There's a certain dangerous calm—loving someone in the middle of a war. The person you love the most is physically standing in front of you, you can hear their heartbeat, feel their warmth — and it could be ripped out of your hands at any moment. 

I loved sitting here beside Harry and Ron, knowing he was alive and safe, content just staring at the fire – holding my hand. I loved that I knew he was safe, and yet I somehow missed that eery loneliness of the unknowing. I missed just feeling that he was okay, even while I was in Hogwarts and he was wherever they were, I still could feel within my own body that he was okay. 

I would know Voldemort hadn't succeeded, I was there in the creepy dark dining hall beside all the rest of his ignorant, annoying followers. And if anything did happen to him, I wasn't there to see it. And I definitely wasn't there to mess anything up. 

And I fuck shit up a lot. 

"We should get rid of it soon." Grunted Ron, holding his hands over the fire. 

"I know." Answered Harry. He stood up from the log, pulling me up with him. 

With the sword of Gryffindor in hand, Ron made his way over to where we had laid the locket across a fallen dead tree. Destroying it wasn't as simple as we had originally thought. The locket fought back, it fought against each of our attempts to claim it. We could feel Voldemort's dark essence pulling through, but in the end we succeeded. The sword disappeared from Ron's grasp and Harry fell to the ground. 

"Harry!" I gasped, leaning over him as he clutched his forehead in pain. He moaned and withered, holding onto my arm for support. 

"He knows. He knows we've destroyed it." He grunted out. 

"Good." Said Ron. "Bloody bastard should feel all of it." 

"What do we do now?" I asked, helping Harry stand up from the dirt. "Where's Hermione?" I asked, finally realizing the other part of our group wasn't anywhere nearby. Ron and Harry never went anywhere without her, I don't think they would survive otherwise. 

"She's back at camp." Harry answered, giving the pair of us a reassuring nod. 

It didn't take long for us to pack up our few things that remained at the tiny makeshift encampment, and follow Harry through the woods. 

~

A small yellow tent sat between two tall trees, a diminished fire surrounded by large rocks. 

"Hermione?" Harry quietly called out, noticing our friend was nowhere to be seen. "Hermione." He called once more.

The tiny brunette came barreling out of the tent not a second later. Her whiskey colored eyes were ablaze as they met the soft blue eyes of Ron. He shrugged and mumbled "Hi," 

"Are you bloody mad?" She growled, stomping over to him. She yanked his bag out of his hands and shoved it against his chest. "I've been sick with worry over you!" 

"I'm sorry Mione, I wasn't thinking when I left." Ron grumbled through her pounding against his chest. She hadn't yet noticed me standing awkwardly beside them, so I decided to help Ron by gently reaching out and grabbing her arm.

"Oh my God." She cried out, "Ali?" 

"It's me." Her arms flew around my neck and she squeezed me so tightly I could barely breathe. It had been over a year since I had seen her. The day I went to the hospital wing for saving Draco, was the last time I actually remember seeing her. She hadn't changed much. Hair as bushy as ever, though longer. And she was thinner. That sad determined look had never left her though.

"I thought you were —" She pulled away, giving me a once over, "I thought you were dead." 

"Harry, you didn't tell her I was alive?" I growled over to Harry who scratched the back of his neck. "You saw me the night Dumbledore died!"

Harry shifted his stance before taking an uncomfortable step towards us. "Hermione wouldn't leave without you. She said we needed you, I had to make something up." He shrugged.

"You told me she was captured by death eaters." Hermione argued, "You said you watched them take her away unconscious." 

"I'm sorry. But we needed to focus on what needed to be done." Harry stood his ground. 

"Look, I'm here now. I'm fine, and I'm here to help." I said, trying to diffuse the situation. Arguing would get us nowhere. 

"You don't look fine, Ali." She mumbled softly, taking in my appearance. She was very much correct. I was not fine. I would not be fine until Voldemort was dead and some sentience of peace could be seen. But crying over the situation would get us nowhere. And we had shit we needed to get done. 

"We've all had a rough go of it today, why don't we rest and in the morning we can make a plan." Ron suggested, giving me a knowing look. 

I didn't want to rest. I didn't want to grieve. Because once I started I might not ever stop. 

The trio seemed to agree with one another. Ron and Hermione walked off to speak privately, leaving Harry and I alone. He took my hand and gently led me into the tent, guiding me into a bunk, and guarding me between his body and the back of the bed. 

"What do you need?" He whispered. "I'll do anything you ask of me. Just name it." 

"I need him dead. I need Vol—" Harry kissed me. 

"His name's taboo." He whispered. 

"I need him dead, Harry." I cried out, my throat hurt from trying not to cry. "I need them all dead." 

Harry wrapped his arms around me and let me burry my face into his chest. He smelled of smoke and dissipating soap. He smelled exactly like I remembered, the boy I've loved for so long. 

"We will kill him. I swear on my life, we will get justice." He murmured into my hair. 

"I don't just want justice, Harry." I could feel myself on the brink of falling asleep. "I want peace."

~

The following morning we were all packed and ready to go. I had nothing with me, save for my  wand, anything I had was left at my old camp. And I couldn't bring myself to go back there and see my fathers cold cot, the bowl he last ate supper, and his clothes. They would be a forgotten memorial in an unnamed forest in Scotland. 

"I want to go see Xenophelias Lovegood." Hermione said, showing us a copy of The Tale of Beetle the Bard. I remember reading that book once as a child, Damian hated it. 

I frowned as I watched  the trio look to one another. I couldn't go back there. I couldn't face Mr.Lovegood after what I had put him through. Luna still resided in the Malfoy dungeons, and it was all thanks to me. 

Mr.Lovegood had been publishing slander in Voldemort's name, and Voldemort was less than pleased. To teach him a lesson I had been assigned to capture his only child, and for some reason Luna went willingly. She was smarter than people gave her credit for. And though Xenophelias tried to fight me off and save her, his child walked away with a knowing smile on her face. 

I pulled Harry aside and whispered, "I can't go back there." 

"Why?" He frowned.

"You didn't want to know what I had done. You said that yourself. Just trust me, me going will help no-one." 

Harry seemed to ponder that thought for a moment before nodding his head. 

"Ali is going to stay here," He announced to Ron and Hermione. 

"We shouldn't split up."Hermione answered. "Snatchers could find any one of us." 

"And they would suffer for it. I'll be okay. Trust me." I told her. She contemplated it for a few moments before finally nodding her head. "It'll be smart to have somewhere we can meet up, if anything goes bad."

Leave it to Hermione to make it sound like it was her plan to being with. I smiled at her sagacious manner. 

"Be safe." I hugged both her and Ron before turning to Harry. "Come back to me."

"Always." He kissed me, and the trio dissapperated a moment later. 

~

After six hours I was worried. The sun had long since set and a drizzle of rain pounded against the few remaining leaves on the trees. I should have gone with them. I should have faced Mr.Lovegood and apologized, swearing to him I would try and get Luna out. 

My cowardly and selfish desires had put me in this position and I wanted to throw up with worry. 

My worry turned to terror at the sight of an unfamiliar patronus flying into the camp. A dragon. 

"Potter is at the manor. He is coming. Be safe." Came the voice of my best friend. I couldn't even relish in the fact that Draco successfully conjured a patronus, because the message behind it had me wanting to pass out on the ground.