thirty: just a little friendly advice

"Niall, that's the fourth time Harry's called..." Zayn says, risking a glance towards me as he continues to drive towards home. I let out a sigh, looking down at my phone as Harry's name flashes across my screen before it finally just goes black. It wasn't like I just left Harry there without telling him I was gone, I'd texted him...

"I don't feel like talking to him." I say quietly, pretending like my phone isn't ringing for a fifth time. 

"He's probably worried." Zayn says, earning a pitiful laugh from me. I was seriously on the verge of tears and I was surprised that I'd held on to my composure for this long. Zayn was looking at me worriedly though, so maybe I wasn't holding it together as well I thought I was.  

"Good." I finally say and Zayn lets out a sigh. I tried not to roll my eyes at the sound, knowing exactly what was coming next. 

"Niall..." He says slowly, his voice holding a very disapproving tone to it that honestly reminded me of my mother. Sometimes I hated how much like a parent Zayn acted towards me, especially considering he wasn't that much older than I was. 

"I don't care, Zayn. I'm pissed off and I really don't need your insightful crap right now. Leave me the fuck alone about it, alright." I say, my voice coming out harsher than I wanted it to but I was honestly at the end of my rope right now. Maybe I was overreacting, but in that moment... I was done. 

"Okay, but I'm going to say this first that whatever it is that's going on, you need to get it off your chest. Why did you run?" 

"It doesn't fucking matter." 

"Clearly it does or you wouldn't have called me in tears begging me to pick you up. So what's going on?" Zayn asks again, keeping his eyes on the road. I don't answer right away, feeling even more frustrated as tears once again threaten to spill over. I pulled at my hair for a second, looking up at the roof of the car as a shaky breath escapes my lips. 

"I just... I feel like everything is falling apart, Zayn." Is all I'm able to get out before a very dry sob makes it out of me which then lead to me bursting into hysterics. It was like everything was hitting me at once, my dad still in a coma, Harry lying to me, the constant paranoia and the wish that I could go back in time when everything was easy. I feel like curling in on myself, wanting more than anything to just disappear. Zayn must've pulled over the car because the next thing I knew, he was holding me rather tightly against him. He waits until I've stopped crying before he says anything for which I was grateful. 

"I know you've got a lot going on right now, Ni... but what you're doing, keeping it all in... It's not healthy for you or your relationship with Harry." Zayn says quietly and I bite on my bottom lip for a moment, closing my eyes as I let out a shaky breath. 

"I don't... I don't think Harry and I have a relationship anymore, Zayn." I found myself saying, flinching at my own words because I never thought I would actually say them. 

"Why?" 

"I think... I think he's cheating on me, with Rose.... He's been distant for weeks now and I just... He's been different and today at the store, he uh... we ran into her and he was... he was civil with her. He actually talked to her and I just... I couldn't do it, I couldn't stand there knowing what I know..." I finally get it out, but I don't feel any better. I felt worse somehow and all I could think about was how badly I wanted to be wrong about this...

"How... How do you know that's what's going on, Ni?" 

"I just know." 

"That doesn't mean he's cheating." 

"Then why is he acting like this, Zayn? Why do I feel like I'm dating a ghost?" I ask, pulling away from Zayn's embrace to look at him in desperation. I knew Zayn didn't have the answers and that Zayn really wasn't the one I should be saying all of this to... but he was all I had in that moment. 

"I don't know Niall, but I will tell you this... Talk to Harry. Worse case, he just confirms what you already know. Stop running from him and pick up the phone." Zayn says, handing me my phone which I hadn't even realized he'd taken away from me. Harry's name is flashing across the screen once again and I hesitate. 

"I'm scared, Zayn." 

"Just talk to him. I'll be right outside the car if you need me, alright?" Zayn asks, earning a nod from me before he climbs out of the car. I watch as he walks to the front of it, pulling out his cigarettes. I let out a shaky sigh, looking down at my phone once more as I contemplate whether or not this was really how I wanted to have this conversation... 

But Zayn was right, I needed to talk to Harry.

So I called him back, pressing the phone against my ear as I wait for him to pick up. 

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oooooooooooooooh its been like five days again. 

I'M SORRY. I COULDN'T WRITE THIS CHAPTER FOR SOME REASON AND I'M STILL NOT SATISFIED WITH IT BUT OH WELL, THAT IS LIFE.

does anyone play Dragon Age? Cause I've been playing it all day and all I want is to bang Alistair  and IT'S NOT FUCKING HAPPENING SO I'M FRUSTRATED (we're like flirty and shit but he's all "oooooh, well i'm not ready for that yet" and it's like bitch??????? we've been flirting for like five hours and if we were sims right now, we'd fucking have like four kids.) anyways, this doesn't matter. I just needed to get this out lol. 

anyways, qotc: ah shit, what do you guys think is going to happen? 

dedication goes to Lizabethhunt

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connie xx