Growing Pains [Written at Age 14]
Title: Growing Pains
Summary: He was a dragon, and she wouldn't be the one to keep him grounded
Pairings/Characters: Natsu, Lucy, Happy, some Natsu/Lucy if you squint, I suppose
Rating/Warnings: K+/tiny bit of language, spoilers for chapter 416
WHAT had he been thinking? Leaving her with only a note? He had not even had the decency to face her and say a proper good bye. She would kill him; kill him. She would skin him to within an inch of his life. She couldn't . . . she couldn't lose another friend.
Lucy's heart was in her throat as she tore through the ravaged streets of Magnolia, running as face as her legs allowed her to despite the fact her breathing came out in hoarse gasps. The few survivors left turned to look at her with unadulterated confusion and a hint of wariness, but their faces were surreal and blurred together. She stumbled over some cracked concrete, but somehow she managed not to twist her ankle.
She had to find them. She had to find them. She couldn't stand another unresolved goodbye if it came down to it. And how could they leave her now, when the guild had disbanded not even a day ago? Everyone was leaving Fairy Tail, even him. She didn't understand why . . . Fairy Tail was all they had left, all of them.
Her vision was blurry now, and her eyes felt hot. There was this great big gaping expanse in her chest already, and she just had to catch up with them . . . she couldn't lose another friend, especially Natsu, or Happy. Not now, not ever. Even if it was technically temporary, she didn't think she could survive a year without them.
What kind of excuse was training anyway?
"NATSU," she screamed. "HAPPY!"
The hastily erected shelters began to stand out suddenly; their dull, muted colors of brown and grey seemed to laugh at her, like they were mocking her efforts. Magnolia was obliterated. Fairy Tail had disbanded. Aquarius died. Natsu and Happy, and everyone else, was either gone or going, and she didn't understand why. Weren't they all supposed to be this one big happy family? Or had Tartaros and Zeref destroyed that?
No closure what so ever . . .
"NATSU!" she screamed as she came around a bend, probably sounding like a banshee or something. She didn't care. She didn't bloody care anymore. She was sick and tired of trying to fit in with everyone else, of trying to pretend to be someone she was not. If they had a problem with her, then they would just have to deal with it themselves. She wasn't going to pretend anymore. She wasn't going to be someone she wasn't.
"HAPPY!"
And somehow, she saw a blue flank with white wings extended, floating next to a shock of bright pink. They stood out like a beacon, and the surge of relief was so profound that she doubled over. It felt like needles were stabbing at her heart, and she wanted to scream and cry and laugh all at the same time. She wanted to punch him and kiss Natsu at the same time.
"Lu-shee!" Happy's small, yet so very large, voice penetrated through her, and her legs buckled out from underneath her weight suddenly. She didn't even have enough air to gasp in surprise, but something caught her and hauled her up until her feet just barely brushed the ground. She shuddered all over, swiping at her eyes to clear the blurriness from them. It never went away.
She barely registered being put down gently on something hard or Natsu's hands resting on her waist, guiding her to her temporary perch. She didn't feel Happy landing on her lap, or saw them exchange nervous glances with each other.
Her tongue felt like it had been glued to the roof of her mouth though, as she babbled a mantra of "Please don't go" over and over until Natsu squatted so that they were at eyelevel. Her vision blurred again as she raised her hands to gnaw on her fingernails, but he caught them and engulfed her small and so very cold hands in his large, warm hands.
"Luce," his voice was a bit hoarse and worn. "Lucy, I have to go. I need to-"
"Screw becoming stronger!" she shouted, unable to hold it in even though he hadn't even finished his sentence. "Everyone's leaving, Natsu-I thought Fairy Tail sticks together-why is everyone going? You don't need to become stronger, we-we can protect ourselves-and, and ..." she didn't even know how to continue, and his face was so very, very sad. "Why can't I come with you?"
Natsu shook his head, and she wondered how his eyes were so bright. But wait, he wasn't happy . . . and the fire she was used to seeing, the metamorphical fire in his eyes . . . where was it?
"I can't tell you Lucy," he whispered. "I swear to God if I could, I would've, but I can't. It's too dangerous, and I don't want to hurt you-any of you. I almost didn't let Happy come . . ." he looked genuinely distressed, and she felt a bit sick to her stomach. She didn't want to believe him, but he wasn't a liar by nature. He couldn't pull an act to save his life, let alone one this good.
"Then why didn't you say goodbye to my face? And how are you so calm?"
"I'm not calm," his lips pulled back into a sneer as he dropped his gaze. The temperature around them increased a couple of degrees. "I'm not calm inside, note where it matters. Ig-he told me something, and then when I was younger he said something about keeping control over my emotions since I'm a fire mage and a dragon slayer and I never thought it was important until I lost him and . . ." He took a deep gulp of air; exhaled; shook his head again. "And there's something else; another reason why I need to master my emotions and train. I-I have to be able to combat it, or at least control it."
A look of fear settled across his features, and that more than anything else convinced her that this wasn't some great big act. The only time he was scared . . . she didn't even remember the last time he had been scared.
