"I'll be home late tonight , make sure to lock the doors okay?" Jimin told Taehyung and kissed his hair , patting it softly afterwards

"I will" Taehyung smiled at him in which Jimin returned right away before proceeding to the door and out.

He finished the breakfast that he made for the both of them—which were just sandwiches—and started to clean the dishes and utensils that were left here for maybe about 3? 5? 7? days , who knows.

It has already been a year since their break up. Moving on isnt easy and forgetting Jungkook is harder , but Taehyung is slowly healing. his pain from the past is now being replaced with the love and passion that Park Jimin, the person who's been his side since day one, is giving him.

There was a knock on the door , then two. Taehyung looked at the door in confusion , I'm not expecting someone today.

He made his way towards the door to be greeted someone from a certain shipping company "Mr. Kim?"

"Ah yes , that's me" he said , opening the door wider

"You have a package" Taehyung looked at the medium sized box and took it , signing whatever it is needed to sign and said his thank you and goodbye before he closed the door and placed the box on the coffee table.

He looked at it with pure suspicion , he and Jimin didnt buy anything online and both of them aren't expecting any packages.

Then that's when Taehyung saw it. The small smiley face and a —your nochu close to the edge of the box , similar to the mark on the box that he saw on the side of the box that he found five months ago.

he hurriedly got to their bedroom and got the box out , setting the smaller box next to it. He could feel his heart beat fasten , his palms sweaty and his head pounding.

he opened the smaller box first.

What he saw surprised him , the box was just full of crumpled , folded and wrinkles sticky notes. He started to read ,

—sorry , for existing

—sorry , for the suicidal thoughts

—sorry , for the cuts on my thighs

—sorry , for lying to you about being okay.

—sorry , for being this way

—sorry , for ending it this way

—sorry , for breaking the promise I made with you

—sorry , for destroying the boy you once loved

"Jungkook" Taehyung sobbed , while clutching the sticky note on his hand , slightly pushing away the box , not wanting to read more.

"Jungkook , Jungkook , Jungkook" he chanted but every time he says Jungkook's name , his voice gets louder and louder until his throat became sore and his head hurts from all of the crying.

Once he got a grip of himself , he got out his phone and dialed Jin , Jungkook's adopted hyung , because he knows for sure that Jungkook would go to him.

Hello , Seokjin speaki—

hyung its—its Taehyung. Did you delete my number already? Ayways is Jungkook there? Why are his sticky notes here? What happened to him?

hyung?

Seokjin?

Kim Taehyung—you're late , fuck you. you broke him , you ruined him , yet he still loves you , he never stopped thinking of you did you know that? he told me that as long as you're happy , he's happy. I tried everything Taehyung , just to remove you out of his thoughts and mind but whatever I do , you're still what he wants. He had little hope for you to call me , for you to find him , for you to tell him to fuck off now you've moved on and is happy.

Kim Taehyung , you're a monster.

hyung—

Call ended

Taehyung felt empty , nothing.

to : jin hyung
—please tell me he's okay.

seen 14:45

to : jin hyung
please please please

seen 14:46

Taehyung found it pointless now so he scurried towards the bigger box , now eager to open it—the box that he should open when they got married—and there , Taehyung found his answer. He looked at the neatly folded paper , waiting to be read.———

....

first perspective

I placed Jungkook's favorite flowers infront of his gravestone , along with his favorite photo of us.

"Hi Jungkook" I sat down on the damp grass and cleaned the gravestone. "It's been two years since our break up and it would be six years if we didnt break up. Sorry for visiting only now. It was hard to negotiate with Jin but in the end , here I am." I brushed my hand on his engraved name

"I have so much to tell" I whispered , clutching the letter he left on the box behind my pc setup.

"Jungkook , I love you. I really do and I thought that I could save you by giving you my everything , more than what you have now—the things and feelings that you deserve but that made us more distant.

and I'm sorry for not saving you. I'm sorry for pretending to be asleep as you cried. I couldve hugged you.

I'm sorry for the walls that I have built around me that you were too afraid to speak up to me.

I'm sorry for being selfish and never gave a thought of how you were doing , of how your day was , if you wanted to watch something scary or romantic , if you were feeling okay , if you wanted to get the last pizza , if you wanted to change the channel.

I'm sorry for being happy all by myself , I moved on without even asking for how you are. I've already exchanged vows with someone—heck you even made me a letter if we ever get married but here I am , married with someone who isnt you.

I'm sorry for not telling you that I know everything.

