Warning: this chapter contains homosexual slurs, bullying, and talk of self-harm

Chapter Four

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The moment Eli stepped through the doors at school he wanted to go home. He wasn't ready to face the staring and the whispering that was to follow again. Eli avoided the main halls to get to his locker, keeping his head low in his hood. He blasted his music through his earbuds to drown out everyone around him, walking so quickly he was almost running.

When he got to his locker he put in the combination and pulled it open roughly. A note fluttered to the floor in front of him. Closing his eyes briefly, he sighed and reached down to pick it up. When he stood back up, he unfolded it and read it quickly.

Just do the world a favour, and kill yourself, fag.

'Maybe I will.' He thought to himself as he tore up the note and let the pieces fall to his feet. 'Doesn't sound like such a bad idea at the moment.' Eli's locker slammed shut and he jumped back, looking up at the culprit. Hayden towered over Eli, a blank look on his face. He thought after yesterday things would smooth over because he assumed Hayden wasn't angry, he was just upset and confused. Eli knew he was very wrong when Hayden grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and slammed him against the row of lockers.

"You fucking lied to me, Bea told me everything that happened. She said you drunk dialled her that night." Hayden spat out the words like they were bitter on his tongue.

"No," Eli whispered, fear striking him. What else had he told Bea on the phone? He had no recollection of doing it in the first place, let alone what he said. Hayden raised his fist in the air and just as Eli opened his mouth to say something else, Maxxie pulled Hayden away from him. Frustratedly, Eli stormed out of the school before the first period even started. Maxxie called after him, but he ignored him and ran.

His lungs burned from running and his legs felt like they were about to give out, but he made it to his safe haven. Looking out over the small town, he collapsed to the ground to catch his breath. Eli sat up and searched through his bag for his cigarettes. Of course, the solution to aching lungs was something that caused just that.

Eli stared at the flame of the lighter that hovered close to the end of the cigarette. He brought it towards the cigarette and lit it, but didn't let the flame diminish, he just kept staring at it. He rolled up his sleeve, inching the lighter closer and closer to his bare skin.

"Thought I'd see you here eventually." Eli jumped back, dropping the lighter and almost the cigarette that hung loosely between his lips. He pulled down his sleeve and took the cigarette from his lips, holding it between his fingers and standing up.

"Yeah, sorry about yesterday I totally forgot about my sister..." Eli's eyes drifted from him and to the ground, not wanting to make eye contact.

"It's fine, don't worry about it." Kael dug his shoe into the ground, and there was a pause of silence. "So about what happened...

"I'm- I think I'm gay." Kael's eyes met Eli's and then he laughed dryly.

"You think?" Kael strode towards him until there was barely enough room between them to breathe. "I think it's pretty damn obvious you are."

"Then what does that make you? You kissed me then tried to say you weren't gay." Eli asked, challenging him. He dropped his gaze down to the cigarette in Eli's hand.

"That cigarette is going to go to waste if you know, you don't..." he moved his hands, imitating the motion of smoking and Eli looked down at it, then brought it to his lips. "Didn't take you as much of a smoker, to be honest." In response, Eli just shrugged and gestured the cigarette toward him. He smiled and took it from Eli, then examined it before taking a long drag then passing it back.

"You didn't answer my question though." Eli pointed out, dropping the cigarette onto the ground and stepping on it to put it out. "If I'm gay, what does that make you?"

"A hell of a queer in some shape or form." He sighed and looked off into the distance. "Most of the time I'm not interested in people, just sex. Other times though, when I am interested in people, it's a wide variety, pretty much anyone. So I'm not quite sure what to call myself."

"A sex addict?" Eli suggested and Kael gave him a flat look.

"Funny," said Kael, unamused. Eli couldn't tell if he was actually upset, but he regretted what he said anyway. "I came out a few years ago, but I hated the label, you know? So I just coast along with whatever feels right."

"Mhm..." Eli nodded, wishing the cigarette was back between his lips, but he needed to pace himself with them.

"There's another thing I wanted to talk to you about..." Kael's eyes drifted down to Eli's arms. "I know you don't want to talk about it, but Eli..." Kael stepped towards Eli, grabbing his hands and squeezing lightly.

"It does help. In a dark, twisted and fucked up way, it helps." Kael gave him a look of pity and Eli looked away. Pity isn't something Eli wanted, especially not from him. That's why it's something he hides and doesn't tell anyone about. Eli didn't want to go any further into the topic, and was going to make an excuse to get out of the conversation.

"Well, I've gotta go, my client is probably waiting for me," said Kael, wanting to leave so he didn't upset Eli further. Eli frowned, but inside he was thrilled he didn't have to talk about it anymore, it wasn't something he talked about, not out loud at least, it made him uncomfortable and gave him anxiety attacks.

"Client?" Eli asked confused because he thought Kael was still in high school.

"Yep, photographer remember?" Kael raised an eyebrow at him, a smirk placed upon his lips. "Didn't think it was more than a hobby, eh?"

