/CHAPTER TWENTY NINE/

I HATE THIS CHAPTER. . .KINDA. I FEEL LIKE IT'S MY WORST. I FEEL LIKE I DIDN'T DO PROPER JUSTICE TO IT. PLEASE Y'ALL READ AND I'LL APPRECIATE YOUR FEEDBACK. AFTER THIS CHAPTER I PROMISE UPDATES WOULD BE COMING IN AS SCHEDULED.

NOT EDITED.

† CHASE †

"FEMI! FEMI!!"

I pretended to be asleep as the loud voice called my name. I cuddled myself on the bed, using my duvet to cover my whole body.

The door clicked open, followed by the clanking of her metallic heels on my tiled floor. Nothing was said, but I felt her presence around me. I continued my act, closing my eyes tightly.

"FEMI?" She called, but I didn't even answer her. "I know you are not sleeping, please answer me."

Still, I didn't answer. I didn't want to, I knew why she was in my room. I knew what her and my dad wanted to do to me. 

I felt the side of the bed lower, meaning she was seated by my side, still I didn't flinch. She touched my head, rubbing her hands through my hair, still I didn't open my eyes to look at her. I just couldn't believe what her and my dad wanted to do to me. 

"Are you not cold?" 

I didn't answer.

"Should I switch off the AC?"

I didn't answer, but I knew she wasn't going to switch it off because she knew how much I love the cold. She sighed heavily, the movement of her hand on my hair paused, and for a moment I thought she was going to leave me alone, but she didn't. Then I heard her say; "Stop this act, Femi."

I decided to cave in. Opened my eyes, but didn't face her. She turned my body around so I'd facing her, looking directly at her extraordinary beautiful face, a fair face which was too beautiful to be real. The smile on her face was weak, her eyes were also weak, tired and I knew why. It was all me.

She brought her hand to my face, rubbing it softly.

"You're handsome, my boy," I just kept looking at her. "Me and your father want the best for you, that's why we're taking this decision.

I didn't say anything.

"You're giving me the silent treatment, uhn Femi?" I just kept my gaze on her. "See, we love you that's why we're doing this for you."

"You don't love me!" 

I scampered away from my bed hurriedly like it was on fire, moved to the windows and stood there, looking at the road. I crossed my hands on my naked chest, tears clouding up in my eyes, but I didn't make it spill. 

She stood up from the bed and moved towards me. She didn't touch me, she just stood at my back.

"Chase," her voice was low and shaky. "Baby Chase. . ."

I turned to look at her figure and yelled. "Please stop CALLING that name!" I didn't even process what I'd told her. "Just stick with Femi!"

As expected, she didn't shout back at me, nor did she scold me for yelling at her. Instead, she just smiled and I continued to face the window.

"Femi, let's strike a deal," I heard her say but didn't turn to look at her. "If you agree to come with me and your dad, I promise you that I'll stay with you throughout your time there."

I grimaced, turned to her and was about to speak when a loud bark was heard from outside. Without doubt, I knew it was Jack, my Rottweiler pup. She had gotten it for me, saying that it was my company, so I wouldn't be always bored if I was home alone. But little did she know that I was planning the demise of that stupid pup. For some reasons I hated the dog, it was irritating and annoying with his stupid barks which always aggravated me anytime I heard it.

"Seems like Jack is hungry, won't you go feed it."

"I am not feeding that thing!"

"It's your responsibility, so you have too."

"What if it dies. . ." I trailed off, while she looked at me, her smile still present. "Would he still be my responsibility?"

"Of course not, the dead can't be the responsibility of a living."

I smiled, stormed off to my bed and laid on it, faced her and said. "I'm not going to that mental Cage with you!"

*. *. *.

People say — only selfish and inconsiderate people take their life, only the weak kill themselves, only the poor take their souls, only the. . .only the! But have they ever wonder what could push Someone to suicide?

I'd attempted suicide numerous numbers of time, but it wasn't because I was selfish, nor was it because I was inconsiderate. Fine, I could be called weak, because I was weak. My past made me beyond weak, and believe me what I'd gone through in the past, a normal human being wouldn't be able to live a normal life like I was at least trying to.

Pink last statement, I couldn't exactly wrap my head around it.

“Yes, I saw her,” she said, tears flowing freely from her eyes. “She was on the floor, blood. . .her blood. . .”

