|CHAPTER ELEVEN|

~Anxiety, guilt kills slowly just like
Cancer - TOLA AISH 🌺

I Want to dedicate this chapter to TomiGrace_xx her birthday was on Wednesday. Happy birthday dear ♥️♥️♥️.

Also I'm sorry for the late update, I was meant to update on Wednesday but something happened and I almost lost this chapter but thank God for revision history Sha😪.

(Song : listen to Your body by Mayorkun 'Gege' )

I feel like this chapter isn't that good so please guys just give me a feedback if you like it. Thanks so much Wattpadis.

~CHASE~

Lost.

I was just lost through out Today.

Feelings that I couldn't control, feelings that I was lost in, feelings that I couldn't explain kept overwhelming me but I found solace and peace in them.

My mood swings.

The tap on my shoulder jerked me out of my supposed trance to actuality.

"You zoned out again." Miss Claire said as she walked back to her seat. "What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing." I told her truthfully.

Honestly I didn't even know what I was thinking about. It was just like I was lost into empty thoughts that I couldn't decipher. Thoughts that were there yet it wasn't. More like I was in a timeless trance.

I was just in school when I knew I had to see Miss Claire because she was the only one that could help and bring me out of my mood swing.

"Mood swings?" She asked looking at me.

I nodded. "Yes. It doesn't even tell me when it would arrive."

She chuckled softly, "Well it's a mood people with bipolar disorder experience, and I'm sure you should be used to it by now. Also you know that it doesn't knock before it arrives but at least it is not anger or anxiety."

I sighed heavily. "I don't like the anger part of it either." I told her, meaning every single word I said...

God help me!

She sighed rubbing her eyes with her hand. "Chase! Do you have anything you have interest in anything?"

"Apart from reading and having sex? I don't have interest in anything, more like nothing interests me." I told her.

She smiled. "How about sports? It helps cool off some steam."

"I've never been interested in sports."

"Well you have to try to." She told me. "Just participate in one type of sport, like football, table tennis, swimming or even basketball, I promise it will take of your mind from everything."

I didn't respond as I was lost in my empty thoughts, again. My eyes fixed on Miss Claire's beautiful face, her cat eyes, her pointed nose, her succulent purple lips, down to her boobs and I was lost again but this time in Desire for sex.

Mood is really unpredictable... Sex?

"Get over your filthy thoughts Chase!" Miss Claire told me while I frowned. "See I understand that due to your disorder you are bound to overthink things and get super horny anytime but please do control your libido."

"I try to." I told her honestly. "And I think I would give the sport idea a go."

Her face lit up. "Really?" I nodded. "Good. which one then?" She asked and I thought about it for some time.

One, football required lot of skills and I wasn't really sure I could even dribble to save my life.

Two, swimming? I could possibly drown myself purposely.

Three, basketball requires height and I got it.

"Basketball I think."

"Wow that's good too." She responded. "And Chase?" She called her voice falling a little.

"I'm really happy that you are trying to live like a normal teenager. You know it's funny though, still remember when your father brought you to my place like it was iust yesterday, broken, your guilt at level hundred, your mind was disoriented..."

"I remember." I interjected. "How I smoked a lot, how I got angry at almost every slight thing, how I scarred myself, but even after all this year's, the guilt never left."

She shook her head slowly as she stared at me. "I promise you will overcome. And i also hope you never have to go through that phase again."

"Amen!"

"So how was school today?" She asked enthusiastically.

"I zoned out through out my time in school. I don't even know what went down." I told her.

"I know your mood swing isn't something you can control but please try your best to put yourself together, do you hear?" She asked.

I hummed.

"Any girl?"

I didn't answer her questions because I already knew what the answer was.

"It takes time. I understand feelings are not built in a day and relationship are not meant to be forced." She said.

After spending my allocated three hours with Miss Claire I called it a day and went home feeling tired at least I was back to my normal self.

Though I don't even know my normal self.

I switched on my phone and turned on the data and i had lot of WhatsApp messages.

Five thousand from SS3 group chat.

I can't read that.

I also had messages from Pink, Feyi, and my dad. I clicked on Pinky message first.

Pinky pink💗

Bro whatsup with you today?
You literally zoned out.
16:34pm

Hope all is well?
16: 39pm

You can talk to me...
16:51pm

I smiled. At least she was concerned.

Me

Thanks for checking up on me
I'm okay by the way
Just had a little headache.
19:49pm

I opened Feyi's message next.

