I find myself sitting on Harry's couch sipping a glass of wine. We have become good friends over the past few weeks. We spend nights sitting on his couch watching movies and having long talks into the early morning. Tonight was no different than any others. I cuddle under the fluffy blanket that was draped over the back of the couch.

Harry sits next to me and rests his head against the couch. "Olivia can I ask you a question?"

I look over at him and shrug my shoulders."Sure."

"Can you tell me the story about how you became a fan of our music?"

"Really?" I look at him questioningly.

"Yeah, I heard a little from Niall but he never went into details."

"Well to be honest, I never gave him the whole story. Between me running out in the middle of the night and him coming to Philly, we never got to have a proper discussion about it. There was no need for the whole story if we weren't going to be together." I look at him for a minute and shake my head. "Fine...Go get the bottle of wine. We will need more for this story."

He leaves and comes back with the wine and some snacks.
I give him a look questioning the addition of food.

"I thought we might need some refreshments. You made it seem like we could be here for a while when you sent me for the whole bottle of wine."

I roll my eyes, "Ok, Harry. This isn't a Lifetime movie."

I think it actually could have been if Niall would have swept me away on his plane and took me to Miami. It would have been a romantic ending to our story. I smile at the thought of Niall and me setting off into the sunset together.

"What are you smiling about?"

"Nothing." I shake the image out of my mind. "So do you want the full blown Lifetime story or just from the break up with Vinnie?"

"The full blown Lifetime story."

"Ok, you asked for it. Once upon a time in a far off land, there was a little girl who lived down in the trenches."

"Ok. Now you are being ridiculous. Just get to the good stuff," Harry demands as he settles in under the blanket.

"Nothing about this story is 'good stuff'." I frown at him. I really hope this isn't a joke for him. I trust him with this information. I sigh and start again. "When I was in high school I was a force to be reckoned with. I was little, fierce, spoke my mind, and didn't take shit from anyone. I was a very different person than I am now. I use to live two very different lives. I had my school life, where I was on the field hockey team, played in the marching band, and excelled in my studies. I also had my tough girl, street life. I was born into a poor family with parents who both struggled with drugs and alcohol. I adapted to my environment and learned how to fend for myself at a young age. I grew up in a tough city. I do actually have fond memories of my friends that I grew up with. I still remember the summer nights of running around the city street bare foot and chasing the fireflies. Everyone always had their doors open and watched out for all the kids."

"Your summer nights sound just like mine. It is interesting to hear how two kids separated by and ocean and living in two different environments can still share the same memories."

I smile at him thinking about little Harry Styles running around in a field chasing bugs. His childhood would never look or sound like mine but the thought that we both enjoyed doing the same things when we were little is kind of cute.

"Once my parents moved us out of the city I struggled to make friends. I was a tough little kid being thrown into a school in the suburbs with kids who had gone to school together since preschool. I eventually made friends as I got older and ended up loving where I lived. But I also missed the kids who I played with on the city streets. Once I was old enough to visits my old friends on my own, I took off and headed back to the city. I felt a need to be around kids who struggled with the same things I did, growing with parents who struggled with sobriety and not having enough money to send me on the class trip to the zoo. They made me feel normal. But the activities that I participated in were not healthy. I had so many crazy nights with these kids and I got into a lot of trouble. I always had my friends from school to straighten me out though. No matter what I did, they always loved me for who I was."

When I stop talking Harry looks at me, "I am so sorry. I couldn't imagine going through that at such a young age."

"Don't be sorry. I would never change who I was and what I did. It made me who I am today." Harry scoots over to me and gives me a hug. After a few seconds, I pull away from him.
"Harry, it's ok. I am not telling you this so you feel bad for me. I am telling you so you know how I got to where I am. Plus, you wanted to have story time." I smile at him. I love messing with him. He is still trying to figure out when I am serious or when I am fucking with him.

"I think we need more wine," Harry says as he gets up to fetch a new bottle. I am starting to feel the effects from the that bottle we just finished. Harry returns with a new bottle and popcorn. I think he has been friends with Niall for too long. He loves to eat but you would never know it with how skinny he is. "So where does Vinnie fall into all of this?"

"I was just about to get to him. I met him in middle school and we became good friends in high school. We started to date our senior year. I had gotten into a lot of trouble with my family and the cops the summer before my senior year and my parents forbid me to go back to the city. I was scared what would happen to me if I went back so I made sure to follow the restriction that my parent set out for me. This is the first time I didn't revolt against them. I think I realized that my life was not going to turn out good if I kept running with my old crowd. I made more of an effort to spend time with my school friends and little by little I didn't miss my other friends as much. Vinnie was my first proper boyfriend where we went on dates and just spent nights hanging out with family and friends. My parents loved him for the simple fact that he kept me out of trouble." I look over at Harry to check in on him, "Am I boring you with all of this?"

He shakes his head. "No, it is fascinating. I would have never guessed you experienced so much at a young age."

