25.

We were late. Natapos na ang orientation ng mga kasama sa convention noong dumating kami. They were already heading to their respective hotel rooms. Nagtakbuhan kami papunta sa multi purpose hall sa tabi ng kidney shape pool. Nasalubong namin ang ibang kalahok. We smiled sheepishly and told a few we got lost. Some of them offered amused smiles.

Nakipag usap si Pia sa coordinator ng convention. Nagpaliwanag siya kung bakit kami late dumating. The coordinator, Miss Grace, was kind enough to give us the important points we missed during the orientation.

Matapos ang briefing ay binigay ni Miss Grace ang susi ng aming kwarto. The money was forwarded a few days back for our accommodation. Nagpa alam kami at muling bumalik sa minivan kung saan namin iniwan ang aming mga gamit. Naiwan doon si Gavin at Stephen.

Nang makalapit kami nakita namin ang dalawa na nakatanaw sa malawak na dagat sa harapan ng resort. Nakaparada ang van sa buhanginan sa ilalim ng dalawang puno ng niyog. Hindi namin napansin ang tanawin kanina dahil nagmamadali kaming makalabas. But looking at the place, the warm salty breeze kissing our city skin, the foreign noise of the waves hitting the sand, the mid morning rays of the sun reflected on the calm water, and my friends staring at its magnificence, it dawned on me how far we are from home.

Ang tanawin na ito, ang mga kasama ko, the convention itself. Everything was what the old Isabelle had wish for. Now I'm here, feeling the breeze on my skin, smiling with my friends.

Charlie and Lawrence were smiling, probably relieved that we finally made it. Pia stretched her arms beneath the warm air. Rhea was beside me grinning widely. Tinanaw ni Stephen ang karagatan habang tinatakpan ang kanyang mata mula sa sikat ng araw. And Gavin was leaning on the tree trunk.

"Sabi na.Boss, makakarating din tayo ng buhay."

Nasira ang atmosphere dahil sa sinabi ni Lawrence. Kumunot ang noo ni Pia. Natawa ang mga kasama ko.

"Tara na nga. Kunin niyo na ang mga gamit. Baka mapagalitan pa tayo."

Ngingiti ngiti si Lawrence nang pumunta siya sa sasakyan at kinuha ang mga gamit dito. Ganoon din sina Gavin. Naglakad kaming muli papasok ng resort. The resort was indeed one of the best in the area. Kompleto ito sa amenities. From pool, restaurant, multi purpose hall, gym and they even offer outdoor activities.

Ang aming kwarto ay makikita sa huling palapag, sa fifth floor ng resort malapit sa rooftop. We learned that there are only one other group on the floor with us. The university publication from Baguio.

Kasama ko sa room si Pia at Rhea. Nagsisikan sa kabilang room ang apat. Narinig namin silang nagbabangayan tungkol sa higaan bago kami nag paalam sa isa't isa upang makapag pahinga na. We were given until after lunch to rest.

Pabagsak akong humiga sa malambot na kama. The room was an average hotel room. A king size bed and a single bed occupies most of the space. There's a door for a bathroom, and another for a cabinet, a flat screen TV, and a few appliances like coffee maker and flat iron.

Nagsimulang mag empake ng gamit si Pia. Rhea's attention turned to the sliding door on the far side of the room. Lumapit siya dito saka ito binuksan. Naramdaman ko ang pagpasok ng maalinsangan na hangin sa kwarto. The air smell of sea salt and ocean grass.

Bumangon ako. Maging si Pia ay tumigil sa ginagawa at lumapit. Lumabas kami sa terrace. Bumungad sa amin ang malawak na karagatan at ang baybayin nito. Makikita ang ilang isla di kalayuan at ang bulubundukin na nasa likuran ng resort.

Lumingon kami sa katabing kwarto. Nagkataon na nasa terrace din sina Gavin. Pia frowned. Lalo na noong makita niyang walang suot na pang itaas si Lawrence maliban sa pulang cap na nasa ulo nito. Lawrence could easily become comfortable in a place.

"Mga chicks pala ang nasa katabi nating kwarto." Lawrence said.

"Kung tsinelasin kaya kita?" Asik ni Pia. "Magbihis ka nga."

Humalakhak si Lawrence. Hinahangin ang aming mga buhok. The thin curtains inside the room danced lazily beneath the breeze.

Kinuha ni Charlie ang phone niya at kumuha ng litrato ng dagat. "Ganda." He praised.

