/CHAPTER THIRTY/

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(Dedication; my lovely readers, this book would be zero read without you guys.)

(Song; You never know by Blackpink.)

NOT EDITED!

~LILY~

After the text I got from Pinky, I proceeded to Chase place the next day. Millions of thoughts churned around my mind; questions like why did she want to talk to me? What did she want to say to me? Or worse, did I offend her?

I felt really awkward returning to Chase's place after my mini breakdown right in front of him. I couldn't help but cry when he asked me about my wrist, it was a very sensitive topic to me. It brought back memories that I didn't like to think about, memories that almost broke my family apart, but then I was sad, naive and maybe I was a mentally depressed- like the doctor had said when I was taken to the hospital back then- Adolescent. I was helpless and unloved, maybe tired would be the perfect word to summarize my life back then, because indeed I was tired of my life back then.

Tired of being mocked about behind my back.

Tired of being called trash.

Tired of being laughed at.

Tired of feeling ugly.

Tired of not having a voice.

Tired of being unnoticed.

Tired of people questioning my existence.

Tired of feeling unworthy and unloved.

Tired of also pretending at home, pretending to be happy when all I wanted to do was to cry my eyes out, fall into my mum's hands and tell her that I wasn't happy, tell her that nobody loved me in school, tell her that someone slapped me in school, tell her that I was being bullied, but. . .but I couldn't. Fear, uncertainty usually creeped it way through me, and that would immediately make me chicken out of telling her anything. I was a weakling, but I didn't want her to know that because I was already causing her a lot of problems with my academics, so I just couldn't put another burden upon her neck.

It was really hard because I wanted to tell either her or my brother, especially, since my dad was rarely home I couldn't tell him. But whenever I try to tell either of them and their gaze falls on me, asking what happen, I try to respond, but at that moment all the threats made by my bullies come rushing in, so, my head goes numb at that moment, my mouth becomes dry and derived of words and I'd just smile in response instead.

That girl who tried committing suicide, that. . .that was how she felt on the inside.

She felt she was a burden.

She felt unworthy.

She felt weak.

She felt tired and decided to give up- though she knew it was a stupid decision.

I rang the doorbell after pacing the gate for more than five minutes or maybe less than. I was still tense and edgy while I awaited someone to open up.

"Yes?" The voice of the man followed immediately as the gate fell open. I instantly recognized the man to be the man who opened the gate for me yesterday, but this time he was in uniform unlike yesterday whereby he was putting on regular clothes. He looked at me and he seemed to recognize me also because his eyes clicked in recognition. "Ah omalicha nwa, it's you?"

The way he pronounced the name one could tell he was a fulani man speaking Igbo, but then he called me Omalicha nwa? Maybe he didn't recognize me then.

"No sir," I responded meekly, because he was surely mistaking me for someone else, my name wasn't omalicha. "I'm not omalicha nwa sir, my name is Lily. I came yesterday."

He chuckled. "I know, it's just a compliment. You came to see Chase?"

"Yes sir."

I answered and he opened the gate fully. I entered, coming in contact with the huge house once again my heart couldn't help but rise when I remembered why I was here - asides the project being a reason; pink also wanted to talk with me and I couldn't help but be curious as to why.

The gate man gave me a go ahead whilst he went back into his mini house by the gate. I walked towards the house, heading towards the door.

I knocked once I got to the front of the door, clenching tightly unto the chain of my cross purse. The door shot open and the face of an older lady came into view, she was the woman I'd also seen yesterday, the one I presumed to be either Chase Granny or aunt. She had a huge grin on her wrinkled, yet beautiful face.

"How are you doing dear?" she asked, moving away from the door and I took that as my cue to enter while I responded to her greeting, not forgetting to kneel a little to show respect.

I entered the living room and thankfully I wasn't cold and that was mainly because I actually dressed to fit the weather inside, so, I'd worn a thick denim jean, a knitted woolen cardigan and underneath it I wore a simple strapped hand top. The house was empty, and I was alone with the older woman who apparently was busy trying to adjust the humongous flower vase- that I'd surprisingly missed- which stood by the door. I watched as she tried moving it to meet the wall, then when she'd succeeded she brought her gaze to me with the huge grin still adorning her beautiful face.

"The rest are in the backyard," she said, moving towards where I stood. "You can go meet them there, they are under the patio cover."

I nodded, thanking her in response.

I moved to the door of the parlor, holding on to the knob of the door, when her words registered in my head.

