With each ring, my stomach dropped. It was my last hope. I had clung to the fact that I hadn't reached out, so I hadn't yet been entirely rejected. I didn't leave a message, mostly because I didn't know what to say. Was I sorry? I was sorry I hurt him, but I wasn't sorry that I didn't feel compelled to explain my ex's profession. In any other circumstances, it wouldn't have been a problem. Billy's work had nothing to do with Sam or me. It was Sam's issue to get over. I chose Sam. I'd still choose Sam if he let me.

My mind continued to whirl on my growing frustration, and in a way, Billy was being held responsible for Sam's insecurities. Sure, a healthy relationship should foster security between partners, but is that security at the disadvantage of a friend? Granted, I seemed to have a revolving problem of getting dangerously close to falling back out of the friend zone with Billy, but that was only an issue because we both happened to be dumped.

I needed to move. I charged downstairs with a bit more clip than necessary and plopped on a chair next to Mary.

"Things didn't end well?" There was a caution to Mary's voice, letting me know she was there to talk, but didn't want details.

"No, they did. Billy is on the phone with Sarah." I stabbed at a few puzzle pieces that wouldn't fit together.

"And you're upset about that?" Mary's voice grew softer.

"Oh no," I snapped my eyes to her. "I'm happy for Billy. Sarah is so much better for him than me. She can help him navigate this world in a way I'd never be able to offer. It's Sam..." I let my voice trail off. I didn't want to disparage Sam to anyone, let alone Billy's mom, but how was I supposed to get the building animosity out if I didn't talk to someone?

Mary dipped her gaze back to the puzzle. "Did he call?"

"No, I tried him, but he didn't answer."

"And that upset you?" She gently prodded.

"No, I expected him not to answer." I let out a sigh. "I just got thinking about the whole situation and, is it my fault?"

Mary didn't lift her eyes from the puzzle before her. "Does fault matter?"

"No," I sighed again, "I guess not. I understand where his feelings are coming from, but he doesn't see my side. I've been apologizing for my discretion around Billy. This wouldn't have happened if Billy were a mechanic."

Mary gently lifted her eyes to mine. "But Billy isn't a mechanic."

My fists clenched in frustration. Why was everyone constantly reminding me that Billy wasn't a mechanic? I knew Billy that. "Right, but I'm saying I shouldn't have to treat my previous relationship any differently because of his success."

Mary set her chin on her hand. "Let me ask you this: are you friends with any of your other exes?"

"Sure," I quickly said as my mind went through a few of my ex-boyfriends.

"Oh." she didn't bother to mask her surprise.

"I mean, I don't see them often or talk to them..."

"Because they live out of town and are busy," Mary continued for me.

"Um, no. They're mostly around Portland. We don't connect much."

Mary nodded and felt where this was headed. "And yet, with Billy, who lives out of state and is constantly preoccupied with his career, you make the time."

"Yeah, but that's not because of what he does. It's because he's special. He's more than an ex. He's my friend. Honestly, he's my closest friend. I can talk to him and know it won't affect us; he'll still love me even when I let all the dark and twisty out." I was lost in thinking of how forgiving and even welcoming Billy was of even my most acidic thoughts.

"That's what makes Billy different. Not everyone is lucky to have a friend like you two are to each other. You have a connection that is deeper than most people get to experience. It's challenging to others that may try to love you."

I sighed and let my eyes drop to the puzzle again. She was right. It was precisely why we always sought shelter in one another when anything hard happened to one of us. It was undoubtedly why Billy was so confident for so long that I was more than a friend. But we were friends, just friends. I wasn't jealous of Sarah like Kelly, Sam's 'work wife.' Even thinking of the phrase stabbed my brain with an annoying throb.

"Do I have to choose? Do I have to choose between being in love with someone and my relationship with Billy?"

"Oh, no." There was a rush of a laugh in Mary's voice. "Be honest. You'll find someone that understands."

"I wish Sam would talk to me. I wish he'd give me a chance to explain Billy, maybe even meet him."

"Oh, I think you'll hear from Sam again."

"Why?"

"Just a hunch." She smiled as she returned to her puzzle.

We worked in silence for a half-hour. When Billy joined us, he returned to quietly playing the piano. There was a serenity to him that let me know his conversation with Sarah had gone well. It soothed me as another layer to protect our friendship.

Tim and Tess silently arrived back at the cabin, but their moods were screaming.

"Wow, you two got through a lot," Tess noted as she joined us at the puzzle.

