My barely recognizable reflection stared back at me in the mirror, that hung in the Malfoy foyer. It hung above an old family curio cabinet that housed several magical objects belonging to the dark arts. I had no idea what half of these things did, but I had no doubt that Lucious' ancestors probably did some pretty terrible things to come in possession of them. The objects were dark in both stature and color, misshapen and ugly, curious and cold. And yet none of them were as horrible as the person I had become.

The dungeon in Malfoy manner now housed several new residents thanks to me. An old man and two people I used to call friends were now sitting in the cold two floors below me. The look of betrayal across Dean's face when I snatched him out of Diagon Alley still haunted me. When I led Greyback into Ollivander's wand shop to collect the wand maker, I felt sick to my stomach. But the most surprising thing of all -- was Luna. Her large blue eyes were calm as I took her from her family home, she gave me a single nod of her head as if she understood. Her poor father was my only interference and he was easily overpowered.

I was as horrible as the man who gave me the orders. I was no less the monster than the dark lord himself.

It's been two months since I lost my mother, and her face haunts me every moment of every day. The last image I had of her was branded into my memory with a refusal to leave. I betrayed her. I betrayed everyone. I didn't even deserve to be standing here right now, but here I am...where others are not.

As I glared at the person I hated the most in the mirror, I don't even remember the girl who I used to be. The passionate and lively girl who's only worry was if I had a date to the Yule Ball. A girl who's family wasn't torn to pieces and scattered to the wind. A girl who had so much more to live for.

I had no doubts that Voldemort knew exactly where my entire family was, he was dangling them in front of my face like a children's toy. Killing my mother sent a message, and I knew he wouldn't hesitate to keep knocking the Soloria family off the face of the earth.

Another thing I was certain of, was Voldemort had no idea where Harry was. If he did the boy I love would be lying dead in front of me right now. That was the only positive thing I could ground myself to every day -- was neither Voldemort nor myself knew where he was. And I hoped it stayed that way for as long as it could.

It was well into October, and being that Snape was now Headmaster at Hogwarts there was no issue for myself starting school later than intended. I loved Hogwarts, but I wasn't necessarily looking forward to going back. It wasn't going to be the same with the amount of Death Eaters who ran the school. There were only two people there who knew my true intentions, and although Draco was the best friend I could ever ask for, it still got very lonely.

"Ali," I closed my eyes hearing Draco's soft voice, and turned to see him anxiously standing a few feet away from me. "Are you okay?"

I shrugged, turning on my heel to fully face him. He was dressed in his usual black suit and he had pulled his Hogwarts trunk to lean beside him.

"Are you?" I asked, stepping closer to him. I reached out and gently caressed his pale cold cheek. He closed his eyes and leaned into my touch.

"I wish we could leave. Go anywhere else in the world and forget everything."

I sighed, wishing that was a dream I could make happen. I held my exposed dark mark out for him to see. "He'll find us. Wherever we go, he'll find us."

Draco and I apperated directly into the clocktower courtyard. I could already sense the change in the grounds. It was like Hogwarts was haunted with something other than it's usual ghosts and ghouls, it was a palpable energy that I could feel radiating in the air.

Inside, all of the portraits were taken off the wall, the color looked like it was practically ripped from the castle. It was dark and drab and I almost wished I hadn't come back.

Draco and I hit the floor that led to both the upper staircases for Gryffindor tower, and the lower level that led the dungeon. I glanced up at the upper level several times before I felt Draco grabbing my arm and pulling me to him. He knew I wouldn't feel welcome upstairs, so he nodded down to where the Slytherin common room was. I sighed but I followed him, sharing a bed and a dorm wasn't foreign to us anymore anyway.

~                                                                    *Self harm trigger warning*

My days at Hogwarts were spent dragging my hollow shell of a body around the castle, taking part in classes that didn't matter, and traipsing past students who wanted me dead. The hatred for me outside of the several loyal followers in Slytherin was obvious. Every sneer, dirty look, or threatening glance was enough to cause my anxiety to heighten. 

I wish I could tell them all the truth -- that I was on there side all along. That Dumbledore wanted  me to kill him, and both Snape and myself were truly on the side that was good. But I couldn't do that. I couldn't put everything the two of us had worked for in jeopardy just because I walked around wanting to die.

I had often found myself in the abandoned lavatory on the second floor, my only company being the ghost that resided there. I liked to sit in the pools of flooded water and listen to the sinks as they drowned out the sound of my crying. 

"Why does everyone choose my bathroom to cry in?" Moaning Myrtle's shrill voice called out. She was perched on top of the toilet stalls and let her translucent hands float through the wood. She had been sitting there for an hour watching me before deciding to speak. 

"Misery loves company," I mumbled, taking my wet right hand to let it dance over the Dark Mark that was branded into my left. 

"Did it hurt?" Myrtle asked, floating down to examine the mark on my arm.

I sniffled and nodded my head. 

"I've seen that mark before. On a boy."

"Draco. He liked to frequent this bathroom as well." I told her. 

Myrtle nodded her head and floated to lounge down in the puddles beside me. I almost envied her. She could feel nothing, no pain, no regret. More importantly she could do no harm, where I could do plenty.

"Peeves told me you can kill someone by looking at them, is that true?" Myrtle asked in her typical childlike infatuation. 

I snorted and shrugged. "It's a little more complicated than that. But I guess I can, yes." 

"Is that why you're so sad?" 

"The dark lord can find me no matter where I go. I have to do anything he asks of me without question, and I fear the world is falling apart. I've done so many terrible things, and I don't think anything I do will ever make up for it." I told her, letting myself fall apart in front of the girl who died at the hands of my master. 

I flicked my wrist and conjured up a small black dagger, letting it rest gently in the palm of my hand. I turned it over in my palm several times before gripping it tightly in my right hand. 

"What are you doing?" Myrtle asked nervously. 

"It's so ugly." I whispered, glaring down at the mark that resided on my left arm. "It haunts me every night. I see it when I close my eyes, and no matter what I do -- it's always there." 

"Cant you cover it up with something?" Myrtle innocently asked. 

"Only dark magic conceals it, and even then I know it's still there." I cried out, tears streaming down my face. I shakily took the dagger and placed it against my left arm, the skull slithered around angrily almost as if it knew my intentions.

I closed my eyes for a second before slicing through the design on my arm. I screamed loudly in pain but I continued on in my task. I had no idea if what I was doing would even work, but I knew I needed to try. 

Blood was pooling out and mixing with the puddles of water on the ground. I was feeling light headed as I finished cutting through the soft skin, and I finally let the dagger clank onto the ground. Life was slowly killing me, my own mind was killing me, and if this wound finished off the job -- at least I would die without that stupid mark on my arm. 

My vision was growing fuzzy as I fell sideways onto the flooded ground, and I accepted the coolness of the water as it lapped against my body. I could feel myself falling out of consciousness -- but not before hearing Myrtle shriek and a pair of loud footsteps running in my direction.