The rest?

Pink and Rayo were around already?

I removed my hand from the knob and used my hand to fan myself, though there wasn't heat, because as much as I dressed for the weather inside, I couldn't find clothing for my face, so, the cold AC was blowing on my face.

I looked back and noticed that the older woman was gone. Heaving heavily, I twisted the knob of the door and it shot open and I could hear laughter booming from the backyard as I closed the door. I stood by the door, looking at the backyard through the large glass door, and I could see them, Pink, Rayo, and Jona.

"Oh my," I muttered to myself, feeling tense. I couldn't see if Chase was there, because I couldn't exactly see him from where I'd stood. I walked laggardly towards the backyard and as I got nearer I could hear hard-white by Nicki Minaj blaring from an MP3 and at that moment I just felt like rapping along, but I didn't, so, I just bopped my head to the rhythm.

I finally got to the backyard, closing the door behind me, I was really timid walking past the swimming pool towards the patio cover, then the music blaring from the mp3 had changed already to something more alternative -xanny by Billie eilish. Their loud voices could also be heard as I approached them with my heart threatening to fall out of its chest.

I was there already. I was right in front of the patio cover. How I got there without my heart falling still remains a scientific mystery to me. I stood holding unto my purse, they didn't seem to have noticed me at first-which I'd found weird, I mean I was right in front of them, literally, and they didn't notice me. Pink was busy talking with Rayo and they looked really engrossed in what they were saying, Jonathan was also there, busy with his phone while Chase wasn't present.

"Hello," I greeted my voice coming out really low, anyways it seemed to have gotten their attention because they brought their gazes to me and I released an awkward smile.

"Hey wassup?" that was Jonathan.

"fine." I answered, and he smiled at me before returning his attention to his phone.

"Hey Lily," Rayo waved at me from where she was seated and I felt a little comfortable, at least they were greeting me, well, asides from pink. She didn't say anything, she just kept her gaze on me with an expression that I couldn't read and that made me feel unwelcomed, until she smiled.

Pink smiled. She smiled at me and that made the smile on my face widen a little. She stood up, the same time Rayo went over to sit on Jonathan's lap. She moved towards me still wearing her smile. I looked down, shy and uneasy then I felt a touch on my right shoulder, I looked up and saw pink staring right at me.

"Let's go inside," I nodded and trailed behind her as we went into the house, and I couldn't stop thinking about why she wanted to see me.

We both sat on the single-breasted Chesterfield that was at the rare end of the parlor, basking in absolute silence, until, pink spoke.

"So?"

I looked up wondering what she meant by 'SO?' I didn't say anything, I just kept looking at her face which was surprisingly scrunched up in confusion.

"I don't even know what to say now," she released a low chuckle whilst I just watched her, my state of curiosity more than curious; if that made any sense.

"You are beautiful, you know?" I felt my cheeks heating up, looking away from her. I didn't know if I was shy or I was blushing, but preferably I'd go with the latter because that seemed to fit the situation more better, my cheeks were on fire. I mean it ought to be, because I was getting a compliment from the goddess of beauty itself.

Pardon me but at that moment I felt like snow-white. . . although I still doubted it a little, nah, I doubted it a lot.

"Thanks," I managed to tell her, though I was a mess of blushing black tomatoes.

"Lily, I asked a question," she said and I looked up at her, my blushing had been put at bay. "I said do you know you're beautiful?"

Do I? Was I really beautiful?

I didn't answer her question and I bowed my head, looking down at my purse.

"Well, you're beautiful Lily and I don't want you to misdoubt that, at all," I nodded, trying to sip-in and believe what she had said to me. "Remember when we were in Junior school?"

I took in her question, then nodded, not wanting to remember those moments in my junior school, because the memories I had of them weren't pleasant, neither were they nostalgic because I would never ever want to relive those days again. Never ever.

"You were shy, really clumsy, you never spoke to anyone, especially after that incident with. . .yuuno, ehm. . . Tayo," I didn't look up, so I couldn't see her facial expression. "Yunno, I thought you were mute back then."

I looked up at her and saw her staring right back at me with a smile on her face.

"I wanted to be your friend, you know?"

No I didn't! I wasn't aware that pink wanted to be my friend, I didn't know about that, so when she had said that, it came as a total shocker to me.

Pink wanted to be my friend!

"I didn't. . .I didn't know that." I played with the chain of my purse while I spoke.