Nakapamulsa si Gavin habang katigin sa akin. He smiled. "Oo, brad. Ganda."

"Tama na yan. Magbihis na kayo at magpahinga." Sinabi ni Pia. "One o'clock ang call time natin sa multi purpose hall. Lalo na ikaw, Lawrence."

Ngumisi si Lawrence. "Oo na, Boss. Mamimiss mo din ang katawan ko."

Inalis ni Pia ang suot na hotel slippers. Nagmadaling pumasok si Lawrence sa kanilang kwarto. Narinig namin itong humahalakhak.

"Mapang asar talaga." Bulong ni Pia.

Napangiti na lang kami ni Rhea. Nagpaalam kami kina Gavin bago pumasok sa kwarto.

--

Matapos ang lunch ay nagsimula ang seminar proper. Dumating na din ang ilang speakers na galing pa sa Manila. There's the editor in chief of a popular magazine, a contemporary writer, and a screen writer.

Isang bagay ang napansin ko mula sa kanila. The gleam in their eyes. Habang nagsasalita sila sa harapan ramdam ko ang dedication at sincerity sa mga salitang binibitawan nila.

Hindi ko ito nakikita sa mundong ginagalawan ko. I don't see it on my Dad or my Mom. What I see from them is survival from the reality people created. What I see from these people are the joys of living. Something this world has given us before surviving reality became the priority.

Maybe the young dreamers are not the crazy ones. Maybe it's the adults whose gleam and life in their eyes were taken by reality and replaced by blank gazes and robotic routines.

There was a thirty minute break before the next speaker take the stage. Sinilip ko ang phone ko. Nagtext si Nana Lourdes tinatanong kung nakarating na kami. There was no text from Mom.

Napansin ni Gavin na nakatingin ako sa phone ko. Ang lahat ay busy sa pagkain ng meryenda. They serve the best burger and fries combination here.

Gavin nudge me. "You okay?"

I smiled. "Yep."

"Fries?"

Inabot niya sa akin ang isang piraso ng fries. I've finished mine minutes ago. I'm a big fries eater. Lumapit ako para abutin ang inaalok niya. But he chuckled and shove the piece to his mouth. I frowned.

Tumalikod ako sa kanya at humarap kay Lawrence. Lawrence was not a fan of side dishes. Ang attention niya ay nasa burger. And since it was layered with lettuces ang cheese, it was a bit messy. Sinabihan siya ni Pia na hwag maging patay gutom. Lawrence nearly choke while laughing.

"Babes."

Narinig kong tinawag ako ni Gavin. But I'm not exactly in the mood for his tease.

"Babes, sorry na." I can still here the amusement in his voice. "Sayo na 'to."

Lumingon ako. Ngumisi siya. He really knows how to woe me. May inaabot ulit siyang fries, tumangi ako. Inabot ko ang plate pero hindi niya ako pinayagan. Mas lalo akong sumimangot. Sa ganitong mga kalokohan hindi ko mapagkakatiwalaan si Gavin.

"Babes, ahh."

Stephen, who's eating silently, chuckled.

I took the chance and leaned towards it. Nang makalapit ako, nilayo ni Gavin ang hawak niya. At dahil ayokong magpatalo sa pang aasar niya, I leaned closer. Hangang sa magkaharap na ang mukha namin. Gavin kissed my forehead.

Napakurap ako. His grin became wider. Bago pa ako makapag-salita sinubo niya sa bibig ko ang fries. Saka siya humalakhak.

"Ngiti na babes."

I was a little flustered. Pero dahil din doon kaya pansamantala ko nakalimutan ang disappointment ko pagdating sa bahay. Alam kong sinadya ito ni Gavin para libangin ako.

Kalaunan angumiti ako. Because I have to admit that his move to relieve my worry was sweet and funny.

I stared at Gavin. His smile. Hindi ko alam na darating ang araw na hindi ko na ito makikita.

--

Matapos ang break bumalik sa pagiging seryoso ang atmosphere sa multi purpose hall. Nawala ang ingay ng kwentuhan at kainan. The speaker made us count to five to remove us from the comforts of our original group.

"Hwag kayong makakalimot." Biro ni Lawrence bago pumunta sa naka assign niyang grupo.

"Sumulat kayo." Dagdag pa ni Stephen.

Natawa ako maging ang ibang member ng grupo na katabi namin. Napailing na lamang si Pia.

