Chapter Fifty Five

It was sunny, not really warm, but a nice day to send off such a wonderful old man. Gabriel had phoned Nina the previous evening offering to accompany her, but after Theo's comments about him the previous week, she was suddenly suspicious of his intentions. So she was travelling alone.

She pulled her black faux fur trimmed jacket over the only black dress she owned. It was tight to the waist then flared into the skirt and it was the first time she'd looked pregnant in her own eyes. She wished her jacket was longer, would cover her better because it felt so exposing stepping out like this. She wished she'd gone back to Brighton and got more clothes...but this was all she had that was suitable. It would have to do.

The service was being held in a crematorium in west London, not far from his family home. She ordered a taxi to take her there, and it dropped her at the imposing arch way at one end of the cemetery. She knew the funeral cortege would arrive from the gates at the opposite end of the cemetery, and she was glad about that. She needed time to herself, she wasn't part of the family and she didn't want any fuss, any disruption. This day most definitely wasn't about her, she wanted to pay her respects anonymously, then go home and prepare for her meeting with Theo.

The chapel was an old building predating Victorian times by a long way with several crypts and mausoleums near its entrance. She entered the door, glad that the hearse hadn't arrived. An immaculately suited man smiled as she entered and handed her a booklet, Mansell's face smiling at her from the cover. It was a picture taken when they'd been in France the previous year; he was wearing a suit and his medals at the anniversary of D-Day...where this story started. Look where she'd ended up.

Taking a seat in one of the back rows, she was relieved to see the chapel start to fill, she was anonymous in a crowd, and that was what she wanted. She didn't recognise anyone until one of the managers from the home in Brighton walked in, but by thin it was too busy for her to be spotted. A woman in her sixties sat next to her, smiling as she looked at her own order of service.

"He was my first boss." She turned to smile at Nina. "My first ever job. What a gentleman."

Nina nodded, but she was too emotional to make conversation, so she mumbled, "that he was."

When the building hushed at the arrival of Mansell, the place was full, bar the front two rows which were reserved for family.

The vicar led the coffin in; it was carried by eight uniformed men, and draped in the regimental flag of the team he served with when he'd been in the military. She felt her knees weaken at the sight of it, behind it walked Daniel and Theo, Helene sandwiched between them, their arms linked. Gabriel and his sister Claudine behind them. There was one other man, older with a ruddy complexion, and it wasn't until he turned to look slightly in her direction that she spotted the similarity, that was be Hugh, Mansell's son...and Daniel and Theo's father. She'd never seen him before, but there was no love lost between them all, she could feel the hostility from her seat.

The service started as usual with a hymn, and talking, but she was shocked when Daniel stood and gave a eulogy. He spoke about the young man Mansell had been, his work, growing up his wife, his son. He didn't hint at Hugh being such a letdown, and then added himself, Theo and then Melody to the story.

"He was a great man, my grandfather, but none of us appreciated such huge parts of his life until more recently. Until last year none of us knew about the role he played in the D-day landings, watching his brother die, but ultimately being a part of one of the greatest military strategies ever known. We also didn't know that there he fell in love, and when he wanted to go out for the anniversary celebrations of seventy years, none of us realised how important returning to Normandy was. That was when a friend of his Nina took him there." She gasped when she heard her name, but Daniel wasn't finished.

"The greatest thing that anyone could have done for him. He was a different man when he came back, recognised by friends, family and more as he should have been, as a hero, it was with the satisfaction that he'd finally met up with the woman he'd fallen in love with as a teenager, and consequently, the family he didn't know he had.

"So today a whole new branch of the family are here to say goodbye, and he was grateful until his last day that he'd had the chance to meet them all, have the chance to get to know those he didn't already. Thanks to Nina Willoughby."

As he ended the eulogy and nodded to the vicar, he scanned the crowd, then smiled when he finally found her face, her tear streaked emotion ravaged face. When the smile dropped, he stepped down and the vicar concluded the ceremony.

Rather than the coffin being taken away, such a painful and vivid separation that had happened at all of the cremations that Nina had been to in the past, the family had chosen for Mansell to remain in position until everyone had left. She stayed in her space and watched the family leave, with everyone else filing out of the chapel behind them.

Nina didn't follow though. It was almost eerily quiet in the chapel only her and Mansell were left. With a sigh, she walked up the aisle to the coffin, glad of the chance to speak to him, her own goodbye of sorts.

Pulling the single yellow rose from her bag, she walked up the aisle to the coffin. The family wreaths of flowers sat along its length, but there was room for the one flower to rest between them. The she placed her hand onto the edge of the smooth wood and sighed, "I still wish I wasn't saying goodbye to you so soon. It hasn't been long enough." She stifled a sob, but her tears had been free flowing all afternoon. "You changed my life in so many ways Mansell, and I'm a better person for knowing you. I hope you realised that."

"He did."

The deep voice penetrated her senses at the same moment a warm hand touched her shoulder. She hated that she responded so violently to Theo, but she did. She didn't need to look to know it was him; she wouldn't have had to even if he hadn't spoken. She wanted to spin around and fall into his arms, but she couldn't.

Instead she murmured, "I hope so. He was a great man."