"How was your hike?" With a laugh, I asked. I didn't need to ask; I could tell it had been a near disaster from the moment Tim stomped into the cabin.

"My hike was lovely. Tim didn't seem to enjoy it as much." Tess tried to hide her smile by focusing on the puzzle.

"It was a disaster," Tim blew up from the couch, causing Billy to halt his playing. "It's cold as hell out there, and the snow is up to my knees. It was exhausting."

"It wasn't that bad, Tim," Tess chided. "And you should've expected cold; it's Maine in December."

"Well, I didn't expect it to be freeze-your-nuts-off cold," Tim grumbled back.

"Charming," Tess shot at him.

"Can you just admit it was terrible?" Tim wouldn't relent until Tess admitted misery.

"No, it wasn't terrible. It was pretty, good exercise, and, despite your sunny personality, I was happy to share the experience with you."

Tess' words hit Tim with the blow of a Mack truck. He crumpled to the couch in defeat. Tess rose from the table and settled on the couch next to him.

"I'm sorry," she murmured.

"You're sorry? Why are you sorry? When you tried to share something with me, I was a whiny brat." Tim's voice was apologetic. "I'm sorry."

There was an awkward tension as Billy, Mary, and I witnessed the semi-fight situation unfold.

"You're way too good for me," Tim added.

"Agreed," Billy murmured. It was clear on his face that he hadn't intended to speak the thought.

"Seconded," I added with a laugh.

"Thanks all; way to kick a kid when he's down." Tim made a big production of rolling from the couch to the floor like an injured puppy.

"Oh, Tim," Tess chided, " get off the floor."

"Not until you say yes," he murmured.

My eyes snapped up to the scene playing out. Tim had popped up on one knee before Tess. From behind him, Billy's eyes grew wide. It was unexpected for all of us.

"I had an entire plan," Tim began. "New Year's, twinkle lights, Champagne, it would've been perfect. But I'm not perfect, and I don't love you because we're perfect. I love you because when I'm imperfect, and we're imperfect, you still love me. I don't know what I offer, and I'm sure you can do much better, but you wake up in the morning and choose me for some reason. So, will you choose me every day for the rest of your life, please?" He cracked open the ring box.

I know Tess said yes. I'm sure there was hugging and possibly even congratulations from Mary and Billy. But all I remember is that I was done. Tears blinded me. I don't even know how long I sat there blinking through the moment, trying to clear away the tears before Billy pulled me up to his chest with a laugh.

"You're a bigger mess than Tess," he teased.

"That was so beautiful," I sobbed into his shoulder, "and it was so Tim."

"We're all equally shocked," Billy murmured.

I finally got control of myself in Billy's arms. It couldn't have been too long, as Tess and Tim were still lost in each other.

"Okay, you two, you have to endure a small separation while we congratulate you." Billy laughed as he broke away from me.

"Geez, Lil, you look worse than Tess." Tim was now also laughing at me. "I knew you were a big romance marshmallow."

"It was just so beautiful, and it came from you." I couldn't stop my head from shaking from side to side.

"I'll try not to be offended by that, I think," Tim pondered.

"Congrats!" I threw myself into Tim. "I'm so happy for you and, honestly, slightly relieved."

"Geez, Lil. Now I know I'm offended," Tim murmured into my hug.

"No, it's just; I'm glad you two are locking it in. You accent each other well. You're going to be so happy!"

"Thanks, Lil," he kissed my forehead as we separated.

"I want you to have all the happiness in the world, Timmy. I hope you know that. You deserve that," I wept.

Tim's smile quivered. "Oh geez, Lil. You're going to make me cry. I love you too."

"Seriously, Tim. I know we joke a lot. But you deserve this. You are so sweet and selfless. I just..." I sniffled. "I'm really happy you are my friend. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Well, you've got me, Lilipop. So, you don't have to worry," he soothed.

"And now I get Tess too! Congrats!" I said again as I hugged Tess. "That was the most amazing proposal I've ever seen in life, in movies, in anything."

"I know. He's so sweet. I was so surprised!"

As Tess gushed, my phone rang. Out of habit, I pulled it from my pocket and glanced at the name.

"Oh my gosh, it's Sam. Please take it. It's a sign! Love is winning today!" Tess was pushing me from the room as she babbled.

"Hello," I said as I started up the stairs.

"Hey, Lil," his voice sounded off, not fully somber nor mournful, but certainly not excited.

"Hey, Sam," my tone matched his confused one.

"At a party?"