Magkasama si Lawrence at Charlie sa isang group. Si Rhea at Gavin naman sa isa. The rest, Pia, Stephen and me, were on our own.

I got number four and I got to group with two members of a university from Tarlac, two from Pangasinan, one from Zambales. Nagpakilala kami sa isa't isa. It was a bit awkward at first pero kalaunan ay nagtatawanan na kami. Napuno ng ingay ang hall. Madaling naging malapit sa isa't isa ang bawat grupo.

Nang maiayos na ang lahat nagkaroon kami ng activity. We have to answer a single question. Why do we write? Nagkaroon ng diskusyon ang aming grupo. All of their answers were clever and well-thought of.

Someone says a person writes to express himself. The guy from Zambales said he writes to be somewhere or someone else.

"To live a mark and create something that will last." Said Charmaine from Tarlac.

"To escape." Said the girl girl from Pangasinan. "How about you, Isabelle?"

Natigilan ako. Why do I write? Why did I join Arcadian?

"To breathe." I answered. "To be free from your thoughts before they destroy you."

Napatitig sila sa akin. Nang matapos ang oras ng diskusyon muling nagsalita ang speaker sa harapan.

"Every writer has his or her reasons why he or she chooses to write." He said. "Whether he has something to share, he wants to escape, to release emotions, or to learn."

"The way you write is how you see the world. It is the hunger for something or the constant search for it. Whether it's love, freedom, passion, or happiness."

Naglakad ito sa harapan at pinagmasdan kami. We, young dreamers.

"You see, the thing about art is it brings us back to who we are. We write, we read, we do art, to remind ourselves the emotions that reality has taken away from us. Writing taught me to be myself in a world where we are constantly shape into someone else."

"There are a lot of reasons why we choose to keep this passion. For dreamers to survive in a reality like this, we need our art to keep us sane."

--

Natapos ang unang araw ng seminar. Alas sais ng gabi noong lumabas kami sa multi purpose hall. The staff of the resort set a bonfire on the beach. Matapos ang dinner, karamihan sa amin ay doon dumerecho.

Sinundo kami ni Stephen at Gavin sa pinto ng aming kwarto. Kasama ko si Rhea. Lawrence and Charlie already went outside after dinner. Gusto daw nilang maglibot. Pia stayed in the hotel room. Maaga siyang nagpahinga.

Paglabas pa lamang namin sa hotel ay tanaw na namin ang liwanag ng bonfire. It was huge. The dancing embers lit up the dark sky. The crackling sound of the woods echoed along with sound of the waves kissing the shore.

Naging familiar kami sa mukha ng mga nakasama namin sa seminar. Binati ko ang dalawa sa naging kagrupo ko kanina. May nakita si Rhea na nagtitinda ng souvenir sa malapit. Niyaya niya si Stephen.

Nang makalayo ang mga kasama ko muli kong sinilip ang phone ko. Wala paring tawag o text mula sa bahay. Bumuntong hininga ako at naglakad sa buhanginan habang hawak ang aking tsinelas.

"Wala parin?"

Lumingon ako kay Gavin. Akala ko sumama siya kina Stephen at Rhea. Naglakad siya sa tabi ko. Banayad na humahampas ang alon sa mga paa ako. Hinayaan kong lumubog ang talampakan ko sa buhangin. Umiling ako.

Hindi na nagsalita si Gavin. Napatitig ako sa madilim na langit. Voices filled the air. But they were low, almost whisper like in the midst of the silence and wideness of the ocean. The heat from the bonfire made our cheeks flush. The flames created shadows on the sand.

"Do you know why people leave the place where they've grown?"

Nanatiling tahimik si Gavin. Alam niya na ang kailangan ko ngayon ay makikinig.

"They want to be away from the things that continually shape them into people they are not."

I played with my toes on the sand.

"Noong bata ako natatakot akong isipin na darating ang araw na kailangan kong umalis sa lugar kung saan ako lumaki at iwan sina Dad. Pero naintindihan ko na ngayon. If I don't leave, I'll eventually lose myself."

Umihip ang banayad na hangin sa dalampasigan. Pumikit ako. Hinayaan kong laruin ng hangin ang nakalugay kong buhok. I spread my arms as if they were wings.

"That's why it felt so good." I said, feeling the cold breeze nipping on my skin.

"Being away from the pressure and expectations feels so good. And it scares me. It scares me how I don't want to go back. I want to leave the life they planned for me but I don't want to leave them."

***