"It's okay," she said. "But Lily, I'm sorry about what I want to ask, but why didn't you fight for yourself? Why? "

I was scared.

"I was scared." I decided to voice out of thoughts.

"Scared about what?"

"Scared that I wouldn't fit in. Scared that y'all were right. Scared because I was ashamed. . .of my. . . my shape. Scared that. . ."

"Why Lily? Why were you scared? we all were like you, classmates, age-mates, so why would we ever hate you?" She interrupted me.

You can't. . . understand.

I couldn't look up to her face. My eyes were teary once again, but I didn't want to cry, I didn't want to talk about those days, I didn't want to remember how dumb I was and I still am, I didn't want to remember my stupid decision of committing suicide at my most vulnerable point.

I didn't want to remember.

I didn't want to remember everything.

I didn't want to remember anything.

Biting down on my bottom lip, I tried to push back the tears that were threatening to fall out, but they just didn't want to go back to there home, then the first tear dropped, then the second, then the third, then the fourth and then I lost count because my tears came rushing down.

". . . are you Okay?" I felt Pink hand on my shoulder. "Please stop crying, please." She patted my shoulder continuously while I tried to put an end to my tears, but they seemed endless because they just kept pouring, Streaming down on their own accord. My emotions were everywhere, memories were shooting back, bad, unwanted, stupid memories were shooting back.

Tayo's word, "Are you dumb?! Why did you touch me with your filthy hands? Did I give you permission, or who the hell do you think you are. Filthy maggots trash, Out now!"

His words, those words slept with me that day, then the next, until it became engraved into my memories, and the laughter that followed after his statement. My classmate laughed at his statement towards me. They found it funny, but I didn't. His words bruised me. For weeks I didn't bear Lily any longer, it was trash. They all called me trash.

Followed by other hurtful words said by them, and my mum that I don't think I can ever forget.

You're ugly.

You're too fat.

Why can't you do better?

No one likes you

Or which kind of demon child do I have?

Trash, people do not like trash.

Too pungent and acrid.

And the last straw I could no longer bear was the Itunu statement, ". . .no one wants you. No one likes you. So just do yourself a favor and go away from our school. . .I don't care, just get rid of yourself!"

Also, the physical tortures. Most of which I hate to recall. The slaps. The pulling of hair. The drinking of urine. Spits upon my face. Bathing in dustbins. And a whole lot that are too hurtful to remember.

After some while I stopped crying all thanks to pink continuous patting and pleads.

"I'm sorry if I was being insensitive with the question," she said, her hand not leaving my shoulder. "I'm sorry if my behavior towards you has been childish. I shouldn't have ignored you, or even stared at you somehow, especially. . . especially after what happened back then in J3. I should have tried being your friend, I should have spoken during the times you were being mocked at, but I didn't, because I was so dumb and immatured."

Her voice held raw emotions as she spoke and I couldn't help but tear up again.

"I'm sorry for not trying to help you when you felt alone," She wasn't sitting anymore. She was at my front standing. She removed her hand from my shoulder and held me by my hand, raising me up. We were both standing. "I'm sorry for everything you had to go through, especially when I could have done something to change it."

She caught me off guard when she dragged me into a hug. Pink hugged me. That made me sentimental, so I cried, again, but this time on her shoulder, and she used her hand to caress my back.

She broke the hug, and held my hand. We both looked at each other, silence dwelling amongst us. Her face was dull and it held emotions also, then she smiled. A large smile.

"Friends?"

"I'm sorry. . ."

"About what?" She was still smiling, but I could hear the confusion laced in her question.

My eyes were still teary, but tears didn't fall from it. "I just really want to tell you thank you, Pink. I really want to."

"For what? I don't get it."

"If you hadn't found me at that moment, I'd. . .I might not be standing right here today," I croaked out. "You're the reason I'm here today, Pink. You save my life. You called help for me, if you hadn't it might have been a different story right now. I really want to say thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you."

She shook her head, "It's okay, Lily. It's past tense now." With that she dragged me into another hug.

"So. . . friends?" she asked immediately we broke the hug.

A huge smile was plastered on my face when she'd asked that question, it made me remember the moment Chase had also asked me to be his friend.

"Friends?"_ The joy I felt on that day was the same as the joy I'd felt when Pink stretched her hand of friendship towards me. That joy had no bounds. Of course I was surely going to say a huge Yes to her, I'd be stupid not to.

"Friends," I croaked out but she heard because she dragged me into another hug.

"Awwwwwwwn!"

