Plot twist Patrick is Dallon's brother who no longer lives at home.
Dear Dad,
I love you. You know I do. You fucking know it, and you still don't trust me. You think I'm out to get you. I'm not. I'm just trying to be good enough. Why aren't I good enough? Why why why? You know I've always wanted to be perfect for you. No one else, just you. You told me not to cry in front of people because it shows weakness and I've always tried to be strong. I wanted to be good at sports like you, know music the way that you do. And when that doesn't happen I try the bad things. You suggest and think that I'm a bad kid well I want to be perfect for you. Exactly what you think I am. When you kept accusing me of being bulimic I was so upset. But that's what you wanted me to be so I shoved my goddamn fingers down my throat to be EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED. But I still wasn't. I'm still not.
You don't like my music, the one thing that I wanted you to be proud of me for was my love of music. I wanted you to be proud of me. But you're not. You never are. And I'm sorry we're not good enough. You will never be happy here. But why does that mean that we can't be? Ya know my friend Brendon? Well he taught me that I don't deserve to be yelled at by you. And yeah, my friends don't give me a place to live, or pay for my meals, or take me to school or any of that shit. You're right. But they don't make me feel like I'm dying. They don't make me feel like the worst person in the world. They don't threaten to hit my mom. They don't make me feel scared or unsafe. They don't make me have panic attacks when they call.
I don't have to be afraid of them.
And yeah, I know you told me that I don't have to be afraid of you, but I am. I'm fucking afraid that you're going to hit me because you've threatened to before. You've threatened to.
And I hate you for what you've done to Patrick. I love Patrick more than you. I love Patrick more than anyone else and I fucking hate that you make him feel so insecure and you called him fat so many times. You're fucking mean. And you're a bully. You bullied him and picked on him and you were such a fucking jerk.
I miss the old us though. When we would play sports and get ice cream and watch superheroes and listen to music. I miss that. I miss dancing with you and not worrying about anything. I miss thinking you were the best person in the world. I miss you. I miss being your little girl. I miss it more than anything. Please take me back. I'll change for you. I'll change. I'll do anything just take me back please. I can't do this anymore. I need you to love me because if you don't. Well if you don't I don't really feel like anyone else can either. You were my knight in shining armor. What happened? Please take me back. I couldn't fake this if I tried. Dad, I need you back. But I don't know what I need. You're going to hate me for this, but I just don't know what else I can do.
I'll never be good enough.
I'll never be good enough.
You aren't the only exception.
But I love you.
-Dad