You think I don't know about him?

-And you don't think I'm a bad person?

-I think you made a bad decision, but that doesn't make you a bad person.- Ashley says- Besides, you're making amends with your career. Maybe you can make amends with him.

-I don't even know where he is. Or if he'd talk to me.

-Well... He's spending some time in Spain with his family.

-How do you know that?

-Remember when I went to Ibiza? I met his brother, we're kind of hooking up. I didn't know if I should tell you before.- she confesses- If you want to go to Spain, just let me know.

They say that the armor makes you strong
I might be safe but I'm all alone
Been hiding from the light for way too long

The words "Maybe you can make amends with him" and "If you want to go to Spain, just let me know" echoed in her head.
It was the morning of her interview, the one that could make or break her career. But her mind could only focus on whether she should go to Europe or not.
Her trance was abruptly interrupted when someone told her that she was on in a few minutes.
The interview was going well, Sierra was being her usual crazy self and started making small talk, but Heather knew that the big question was coming.

-Recently, you and your label parted ways. You want to talk about that?- Sierra asked.

-That was a decision I made a long time ago. I'm grateful for what I accomplished, but I just couldn't be that Heather anymore.

-What exactly do you mean by "that Heather"?

-The Heather that doesn't speak up. The one that sings songs that have no meaning for her. The one who's not comfortable with her clothing style. The one who wasn't being fully honest.

Tell me you can break this heart of stone
Tell me you can break it
I need you to break it

-Sounds like you'll be changing a lot in the future.

-Definitely. I lost myself during this process but I'm working to make things right, to me and the people who I haven't been honest with.

-Tell me about it these people. Anyone in particular?

-These people include my fans, who are so loving and amazing, I feel so sorry that I haven't been myself. - she takes a deep breath- But also, a guy who I cared about so much. And in order to get a contract I had to cut ties with him.

The audience seems shocked, just like the host.

-I assume this guy was your boyfriend.

-Yes, he was. And I was so selfish, I let my ambition take the best of me and lost the one person that always had my back. And my heart.

Tell me you can break this heart of stone
Tell me you can break it
I need you to break it
Tell me you can break this heart of stone

-Is there any possibility of you guys getting back together?

-I don't know. I hurt him too much, I'd be glad to have the chance of apologizing to him.- she shows a sad smile- But getting back together involves way more than apologizing and my feelings towards him.

Only you can break it!
Only you can break it!
Only, only you can break it! (Yeah)

-I'm rooting for you guys. Am I the only one?- Sierra asks the audience, and they started cheering.

-Thanks guys!

-What about your songs? You said you weren't singing what you wanted.

-I'm looking for a new label... Hopefully I'll have luck. But I've been writing a lot of new things.

-Are you still going to sing pop songs?

-For now, yes. But that doesn't mean I'll never try other styles.

-It seems like there's at least one song ready.

-I can't say too much, since I don't have a record deal. But I send this particular song to another record, and they seemed interested.

-What was this song about?

-It was about getting the closure I needed. And I guess it came once it was finished.

Only you can break it!
Only you can break it! (Only you)
Only you can break it!, break it (Only only you can break it)

-Sorry, but I don't understand.

-I definitely made my mistakes, but I also had a hard time on letting go of my past. This song was my way of dealing with the flawed parts of my life.

-That's actually really interesting. Do you feel comfortable enough to share a little bit more?

-I feel like since I got my closure, it's easier for me to talk about that.- she takes a deep breath- When I was in school, I dealt a lot with bullying and slut-shaming. When I was chubby, people called me "whale" then I lost weight, and people started calling me "slut" over stupid rumors.

-That's horrible.

-I guessed that if I proved that I was in a better place I'd feel better. But I was only fooling myself, I felts just as lost.- Heather said- So I tried to protect myself, probably why I didn't fight harder for my relationship. Because I wasn't allowing myself to be vulnerable.

Only you can break it!
Only you can break it! (Yeah)
Only you can break it! (break it)

After a while, the interview was over. It was relieving to finally give real answers, all she could do was hope that the fans would react well.
But that wasn't her main worry. She knew what she had to do, so once she could talk alone with Ashley she would tell her decision about Spain.

-Hey, do you have a minute?- Heather says to the other girl.

