30 // A Bucket Full of Wishes

Hinahalikhalikan ko ang kamay ni Vie habang umiinom siya ng iced coffee. Mukhang okay lang naman sa kanya kasi hindi siya nagrereklamo.

Napapangisi ako tuwing nakikita kong nagpipigil o nagtatago siya ng ngiti. Ang tenga niya pa ay kaunting namumula.

"We're marching tomorrow. What are your plans?" I asked my girlfriend.

"Lunch with family after, I guess," nahihiya niyang sagot.

Since the day I became her boyfriend, Vie got all cute and awkward as if she's afraid to do anything insane. I didn't know why she wasn't aware of this already, but I live for her craziness.

"Do you want to have dinner with my family, then?" I asked, hopeful. "But no pressure! Kung hindi ka pa handa, ayos lang."

May kaba akong nakita sa mata ng girlfriend ko kaya agad akong bumawi.

Sorry I'm calling her my girlfriend one too many times in my head. I felt like it's customary, since I earned it, since I love her.

"Let's just have dinner at my place," I offered. "We'll eat takeouts at the balcony."

Ngumuso siya. "Akala ko magluluto ka na, e."

I chuckled and dipped in a kiss on her knuckles before answering. "Pwede naman. Do you want me to?"

"Well, can you?" mapagbintang niyang tanong. "And stop kissing my hand!"

Nilingon niya ang customers sa café, pero hindi niya rin binabawi ang kamay niya mula sa 'kin. I chuckled. She wants it, too, but just too shy to admit it.

"I can cook. Pero gusto ko ng mahabang oras kasama ka, so let's just order. That okay?"

She nodded. At the end of the day I had to send her home to their own house 'cause tomorrow would be our graduation ceremony. She'd go together with her parents.

Sa kanila na rin kami nag-dinner kasabay ang parents niya. 'Wag ka, kilala na ako rito. Noong una kabado talaga ako! 'Di ko kasi sigurado kung boto pa ba ang parents ni Vie kay good ol' Narcissus.

Dahil real estate brokers ang parents niya, akala ko e mapapabili na 'ko agad ng bahay namin ni Vie makuha ko lang ang loob nila. Pero buti na lang ay mukha pa rin akong katanggap-tanggap na nilalang.

Isa pa, ang laking angat ko naman doon kay Narcissus. Mind scoff.

On the other hand, while it still did not happen in person, my family knew the existence of my Viennica. I already told them because Jess wouldn't shut up about her. I do like hearing my girlfriend's name, it's just that the pitch of my sister's voice is vexing sometimes!

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Magkahawak-kamay kaming naglakad papunta sa sasakyan ko. Another day ended.

"Uu. Uhm, drive safely," she said sheepishly. Napatawa ako.

Hinila ko siya para humalik sa noo. "Mag-beauty rest ka na. Maglalagay ka ng facial mask?"

Tumango siya at ngumuso. "Ikaw, wala kang ritual bago matulog?"

'Di ko alam, pero napahagalpak ako ng tawa dahil sa tanong niya. Umiling lang ako. "Wala. Iisipin ka lang."

Wholesomely.

"Umuwi ka na nga! Kalat mo." She rolled her eyes.

Napangiti ako. Pinisil ko ang kamay niya at malambing na bumulong, "I love you."

She once again rolled her eyes, this time gently and unsurely. "Same same."

Dahil iba pa rin ang ngatog ng tuhod ko sa hitman ni Lolo Gustin ay hanggang noo lang ako nakahalik. Tsaka na lang ako babawi kapag solo ko na siya.

While I was driving and in the middle of the traffic, I remembered her face when I left her without a kiss on the lips. I chuckled at the image. I wasn't sure of anything, but I'm halfway convinced that she was always waiting for it.

Me smiling in the middle of a traffic jam sends my soul into a whole lot different dimension. Realizing it, I smiled some more like I'm best friends with the steering wheel.

My smile only died out when I answered Marco's call and his voice resonated inside the car.

"Pre, ano? Kailan mo kami ipapakilala dyan sa kinababaliwan mo, ha? Taena, di ka na namin makita-kita! Isa pa 'yang si Kurt!"

