Two months ago

July 18th 2013

My plane to England leaves in less than 24 hours. I still have stuff I need from my apartment with Vinnie so head out to collect my belongings. I take the bus to save money because I am going to need a cab to get back to Riley's with all of my stuff. When I get off the bus, I head two blocks down 6th St and make a left onto Pine St. Looking down the street, you would never believe this is were an unknown musician and a PhD student lived. It is the oldest part of the city and also one of the wealthiest. Vinnie's grandparents owned a townhouse and we have lived in the downstairs apartment since we graduated high school. Since Vinnie's family owned the property, we where able to live there for cheap.

As I pass the townhouses covered in red brick, I find the one with the blue front door, not that I could every forget it. I stick my key into the door and let myself into the apartment. I told Vinnie I was going to come over and get some of my stuff. When we broke up, I sent Riley over to grab some of my essentials but I left so much behind. He is ok with me stopping over but he's not able to be here. I thanked god for this because I don't want to see him again before I leave.

I put my keys on the table next to the door and look at the photo on the table. It is a picture of us at our high school graduation from a time when I thought forever meant something to him.

As I move about the apartment, I realize nothing has changed in the six months since I left. The walls still have the same photos of us, our friends, and family. The couch still has my favorite blanket draped over the arm. I remember how we would fight over it on cold mornings when we sat on the couch drinking our coffee after our crazy nights out. As I walk past it, I let my hand brush the soft purple fabric and a small smile appears on my face. This is really difficult seeing all of our old things.

I head to the bedroom and turn on the light. I see a pair of my old glasses sitting on what use to be my night table. I would wear them at night to watch TV before bed. I sit down on my side of the bed and look out the window. It is a beautiful summer afternoon and the window is open allowing a nice breeze to run across the bed. I just can't believe he left everything as it was. I would have put all of his stuff in a box after a month of being part. I wonder if he had hoped that I would come back. Was he waiting for me? After seeing the apartment in this condition, I realize he really did love me and still does.  I just need to get my stuff and get out of here.  It's too much for me to even think that he still loves me. I look around the bedroom and I don't see any boxes packed full of my clothes. God, I hope he didn't just leave my stuff where they were when I left. I head over to the dresser and pull the top draw open. All of my night shirts are folded just like I left them. I turn around and my head starts to spin in circles. I can't grasp the fact that he left my stuff alone. I quickly walk over to the closet. I grab the chain and pull it to turn on the light. I step inside and all of my clothes are hanging up. The clothes that I would always leave on the floor were all picked up and put away.

I frantically find my old suit case from under the bed and start to put my clothes in them. Finding the apartment in this condition is so unexpected and overwhelming.  I don't know how to process all of this right now. I need to hurry and get out of here. Once I am done packing, I write I note to Vinnie.

Vinnie,

I stopped by today to grab some of my things. I was not able to get everything. If it's not a problem, would you be able to send the rest of my stuff to my parents' house? Thank you for the talk the other night. I really appreciated that we had a chance to talk about everything and have closure for both of us. Good luck with everything in the future.

Olivia x

I make sure that I wrote Olivia real big. From this moment going forward, Liv no longer exists. I leave the apartment keys on top of the letter and walk away ready to leave this life behind.  As I open the door to leave, I think of one more thing that I want to bring to England. I open the closet door in the living room and find my skateboard right where I left it.

I walk out of the apartment and shut the pretty blue door. I step out on to the sidewalk and hail a cab back to center city, which feels like it is a world away from here but in reality it is only a five minute ride back to Riley's.

When I get to Riley's, I finish packing my suit cases for England and the stuff that I am leaving here in the states is packed into boxes. I have a goodbye dinner in the city tonight with Riley and my family. I will give my mom the boxes to take home with her tonight.

At 6:30 pm Riley and I head out to meet my family at an Italian restaurant. When we show up at the restaurant everyone is already here, my mom, dad, brother, sister in-law, and two nephews. I sit at the head of the table with Riley to my left. On my right side is my mom, then my dad, followed by nephews and my sister in law at the other end of the table and my brother was to her right sitting next to Riley.

When I sat down, I greeted everyone and introduced my brother, Noah and sister in law, Nicole to Riley. My parent have met Riley a few times when they would stop by to visit.

"So Olivia, what time is your flight tomorrow?" my mom asks.

"The flight leaves at 6pm. I am all packed and ready to get out of here."

My mom glares at me. "You are always in such a hurry to get away from us."

"Come on mom don't start. This has nothing to do with you. I already left your house years ago...6 to be exact. This is all about me and you know that."

She always wants to make me feel guilty for leaving home at a young age. When I left for college, I had every intention to return but it never happened. I got wrapped up in my little world in Philly and loved living with Vinnie.