Feyi

Hey boo why did I not see you today?
17:01pm

Should we hang out tomorrow since it's Saturday? 🤔🤔❤️❤️
17:02pm

Boo come online I'm missing you already oo. 😭😭😭
17:02pm

Should I come over? 🤔🤭🥰🥰
18:57pm

I shook my head at the amount of messages she left for me.

Me

Do you want to come over?
19:52pm

Feyi

Ughhh since I've been waiting for your reply.
19:52pm

Send your home address I'm coming.
19:53pm

I sent her my home address and went to take my shower. Then I dressed casually just a plain black top and a plain black joggers.

I was about to take a nap when I heard a knock on the room door. I stood up reluctantly, opened the door and saw my Nanny Theresa.

"You have a visitor." She told me and I knew it would be Feyi. I took my phone from my bed, kept it in my pocket and headed downstairs with my Nanny Theresa and I wasn't wrong, feyi was the visitor.

"Hey!" I greeted her and she looked at me smiling widely then I used the opportunity to observe her. She was putting on a yellow hoodie crop top which made me notice the piercing on her bellybutton, with a sport short showing a good amount of legs and thighs, a cross bag also helped in complimenting her look, also she was holding a white nylon in her left hand and fuck, as I kept staring at her one song kept playing on in my head.

I want your body sleeping in my bed!

Wizkid... Bad boy.

"You are staring." Feyi said snapping me out of my reverie. "At least won't you complement me?"

I chuckled. "You look stunning."

"Awnnn thanks, I'm blushing." And indeed her cheeks was tomato red. "I brought food." She said raising her left hand up.

"Oh good." That was what I managed to say.

"Yeah I actually guessed that you might be hungry so I decided to get something." She said and I just nodded. We stood in complete silence for some nanoseconds then she cleared her throat. "Won't you tell me to sit?"

"Ooh sorry, where are my manners." I lead her to the living room and we both had our sits, she placed the nylon and her bag on the mini table near her as her eyes raked the house.

"What of Pink?" She asked still looking all around the house.

"We don't stay together."

"What!" She exclaimed. Looking back at me, "Do you stay alone?"

I nodded. "I stay with my Nanny Theresa."

"Wow so you basically leave alone in this whole mansion." She stated looking all around the house again. "Can I move in?" She asked doing the puppy eyes which was meant to be cute but it wasn't, it was actually funny and I laughed.

She looked at me. "Why are you laughing now?"

"Nothing don't just do the puppy eyes again." I told her.

She shrugged and the room became quiet but the uncomfortable type of silence and my head just kept fantasizing about her body, how it would be, laid out on my bed and so on, suddenly she stood up and moved towards me and I became a happy man with all sort of dirty thoughts running through my head. She sat on the arm of the sofa I was seated on and moved her fingers on my shoulders.

I looked at her and saw her staring at me with a smile on her face. "What are you thinking about?"

I smiled. "Your body." I told her honestly and she smiled and brought her face towards mine, her lips almost meeting mine but she didn't kiss me as she kept staring at me as if asking for permission. I smiled at her back and closed the space between us as my lips landed on hers.

She kissed me back hungrily and I pulled her away from the arm of the sofa and made her settle on my laps as we didn't break the kiss. Her lips worked wonders on mine, with our tongues exploring every corners of our mouth. She broke the kiss and I decided to use that moment to catch my breathe and before I could, she crashed her lips on mine, again. She placed her hands on my hair, pulling the bit of hair I had there while I held unto her naked waist firmly as she moved her hips on my crotch.

Mehnnnn... She was getting me hard.

"Junior?"

We broke apart as I heard my name and just like Zoom Feyi got to the other sofa within the flash of an eye and that action brought a smile to my face.

"Junior!" I looked up to see my Nanny Theresa looking at me with a unreadable expression on her face and I knew she definitely saw me and Feyi making out. "Come with me please." She told me and I glanced at Feyi whose head was facing the floor and I could tell that she wasn't comfortable.

"I'll be back Feyi." I told her and she nodded. I stood up and went along with Nanny Theresa to the dining room, leaving Feyi alone in the sitting room.

"Your dad called." She told me. "He said he has tried calling you but you didn't pick up."

"My phone is with me and I didn't hear it ring." I said as I brought out my phone from my pocket and truly I saw three missed calls from my dad.

"Well he is coming over to see you by the way," I nodded. "What about the girl? You know your dad doesn't like anyhow visitors."

