/CHAPTER THIRTY THREE/

Hey 💚
It's been long, I know. Forgive me please. The story isn't long anymore.
Thank you wattpadis for sticking with me. From now on, the chapters would be really short.
I have the story ideas but writing it down is my problem, I don't want to spoil the book especially when we're soon at the climax.

(Nb;- Chase POV isn't always as it seems most of the times. Also some might have noticed, but Chase contradicts himself a lot and that's mostly because he's forgetful. Who has noticed that Chase hasn't ever really thought of feyi or Lily anytime he's alone? I'm beginning to wonder if any ship will Sail at all. 🤗🌺🌺)

•|NOT EDITED.|

~CHASE~

When Chase was eleven.

"He needs to go now!" I heard her shout, and I hugged myself, resting against my bed, scared that she was really going to take me away. Away from her, away from my dad, away from pink. "Femi! You saw it, you saw what he did to that dog."

As the air condition blew on me I thought about why she hated me, why she despised me, why she wanted to send me away from home, father, my sister and most importantly, why she wanted me away from her. I thought she loved me, but I was wrong. She was more concerned about a dog that was better off dead than she was about me.

I stood up from where I sat and walked out of my room as I followed the direction of her voice. "I can't allow him to stay in this house in that condition anymore." She continued, and I scoffed at that. I couldn't believe that she wanted me out of my father's house, and that was when I began to harbor hate for that woman who claimed to have loved me.

"See Sola, there's nothing I can do," I was already at the door to their room when my dad spoke and I smiled. At least he was on my side, he was always on my side. "What happened today, I'll talk to him about it."

The woman didn't speak for some time and I thought she'd finally given up on convincing my dad, but she Said something again; "You can't do anything about it? You must be joking Femi! That boy is your son, and he killed a dog in cold blood, and you'll talk to him?" She laughed in a way that carried sarcasm. "That boy took a life--"

"Of a dog!" My dad shouted, cutting that woman off, and a smile found its way to my face. I only took the life of that dog because it annoyed me with his excessive amount of barking and whimpering. "Sola, he didn't kill a human."

"Femi! That dog was a living thing with a life inside. If Chase can kill a dog, why do you think he wouldn't kill a human one day?"

"See Sola, stop overthinking it. I have work to do right now." My dad said, and I Just listened.

"So work is more important than the mental health of your son?"

There was no response from my father. He didn't say anything for some time, then I heard him talk. "Chase is the most important thing to me in this world, and there's nothing I wouldn't do for him as far as it pleases him. Also, Happy birthday Sola."

*.*. *.

Present day. . .

I couldn't stop crying since I got back from school.

Tears couldn't stop coming out of my eyes as I sat on the floor of my bathroom. It was her birthday and although she wasn't on Earth anymore, my father had insisted that we celebrated it.

I wasn't ready to celebrate her, not after everything that happened. I also wasn't ready to face reality and my deeds.

"Chase, are you in the bathroom? Your father just called me and he's expecting you."

I kept on crying in low sobs, ignoring the calls of Nanny Theresa. My heart was heavy and my guilt pricked me more than ever, just if only I could turn back the hands of time.

"Chase," The bathroom door fell open and I knew Nanny Theresa was in already. "Why are you crying?"

Tilting my head up, I moved my gaze to her figure which stood by the door. Her face was contoured into a concerned frown and I didn't miss the sad smile on her face.

"Talk to me, Chase," She moved nearer to me and squatted next to me, patting my back in comforting circles. "Is it because you don't want to go to your father's house?"

I shook my head. "It isn't."

"Then talk to me, Chase," She continued. "What exactly is the problem? Why are you crying?"

"Do you know what today is?" I sniffed. Facepalmed myself as more tears rushed out of my eyes.

She didn't respond and her hands stopped moving at the back. "Is it--?"

"Yes, it's her birthday," I brought my knees closer to myself as I spoke. "It's my. . .it's my mother's birthday."