"O, 'wag kang mainggit. Easy ka lang."

I escaped the traffic and was finally able to drive smoothly. Frickin' finally! Tomorrow I should be up early to pick up the flowers I ordered for Vie before we head to PICC.

"Pwede na ba kaming pumuntang Mostaccio? Kung pagbawalan mo kami parang kasosyo ka do'n, ah!"

"Gago!" Tumawa ako. "Oo, pwede na. 'Wag niyo lang bibiglain si Vie. Taena, manununtok talaga 'ko."

Siya naman ang humagalpak ng tawa. "Aba, aba. Umaariba kayo sa buhay ni Kurt, ah. You douchebags abandoned me!"

These little boy games were only fun while it lasted. Now I take pleasure in being in love too much that if Marco would see the interior of my reality, he'd flip and barf hearts and rainbows.

"Wala, pre, e. Nahiyang ako. Sige, mainggit ka na lang pala hanggang mamatay ka."

"Tangina mo."

"Sweet nyan."

What can I say? I got lucky. This is worth the coffee stain on my shirt and the burning sensation on my scalp during the first day.

Hindi sinagot ni Vie ang tawag ko pagkauwi kahit ipinangako kong sandali lang kami mag-uusap. May ginagawa raw kasi siya sa mukha niya at matutulog na pagkatapos. I didn't argue, though. My damn whipped existence just yielded.

Dahil maaga akong nakatulog ay ginanahan akong mag-ayos ng sarili kahit hindi pa sumisikat ang araw. Ganadong ganado ako kaya kahit anong inis sa akin ng kapatid ko ay nginingitian ko lang siya.

"Ako rin, Kuya, flowers..."

While I was at the flower shop, I figured to give mom one, too. This was a special day to her and dad. They deserved to be congratulated for putting up with a child like me, especially mom, whose patience was out of the ordinary.

For dad, I'll give him a pat on the back. Mayaman na siya. Ako nga ang naghihintay ng regalo mula sa kanya.

Kumuha ako ng isang pirasong bulaklak sa bouquet ni mom at inalok kay Jess. Umismid siya pero hinablot naman.

We met our parents on the venue. Inaayos ni mom ang necktie ko habang hindi ako mapakali kahahanap kay Vie. Palinga-linga ako baka sakaling makita ko siya. Hindi kasi sumasagot sa tawag ko.

"You should go to the restroom, Kuya. You look like you really need to shit," taunted Jess.

"I'm looking for my girlfriend."

Binabantayan ko pa rin ang phone ko para sa text niya. Sa kabilang kamay ko naman ay iyong bouquet na para sa kanya.

Pagkalingon ko ay tsaka ko siya nakita. Nakatayo siya sa gitna ng parents niya at kinukuhanan sila ng picture.

"Mom, puntahan ko lang si Vie." I kissed her hand before mad dashing to where Vie was.

Naghintay ako sa gilid habang hindi pa sila tapos sa picture-taking. After the shutter went off, her beautiful smile disappeared. Her eyes went into frenzy looking around, and when it stopped to my direction she frowned.

Tumakbo siya palapit sa akin. Humalakhak ako. Humawak siya sa kamay ko nang nakangiwi pa rin. "Sorry, I couldn't text back. My battery's dead. Hindi ko pala na-charge kagabi phone ko. I left it in the car, charging."

I nodded. "You don't have to explain, Vie." I planted a quick kiss on her cheek. Handing her the flowers, I said, "Congratulations, love."

Her face flushed. "Thank you. Uhm, congratulations din."

She still hasn't marched to get her diploma but here I was already proud of her. Whatever she wanted to do after all this, I could foresee myself by her side, making her coffee whenever she needed one or when she feels tired achieving anything.

Hindi man ako ang kasama niya noong simula, siguradong ako na ang nasa tabi niya hanggang dulo. The first one will always be remembered, I accept it. But the one who stays is the man who wins, as he is to be memorized every single day until the heart lose luster.

And I will stay.

I rappelled up her well-built wall to get to the other side. I made it cautiously and patiently. Breaking her walls had no point, she built it for a reason and no one has the license to demolish it to get to her. Whatever she built was hers and only hers to give up and destroy.