“It's okay Pink,” I said, putting my hands on her shoulder in order to pacify her. 

“No Chase,” she wailed, shaking her head. “She was lifeless on the floor. . . Chase she was almost dead, if I hadn't found her, God knows what would have happened.”

I didn't know what to say, the fact that Lily had attempted suicide before was shocking to me, because she honestly didn't look like someone who even had the heart to carry a knife, talkless of slitting her wrist. 

See who is talking_ my subconsciousness mocked me and I smiled at his words because it was actually true, who was I to talk when I'd done way worse.

“Do you know?” She started speaking again, while I still kept my hand on her shoulder, patting it gently. “I was traumatized because. . . because of that scene I saw.”

“Is that why?”

She looked at me, her face wet from tears. “Why?”

“You hate her? Lily?”

“I don't hate her,” she said, using her hand to clean her tears, just then I removed my hand from her shoulder. “It's just that anytime I see her, I remember the scene. Her almost lifeless body in a pool. . .a pool of her own blood,” she shook her head as she spoke. “But, What I don't understand is why?”

“Why what?”

“Why she think of killing herself? Why did she try taking her own life? Just why?” she asked, still shaking her head.

“Do you ever ask her?”

“Well. . .I don't have the courage to.” 

I shook my head. “Maybe if you weren't distant from her, then you'd have known.” she didn't say anything. “I still find it funny you know, that Tayo is the main antagonist, maybe if you weren't immature you would have known why she did what she did — Perhaps you might have even been able to prevent what happened from taking place.”

“I know. . . I know I was immature!” she yelled standing up from the chair, putting her hands on her face. “Tell me chase, what should I have done? I mean I just. . . I mean I even tried being friends with her, and no, it wasn't out of pity. I was being genuine.”

I relaxed my back on the chair. 

“See pink, sit first,” she sat down back facepalming herself. “You're nice and loving, I want you to know that, but maybe you just didn't put more effort into being friends with her.”

“I did, I really tried being friends with her.” she said, her voice relaxed.

“I'm not saying you didn't,” I told her. “But, you can't just expect her to talk to you, especially after everything. You said it yourself, you all bullied her. . .”

“I didn't bully her.”

“Sure you didn't, but you could have stopped it. Either by talking with her or by telling people to stop their onerous acts.”

“I get it, we were all at fault. But she didn't say anything, she didn't fight for herself, she allowed and encouraged it. Also how would I have known she might have been depressed?”

“Through her actions. External actions are evidence of internal beliefs. Our deeds are what show our creeds. Do you know that?” she shook her head. “Words do not need to be spoken before one could be understood. Remember, actions speak louder than voices.”

Her eyes were glassy as she didn't say a word in response. Her face which held emotions disintegrated, holding only one readable emotion. 

Remorse.

“See, I know it's all in the past now, but. . .” I trailed off, looking at her to say something, but she didn't. Tears were just dripping down her face. “So, why don't you talk to her?”

“What do I want to say to her?”

“I won't tell you what you're to say. I can't put words into your mouth, just speak with your head and not your heart. . .”

“So this is where you guys have been!”

Rayo's loud voice was heard interjecting my statement. Pink was quick to clean her tears as Rayo and Jonathan walked to the dining. They were both fully dressed.

“Pink, me and Jona are leaving now,” she said, resting on the dining table while Jona just stood near her with his phone in his hand, and the two box of yoghurt. 

“Why are you guys leaving now?” Pink asked, collecting her shorts from Rayo. I just sat, saying nothing.

“We're going to Nola's place, so let's go together.” 

Pink stood up then she looked at me and said; “I better get going now,” she said. “Would you come along?” I shook my head. “Okay, please can I get a top? Mine is wet.”

I nodded, standing up at the same time. I walked up to my room with pink trailing behind, without saying a word. Entering into the room, I walked straight to my closet in search of something to give to Pink, so I picked up a hoodie and gave it to her.

“You seem to have a lot of this,” she stated and I smiled. “How many do you have?”

I shrugged. “I don't know.”

*. *. *.

~LILY~

Sitting on the dining table, I slowly ate my toast like I had all the time in the world which in reality I didn't. I was just trying to waste time, so, I could end up missing the early morning assembly which would further prevent me from coming in contact with anyone who found pleasure in seeing me cry.