Sighing, she sat next to me on the tiled floor and we both dwelled in the momentary silence which hovered around us. Nanny Theresa knew my mother really well, but she didn't understand the main reason I was bawling my eyes out.

"You know, your mom was a really nice woman, Chase," She started to say, breaking the storm of silence between us. "It's. . .saddening that she had to go so early, but she wouldn't want you to be hurled up in your bathroom, crying like this."

I said nothing in response to Nanny Theresa. Suddenly, I stood up from where I sat next to her. I went over to the basin area and rinsed my face of all tears before staring at my reflection in the mirror.

My eyes were swollen and red, my face had gone pale due to my excessive amount of crying. As I stared at myself, a smile stretched on my lips before it turned into a grin, then a really hysterical laughter sufficed and I couldn't stop myself from laughing.

Holding my stomach as I laughed, I left the bathroom, leaving a bewildered nanny Theresa behind. I couldn't get over the fact that she'd called my mother a nice fellow. There was nothing nice about that woman. I myself used to think she was nice until she showed me her real character. All in all, my mother and nice were two different words that couldn't relate no matter how it was put together. Sure, Pink might say otherwise, after all, she was mother's favourite child.

However, I knew for a fact that although she wasn't exactly nice to me, she really loved me and didn't hesitate to help me anytime I had an episode in the past. Still, I couldn't comprehend why she did what she did — something really painful and traumatising to me, before she left earth. That's why I believed she wasn't nice.

Moving towards my closet I stopped laughing and was stopped by nanny Theresa calling onto me. "Chase is everything alright?"

I drifted my gaze to where she stood right next to my bathroom door, and I smiled in response to her.

"Are you sure?" Her brows were etched up in concern. "You were crying just a minute ago."

"I was crying?" I asked rhetorically, laughing in sequence. "Why was I even crying?"

". . ." She couldn't respond as she gawked at me with an uncouth swarm of emotions visible through her.

Then I thought back to when I was crying in the bathroom and my mood got soiled when I recalled the reason. I cried because I felt guilty about her death and that alone dried the smile which was present off my face.

It was totally my fault that she died and that was the only thing that made me feel unrest and remorseful.

I tore my gaze off Nanny Theresa and picked out a black casual tee, a black jean and a black hoodie from my closet, purposely. I got rid of the white school uniform shirt I wore, leaving my upper body bare before I wore the tee shirt I picked out, and all this while, I felt nanny Theresa gaze on me. However from the corner of my eyes, I saw her leave when I was about unbuttoning my trousers.

After getting dressed, I went to the mirror in my bathroom and checked myself out. I wasn't wearing the hoodie yet, but I was going to before I eventually reached my father's Villa because the scars on my arms would be very much visible to him and Pink if I only had my short tee on and I really didn't want Pink to see the scars.

Holding my hoodie in my hand, I picked up my car key from the center table before moving out of the room, and I saw Nanny Theresa waiting outside by my door.

"Are you going to be okay, chase?"

I stared at her, keeping a stoic face, still I said nothing as I just left the house.

*.*.*.

The ride from my house at Rainbow estate to Castle and Sky Villa, where my father resided wasn't up to an hour. And as I drove into his compound, terror washed through me.

I moved out of the house almost two years ago when I was sixteen, and since then I hadn't stepped foot in my father's Villa. I just couldn't bear to step foot in there because lots of memories of me and my mother lurked inside the house. And may I say the memories weren't pleasant one, they were the cause of the nightmares I usually had most of the time. Even just the thought of entering the house almost gave me a panic attack, so I took the antianxiety drugs from the seat next to me, and quickly, I popped lots of pills into my mouth before chewing on it. Then I threw back the plastic of the drug without caring where it'd landed.

Exhaling deeply, I picked up my hoodie from the back seat before stepping out of the car. The sky was gradually turning crimson. As I wore my hoodie, I was face to face with my father's building — which was just twenty foot away, and my heart wasn't at peace as memories began to evade my head. Nevertheless, all the memories were bad ones and they were something I didn't particularly like to talk about.

