Chapter Fifty One

Within a few days Nina was feeling well, she was back to herself and fighting fit. It was ironic that the nausea and dizziness that she'd recently felt wasn't due to her pregnancy; it was way too far along. She was just unwell. But if Lilah hadn't made that suggestion she'd never have considered it, who knew when she'd have become suspicious.

Her real fatigue and nausea was most likely hidden by the exertions of her holiday, but Nina would rather not think about all that she ate and drank in Mexico. The doctors she'd spoken too weren't too scathing, and in reality she had no suspicions at that point. All signs showed the baby was well, magically. So she had to stop feeling guilty and start to concentrate on making the last half of the pregnancy as healthy and comfortable as she could.

Nina had dropped Lilah to the airport and had gone straight to her father's home...or rather her home. She had to change that in her mind. But it wasn't easy. She had a million projects she needed to start; the house hadn't seen any TLC since her father had died, but also for years before that. Electrics, bathrooms, kitchen...they all needed updating, and that was without the cosmetics, furnishings.

It seemed a big task, but she felt inspired by it, not daunted.

But she still had the task of telling Theo. That wasn't something she still was looking forward to, and she couldn't put it off any longer. When she'd looked in the mirror that morning, she could see the swell of her abdomen, a change she may not have noted if she hadn't been aware that a baby rested in there. Soon she'd been 'showing' and she didn't want him to find out without her telling him.

She called the hospital to enquire after Mansell most days, and today's call told her that he was less responsive than he had been. No one said that he was failing, but she knew that it could only be a matter of time, and she had a sudden need to see him, to tell him. She knew that he would be so happy to know that she was bringing another great grandchild into the world. Her window of opportunity to tell him was narrow, so once she'd met with an electrician who was pricing a complete rewiring of the house, she made for the hospital.

Mansell was in a side room in the High Dependency Unit, a nurse smiled at her as she approached.

"He's been almost rousable this afternoon, sit and talk to him."

With that he disappeared.

She pulled up the chair and took Mansell's hand.

"Hey old man, you STILL making every one worry."

His eyes fluttered, but they had sunken deeper into their sockets since she last saw him, he'd lost a lot of weight, his grey beard was more unkempt than usual, and made his pallor more evident. She stuttered as a waft of emotion almost stole the breath from her lungs. But she had to carry on.

"So I've made it back to London...I mean the coast is...the coast. You know how I love it there."

He squeezed her hand, she felt it, and she grinned, she knew that he knew she was there.

"I came back for you, to see you. I've avoided it, avoided Theo really. It's been hard to see him; we seem to argue all the time."

His lips fluttered and she knew that he wanted to say something, leaning close she stroked his cheek, "I know you are holding out for us to work it out, but it's hard Mansell, really hard."

Again he squeezed her hand, and she dropped her lips to his forehead, "I'm having his baby though, and I don't know what that'll mean for the future. I just wish you were going to be there to help me..."

His eyelashes flickered this time, and she knew that he was hearing her. "Are you pleased to hear that? I think you are. I think you love kids and the thought of your family growing. I can't promise that me and Theo will work things out...too much has happened, but I promise that I'll not keep the baby from him, or Melody...or Daniel. It scares me...but I'll do right by them all. I only hope that helps you sleep better darling."

An almost palpable ease came across the older man, and it brought tears to her eyes. He was fading rapidly, and although this was an extra, bonus visit, she doubted she'd see him again. Dropping her cheek to his hand, she rubbed against his thin dry skin and tears dripped from her to him.

Theo stopped frozen in the corridor, staring at the sight before him. Mansell looked more frail and ill that he had to date, but beside him, resting her head on his hand was the unmistakable silhouette of Nina. He hadn't seen her for what felt like months, but was just a few weeks, but already his body was thrumming at the sight of her. He couldn't remember ever having such a reaction to a person.

He'd been a bastard to her, a dozen times or more he'd judged her, accused her...doubted her at every turn. He didn't deserve a chance to explain. Yet he wanted one.

But before he had chance to either approach, or run away, she stood from her place beside his grandfather and turned towards him, to leave the room. He wanted to disappear to give her that time alone, but she was staring at him, he could only stand and watch as a handful of emotions battled on her expressive face. How could he have doubted her integrity? She was an open book.

He offered a half smile as she walked towards him slowly.

"You ok?"

She gave a sad smile, swiping at the tears that were still damp on her cheek, "just hard to see him like this."