I am a mere welcomed trespasser. It's now in my hands to guard all parts of her.

"Jess, go home with mom and dad today," I said to my sister after the graduation ceremony.

She eyed me suspiciously. "Why?"

"Maglilinis ako ng condo."

"Linis, your ass!" She crossed her arms. "I don't believe you, but okay. Be sure to clean my room, too."

"Sure," I said nonchalantly. Sure, I'll clean.

Kinagabihan ko na nahiram si Vie sa family niya. The comforters and takeaways were all ready in the balcony.

From her elegant cream dress this morning, she's now changed into hoodie and joggers. The duality of my love.

Pagkasara ko ng pinto ay dinala ko kaagad siya sa dibdib ko para mayakap. Sumandal ako sa pader at hinaplos ang buhok niya.

"I missed you, Vie," I mumbled.

Inangat niya ang mukha niya para ipakita sa akin ang kumukurap-kurap niyang mata. She's sporting a cute puppy eyes look. "I'm hungry."

Natawa ako. Alright, alright! Gusto ko pa sanang maglambing. Mamaya na lang, bubusugin ko na muna.

The stars fought the air pollution tonight. They reign the vast sky in perfect timing.

Humikab siya habang inaayos ko ang pagkain namin. Nangingiti akong umiling. "You're sleepy, too?"

Agad siyang umayos ng upo. "'Di ah! 'Di ako marunong antukin."

I spiraled the pasta onto the fork and brought it closer to Vie's lips. She was hesitant at first, hanggang sa paulit ulit ko siyang pinakain at naubos na ang pagkain niya.

"Hindi ka ba kakain?" she asked after she finished a glass of water.

"Kakain, kung pakakainin mo rin ako." Ngumisi ako at itinaas-baba ang noo ko.

"May kamay ka kaya," she sharply pointed out. Ipinahawak pa niya sa kamay ko ang tinidor.

Napakagat na lang ako sa labi habang natatawa. "You're really sweet."

I set all food aside and cuddled with her instead. Hindi ko siya pinakawalan sa bisig ko. Napangiti ako noong hindi siya nakipagtalo. A shy Viennica on my arms, what more could I ask for?

Ah, yes. Please don't rain.

"I have something, uhm, for you," she said softly. She shimmied out of my arms and pulled a what seemed like silver string from her hoodie's pocket.

She dangled a silver necklace in front of me. With her eyes focused on anywhere else but mine, she explained, "The pendant is a monogram of the letters V and J."

Shit, my heart melted! Parang gusto ko na talagang bumili ng bahay, ah.

I beamed. Tumalikod ako at itinuro ang leeg ko. "Wear it on me, Vie..."

She did me a favor, while on her knees, she placed the necklace around my neck and clasped it behind me. I looked down to see the pendant up close, it's small. I realized that it wasn't supposed to shout us, but only meant to remind that every time I wear this there is us.

Bago pa makalayo si Vie ay hinuli ko ang braso niya. Nahulog ang bigat ng katawan niya sa likod ko at iniyakap ko ang braso niya sa ibabaw ng balikat ko.

"Thank you for this. I love you, Vie," lambing ko.

She did a pretend cough. Natawa na naman ako, but not until she said it back, then my lips got frozen.

"I love you, too."

In one swift move, I brought her on my thighs. Her eyes expressed that she was taken aback but also rendered that she was ready for my next big move.

Dinala ko ang palad ako sa ilalim ng buhok niya. I caressed her hair until her soul felt dizzy. In a careful move, I kissed her lips. I continued softly until she answered back.

Through my lips I wanted to tell her that there's a reason why she was my sunshine. Like a sun, she rises an untroubled sunrise. Like a sun, she sets a splendid sunset.

It's a grip on reality to say that she was designed to be both. During sunset, it's when the skies were most beautiful, like the colors above us suspends in water before darkness. And when everything turned black, the only thing she's entailed to do was to dream. Because after darkness, she'll have daybreak, rising passionately until it ascends to a bright and blinding sunrise.

Viennica, I'm here for it. I'm here to keep a steady eye on each of your sunrise and sunset, however blinding or dimmed it will be. That is my oath.