I had never seen snow before. Not until we moved to England and I found myself somewhere equipped with something more than just beaches and deserts. Now while I loved our house on the beach in California -- I loved being able to wake up in the morning and hear the waves crashing through my open window -- The coolness of the snow had a certain ambiance that had kept me laying in a pile of it for the past two hours. 

My hair was dripping wet, it had melted around my jeans and I was freezing my tush off but I was content. I was content because I was alone. I had wandered off into the forbidden forest some time ago and was happy just being away from the bustle of the castle. I was also happy to be away from Draco and his neurotic rambling about the cabinet that still had yet to be fixed. I also needed to quit my obsessive worrying about where I was going to go when Christmas rolled around in a couple of weeks.

My brother wouldn't leave without me, and I couldn't deny him the amazing Christmases that my family had every year. And if Draco decided to head home I couldn't leave him alone in that house without me. And if he decided to stay I couldn't leave him unattended to either, who knows what trouble he will get into. I had been worrying about this for a week now and finally I got so frustrated without an answer to the question I just left. But I think the snow was starting to numb my brain along with my legs. 

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" I heard above me, and I opened my eyes to see round glasses and wet black hair looking back at me. 

"Seducing Flitwick, what the hell does it look like I'm doing Harry?" I said refusing to move myself from my comfy snow pile. 

"Get up, you're going to get sick." Harry said, moving to stand at my feet versus hovering above my head. He was dressed warmly and well prepared for the freezing weather around us, until he removed his coat and laid it across me. 

"How did you even find me?" I asked. Harry raised an eyebrow and pointed to the tan parchment sticking out of his sweatshirt pocket. 

"Oh right, that damn map again." I said rolling my eyes. I didn't feel like arguing with Harry so I just slipped his coat around my shoulders and stood from my now melted puddle. 

"Yeah the map. That's also how I know you've still been disappearing with Draco at odd hours of the night."

"Geeze stalker." I grunted before turning away from him to head back to the castle, Harry grabbed my arm and pulled me back before I even took two steps. 

"I love you Ali, So yes I am making sure I know where you are every moment of the day." 

"I am not a child Harry, you don't need to follow my every move!" I found it a bit unnerving that Harry could easily know when I made my way into the Slytherin dorm.

"Draco is bad business! I can accept that you're friends but I don't want him pulling you into that dark world of his!" I couldn't help but snort at his ignorance. "His world? Do you think Draco wants anything to do with any of that? He doesn't. He's seen more shit than you could ever imagine."

"And how would you know Ali. How would you know what he's seen?" Harrys voice was escalating. thankfully we were in an abandoned forest. 

"Are you that blind? Think about it Harry! Did you really think the dark lord was going to let me leave without knowing he could track my every move?" The words flew out of my mouth quicker than I could stop them, and I wanted to slap myself across the face for not being more careful. I had wanted to spare the dirty details of my so called treacherous ways from those I loved for as long as I could, but maybe Harry knowing the truth would take a little of the stress away from me. 

"You told me you didn't take the mark." Harry said softly. 

"People lie, Harry." I whispered, rubbing my left arm. I looked down to my soaked brown leather boots, unable to meet his gaze. Im not ashamed of what I did, I would do it a hundred more times to keep my friends and family safe. I just hoped to keep it a secret for as long as possible, I didn't want to live with everyone thinking I betrayed them. 

"I don't believe you. Show me." 

I looked up to see Harry looking at me with complete disbelief . I closed my eyes and tossed Harry back his jacket before rolling up the sleeve of my maroon and gold Gryffindor sweater. There is was, shiny and bright and slithering around on my left arm. The dark mark. 

Harry was silent, although had the situation been reversed I wouldn't know what to say either. He stared at my arm as if he wanted to cut it from my body. Hell some days I wanted to do the same. "I don't want this Harry, just so you know." I whispered, my voice barely audible over the howling winter winds. 

"Why?" He asked, his eyes still unwavering from my arm. 

"I had to save you. I had to save all of you. Voldemort threatened all of you if I didn't agree to join him, that was the part you couldn't hear at the Ministry that night." The words poured out of my mouth so fast I wasn't sure Harry could even comprehend what I just said. 