-Sure.- she says as stops typing something on her computer.

-I wanna go to Spain. Even if he doesn't want to see me, I need to know that at least I tried.

-Sure, we'll leave after the meeting.- Ashley said and Heather couldn't believe- I knew that you wanted to see him, but were too scared. So I thought that maybe if you started to get your life together, you'd feel more comfortable.

-So you bought the tickets? Not knowing my answer. Oh my god! You are the best.

-Tell me something I don't know.- Ashley said and they laugh.

I feel you close
You tryna get closer
I run away but you got devotion

The ride to airport was way more frightening than the meeting with the musical producers. She has never been so nervous before, she almost quit going many times. She kept playing with her lucky necklace, in a failed attempt to get calmer.
What if he forgot about her? What if he didn't want to talk to her? What if he moved on? What if he hurt her, like she hurt him?

Every day You are pursuing me
But I know that everybody can see
But I'm pushing everybody away
I push you away 'cause I'm afraid
Afraid that my heart might get broken again
I'm afraid that you're gonna see all of my sin

All of her biggest fears started to come to her head: the possibility of he finally admitting that he only dated her because she was hot or that it was sex and she never meant anything for him.
Even when they dated those scenarios were a current thought. The fact that he never met her when she was fat, made her question many times whether he like her or like how she looks.
She was a virgin when they met, and truth be told he was the first guy that didn't (apparently) kissed her out of mockery. But he was way more experienced than her, in ways that made her wonder "Why me?" or even worst "Is just because he want to brag about being my first?"

Now let's sit back and imagine for a second
Life ain't been a bed of roses for the record
Heartbreak after heartbreak, what's next?
Heartache after heartache, I'm stressed

She was already on the plane and her nerves weren't planning to give her a break. She was crying so much that her make up was completely ruined, her eyes and cheeks were probably swollen. But she was trying to remain silent to not wake Ashley up.
She couldn't deal with the possibility of a heartbreak. It was easier for her to live with the idea of his feelings back then being real then knowing that never had feelings for her.
She wasn't sure if it was worth it, giving her heart to someone who could do anything with it. Including breaking it into a million pieces.

With you is where my heart belongs
You're the reason I'm writing this song
So I give it over my heart of stone
Take it and break it and make it your home

Every time she thought her eyes were dry, new tears started to fall. She was in a scary position, but what if he understood her? What if he feels the same way? What if he was in love too?
For a moment she stopped. She never labeled her feelings, she never admitted, but it was true. Her love for him was so real, so strong and consuming that scared her.
So much that decided to escape. But that phase is over.

They say that the armor makes you strong
I might be safe but I'm all alone (all alone)
Been hiding from the light for way too long (for way too long)

It was really late in Spain when they arrived, but the first thing she was going to do in the morning was talk to him.
Anxiety didn't let her sleep during the whole night, she closed her eyes she thought about him. His long hair. His sexy accent. Those green eyes that she loved so much. The way he understood her. How he was able the calm her. The passion he puts on what he does.
There was not a detail of him that she didn't appreciate, even his worst flaws.
Seeing the sun rising has never felt more poetic. She had a new day. A new opportunity. A possibility of regaining her bravery.

Tell me you can break this heart of stone
Tell me you can break it
I need you to break it

Getting ready to see him made everything more real. The first thing item she picked was her lucky necklace, but she really didn't know what to wear. Obviously it was going to be something casual, but it couldn't be too simple.
After she got ready she called a cab and headed to the address that Ashley found through his brother. What if surprising him was a dumb idea? Or worse, what if he have company?
But unfortunately she was already on her way.
Seeing his house was really scary. So scared that legs were trembling when she stepped out of the car. Still she kept walking towards the entrance.

Tell me you can break this heart of stone
Tell me you can break it

It took a lot of courage to finally ring the doorbell. This is it. There's no turning back now.
When he appeared at the door he was really confused, not sure whether she was really there or it was his imagination running wild. But she was also surprised, he looked better then she remembered him during school days.
Her heart was beating so fast that she could pass out at any moment. However she came to his house with a goal.

-Alejandro, can we talk?

I need you to break it
Tell me you can break this heart of stone

[note: this chapter was pretty much focused on Heather freeing herself from her fears, but I can do a "part two" about their talk]