He nodded, "I wish really that he'd gone quickly the night he collapsed, he's not going to recover, and this is so painful to watch."

"No dignity in suffering."

He studied her intently, she'd lost weight, she was pale, there was more than just sadness causing the wrinkles on her forehead, though what did he expect? She was probably grimacing inside, waiting for him to fuck up again.

"Are you ok? You look pale."

She shrugged, "I'm just tired...this was harder than I imagined."

"He shouldn't be remembered as he is; I want to remember him as he was in France."

That made her laugh, "you mean when you blamed me for everything and hated me? Oops, actually that was just a couple of months ago."

It was his turn to grimace, "touché. You might think I hated you, but I never have. I promise."

Grief was obvious in her demeanour, and she stepped away from him, "we need to talk...but I'm not ready, not at the moment. I just need some space."

"Are you going to be ok?"

She nodded, "I'm staying at my Dad's house...well my house. I'm going to get it renovated."

That surprised him, "really? That's a great idea. It's a great house. If you need anything..." She made to protest and he held up a hand, "it's a dog eat dog world and I don't want to see you get ripped off, that's all. I'm not trying to interfere."

He wasn't sure if the olive branch tipped her over the edge, but tears started to course down her cheeks and he thought for a moment that she might fall to the floor. So he pulled her into his arms and held her there for a long moment as she sobbed into his chest.

The effect of seeing Mansell, opening her heart to him, and then literally bumping into Theo was playing havoc with Nina's hormones, that was her excuse when she found herself wrapped in his embrace, his still familiar smell overwhelming her senses and her knees turning weak. She placed her hands on his chest and pushed away, this was too much. They couldn't pretend the last three months had happened. And she had to tell him about the baby. But not here, not now that her sadness at Mansell was affecting her so strongly.

Stepping back she swiped at her tears, "sorry. I shouldn't have done that, you have your own grief to deal with." He made to protest, but she placed a hand up to silence him. "I have to go Theo. Can we meet tomorrow?"

He was staring at her, studying her intently and she fought the shiver that it caused, "I've got a meeting until about one. Can I meet you after that?"

She nodded with relief, "I'll be at my father's house."

"Your house," he offered with a genuine smile.

By midday the following day, Nina was pacing anxiously. She had no idea how to take things, how to deal with this encounter with Theo. But she knew she had to. She couldn't let this go any further.

She'd spent the morning talking to contractors and hated to admit that Theo was right, it was a world where a single woman could be ripped off terribly. Suddenly she realised that his help would make this easier. She just wasn't' sure she could spend much time in his company without falling for him all over again. He'd done enough that he didn't deserve anything from her, but the way he'd held her the previous evening, or rather the way it had felt to be held in his arms was painful. She didn't feel strong enough to fight that, she had to keep him at arm's length.

As she perched in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil her phoned bleeped. For a moment her heart pounded thinking it might be Theo. But it was Lilah, and Nina could release the breath she was holding.

"Hey gf, how goes it? I'm up at 7am in the City that never sleeps, and it made me think of you. Who else is up and happy at this ungodly hour? Called the house and you're not there...all good?"

It was almost as though Lilah was telepathic; she was almost tempted to reply "I'm shitting myself at the thought of telling Theo he's my baby daddy." But she hadn't told her friend. And that made her feel dreadfully guilty.

"I'm at my Dad's trying to work out what needs to be done to bring it to the twenty first century. Looking like being a bigger job than I thought! Missing you though bff. We need some catch up now that I'm feeling better, xx"

There was no response for a while, and it wasn't until she was halfway into drinking her herbal tea that her phone bleeped again.

"Defo baby. Can you get out here? Me and you and a series of wine bars and hot men?"

She wished that it was as simple as that. Instead she promised to call her after she'd finished her working day.

Returning to her drink, her pregnancy substitute for her much loved coffee, she groaned. How did her life get so complicated? How did she create such a web of lies? She had to change that. As the doorbell rang she took a deep breath. Tell Theo, then call Lilah. She had to tell her today. Then she could start planning what the rest of her life would be.

By the time she reached the front door she'd managed to find a calm façade from somewhere inside herself, and as she pulled open the door she plastered a smooth and hopefully emotionless smile on her face.

But it wasn't Theo stood on her doorstep, but Gabriel. His eyes were dark and his expression solemn. Immediately she knew, Mansell.

"Est parti?" He's gone?

As Gabriel nodded she felt grief wash over her.