"I'm not on his side. Just know that Harry. I'm doing what I have to do to --" Harry had a knack for cutting me off mid sentence with those lovely lips of his. His warm hands cradled my face and tilted my head back just enough for him to seek entrance to my mouth and have me shivering from something other than the cold. How was he so warm when it was so cold out here? God Damn who the hell cares now? I kissed him back feverishly until he walked be backwards and had me pinned to a tree. My hands ran through his long black hair making it even messier if that was at all possible. 

"Damnit Ali, Damn you." Harry grumbled between kisses that he still continuously placed against my now warm lips. "You're putting me in an impossible situation." 

I finally pulled away. "What do you mean?" 

"You know Im in the order Ali, I can't keep this a secret. No matter how much I love you."

"You aren't the first person to know Harry. Why do you think Dumbledore asked you to trust me no matter what. You still should you know, trust me that is."

"I do trust you Ali." Harry mumbled, placing another gentle kiss to my parted lips. "And I know how sick Voldemort is, so I know threatening us would be the only way you would join his side." 

"I'm not on his side, I will never be on his side no matter what he branded into my arm." 

"He can still hurt people, if you don't give him what he wants." Said Harry, slipping some of my long hair behind my ear. This was the most intimate we had ever been, and it wasn't even about anything I wanted to be having a conversation about. I just wish he would shut up and kiss me again.

"Ali, you know --" So I kissed him. Harry and I were rarely alone, somewhere so secluded that nobody in the castle would even think to look for us here, the last thing  wanted to talk about was me being a death eater. Harry moaned when I bit his bottom lip, and he ran his hands down to my waist before pulling me even closer to him. I was no longer cold, Jackets were no longer needed to warm our bodies in the freezing snow. I was sure there would be mist hovering above us had I been watching from afar. 

"Just shut up and kiss me Harry, I need you right now." I said when we pulled apart for a moment. Harry noticed the sadness behind my eyes, a sadness that had been there for a very long time, before he nodded his head and kissed me slowly. He kissed me until my lips were raw, and that was the only thing I needed at that moment. 

~

An hour later and I found myself curled against Harry's chest in front of a roaring fire. The sun had set and both of us refused to leave the comfort of our small hideaway in the forest. Im sure people were looking for us by now, but I didn't care. Harry's arms around me was the safety I needed and hadn't felt in such a long time. 

"I almost forgot why I came out here in the first place." Harry mumbled into my ear. 

"Why?" I asked, cuddling farther into him. 

"Stand up." He ordered. My eyes snapped open and I shook my head. "No!" I whined. 

"Seriously Ali!" Harry chuckled standing up and carrying me with him. He set me down on the ground before facing me about ten feet away.

"You missed this in the Dumbledore's army meeting, but I need to know you can do it." He said pulling his wand out and conjuring his stag patronus. I remember now, Patronuses were the one thing I was looking forward to learning with Dumbledore's army and I missed it because I was catatonic and being haunted by Voldemort. 

"Can I do it wandless?" I asked, twirling my wand between my fingertips. It felt foreign to carry it as I had gotten much more control over my powers. 

"I'm not sure, let's try with a wand for now." I nodded and followed his movements. 

"I want you to think of your happiest memory, concentrate on it hard and say the words Expecto Patronum." He told me, coming to stand beside me -- placing his hand on my lower back. I smiled and closed my eyes, thinking of this moment right now, the first intimate moment Ive had with Harry since realizing how much I loved him.

"Expecto Patronum." I said softly, before a glowing white orb flew out of my wand and floated in front of me, it took a few moments to take it's shape but it was undeniable what it was. A doe. 

Harry looked to me and smiled brightly. He cast his patronus beside mine before reaching down and lacing our fingers together. "I love you Ali, no matter what okay?" 

"And I love you." I whispered before resting my head on his shoulder. "And I'll protect you know matter what." 

"And I'll protect you even if it kills me." He whispered into my hair before kissing my temple. The thought of him dying left an indescribable ache in my chest, one that wouldn't go away. I had already vowed to do whatever it took to keep the ones I loved safe, but after this moment I know I needed to do even more.