I woke up sweating and hot. I looked at the digital clock beside me , 2:16AM , it read. I groaned and got out of our bed and quietly made my way to the kitchen.

I opened the heavy door of our fridge , took out the cold jug of water and poured it on an empty glass , swallowing it all in one go in hopes of stopping me from sweating.

I sat down on our dining table and saw our sticky notes in which I write down shit on during nights like these , or when I really lose control of myself and start writing apologies about everything.

I took the pen next to it and started writing

—sorry , i accidentally made a small hole on the trash bag.

—sorry , i moved your figurine about three centimeters from where it was usually placed.

—sorry , for loving you too much

—sorry , for turning the volume down

—sorry , for kissing you without notice

all of which I stuck on every corner of our house , hoping he would see it the next day.

—sorry , for existing

—sorry , for the suicidal thoughts

—sorry , for the cuts on my thighs

—sorry , for lying to you about being okay.

all of which I crumpled and hid somewhere , hoping he wouldn't see them ever

—sorry , for being this way
—sorry , for ending it this way