Whatever you fucking do, don't listen to the song in multimedia while reading this chapter. I'm not (I fucking am) sobbing.

thirty-three: just say when

"Are you sure you don't want me to let him in?" My doctor asks for what was probably the third time since I had been brought into the emergency. I refused to let Harry be in the room for several reasons, but the main was that if my doctor told me I had lost my babies... I would never be able to forgive him and I sure as hell didn't want to look at him. So far my fall had only causes a slight bruise to the back of my head, but I was still worried that I had lost one or both of the babies. I had been waiting by myself for nearly an hour, freaking out silently by myself. 

"I don't want him in here." I whisper, not even bothering to look in the direction of the door. I lay down on my back, closing my eyes because I just couldn't keep them open any longer. I was so fucking worried, I felt like there was this weight on my chest that was pretty much crushing me. 

"This will be a bit cold, but you already know that..." She says quietly, but I still flinch as the gel touches my bare skin. The thirty or so seconds it takes for a clear image to come up felt like an eternity and it takes even longer to actually hear the one thing that would make it all better. 

There was two very loud heartbeats, both of which were slightly out of sync of each other. I feel like I can breathe again, looking at the screen in relief because they were okay. 

"Well, good news is that both babies seem to be alright... But I really suggest you take it easy for the next little while, Niall." My doctor says, earning a nod from me but all I can do is stare at the screen. 

All I can think about was how close I was to losing them... and how it would've been Harry's fault.

"Don't... Don't tell Harry, please... If he asks..." I found myself saying, clearing my throat as I finally bring myself to look away. My doctor is giving me a look, one that might just win against my own mother's disapproving gaze.

"I'll let him in." Is all she says though before she stands up and walks towards the door. I wasn't given long before Harry was in the room, standing next to me with an extremely worried expression.

"What's going on? Your doctor just told me you wanted to see me... Is everything okay?" Harry asks, his tone matching his expression. I let out a very shaky breath, blinking back tears because I didn't see any other way.

I couldn't be with Harry, not after what he had done...

And I didn't want my children to grow up with a father like that... they deserved better.

I deserved better.

So I did what I had to do.

"I... I lost the babies, Harry." I say it barely over a whisper, but I might as well have screamed it for how badly it shattered me... how badly it shattered Harry.

"No... Niall, no... That... No, please tell me this is some sort of joke... They... They can't be gone, not our babies... our miracles." Harry's crying now, looking at me desperately and I almost break...

But I was doing this for my family, not ours because he'd lost us.

"They're gone, Harry." Is all I can say, my chest clenching and I'm trying my hardest to keep myself steady.

"Niall... I'm so sorry... I... I..." Harry doesn't even get the whole sentence out before he's breaking down into sobs and I was honestly surprised to see him so emotional for once. In the year we had been dating, Harry had never been like this... not entirely anyways, but I wasn't going to change my mind on this.

"Yeah... I'm sorry too... But this... this makes it easier to say that you and I... We're done. We don't have any reason to stay together and frankly I just... I can't even look at you. Not without thinking about what you did and what... what we've lost. I can't be around you." The words taste bitter in my mouth and I almost take them back because even I knew this wasn't right... Harry had a right to his children just as much as they did to their father...

But if Harry had wanted this... he wouldn't have thrown it all away for her and that's what I had to keep reminding myself.

"Niall..." Harry starts, a desperate expression on his face once again as he clearly didn't agree with me. 

"No, Harry... I can't do this. I can't be around you knowing what you did, I thought I could... I thought I could get over it for the sake of the kids... But they're gone now and I just... I can't." I whisper, looking down at my hands now because it hurt too damn much to look at Harry. Harry lets out a very shaky sigh, one that rattles even me for a moment.

"I... I understand. I'm sorry, Niall... For everything." Harry whispers and I still can't bring myself to look at him. Not even when he walks out of the room, leaving me to face my own reality.

"I'm sorry too."

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HOLY FUCK THIS TOOK FOREVER

This was supposed to be done last night but I'm a lazy piece of shit. Still am, but my internet isn't working on my phone so like I didn't have any distractions really... SORRY TO MY KIK FRIENDS THAT I HAVEN'T REPLIED TODAY. MY PHONE IS A PIECE OF SHIT, JUST LIKE ME.

Also, this book is kinda at a point where I can go in one of two directions. The first being that I keep going with this one and make it a long ass book, the second being another separate book (book three) and that'll be in Harry's POV. Which would you prefer?

Anyways QOTC: do you think Niall's doing the right thing?

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Connie xx