The hug was broken apart when the loud 'Awwwwwww' was heard. I used the back of my palm to clean my eyes, then turned my gaze to meet the voice of the person and it wasn't who I was expecting, at all.

Chase.

Chase. . . he was the one who did the awwwwwww!

He was standing by the door of the parlor, beaming widely. He looked really vibrant and more more more handsome, my heart even skipped six beat just by looking at his face; that was how handsome he was, and he had a casual look-a white hoodie and a black joggers- but he was still really handsome, for some reason he looked more handsome than when I'd seen him yesterday.

"You guys are so cute." he said moving towards us from the door he was standing by, and that was when I saw them; Feyi, but she wasn't alone she was with chioma.

Feyi was here alongside chioma!

Shockeeeeer.

Feyi stood beside chioma and they both looked really beautiful, as always. Feyi wore a simple white gown shirt with brown fancy bow slippers, while Chioma wore a biker short with a pink baggy round neck top and she paired it with a white sneakers. They both looked at me and Pink with an impassive expression, and I felt like hiding with the way I couldn't read their expression especially when their gaze was on me.

"Pink and Lily were hugging. Why didn't you call me to join?"

Okay, Chase was acting weird and I was so sure that I wasn't the only one who noticed it, because his sister kept looking at him with an utterly shocked expression, while Chase acted like his act was normal. He was so active and jumpy, he even had a huge grin on his face. He looked different, again.

He moved towards us and hugged pink, who was stuffed in his hug that looked like he was trying to suffocate the life out of her, then he released her, turned to me with a huge grin on his face. That day, it was the day I knew that he was tall, really tall, because I was only reaching his lower chest, not even his shoulder. Then he shocked me- Chase I mean. He placed his hand on my hair, and fumbled with my braids.

"Mehnnn, Lily you're short," He commented, still using his hand to play with my Bob Marley, and he pulled me into a bear hug, again. And my stupid body had to react.

I trembled, my stomach groaned, my heart skipped a beat, then it started racing really fast and I couldn't inhale oxygen properly, but it was normal, I guess. The scent of his white hoodie filled my nostril and I couldn't exactly say what the scent was but it was. . . It was weird, I guess.

He released me from the hug and went to hold Feyi and chioma, - who both had a smile on their faces- taking them to the backyard along with him.

Pink mumbled something under her breath but I wasn't able to hear what she'd said because I was still trying to control my breathing and racing heart - which occurred as a result of the hug chase gave me. Similar to the same way my body reacted when he'd hugged me yesterday.

Involuntarily I placed my hand on my chest to calm it down, then Pink took my other hand and we both went outside to the backyard.

*. *. *.

Ten Minutes Later. . .

No! We weren't attending to our project like we were meant to. Instead, we all were seated on the grass in a circle, listening to Rayo's funny childhood experience, which was indeed funny by the way.

". . .I was around six then, my mom was in her room and I wandered off to the kitchen because I was really thirsty and I didn't know where my water bottle was, so, entering into the kitchen I saw what seemed like a bottle water and drank it, but guess what, it wasn't really a bottle water. . ."

"Dirty water?"

"Liquor?"

"It's obviously kerosene."

"Yes!" she squealed right by my side. "It was kerosene, Chase you got it right."

"Wait, so you drank kerosene and you are not dead?"

That was Feyi, who by the way was sitting beside Chase with her hand hooked with his. I was very much aware of the enmity between Pink and Feyi but funny enough none of them had any altercation, not even a look down between each other since we'd all been together, they'd just simply ignored each other.

Also, for some reasons, I couldn't take my eyes off Feyi and Chase. Their small inaudible talks, the way they smiled and laughed at each other, the way Feyi looked at Chase with admiration, all their moves together I noticed it. But I didn't make it so obvious that I was looking at them.

Truth be told, they looked good together and I wished I was. . .I was the one speaking freely and laughing with Chase, instead of Feyi.

Not like I was jealous or anything.

I wasn't jealous, at all. I just said I wished.

I mean why would I even be jealous?

Couldn't have been jealous.

"Duuuuuh!" Rayo's loud voice brought me out of my woolgathering. "I know you want me dead but I'm not, apparently I'm only alive now all thanks to my darling mother who forced a whole bottle of palm oil down my throat."

"Are you for real?" Jona asked, astonishment evident in his voice.

"Sadly Yes, but the good news is I'm still alive!" Rayo squealed again while everyone including me just laughed at her act. "So what's the most dreadful thing that y'all have done before?"