As I began to walk towards the main building, I was greeted by tons of faces I wasn't familiar with and I didn't miss the curiosity present on their faces as they greeted me. They were probably curious to know who I was, but yet, they didn't ask because since I was given entrance into the house they knew I had to be familiar with someone in the house.

Lightly, I knocked on the door as I finally got to the doorstep, and the antianxiety drugs worked really well because the anxiety I had earlier had gone. Like it wasn't there at all to begin with.

The door opened in a few seconds and I recognized the face. It was Nanny Best — Pink's nanny.

"Oh, my," That was the first thing she said to me without even letting me in yet. She was grinning widely as she stared at me with her onyx's eyes filled with excitement, like she was really glad she saw me. "It's you, Chase. You're grown since I last saw you ooo."

I said nothing in response, I just wanted to enter the house. It wasn't like we were both close or anything, we were only acquaintances and that was because she was Pink Nanny. I had no business with her.

"Can I come in?" I had to ask because she didn't look like she was going to move away from the doorway any sooner with the way she kept staring at me.

"Ah, it's your house na," she moved away from the doorway which gained me entrance into the house. "Your father has been expecting you, so has your grandparents. They're all in the dining room."

I hummed and said nothing as I began to find my way to the dining room, leaving Nanny best behind. The house had changed since I last saw it, lots of interior decor had taken place. And there were more pictures hung around the house, in which most of the pictures belonged to pink and my mother. I didn't have any of my pictures on the wall, and that was mainly because I didn't take pictures when I was younger. The only picture I had were baby pictures alongside pink, and pictures which were taken with both my parents and pink.

One of the pictures on the wall caught my attention, making me come to a halt. It was the largest picture on the wall and the only picture that had me in it. It was a portrait, a family portrait of my parents, me and pink. I couldn't remember when the picture was taken exactly, but I knew it was recently before my mum died. However what fascinated me about the picture was how I glared at her as she pinched my cheeks with a beautiful smile on her face while Pink posed with my dad.

"Nostalgic isn't it?" I turned my head and saw Pink headed towards me. She was dressed in a simple long sleeve beige short gown and a smile. "When did you get here?" She drew me in for a quick hug without even hearing a response from me.

After the hug, we both stood quietly as we both stared at the portrait like we both were seeing it for the first time.

"I really miss her," I took my gaze to pink when she spoke and I felt a pang In my heart just by seeing the sombre look in her eyes. "Sometimes I wonder how things would be if she was still alive," she tilted her gaze to me with a sad smile. "Maybe if she was still alive, you'd still be living with us in the mansion. Maybe if she was still alive, I wouldn't have made some of the mistakes I made. Maybe if she was still alive, dad would be happier than he is right now."

I couldn't bear to say anything. I didn't even deserve to say anything in response to pink, especially since I knew fully well that I was the cause of her mother's demise.

"But you know what's funny about this portrait?" Her voice held more life in it now as she spoke, taking her gaze back to the huge portrait on the wall.

I was uninterested in whatever she had to say, but I couldn't let her know that so I plainly asked, "What is?"

"It's the way you glared at mum," She chuckled and I only nodded as I took my gaze back to the portrait. "Do you remember what happened on this day?" I shook my head in response, I didn't know if she saw me answer by shaking my head. However, she continued talking. "It was our fifteenth birthday and mum wanted a family picture, but it seems like you woke up on the other side of the bed on that day, because your behavior wasn't just chase-like. You kept on spluttering shit about how we humans could end the world ourselves by commiting mass suicide before the sun or rapture Should come."

"I said all those?" I asked, turning towards Pink whose gaze was still fixed on the portrait. And I totally couldn't remember saying all those things.

Pink turned towards me with a smile. "Yeah, you did," She then released a breathy laugh. "You were really serious on that day, like you were possessed or something. All through the photoshoot you wouldn't stop saying it, and when mum told you she would slap you if you did stop talking. You glared at her," she pointed at the portrait. "And that was exactly how the photographer took the picture."

"Funny how you still remember everything." I didn't know when I said that, but somehow I just did.