"So anyway, I dated Vinnie for six years. When you are with someone for six years you start to plan a future together. We talked about life after college with a marriage, two kids, and a dog. It all seemed so simple. But with the good comes the bad. After six years with someone you are bound to have fights and times when you are unhappy. Vinnie is a musician and I always had trouble when I came second to his music. Even though we fought about the time he spent working on his music, he did promise me that if I could stick it out with him we would have the life we always wanted. Even though he made promises to me I still struggled. I would start fights and make him feel bad for not putting me first. Sometimes I would let the crazy really come out and do things that I was not proud of. I really lived up to the reputation of a crazy redhead.

Vinnie joined a band and that started to become his focus as far as a career. He started to want something different for his life, he wanted to tour with his band. His priorities involving us changed. He wanted to stay with me but didn't want to get married and have children in the near future. He didn't think it was fair to me and our future family if he would never be home. I couldn't understand how he could just break a promise to me. One night he laid it all out for me and I decided to not stay. I felt betrayed. My heart was broken along with my trust. While he was building a future with the band, I was waiting on the sidelines for him. Somewhere along the way I stopped making myself a priority and following my own passions. I was left with a broken heart and no future.

I moved in with Riley, left most of my stuff behind with Vinnie, and shut myself off from the world. My school work suffered the most during that time because I started to question what I wanted to do with my life and lost interest in my studies; hence the break I am currently taking from school and why I am living in London. I needed a new start and Flora offered me an opportunity that I couldn't pass up."

Harry nods at me. "I always thought it was weird that Niall met this girl who just happened to be moving to England in a few weeks. No offense to you now but we have to look out for girls trying to use us. That is why I gave you a hard time at first. I thought you were some crazy girl trying to latch on to him for his fame."

"No offense taken."

"Thanks for sharing your story," he rest his head on the back of the couch.

"Oh Harry...it is not over. Didn't you want to know how I became a fan?"

"There's more...?"

I get nervous thinking about the words that are about to come out of my mouth. This will be a big step for our friendship and I hope I am not making a mistake by sharing. I have always struggled with knowing when I cross the line of over sharing and becoming vulnerable to untrustworthy people.

"Yes but please know I never told anyone this next part except Riley and she only knows because she found me. I was lost and lonely after the break up. I lost my whole world in one night. I stopped taking care of myself, staying in my pajamas all day. I lied to school and told them I was really ill and did my school work from home. I decided that I had lost too much and didn't care if I lived. I felt like no one would even miss me. Have you ever felt so low that you didn't care what happens to you? It is horrible. One night I was home alone and I had been crying for like 24 hours straight. I was delirious lying on the living room floor. I thought to myself this is it. I am leaving this world because the pain I am feeling is just too much to bear. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife. I held it in my hand staring at it for hours while I sat on my bed crying. In a split second I decided I was done and ran the blade across one wrist and then the other. With just two cuts I felt the pain begin to leave my body. I just watched the blood ooze down my arms. It was a color red that I had never seen before; it was so dark. I was only sitting there for a few minutes when I heard Riley come home. She came into my room to look for me and when she saw what I did she dropped down to her knees hysterically screaming. She kept asking me over and over why I did this. She immediately grabbed a towel and applied pressure to my wrist and called 911. She saved my life that night."

I had to stop talking because I was crying so much as I told Harry the story. I looked into his eyes and he too was crying. I was scared of what he would think of me now. Would he think that I was weak now that he knew the truth? Would my actions disgust him? But when I looked into his eyes I saw no judgment, just pure concern for me.

"No matter how much I wanted to die, the moment that I seen her face I knew that I had made a mistake. I questioned why I was doing this to myself. I had struggled for days and weeks and my mind couldn't handle the pain anymore but was it worth ending my life? I spent some time at an inpatient facility just to get stabilized and get on some medication. The therapy was so helpful and they gave me some tools to help me move on and manage my depression. I never told my parents, friends or Vinnie about that night. I know it was a lot to put on Riley's plate but she stepped up and took care of me."

Harry wiped the tears from his eyes."Fuck...Olivia. Looking at you now, I would never know that you went through so much. You are so strong. You have come so far in such a short amount of time."

"Well your music helped me heal. I was never fan of pop music and I must admit I had never heard of One Direction. One day I was out and I heard a song and it struck a chord with me. It made me stop and listen to the words. I had to find out who sang the song and when I did it was like a found a treasure chest. I download all of your albums and let the music begin to heal me. I was a fan became of the music. I didn't have any crushes on you guys or read tons news articles about you but I did get a chance to see you perform live. You guys were amazing. So that is how I became a fan of One Direction."

"Well we welcome you to our crazy little world but I am so sorry about the way that we came into your life. But I think you should know that you are more than just a fan to us. You are family."

"Thank you Harry, that means a lot to me. I have really grown close to everyone over these past few weeks." I reach out for him to give me a hug. "Ok, I am exhausted now. Let's get some sleep."

I lay back on one end of the couch while you lay on the other. I reach back and switch off the lamp. I settle into my spot and tug on the blanket that we are sharing.

"Goodnight H. Thank you for listening."