fifty: the end

At first I was certain if I had heard him right, staring at him like he'd grown a second head or something. The longer we stood in silence though, the longer he looked at me expecting some sort of response, I realized that I hadn't misheard him. I feel my mouth go dry, all the possible responses I could've said going out the window. I could feel my heart racing, much like it always did whenever Niall made me feel like this. I wanted more than anything to believe him when he said it, to pull him into my arms and kiss him again after so long but there was a slight twinge with every beat. 

A constant reminder that there was damage to my heart because of this man. 

"Say something, Harry..." Niall says, looking so vulnerable as he stands in front of me. He keeps looking at me like I know what I'm supposed to say, but the problem was I didn't. There was a part of me that wanted to say that I never stopped loving him either, that we could be together again despite everything... but as I stood there, I knew that wasn't true. There was a part of me that stilled loved Niall Horan, a part that would probably always love the bright yellow flower crown wearing boy... 

"I...I don't know what to say." I whisper, trying to find the words. I wasn't even sure if I believed him, the pain in my chest a constant reminder that Niall lied. 

"Seriously? You show up out of nowhere, demanding answers and when I give them to you, you don't know what to say? Harry, what was even the point of you showing up?" Niall demands, my throat going dry as I stare at him. There was so many things I wanted to say, so many different ways I had pictured this and none of them... none of them had been this. 

"You weren't... You aren't supposed to love me anymore. You left. You ruined me. You don't love me." I manage to say, my voice shaking as my heart continues to race. I knew I didn't believe him, there was no way I could. People don't hurt those they love, no matter how bad things were... 

"And who are you to say that I don't?" Niall asks, crossing his arms over his chest and I almost caught a glance of the one I fell in love with in that second, but it was quickly fleeting. 

"The person whose heart you broke without a second thought because you were angry. This isn't love, Niall. This..." My voice trails off into a whisper, unable to truly put into words what I wanted to say. 

"I love you." He says again, but it doesn't make my heart flutter like it used to. I stare at him, feeling absolutely nothing as he says those words. I wasn't sure if it was because finally after three and a half years, I had moved on... or if it was simply because I was numb. 

"I..." I could feel my lips trembling, fighting back tears as I stare at him and think about it all. I wanted to say it back, I wanted to go back to the times of the two of us swinging at the park, giggling till the sun came up because we were just that in love... I wanted to go back to mornings curled up under my sheets, tracing his skin as he slept softly next to him. I wanted it all back, I wanted what used to be... I wanted the boy with a yellow flower crown who held such a passion for life that I couldn't help but hold it too. I wanted the boy who I kissed in Liam's kitchen, who used to think I was the funniest person in the world. 

I wanted my princess, but the boy who stood in front of me wasn't him. 

I didn't know this person. They simply held the same facial features of someone I lost, someone who disappeared one night and just never came back. He didn't have the same beautiful wonderment in his eyes, he didn't wear a flower crown. He didn't look at me like I was the world, like I was his world. He simply looked at me, the eyes of a stranger who wore the face of someone I had once loved. 

I didn't love him back. 

"I thought... I thought I wanted to hear you say that. I thought that was going to be the final thing I needed to finally forgive you, to move on and just let us go back to the way things were.... to the way things should've been, but... " I couldn't bring myself to say it out loud, Niall looking at me so expectantly and all I knew was that if I said it... I would break his heart much like he broke mine... I didn't want to be like him, I wanted to be better... but there wasn't much one could do when breaking someone's heart. 

"You don't love me." Niall says it for me, his voice barely over a whisper. 

"I don't... and honestly, I don't think you truly love me either. For so long, I held onto you. I held onto all of our memories, every part of our lives together... I fell in love with the idea of having you again, to having the boy who loved flower crowns and me back... but I think he's gone, just like your version of me is gone too. We aren't the same people we were, Niall. Our story ended a long time ago... and I think I'm ready to let it go." I whisper back, somehow moving close enough to where I could reach out my hand and touch him. I hooked a finger beneath his chin, forcing him to look up at me. He isn't crying, but he holds a sadness in his eyes I knew all too well. 

"How? How do I let you go?" He asks. 

"You just do, Ni..." I continue to whisper, Niall still staring up at me like I had lost my mind. It's silent between us for a moment, the rain slowing into a mere trickle versus the minor downpour. I don't know what compels me to kiss him, maybe it was the fact I knew it would be the last time. There wouldn't be anymore of them being stolen at the bar, in the back of Liam's car, or even on Niall's front doorstep because this was it. This was officially goodbye, I was letting him go. 

I was letting us go. 

"We have to say goodbye to what we used to be so we can focus on what we have now. We have to raise those kids and this... this is the only way I can." I say after  I pull away, Niall clearing his throat before nodding.

"Okay." He says, stepping away from me. He doesn't say goodbye to me, heading back towards his house and leaving me behind.

"You'll always be my princess, Niall... I hope you know that." I say before he reaches the door, Niall looking at me one last time with the saddest of smiles. 

"And you'll always be my prince." 

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welp. 

that's it.

that's the end. 

there might be an epilogue, but probably not because I'm satsified with how it ended but if you guys feel like you really need one, i'll try to write one lol. 

thank you all for who have stuck through till the end. it's been a long ass journey with this book and i apologize for the inconsistent updates and the fact that this book ended on a sad note but this was kinda how i planned for it end from the beginning? whoops? 

anyways, this is goodbye to this story. 

if you are still interested in anything else i have written, you should check out my Captain America fanfic called 24:00. here's the cover:

and this is the description: 

"Give me one good reason as to why I should believe you?" He asks, staring at her in disbelief and a hint of caution. Today wasn't a good day for strangers and that was exactly what this woman was to Steve.

"Because I saw you die."

------------------

Andy Titus wished she was normal, she wished she didn't have random bits and pieces of the future flash before her eyes when she tried to sleep. She wished she could just turn it off, ignore them, but sometimes they were too loud to. She never really knew who's future she was seeing, sometimes she felt like it was her own, but every time it seemed to involve someone else too.

It started with her brother, bits and pieces that she shrugged off as deja vu... until he died overseas on a protection detail for none other than Tony Stark himself nearly six years ago. Andy had seen it happen almost a day before it actually did, sometimes when she laid awake at night she could still hear the explosive going off. She blamed herself for what happened, wondering if maybe there was something she could've done to save him.

For a while, Andy tried to stop every vision she had from coming true, figuring out after a few years that she had exactly twenty-four hours before things were set in stone. It wasn't long before she realized that no matter what she did, she couldn't stop them from coming true. So she stops trying to fix things, ignoring them to the best of her ability.

That all changed though when she sees an all too familiar round shield with a star in the middle laying next to a man lost in time who was no longer breathing.

I have other stories of course that you're more than welcome to check out. This is just the one that I'm focused on the most atm. 

So thanks again for reading. I love you all so fucking much!

connie xx