"Oh, Tim just proposed to Tess. She said yes. It was so sweet. One minute they were fighting, and the next, he was on one knee making the most amazing speech about love." The moment lost me again.

"Tim Denning, Tim? The one I met?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, I know. Totally out of character, which makes it even more amazing."

"Oh, well, good for them." Sam awkwardly paused as I let myself fall onto my bed. "So, are they in town again or..." His voice dropped out.

"Oh, Billy rented a cabin in Greenville, so he and his mom, Tess, and Tim are all here until New Year's. It's gorgeous. My room overlooks the lake and has these enormous windows, so when it snowed last night, it felt like I was right there in the snowflakes."

"Oh, well, I'm glad you're having fun. I, uh, I was just calling to see how the job search was going, but it seems like you're busy, so..."

"No, I'm not busy." I cut him off.

"Oh, so, you're not busy... with anyone..." His words drew into long trails of pauses.

"Nope, just here laying on my bed talking to you. You're the only one keeping me busy."

"Lil, I'm not talking about busy like busy right now. I mean..." He faded off awkwardly.

I knew what he meant and knew I was mean by making him spell it out, but I couldn't stop myself.

"What do you mean, then?"

"I mean, you're there, Billy's there, and people are getting engaged..."

"And Mary is doing a puzzle..." I added for him.

"A puzzle?" His voice sounded weird.

"Yeah, she gets one from Billy every year and does it between Christmas and New Year's. It's her tradition. I spent most of the day with her doing it. It's pretty. He got her one of a snowy cabin."

"Billy Collins got his mom a puzzle for Christmas," he said to himself.

I could feel my temperature rising in me. "Yes, my friend Billy got his mom a puzzle like he has every year since he was twelve. Did you want something, Sam?" I demanded.

"Ah, no. I mean, yes. I don't know." He finally admitted.

"Sam, I don't know what to say to you anymore. I've given this a lot of thought, and I'm not sorry for not telling you what Billy's profession was. It wasn't my place to tell; honestly, if he had any other job, you wouldn't have cared. You only care because he's famous, which ignites insecurity in you. It's not even fair because I hadn't even seen Billy, and meanwhile, you have a 'work wife.'"

"What? What are you talking about?" There was erupting frustration in his voice.

"Kelly or Kel, as you like to call her." I didn't care for the childish way Kel slipped across my tongue, but it was too late to stop it.

Sam let out a sigh in response.

"She tried to hook up with you, didn't she?" I could tell from his pause that she pounced the second she heard of our demise. "Well, I hope you two are very happy."

"No, we aren't. I mean, we aren't together. Lil, this isn't going how I wanted it to."

"Well, this is how it's going." I sat up as anger coursed through me.

"Lil, can we talk with each other and not at each other?" His voice was pleading.

I ignored the annoyance that Sam was the second man in my life acting reasonably when I wanted to be unreasonable.

"Look, Kelly did ask me out, but I said no."

"Because you'd just dumped me a hot minute ago." I was still desperately clinging to childishness.

"No, because I'm still in love with you."

"Oh." My immaturity drained, leaving nothing but the burn of embarrassment. "Sam, I have to tell you something."

"I'm not going to like this."

"Probably not. Billy and I have been friends, er, working on being friends, since we broke up. And you dumped me, and then Sarah dumped him..."

"You're in a cabin in the woods with Billy Collins, and you're both single," he stammered to himself.

"I thought we were talking with each other and not at each other."

Sam sighed but didn't add any additional commentary.

"We comfort each other as friends do, and earlier today, there was a moment where that comfort spilled over for a moment."

"Spilled over?" A tightness to Sam's words hung heavy in my chest.

"There was kissing and a very easy path to more, but we stopped. I mean, technically, I stopped it by reminding us both of you and Sarah."

"Me? You stopped because of me?"

"Yeah, you're the one I want to be with. I choose you. That's what I was trying to tell you when you ran away. I choose you."

"But why?"

"What do you mean, why? I love you."

"But you were with Billy Collins."

The frustration surged in me again. "Sam, I don't know how else to say this. So, I'll just get into the gory details. There's no one closer to me in my life than Billy Collins. He is my closest friend and the first person I turn to when I need someone. Our connection was instant, and we both misread it as something different. But what I learned today from watching Tim and Tess is that you accent people when you're in love with someone. You make them better. Billy and I don't accent each other; we support each other like friends. You accent me. You push me forward and help me achieve things when I'm not confident. That's why I love you. Do you get that?"

"You still love me?" His voice was wistful.