"And this was the reason I didn't say bye to your face," he gestured between them with his hand. Before she had time to get offended, he tacked on mercilessly, "I don't want to leave. I don't want to leave you, or Magnolia, or-" he stopped himself. "But I have to. I won't let this curse be my downfall, or yours . . . I won't let anyone get hurt because of me. Ah great," he added, running his hand across his face. "I'm crying again. I'm pathetic."
She shook her head, the phantom ache in her chest coming back at his words. "You're not pathetic, Natsu. I-I think it's all right to cry when you're grieving, it's only natural. A-and . . ." she shivered and hugged herself. Why was it so cold anyway? She shook her head, unable to find more words. Her mind was frustratingly blank of arguments to keep him here. Maybe she shouldn't try, shouldn't try to keep him here. Maybe he needed to go, if only for his peace of mind.
"All right," she told herself. "Fine. Okay."
It hurt. It bloody hurt. It was physically hurting her, letting him go, but she didn't care. She wouldn't let him stay if he needed to go. She wasn't going to be selfish; this clearly wasn't about her, or Fairy Tail, or even Natsu himself anymore.
It was . . . the end of an era.
The realization came to her with an almost light-bulb quality. It was the end of an era, and she didn't know what was going to happen next. She didn't know where she stood. They were all on shaky grounds; anything could happen. All they could do was to live each day and hope for the best.
She pulled his chin up with her fingers, but he didn't meet her gaze. "Natsu. Natsu, look at me. Look at me." His eyes moved to hers slowly, and she caught her breath in the back of her throat. She couldn't do this, she wanted to keep him . . . but she couldn't keep him. She had to let him go. He wasn't meant to be grounded with the weak humans; he was a dragon. He was meant to fly.
And fly he will.
"You'll be great," she whispered, for his ears alone. Happy had been silent through their whole exchange. "You'll be great one day, Natsu Dragneel. You're already so . . ." she shook her head, unable to explain it, what she saw in him already. "I'm so lucky to have known you."
"I'll come back," he said quietly. "Luce, I'm coming back."
She sniffled. "I know, and I'm leaving my window unlocked. But you'll have changed. Both of us are changing. In a way, you won't be the same, and I won't be the same either."
He looked a bit surprised. "You're staying?"
She laughed, though it sounded a bit shaky and high-pitched, even to herself.
"Yeah, I'm staying here. At least one of us will be here when you're back, and that's a promise I intend to keep."
His lips twitched up.
"Okay then." He stood and she allowed herself to be pulled back onto her feet. He stared at her for a moment, and that sad look crossed onto his face again. "I'm sorry I'm doing this to you. I'm being a bastard . . ."
She shook her head. "No, Natsu, you're not. You're coming back, remember?"
He smiled a small smile, shouldered his bag, and glanced up at Happy. The small feline shrugged and hopped off his perch in the tree, extending his wings so that he landed in Lucy's arms. She pulled him close to her chest, wondering if it was possible to keep him here, and Natsu looked at her again.
"If I see any gate keys that don't have owners, I'll get them for you."
She blinked back tears again.
"Don't blow up too many buildings." She warned him.
"Got it."
"Don't eat yourselves broke."
"Yup."
"Do you have everything you need?" she asked. This time, he really did smile.
"I do." He shifted nervously and Happy pulled away from her arms. She let him go too. "Thanks, Luce."
She wiped at her eyes again, she didn't want to cry. "Hurry up then. Go. Before I change my mind."
He looked torn for a moment, before he tilted his head at her, a strange, curious light in his eyes. "I'll miss you."
She stared at him. He sounded like he wanted to say something else, but had chosen not to. Maybe there was something else he meant to say, or maybe he was trying to tell her something. Though why he'd choose now to resort to riddles was beyond her . . .
"I'll miss you too," she answered truthfully. He smiled at her once more, then turned around and began to walk away. She stood still, watching him disappear into the blue horizon.
She wanted to go after him. She wanted to scream at him, punch him and kiss him all at once. She wanted to make him stay here. She didn't want anything to change.
But it had.
They were different now. She had already seen it. She doubted that even one week ago she would've been able to let him go. Now though . . . they had both matured. He was taking responsibility, and she would do her best to become a better person while he was gone.
She would be strong. They would heal over time, and she had to feeling that neither of them could if they stayed where they were. She wouldn't trap him.
Maybe their friendship would fade, or maybe when he came back, it would be stronger than before. Maybe these strange feelings she got whenever she was around him would fade. She didn't know.
What she did know was that they stood on shaky grounds. They stood at a fork in the path; at a crossroad. They stood at the end of an era, and nothing from here on out was going to be the same.
As the sun finally set in the horizon and Lucy finally began the long trek back to her house, she finally knew what she was going to do despite the long shadows the light behind her made on this road.
She was going to be brave.
.............
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go
........
Author's Note: Probably a bit melodramatic that ending, but I feel fully justified in having it. AND THE FEELS OF THIS ARC-- iuhkuhkjhjhjh
Anyway, my headcanon is that; a) Natsu knows he's END somehow, which is why he decided to train and b) they've matured over this arc (ohmygosh).
And feel free to cantact me via review (or PM) to spasm out over this, though it may take a while for me to respond. :)
Oh, the lyrics are to "Let her Go" by Passanger. :)
Thanks everyone,
TheDragonRider
Edit 2/12/15: I've moved it over here because I'm going to start a collection. :) Cover is on the side.
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