Once I twist this door knob , its over. I stared blankly at the silver metal that I was grasping onto , Taehyung clutching on my clothes , crying.

It hurts to see him like this but I have to do this. I started it already , now all I have to do is get out of this room and finish it. It's so fucking easy but Jeon Jeongguk , why are you not doing it?

"What the fuck was that? You want me to be happy right? Please dont leave , please , please , please." I froze as he spoke each word with a crack on his voice , sometimes muffled due to his sobs.

"I dont love you anymore" I softly said , enough for him to hear. I bit my lower lip to refrain a whimper coming out of my lips as tears flow down easily my cheeks to the floor. Telling lies shouldnt be painful , but why do I feel like being stabbed thousands of times?

I felt Taehyung's hold on my clothes loosen , signaling me to fucking twist the door knob. I didn't look back nor spoke but I wish I did.

"Taehyung I'm sorry"

but nothing came out of my mouth. and before I knew it I was running away from our house , heavy droplet of tears falling down my cheeks to my chin.

•••

"Jungkook , please fucking eat for the love of God" Jin said from the other side of the door.

I stared at the door , wishing Jin would just shut the hell up and leave me to rot and die.

"It has been months ever since you've last touched a meal! Water will not suffice you , you'll die in a week if you keep this on" I closed my eyes as I heard my stomach grumbling for food.

I then made my way to the door and opened it , my eyes met Jin's and saw that he himself has gotten thinner too and he has deep bags under his eyes.

"Jungkook , you know that I care for you , I can't let you be like this"

"I know" I softly said and looked down , tears brimming on my eyes. Jin sensed this and with no hesitation he hugged me close to him , as I cry endlessly on his shoulder

"I want to end this already Jin , I want to end this suffering , there's no way out. All that has been in my thoughts is wanting to be free , to fucking stop it all now but I cant bring myself to do it. I promised Taehyung that I wont be doing this—I shouldn't and that promise is what makes us still one , that promise is the only connection that we have , the only part that I have from Taehyung." I sobbed harder as Jimin's grip on me tightened

"Jungkook , Let's go to this battle together okay? I mean , what are brothers for? Stop these thoughts. It'll all be okay , I promise and I'm sure that Taehyung would be telling you that everything will be okay and you'll survive this battle" I made circles on my back to calm me down

"Come on , let's eat , before the food gets too cold. I've made your favorite meal. Let's forget about those thoughts okay?"

•••

I rolled to my side to see unopened boxes , the stuff that were left at Taehyung's house, that I never dared to open in fear of unwanted memories and feelings to come back.

I brushed my thumb over my fresh wound , sore and sensitive , expecting a wince to come out of me due to the upcoming pain but nothing I felt nothing.

No pain , no wince , no tears. Just an ugly wrist , a messed up boy and words that failed to come out and fell onto sticky notes.

I looked outside to see the sun setting , the sky in a yellow-pinkish hue.

Taehyung would love to see this. I sighed and closed my eyes , recalling one of the best moments that we had while watching the sun set.

I'm in Taehyung's arms , right where I belong. A blanket draped over our shoulders as we sat on our balcony , feeling the cold soft breeze brush pass our hair , looking at the beautiful scenery in front of us.

Taehyung kissed my hair "I hope I can freeze time to enjoy this moment forever" I looked at him and he gave me his infamous box smile making me chuckle and smile back at him too

"Why freeze time when we can do this forever together?" I suggested making him giggle "You're so cheesy"

"Cheesy exclusively for you~" I laughed and kissed him on the lips , our fingers finding each other's and our heartbeats matching.

I opened my eyes , hot tears were stinging my cheeks. I miss him. I regret letting go of him. I hate this.

I hate myself for lying at him. I hate myself for hurting him. I hate myself for breaking him. I hate myself.

***

Sundays are the best with Jin , we'll just be spending the whole day lazing around and watch random montages until we pass out.

It has been eleven months since our break up and I feel like a new person , I could sleep comfortably now. Days , weeks free from the thought of Taehyung , my dreams doesnt consist of him anymore , the songs I listen to doesn't remind me of him , the notes that I used to write mean nothing to me anymore , and the memories that we both shared is just simply a memory that doesnt bring out tears out of my eyes nor wide smiles.

I matched my laugh with Jin's , happily watching funny montages on his laptop "y'know what Jungkook , this is the side of you that I'd like you to show more often." He smiled at me

"Yeah, I like this side of me too. It feels like I've finally forgotten everything already , hyung , I'm moving on , I'm already healing." I proudly said

why am I so pretentious and a liar?

Sundays are the worst with Jin because I get reminded of the days we would laze around and do nothing but exchange kisses , steal glances and exchange cheesy pick up lines.

It has been eleven months since our break up and I'm grewing qorse ans worse as days flew by. I couldn't sleep at all. Days , Weeks flew by and I'm still clouded with regret with what I have done to Taehyung , my dreams consist of him and they're slowly turning into nightmares , and all the songs I listen to doesn't fail to remind me of him , the notes that I used to write means a hundred times more than anything , and the memories that we both shared always replays on my head , never seeming to let me go.

I know that he has moved on , and based on Jin , he's dating his childhood friend , Park Jimin (in which I was madly jealous of). But in what place am I to be envious of their relationship?

I'm happy that he's with someone I know who'll treat him right , someone who doesnt break down easily at nights , someone who'll never keep secrets from him , someone who'll show his love for him even in public , someone who always smiles genuinely. I'm happy for him. I truly am.

and I spent my last moments with the thought of him , and only him.

I love you Taehyung , I really do.