"Why do you want to know that?"

"See Chi," She meant chioma. "I'm trying to make the conversation interesting here. So Jona goes first, then I'll follow, and it will go round like that."

Nobody spoke, then Jona cleared his throat and spoke first.

"No judging ooo," He started and everyone agreed. "I was around twelve years old and my parents went out for a party, leaving me, my younger brother; olumide, and the help alone at home, so my brother was sleeping, same as the help, but I couldn't so I decided to use that opportunity to use my dad's jacuzzi, then I spoilt the tap and somehow water flooded my parents room. . ."

"That isn't bad na," Feyi interjected.

"Chill I'm still speaking," Jona said, folding his hands across his chest. "To cut the long story short, I blamed my brother for spoiling the tap and my mum had beaten him for a crime that I'd committed."

"Oh my God! That's really bad, you allowed your brother to take the brunt for your crime, mehnnnnn that's heartless!" Rayo said, shaking her head vehemently.

"Remember, no judging," Jona reminded her. "Also I wasn't and I'm still not proud of that act, I still feel guilty, that's why I don't beat him if he offends me."

Rayo also told her own story about how she had stolen twenty thousand naira from her mum when she was in JSS2, then it was my turn.

I thought about the question, but I couldn't come up with one, so I shook my head. "I don't have," I'd said and they all laughed.

Except if puking all the food I'd eaten just because I didn't want to be fat, counts.

"I actually expected that to be your response," Chioma said, laughing along with the others whilst I just had a small smile on my face as I watched them all laugh- or as I watched Chase laugh.

Honestly, that was the first time that I'd see him laughing really hard and I liked it, his laughter.

I know it's weird but I actually liked seeing him laugh. His face brightened up and I just couldn't help but admire him, not like I liked him ooo. Okay, I liked him but just as a friend, so, I was just admiring him.

Chioma went next and hers was really bad. She spoke about how she made her mum send their former driver away after she falsely accused him of rape.

Pink said she didn't have anything bad, but the one that could come close to bad was when she had spat inside Jonathan's water bottle back in JSS1 because he'd abused her crush; Tayo, right in front of her. Jonathan just stared at pink with a shocked expression while everyone else just laughed it off and Yes, Chase laughed also and I couldn't help but admire him.

Feyi spoke next and she'd talked about how her curiosity got the best of her and the first time she'd tried weeds because someone had told her that it would boost her learning and she'd be very brilliant, but obviously, it was all lies. So she tried weeds but landed up in the hospital and her parents had taught her a lesson she'd never forget.

Finally it was Chase's time and I don't know why, but I was really enthused to hear his own.

He was smiling, then he wasn't smiling again, rather, he had a frown on his face, all of a sudden he started laughing.

"Well. . ." he trailed off, but he was still laughing, like laughing really hard.

Well?

"Talk jare, I'm curious. " Feyi said, just like she could read my mind.

"I killed."

🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺

🤧🤧🤧😁 I won't talk ooo

CHAPTER THIRTY we go out with a bang 🔥😎

Soooooo the last statement? Could it be true?

Lemme ask them all because I'm confused also.

TOLA CHARACTERS SHOW TALK🌺

Me: Chase!!! What do you mean by your last statement?

Chase: 😴😴😴😴😴😴

Me: wake up Chase!!!!

Pink: please leave my brother TOLA, he was just joking!

Me: let him talk with his own mouth, so Pink don't interfere, go and meet Rayo or someone else.🙄

Lily: Tola, I think I agree with pink, he was just joking.🥺

Pink: Thank you Lily.🤗

Me: Lily please go and sit, I love you but I don't like that kind of joke that Chase made ooo. I'm sure if it was Tayo, you wouldn't have doubted it.

Tayo: who's the bleep that called my name.😒

Me: Tayo! You called your creator a fool😑😑😑 you'll see what I'll do to you.

Tayo: you can't do nothing, bleep!!! I'm gonna show you who is boss, bleep!!!! I promise you wouldn't like yourself when I'm done with you, bleep!!!!! you think I didn't hear the way you spoke with pink ehn, bleep!!!!!!😑

Me: just watch y'all, and Tayo 😏😏. Chase, we'll talk when you're awake.

The END

LEMME END THE TOLA CHARACTERS SHOW TALK THERE.

THANKS SO MUCH WATTPADIS 💗

TOLA AISH 🌺 LOVES YOU ALL

🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