I know that you cry every night , thats why I sometimes hold your hand , hoping to make you feel that you're not alone and I'm here , by your side.

I know that you curse and hurt yourself when something goes wrong , thats why I left notes everywhere to keep you smiling and free from the thoughts you have.

I know that you cant go to sleep at night thats why I wake up early to make everything you want , give you a warm drink as you wake up , let you take your time when you're in the shower or let you sleep until it turns dawn.

I know that you're in a battlefield yet I let you fight alone.

I'm sorry , I should've done better." It took me hours before my sobs were silenced. I spent a little bit longer there , just staring at our photo and when it turned dark , that was my cue to leave.

...

——— (continuation before Taehyung was at the graveyard , still in first perspective)

I got the letter out and started to read ;

you opened this box because I—

a) am not the person in your heart now
b) left you
c) broke you
d) dead
e) all of the above

Hi box smiled alien :)

I owe you an explanation and an apology. heck , I even owe you time because you spent your precious time with someone useless like me. We both know that the answer to the reason on why you opened this box is because—I left you , broke you , am not the person in your heart and because I'm dead in short , all of the above.

But dont worry , I left you with the most important things that I have , the moments , the memories , my laughs , my voice , my songs , my moon and stars , my heart , my best wishes , my happiness , I left it all for you.

You're important and needed , you're not worthless and most of all you're not ugly. Stop these thoughts , you're more than beautiful , you're not alone.

Kim Taehyung , you gave me purpose—a reason to live and I thank you for that. I'm more than grateful for the times that we've spent , both bad and good.

you know what , I really wish that I could spend the rest of my life with you. I really wanted to see you in your tuxedo as you walk on the aisle. I'd love to see you smile to me when we finally profess to the whole world that we're official—that we're together.

But that's impossible now , right? How can you love someone who's not existing in this world anymore , right?

i'm sorry and thank you.

p.s. please dont forget , you are loved and you deserve to be happy.

.

.

I stopped reading and had no choice but to confirm it by myself. I took the box and car keys.

I pounded on the front door of Namjoon's house as hard as I can , close to breaking the door down

"STOP!" He flung the door open , ready to punch me in the face but then when he saw how much of a mess I am his face relaxed "Taehyung? What are you—"

"Where is Jin? Jungkook? Please tell me , please , please" I pleaded

"Wait wait , Calm yourself down first and—"

"NO PLEASE LET ME—"

"Give me your keys , I'll drive. I'll take you there. I cant let you drive like this , have you seen how people like you die in a car accident?"

I just quietly nodded and then I let him drive us to who knows where while my chest and head is pounding from the sudden turn of events.

Everything is falling too quickly , it's hard for my brain to sink it all in. Here we are , standing in front of a hospital.

"Come" Namjoon dragged me to where they were staying , and then about to open the door but I pulled back.

He looked at me , confused "What? This is where they are , you wanted to find them didnt you?"

"But why—" the door opened to reveal Jin with bloodshot eyes and red nose. He looked at us with surprise and shortly glared at me , grabbed the collar of my shirt and pinned me to the nearest wall

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE? YOU DID THIS TO MY BROTHER , YOU STUPID FUCK" Jin kept shouting and bombarding me with words that I refused to believe

"Jin stop" Namjoon grabbed Jin and refrained him from pinning me against the wall again.

I just stared at him in silence , not knowing what to say.

Namjoon took Jin out , leaving me standing just outside Jungkook's room. Tightening and loosening my grip on the door knob.

and then finally , I got the courage and opened the door and saw Jungkook on the bed , covered from head to toe in the hospital's thin linen.

My legs and bottom lip started to quiver , tears were spilling out of my eyes. I slowly approached the bed and removed the cloth to see if Jungkook was just actually sleeping or maybe pulling a prank , who knows....right?.

But then here he is , his eyes closed with no intentions of opening them. I pulled the cloth further to see the cuts on his wrist , his once beautiful complexion , gone.

I dropped to my knees and hugged him while crying , lacing my fingers with his , hoping atleast a miracle to come.

"Jungkook , why did you leave so early? why? Jungkook , please dont leave without even hearing me say sorry. Please Jungkook dont do this"

;

then the awful truth was beginning to dawn on him.

he was late.

too late.

Jeon Jeongguk lost his spark just to light Kim Taehyung's and he doesn't regret one bit of it.

what i wanted to say
before you left was

what i wanted to say
before i left was

Jeon Jeongguk,

Kim Taehyung,

I love you

fin

unedited