"Why won't I? It is mum's last picture before she died a month later, and they are memories which are meant to be cherished and protected," Maybe she needed to cherish those memories, I needed not to. "And on the day this picture was taken, I was jealous of you."

That got my attention. "Why were you jealous of me?" It was the first time I'd heard pink say she was jealous of someone like me.

"Nothing, it's for a really childish reason." she facepalmed herself.

"Just say it. I want to hear the childish reason."

"Okay, fine," She raised her hand in mock surrender. "It was because of how much attention you were getting from both mum and dad even with everything you were spewing."

"Oh, believe me I really can't remember a thing that happened on this day," I was being honest. There are some things that were always quick to evade my head, especially if they weren't important. "Where's your dad by the way?"

"My dad or our dad?" Pink asked as we both began to walk towards the direction of the dining room.

I shrugged. "Any."

"He's at the dining table with our grandparents, and Grandpa won't stop asking for you."

"Didn't know he'd be here, Nanny best only told me they were here when I came in."

She hummed in response and within some minutes we got to the dining room and the first figure I saw made my heart beat really fast. I was anxious and thankfully the antianxiety drugs I had earlier used helped to calm my nerves down a bit.

"Good evening, sir." it earned his attention as he turned his gaze to me with a huge grin.

"It's about time," that was the first thing he said as my grandparents brought his gaze to me. "Come and sit next to me."

I nodded and moved towards him as I sat next to him but that was after I'd greeted my grandparents. I hadn't seen or even heard from them ever since my mother died. Pink also sat next to me, so my dad was sitting at the head of the dining table while I, and pink, sat on his left hand side. My grandparents were seated opposite us and I found it hard to meet both their gazes. Both of them — my grandparents were my mother's parents, and I felt guilty just by sitting in their front, knowing fully well that I was the cause of their daughter's death.

"How have you been, my dear?" My grandmother asked and I looked up at her face, trying as much as possible to act nonchalant to the fact that I was nervous around, not only her, but everyone in the room. My grandmother was older than the last time I saw her, same as my grandfather, but who was I kidding, it'd been almost three years since I last saw them. "It's been long. You didn't even bother to give us a call, or come say hello at our house," she added when I hadn't even given her a response to her previous question. "Your grandpa has been so furious with you, I even tried calling you sometime but you hardly picked up."

"I forgot about you guys," I blurted out before I could think. And I didn't miss the bewildered expression on everyone's faces. Nevertheless, in all honesty, I did forget that I had maternal grandparents. There had been a lot on my mind, and I easily forget things that I didn't deem important. Not like my grandparents weren't important to me, but I guess, they were as important as the things that filled up my head. "There's been a lot on my mind lately---"

"Uh, Mr and Mrs Andrews," My dad was quick to interrupt my statement as he gave me a quick glance which was boldly telling me to shut my trap. "What Chase means is that he's busy with school work and everything. Also, he wasn't in the country for some time."

Pink made a noise with her mouth. "Really? He wasn't in the country? How come I wasn't aware."

"Pink," my dad casted her a look, at the same time, nanny best and some other help in the house began to bring food to the table. "He was out of the country for a break. He really found it hard. . .ehm, after my wife. . .his mother died, he found it hard to cope."

He wasn't lying, I was and I still am, finding it hard to really cope. Although, I didn't travel out of the country. I'd been in Nigeria the whole time.

My grandfather cleared his throat as he prepared to speak while my grandmother's attention had already been drifted to Nanny best and the others as she helped them set the food on the table. "I don't care if he wasn't in the country, at least, he's back now," my grandfather said, using his hand to push back his dreads to the back of his ear. And yes, my grandfather had dreads. He was born with it and he never cut it off.  "And I hope, he'll give us a call now that his around."

"I will," if I remembered to. "I'll try. I will get your numbers from pink."

"I'll be expecting your call, my dear." My grandmother passed me a smile as she served grandfather food, the same time Nanny best and the others left.