I nodded. "She's just my classmate but I'll tell her to leave." I told her and left the dining moving towards the sitting room.

I saw Feyi still seated on the sofa with full concentration on her phone, she raised her head up and smiled at me and I smiled back at her. She stood up and took her bag.

"I should get going now," she told me. "It's getting late."

I nodded and looked at the wall clock and it was indeed late. Honestly I didn't even have any problem with her leaving because I was about to tell her too, so she just made my work easy, although I would had still wanted the show.

"Don't forget about the food." She said pointing to food she bought.

"Sure I won't," I told her even though I knew that I wouldn't eat it. "Let me see you off."

I walked with her outside and as we both stood together awaiting her Uber driver, neither of us saying anything to each other and I could tell with the way she was hitting her legs on the floor that she was uncomfortable or maybe shy and I knew that it would be about the kiss. I saw a car moving towards us and I suggested that it could be the Uber driver but as the car came into view I noticed that it was a Jeep but not just any jeep, my father's jeep.

My heart started beating fast, and anxiety took over me as his Jeep got nearer, my father, Mr Femi Chase Fayeni the only person on Earth that I'm scared of the only person on Earth that knew my deepest secret and still he still remained unfazed by it and that's what scared me the most because I could never tell when he would turn on me and hate me for what I had done, although I wouldn't blame him because truly I didn't deserve his love especially after what I had done.

I watched as his car parked right in front of my gate while my heart was beating really fast than usual as if I had ran a marathon, don't get me wrong my dad wasn't wicked or strict, infact he was one of the most loving father on Earth who was unlucky to have a bipolar son like me and the only reason why I felt anxious around him was because of the secret he kept for me and that made me scared, so my guilt played a main character with me being uncomfortable and anxious with my dad, that's also the reason I moved away from home because I just couldn't bare to stay in the same house with someone who knew my worst secret, the secret that no one should ever hear of.

I watched as the passenger window rolled down and my father face came into view.

He smiled. "You're outside chase." He stated and I nodded but failed to return the smiled. "Who's she?"

I thought about his question then that's when I remembered that Feyi had been standing beside me all along.

"My classmate, Feyi." I introduced her to my dad then I turned to face Feyi. "Feyi this is my dad."

"Good evening sir." Feyi greeted bowing down in respect while my dad just sent a bright smile to her then I heard the gate open and his driver drove him in. "You should get going now, I'll just wait for the Uber driver."

I nodded and she hugged me goodbye. I went into the house, I greeted my dad's driver then I finally entered into the sitting room where I saw my dad seated talking with nanny Theresa in hush tones, they didn't notice me but as soon as they did, they stopped talking and it was really suspicious. The both of them were always like that as far as I could remember always talking in hush tone.

Nanny Theresa left the sitting room. My dad faced me with a wide grin on his face. "Junior have your seat."

I nodded and sat on a sofa opposite him. It was uncomfortably quiet but I'd gotten used to it since that's always how the tension between I and my dad was, though he tried to make it cheerful by joking and telling me stuff, I still wasn't comfortable around him and all hands point back at my GUILT, yes my guilt.

"How's school?" He asked trying to start a conversation as usual.

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Phewww 😪 so guys here it is another chapter. And please pardon me guys I'm not really good at writing smut, my elder sister bainazz helped out and I literally cringed and laughed throughout when she was telling me what to write between Chase and Feyi 🤭🤭.

Also I'm not really satisfied with the chapter. Please how was it?

So in this chapter I opened up a little about chase again and I'm sure lot of you are really curious to know what could be eating him up. Well y'all have to read more to find out.

I wrote this chapter because I wanted to make it clear to y'all that chase has bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder is also referred to as MANIAC DEPRESSION. And people with this case mostly experience mood swings, anxieties, anger, depression, lost of interest, sadness, excess desire for sex, self harm, euphoria, general discontent, racing thought, lack of concerntration and most important guilt.

And that guilt is what is driving our chase crazy little by little. And I hope I've been able to clear the air about why he wasn't able to help Lily in the cafeteria. It was all due to his mood swings, and his lack of concerntration played a big role also.

Guys mood swings is really real and I do have it a lot. Some people call it one minute madness 🌚.

So that's it guys. Anticipate the next chapters and perhaps- key word perhaps- I might be doing a double update and I would be dedicating it to a lot of people.

Hint: Tayo POV (He might or might not have killed someone 😁)

Thanks Wattpadis and please make Tola happy by voting and commenting your opinion.

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