"Sam, of course I do. We fit. At least, I thought we did. I love Billy with my whole heart. I love how, when I call, his first instinct is panic that I might be hurt. I love that he knows everything about cars, instruments, and hats. I love..."

"Is there a point to all this love for Billy, Lil?" Sam cut me off.

"I love that he's my friend, not because he's famous, but because of who he is. I get frustrated when you refer to him as 'Billy Collins', like he is just an entity, not a person. He's a person, Sam. He's my person."

"Well, if he's your person, then why the fuck are you telling me you're in love with me?" There was anger rising in his voice.

"Sam, you aren't my person. You're my love. It's an entirely different class of person."

"I don't understand; I need you to speak less Lily, and more human."

I let out a laugh. "I want to come home to you. I want to have dinner with you every night. I want to fall asleep next to you. I want to wake up next to you. I want to call Billy and complain about you. I want to text copious amounts of pictures of me in outfits to Tess so that your jaw drops when you see me."

"I like that last one; that's one of my favorites."

"They're my people, but you're my you." I knew it made little sense, but it did make sense.

He let out a sigh.

"I'm still not making sense."

"No, you're making sense; I wish you weren't doing it three hours away. Lil, I didn't call for you to explain yourself. Honestly, I'm sorry that you felt like you had to explain yourself. I'm not sorry to have heard it. I think I get it. But I'm the one that was supposed to explain."

"Okay, I'm listening."

"Well, can I lead with, I miss you, and I'm a mess without you?"

"Yes, you can." A smile spread across my face, and I didn't fight it.

"I hear you when you say that Billy is your friend and not a celebrity to you. I'm trying to get that. It's weird, though. You are so casual about him is weird. I'm just not used to it. It's not like I'm some crazy celebrity person either, but the guy is your best friend, and you couldn't pick his song out. That makes me nervous."

"Why? I don't understand."

"Why don't you listen to his music? I'd want to listen to everything you made if you were a musician. I'd want to love it and tell all my friends. It'd be a whole thing. I don't understand; the guy is your best friend, but you don't support him?"

"No, it's not a lack of support. I'm so proud of Billy, and I know he's an amazing musician. And I listen to him play other things, just not his stuff."

"But why? I need to know why. Because the reason I have in my head is not good."

I sighed. "I don't know. The person who writes those songs, gets up on stage, and gives interviews; that's not my Billy. My Billy is quiet and shy."

"I don't like it, Lil. It feels like you only want half of him."

I let out a laugh. "I think you get it, and that's why we're just friends. I only want my Billy; I don't want the whole Billy. I want all of you; the good, the bad, and the ugly."

"Woah, woah, woah; the ugly?"

"Okay, the good, the bad, and the handsomely disheveled."

"That's better." Sam paused for a moment. "Lil, I'm sorry, I freaked out."

"Yeah, you did," I teased.

"I miss you. When do you come home?"

"New Year's Day," I answered, feeling a pull back to Portland.

He sighed. "Okay, well, when you're back in town, can I see you?"

"I don't know..." I knew.

"I get it. I messed up." There was a mournful tone to him.

"I'm just kidding. When I leave, I'll text you to come to your place. I miss you like crazy. I kind of want to get into my car right now and drive to you."

"You shouldn't. I mean, I wouldn't slam the door in your face, but your friends just got engaged. You should celebrate with them."

"I know; otherwise, I'd already be on the road." I laid back down on the bed. "Oh hey, one more thing..."

"I'm listening."

"Billy and Sarah got back together this afternoon. I think we scared each other."

"Yeah?" There was a lighter tone in his voice.

"Yeah. Sam, I love you. I let the emphasis hit the you.

"I love you too, Lily. Thanks for calling earlier. I don't know if I would have had the courage to call."

"You can thank Billy for that," I teased.

"I don't think I'm there yet, but you can thank him for me."

"Okay, I'll call you when I'm going to bed," I promised.

"And when you wake up, and if you do anything cool and eat, you get the idea."

I let out a laugh. "I love you."

"I love you, too." he sighed before hanging up the phone.

I slipped downstairs to join the celebration. Billy greeted me with a glass of Champagne. He said nothing, but his eyes asked the question.

"I could ask you the same thing," I teased.

"Mmhmm, things are good." He took a sip of his drink.

"Same."

Billy slung an arm around me. "You happy, Lil?"

"Yes, I have everything I want." I leaned into him and let my eyes fall on the excited chatter of Tim, Tess, and Mary.