The food was later served and my father and grandparents couldn't stop conversing as they ate, while me and pink faced our foods. Whereas, pink ate the food she was served, I just didn't have the appetite for mine. I really couldn't bring a spoon of the delicacies that was served at his front. There was jollof rice, fried rice, chicken, fried plantains, coleslaw, peppered meats, vegetable soup with dried fish, and there was a cake at the center of the dining. All the dishes looked really enticing and appetizing but I just wasn't hungry.

"You aren't eating, Chase," My grandmother took note. "Why's that?"

I dropped my fork onto my plate, took my gaze up to see my grandmother's concerned demeanor. "I'm not hungry, that's why."

"You should eat, my dear," She continued. Everyone's attention was already on us, my dad included. "You need to add up some weight, you look too thin."

"I agree," grandfather added. "You need to look bulky, son. I can't even see any meat underneath your skin. When you first entered, I almost couldn't recognize you. You look like a walking skeleton that can collapse at any time."

No one said anything after my grandfather's last statement.

Was I bothered about what he'd said? No.

Did I care about adding weight? No.

Did I wish to collapse? Hell yes, but I'd want it to come with death.

I really wanted death. It was what I wished for everyday.

"Don't mind your grandfather, dear--"

"I was just telling the truth." My grandfather quickly chipped in, interrupting my grandmother.

"It's okay, Ola, you haven't seen your grandson in years, yet you criticize his weight."

"But you started it, Sola." My grandfather pointed it out to her. My grandmother was also bearing the name, Sola, so was my mother and pink. It was like a tradition in the family that names were passed down to children. "If I remember, you brought up the issue about how tirin he looks."

"Okay, fine, Just let me talk," she said to him before bringing her gaze back to me while my grandfather continued eating his food. "As I was saying, don't mind whatever your grandfather was saying. You're handsome my dear just the way you are---"

My grandfather interrupted my grandmother's statement again as he chewed on a piece of meat. "And if he adds a little more weight, then he'd be Mr universe."

"See chase, just eat. Even by the smell of the food you'll know it's really delicious," said my grandmother, obviously ignoring my grandfather's last statement. "Eat."

I smiled. She wasn't aware that I had anosmia, meaning, food to me was almost basically tasteless. But in a bid to please her, I picked up my fork and ate the jollof rice and not gonna lie, it tasted horrible. Really horrible. I just wanted to spit it out, but I couldn't and I kept on the perfect facade in front of everyone as I nodded my head in approval, acting like I did enjoy the food when in actuality I didn't. Anyways, the fact that I began to eat placed a huge smile on my grandmother's face and everyone resumed eating.

And I continued to pretend like I was enjoying the food.

As I ate, I didn't listen to the conversation between my dad, pink and my grandparents. I was lost in my own thoughts. Thoughts that had been bothering me for three years. Thoughts that I found difficult to talk about. It was just impossible for me to say them. It was something I didn't want anyone to know. It was something that no one, except for my father knew. It was something that made me wish for death. It was something that made me hate my mother. . .no, I didn't hate my mother. I loved her, yes I did, but. . .honestly I didn't know what I really felt, perhaps, resentment? But one thing I was sure of was the fact that I did hate myself.

Hate was a more subtle word, I despised my own existence.

Later on, the plates were cleared by the help – leaving only the drinks – after everyone finished eating. Well, I didn't eat my meal, at least I managed to eat half of what I was served. The cake was cut and everyone was given a piece on a little plate

"So, pink, how's school?" My grandmother asked suddenly as she took a bite out of the cake, reaching out for her glass of watermelon juice at the same time.

"Fine," Replied pink, immediately. "School is fine."

"That's nice, dear," my grandmother smiled, reassuringly at her before turning to me. "What about you, chase? How are you coping with school? With everything going on with you."

My grandparents knew I was bipolar. It was something my parents couldn't hide from them because it was glaring due to my 'weird' and 'concerning' behaviors, though that was all they knew.

"I am okay," it sounded like I was trying to tell myself that I was really okay, but I only said "I'm doing better now."

I really wished I was.

I really did.