My dad who is always quiet doesn't seem to mind that I am leaving gives me a smile. That is it, just a smile. Believe me, that is a huge jester coming from him. I know he loves me and that smile says a million words.

"How are you handling your new fame?" I hear coming from all the way down the other end of the table.  It's my sister in law Nicole. I am not sure if we are friends at the moment or not. We have always had such a contentious relationship going back 8 years to dating the same guy at the same time.

I look down at her and say, "It's is amazing. I love having all of my personal information put out there for everyone to see."

"Well, you put yourself in that situation. I don't know what you expected to happen."

I start to clench my fist under the table.

"What are you even trying to say down there? I asked for this? I wanted it?"

My mom can tell I am starting to get angry and put her hand on top of mind under the table. As much as my mom probably wanted me to hit her, she was trying to calm me down. Thank god my mom is there because I was about to throw my pasta down the table. After a few minutes, I calm down and everyone is having side conversations and enjoying the food.

After dinner, I said goodbye to my brother and his family. I am going to miss my nephews. Cullen is eight and Sean is three. I always loved spending time with them when I went home to visit. They are probably the only good thing that came out of Nicole.

My mom and dad meet Riley and me at the apartment to pick up some of my belongings.

I hand my dad the last box for him to take out to the car. They ended up taking about three boxes full of random things that I collected over my time at Riley's. I walk my mom downstairs to meet my dad outside.

"Well this it is," I say.

My mom stands across from me. "I know that things have been a little difficult for you the last few months but I wish you didn't have to go so far away. You can still come home with us and stay for the summer and go back to school in the fall."

"Mom I need this to figure some things out. I am not going to find the answers I need here."

"Ok, but I wish you would reconsider."

"Mom, I love you but you know that living at home is not the best thing for either of us. We have gotten along so much better since I left."

"I know but I don't want to be so far away. I will miss you."

Hugging my mom, I say, "Awe mom, I will miss you too. I love you and that will never change."

"I know. Well we better get going."

"Ok. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Bye dad. Thanks for helping with my boxes."

My dad gives me a hug and quietly says to me, "I hope you find what you need in England. We will miss you."

"Thank you. I will miss you too. I love you."

He says, "I love you too." And then my heart melts. He doesn't say those words to me very often.

I wake up late the next morning. I don't have anything plans except going to the airport this evening. Riley and I head out to grab one last lunch together. By the time I come back to Philadelphia she will be finishing up the P.H.D. program and I have no idea where she will go from there. I hope to stay in touch with her after this. She has been an awesome friend to me when I had no one else.

"Riles, I will miss you. I know that we didn't start off great when we first met at school but you have ended up being one of my closet friends. I appreciate everything you have done for me and opening your home to me was beyond amazing."

"Awe, O, you are going to make me cry. You ended up being a huge surprise to me after getting to know you. I was actually of little scared of you and your tough girl attitude. That night when you showed up to my apartment crying, I realized there was more to you. I am sorry about the circumstances that brought you to me but I am happy to have you in my life."

My eyes begin to water but I am determined to not cry here in the middle of the cafe.

"You will have to come visit me during a break from school."

"I definitely will. How could I turn down and invitation like that? Speaking of England...do you still have your mind set on not seeing Niall when he gets home from tour?"

"Yeah, I think it is best. I need to focus on myself and he would be a distraction."

"Hey sometimes a little distraction can do us some good," she says with a wink.

"I don't think I will need one of those distractions for a while."

When we get back to the apartment we throw my luggage into Riley's car and we head out to the airport. I am a little sad to leave this city that I have loved for so long but I am way more excited to explore a new one. When we arrive at the airport Riley slowly pulls up to Virgin Airlines departure gate. She buts the car in park and gives me a sad smile.

"Well, let's get you out of this town" she says.

"Oh Riley, don't be sad. Don't make me cry."

We get out of the car and unload my two suitcases and carry on.

I pull her in for a hug. "Thank you for everything. You really showed me what true friendship is like. I am going to miss you so much."

I pull away and a tear slips out the corner of my eye. She did not much for me. She gave me a place to live and someone to lean on. I will never be able to repay her for what she did for me.

Riley wipes the tears from her eyes and says, "You have no idea how much I am going to miss you. My apartment is going to be so lonely with out you."

I need to walk away from Riley now because if I don't I will break down on the curb.  I grab my bags and head inside to the check-in desk. I check in both my suitcases and I grab my carry on and skateboard and head for security. Once I get beyond the security check, there is no going back. I sit down in a seat at the boarding gate and I feel the weight of the past six months lift from my body. It feels good to leave it behind.