“Lily dear! Don't let me come and meet you there ooo!” my mum voiced out as she matched towards me with my lunchbox. I paid no attention to her as I continued eating, acting like she wasn't there. “Lily! Better eat fast, and Don't dare me this morning ooo!” she yelled, dropping my lunchbox on the dining table, but I still didn't respond. I never responded to her. I felt her gaze on me but I didn't look up, instead, I continued to eat my toast, looking at the bread crumbs like they were the most fascinating thing on Earth, then I heard her hiss before she walked away.

I kept on eating my toast, biting on it like a mouse who was trying to savour the food. 

“What is this?” I knew that question was directed at me, but I acted like I didn't hear because I knew what it was about. “Lily dear, what am I seeing right now?” she asked again but I still didn't answer, rather, I chewed on my toast real fast. 

There was a loud thud on the dining table which shook me. I looked up and saw my mum staring at me, she looked angered. Shaking her head, she stretched out a paper to me. I looked at the paper, collected it and like I expected, it was my first continuous assessment test, in which I'd failed woefully. I dropped the paper on the dining table, avoiding my mum's angry laser eyes, so I stared at the table.

“My dear why?” she started. “I collected a lesson teacher for you regardless you still failed, why?” I didn't respond. “Answer me why?!” I flinched at the magnitude of her voice, but still, I didn't give her any response. “Won't you say anything?” she asked but I didn't say anything, I mean what was I expected to say?

I'm sorry?

“Òlúwa mi ooo! irú òmò wò ló wá fún mí yiiiii?? Can't you talk? Lily I'm talking to you, why aren't you responding?” she continued to yell at me, and that brought tears to my eyes.

[Trans: oh my God! Which kind of child did you bless me with?]

Truth be told, I wasn't crying because she yelled at me, I cried because of the statement she uttered in Yoruba. She was indirectly asking God why she birthed someone like me, she was indirectly saying she hated me. That was how her statement sounded in my ear.

“. . .why dear? Are your lesson teachers not teaching you well?” I didn't respond, still. “Ah. . .oh my God!” I heard her stomp her legs on the floor, which she did anytime she was frustrated. “Open your mouth Lily! Talk, let words come out of your mouth, talk let me hear your voice, abi irú òmò àbámi ni mo wa ni Yi?'' She was by my side now, using her hands to spread my lips apart and that act made me uncomfortable but I didn't talk. 

[Trans: or which kind of demon child do I have?]                         

*. *. *.

“. . .Lily!” Aunty Thelma's voice brought me back from revisiting memory lane. I removed my head from the window of the car and turned my face to her. “How was today?”

I smiled at her. “Fine,” I responded.

“Did you cry?” 

“No.” I answered her, and she didn't say anything again so I continued looking out through the window.

I heard Aunty Thelma's clear her throat near me. “So Lily?” she started. “Who was that fine guy?”

I smiled, shaking my head at that question. I turned my head to face her and she was also smiling.

“He is my classmate.” I told her with a smile on my face 

“Uhm. . .he is fine Sha,” I nodded agreeing with her because it wasn't something one could deny. Chase was undoubtedly handsome, he had a face that could make one stare without closing their mouth. “What is his name?”

“Chase. . .” Aunty Thelma's boisterous laughter followed next before I could even complete his name, and I stared at her wondering what was funny. She was really laughing, that I could even see tears slip down the side of her eyes. 

Her laughter subsided, but her lips were trembling, meaning she was trying to suppress her laughter. She looked at me and said. “Seriously Lily? I asked for his name, not his nickname.”

“I'm serious, his name is Chase Fayeni.”

She doubled her laughter, holding her stomach as she laughed, even the driver had to look back and ask if she was okay.

“Seriously, his name is funny, which type of name is Chase? Who would name their child Chase? I'm sure there has to be a backstory to the name,” she said amidst her Laughing. I just kept looking at her as she laughed, then she stopped laughing, but she still had a smile on her face. “Let me guess his surname, hmmm. . . Chase Runaway ba?”

I chuckled and shook my head. “No Aunty Thelma, I already said his surname sef.”

“Sorry I didn't hear, my laughter didn't make me hear,” she chuckled as she spoke. “So what is it?”

“Fayeni.”

“Wait, is it the popular Fayeni family or another one?”

“The real Fayeni's,” I told her and I saw her mouth a 'wow' but she didn't say anything afterwards. I got a text message afterwards, and it was from Pink. 

My heart raced fast as I read the text, not only because pink had texted me, but because of the content of the text.