His hand slid across her to the opposite shoulder as he pulled her closer to him, she could feel the warmth through her coat, her body wanted to fully lean back into the safety of his embrace, but her head wouldn't let her.

"Enjoy the memories Nina. It's all you can do in this situation. Don't keep the guilt going any longer."

Finally she could drop her hand from the coffin, "goodbye again Mansell."

Swiping at her tears she turned, but Theo blocked her path, "Nina."

She shook her head, "it all hurts too much Theo, I can't do this."

His eyes were studying her intently as he nodded, "I know."

Then he wrapped his arms around him, and this time she let herself collapse against the solid wall of his chest.

Theo's heart was racing, he knew she'd feel it, but it seemed like a lifetime since he's last held her in his arms. His shirt felt damp from her tears, but he didn't care, not whilst he could feel the hard swell of their baby against him. She had been through so much, and essentially she was more alone than he had ever been. He wanted to be that man, he wanted to plug the void, but she hated him...or rather she didn't trust him, was wary of him. It was his job to reassure her, make her believe in their future together.

"Sorry, I've soaked your shirt."

He glanced down there was a damp patch on his shirt, but he didn't care. Four of the funeral directors were hovering waiting to move Mansell to wherever he went to now, they could wait. Nothing was more important than this, here, now.

Using his thumbs, he swiped the tears from her face, "you look perfect!"

She grimaced, "I doubt that. Sorry...I'm not normally like this...I think it's my hormones."

He chuckled, a warm sound, "they do that to you so I hear."His eyes flowed over her and he smiled, "you look amazing though. Really well."

She blushed, "I can't bend over properly and my feet are swollen...I've felt better."

"I mean it Nina, you look amazing, it suits you. Mansell would have loved knowing about this you know. "

She stepped back; she wasn't enjoying the intimacy of the moment, "I told him, that night...the last time I saw him. He squeezed my hand, I'm sure he heard me. I know he was pleased."

Theo's eyes were wide, "I hope that's true...more than anything. I'm pleased too. You know that, don't you?" Her face had dropped, so he used his hand to lift her eyes back to his, "don't hide from me."

She sighed, "look I'm fraught, this has been so hard, you're right the guilt...it's so much more than just today." She let out a long breath, "and I know that this baby is good news, for all of us, but I don't know how 'us' will work anymore. And I can't do this today."

He dropped a kiss on her forehead, "I promised you tomorrow. Will you come back to the local pub with us? They've put on a spread for Mansell...he'd want you to be there."

She shook her head, "I'm tired. You'll come to me tomorrow?"

He nodded, "I want to come at like six am, but I presume that's a little early for you. I drop Melody to nursery at half past eight; I'll pick us up some breakfast and be there for just after nine."

She bit her bottom lip and he knew that she was wanting to fight what she perceived as him controlling things, then she looked up at him, "Max told you about the state of my kitchen, hey?"

Chuckling, he placed a hand on her shoulder, "text me what you want for breakfast, I'm not sure what you're craving these days."

The only response was a sad smile, and then she disappeared in the opposite direction to everyone else.

It had been an exhausting day for Theo, greeting friends, acquaintances and family for a few hours, then he and Daniel took Mansell's favourite whisky and sat beside the fire in the lounge and drank to the old man's memory.

"Do you think we'll see Helene and the twins again?"

Theo savoured a mouthful of the expensive malt as he contemplated that, "not sure, Gabriel...no, but the other's they're good people...and she, Claudine is our cousin...we aren't exactly overwhelmed with family."

"True. What about Nina? She looked devastated during the service."

He nodded, "she was pretty cut up, but then they were close...she chose to spend time with him, that's different to being committed by blood."

"Never thought of it like that. She's well though?"

Theo thought back to the moments he'd held her earlier, then sighed, "yep. She's doing well. I'll find out the details tomorrow."

"You nervous?"

He ran his finger around the rim of the glass, "don't know if nervous is the term I'd use. I'm terrified that I'm going to blow it, that I'm going to lose my chance with her. I mean the baby...shit I'll do anything I can for it. But I want to do it with her, not from a distance. I just need her to know that, and for her to believe me."

Daniel gave a knowing nod, "not easy...you've blown it a few times with her already."

"I know. And I don't expect it to all fall back into place...I just need some time to prove things to her, you know?"

Daniel raised his glass and clinked it against his brother's, "I want that for you too mate. Just be patient, give her space and time. You can't rush this bro; you've got to let her come around."

He nodded, "I'm not patient when it comes to her, but I am really aware that she'll think I'm only interested because of the baby, and I'm not Dan, it's her."

Daniel grimaced, "I know you do. But as you know, I'm not the one who needs convincing."

Nina woke with a headache, she felt as though she'd been through an old fashioned mangle. When she'd seen the doctor they'd warned her about headaches, but this felt like a stressful one rather than blood pressure related. But then she wasn't about to be stupid, if the headache persisted for another couple of hours then she'd call the doctor. She wasn't about to be reckless.

After a shower she felt a bit better. As she dried her hair with a towel she remembered to text Theo and request anything meat related for breakfast. She could never be vegetarian.

She had made a pot of coffee, despite the smell turning her stomach, and was drinking a cup of fruit tea when the door was knocked.