Unknown number;

Hey! It's Pink.
I'd love to talk to you tomorrow, at Chase's house.

*. *. *.

It was time for PE, but I decided not to go as always, so, I was in the music room alone, doing nothing at all. I just sat on the floor by the studio door. I was lost in thoughts. Thoughts about myself.

I was wounded, but not physically. I was wounded emotionally. The type of wound I had was the type that never showed on the body but are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds, the type of wound i had was the one the one that never showed at the surface but made millions of excruciating holes into my heart leaving me to bleed to their words for days, weeks, even months. Yes, that was my type of wound, and it wasn't healing. Instead, it was enlarging, turning into a scar that I couldn't bear.

The Reason I was wounded was all because of my classmates, who had taken it upon themselves to toy with me and my emotions, to bedevil and mock me, making me into a laughing stock to the rest of the whole school. They were the reason I cried myself most of the nights to sleep, they were the reason my self-esteem was bruised, leaving me empty, they were the reason I hated life entirely, they made me mentally anguished, caused me a greater agony that one at my age could never imagine. 

“Who do we have here?” I looked at the doorway and saw itunu and Samira, they had a sinister smile on their faces as they moved towards me. “So this is where you are hiding?”

“Obviously,” Samira replied. “At least she's being considerate enough not to spoil the whole Field with her. . .” she moved closer, used her nose to sniff my body before releasing a dramatic sneeze. “Yes, she still stinks.”

Itunu moved to my front, her Chestnut or brown colored eyes piercing right through me. “Ehm, Lily? Do you know something?”

I didn't answer.

“Answer me,” She yelled, her face inching towards mine. “Do you know something?”

I shook my head, taking my head down.

“No one likes you,” she snickered, but she was actually telling the truth. “And do you know what people do not also like?” she didn't wait for my response – not like I was going to give her any– before she continued. “Trash, people do not like trash.”

Laughter followed and it was from Samira, She moved closer, standing next to her bestie. “We don't need to repeat ourselves Lily, just get rid of yourself. Swears a dead rat smells way better and attractive than you.”

Tears I didn't know to be in my eyes streamed down my face, to my mouth, leaving me with a salty taste in my mouth and a more shattered heart.

“Itunu let's just leave, abeg,” Samira told her bestie. “If I should stay here for a second more, I will faint. No kidding, I'll really faint, her stench is. . .” she eyed me. “Too pungent and acrid.”

“I'll catch up with you,” Samira nodded then left, leaving me alone with itunu. “You want my advice?” she moved in circles around me. “My best advice for you is to just get rid of yourself, no one wants you. No one likes you. So just do yourself a favor and go away from our school. . .I don't care, just get rid of yourself!”

With that said, she proceeded to move out of the music lab, but stopped on reaching the doorway. Looked back at me and asked; “Is that a Clarks Atomic Haze-Black-Female-shoe you're putting on?”

I looked down at the shoe, but didn't say anything. I wasn't sure if it was whatever she called it, but I knew it was a Clark shoe and my dad had gotten it for my last birthday.

I looked up at itunu, whose eyes were glued to my shoe. Then she looked up, grimaced and left. I sat down on the floor of the music studio, my thoughts swirling around. Tears couldt stop flowing down my face also.

I was sad. 

Then itunu words kept playing into my ears.

“. . .no one wants you. No one likes you. So just do yourself a favor and go away from our school. . .I don't care, just get rid of yourself!”

I decided to do it. I decided to get rid of myself. I decided to get rid of the stench emitting off my body. I decided to stop being a burden to my parents. I decided to just end it all. 

Standing up from where I sat, I looked around for nothing in particular, I just kept searching around the music studio, but I found nothing. Nothing to take me away.

Then I saw a sharpener. It was laying on a desk behind a booth. I walked towards the desk, grabbed the sharpener and without wasting time I threw it on the floor and marched it with my shoe, making the sharpener break into pieces.

Honestly, I didn't know what I was doing at that moment. It was like my brain was dead and my heart was the one in charge. I bent to take the broken sharpener, got rid of all the plastic hanging around the blade, and I was left with a blade.

My heart couldn't stop beating, I was scared but I didn't back out. 

Thoughts filled my head. Thinking maybe if I'd just left the world would be better without me, not like I was adding any value to it anyways.

I didn't know where the courage came from, but I placed the blade on my wrist and cut through it.