"No, not really," Eli admitted with a small laugh. "Can I get your number?"

"Thought you'd never ask." His smirk turned into a genuine smile and Eli couldn't help but smile as well. He handed Kael his phone and he typed in his number quickly. "Now I really have to go. See you around."

"See you..." said Eli as Kael ran off, disappearing into the dense forest. Taking a look down at his phone, Eli saw that Kael had put his name in with a winking face and he laughed lightly. Checking the time, Eli noticed that first period was halfway over and decided to head back to school, hoping to be back for the second. Kael was just what he needed to calm down, even if he was slightly upset over the confrontation of his unhealthy self-medication.

On his way back, he lit another cigarette, seeing as his last one kind of went to waste.

His walk back took longer than expected, strolling in late to his second-period class. Eli's teacher didn't notice as he slipped through the door and walked quietly to his seat, the smell of cigarette smoke clung to him, but he didn't care.

Kael had been on Eli's mind the entire day and when the bell rang ending school, he went down to the library to check on the old yearbooks. He went through all of them from the past few years, figuring he graduated not too long ago. 'Kael Sinclair,' he read and when he looked at the picture, he was taken aback. Kael looked so different than he did when Eli met him. In the picture, his blonde hair was dyed black and his clothes were just as dark. He looked damaged, even more so than Eli did. Eli wondered what happened to him and why he was the way that he was.

Flipping through the pages of the yearbook, he began to know Kael a little bit better. He was in the photography club and won some awards for his pictures. Kael wasn't in very much else, except the talent show, where he was playing the drums in a punk band. Eli moved on to the yearbook before this one and didn't see him anywhere. Eli was so intrigued, Kael was such a mysterious person and there had to be so much to his story that he desperately wanted to know.

With a sigh, Eli closed the yearbook and put it away, then headed out of the school. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled it out quickly, anticipating a text from Kael. Once eli saw his name, his face lit up and he called Kael, just as the text asked him to.

"Hey," said Kael, "some friends of mine are hanging around in my basement chilling, wanna come over?"

"I'm fine, thanks though." Eli wanted to see Kael, but not with his friends around. They were much older than him and he thought it would be weird.

"We've got booze," he said, trying to convince Eli to come. Eli bit down hard on his lip, trying to decide what he should do. The mention of alcohol persuaded him enough and he caved.

"Alright, I'll be there. What's your address?" There was a pause, and Eli could hear Kael's friends laughing in the background.

"You know what, I'll come get you, my house is hard to find. Where are you?"

"I'm at the school," said Eli as he sat down on the curb, setting his bag down on the ground beside him.

"Alright, see you soon." Before Eli could reply, Kael hung up. Eli pursed his lips then sighed. Taking his notebook from his bag, he began to write about how he has been feeling lately with Kael and his increasing self destructive behaviours. His mind was still foggy about everything that happened. When he hurt himself he thought it was just a fantasy, that he hadn't actually done it, but he did. Sleeping with Kael, it was all impulsive, if he would've had the chance to think it through with a sober mind, he probably wouldn't have done it. It made him feel weird and used in a way because he genuinely liked Kael, but he didn't know how Kael felt about him or about anything that happened.

The screeching of tires gained his attention and he looked up as a car sped through the parking lot, swerving every which way. Eli put his notebook back in his bag and stood up just as Kael stopped in front of him. He had one hand on the steering wheel and a cigarette in his other. Dark rimmed sunglasses covered his eyes and he was wearing a leather jacket. Eli got in and laughed. "What?" Kael asked and pushed his sunglasses down to see Eli better.

"You're fucked out of your skull, aren't you?" Kael pushed his sunglasses back up and grinned deviously.

"Of course I am," he said and then drove off. Eli pushed play on the radio, and Queen began to blast through the speakers. Kael tapped along on the steering wheel, knocking ashes from his cigarette onto the seat of his car. Eli snagged the cigarette from him, and breathed in deeply, then blew the smoke out the window.

Kael drove way over the speed limit as the wind blew through their hair. Eli smiled as he enjoyed the warm breeze on his skin. His heart raced, pumped full of adrenaline that any minute they could be pulled over, or have the car be flipped over into a ditch As it grew hot in the car, Eli hesitated before he rolled up his sleeves, then flicked the cigarette out the window. Kael took notice and glanced down for a moment at Eli's arms, but then back to the road. He slowed down when he approached a narrow dirt road, and then pulled into a driveway that went deep into the forest. Eli admired the acres of trees surrounding the house as Kael pulled up to it. He turned off the car and got out, Eli following close behind.

As they approached the door, Eli pulled his sleeves back down and Kael stopped him. "You don't have to be ashamed of them, Eli, and my friends aren't going to judge you. Some of them have struggled with it as well." Kael tried to be reassuring, but Eli wasn't the kind of person to just have that out in the open.

"Thanks, but I'm just not comfortable..." Eli trailed off and Kael nodded, understanding. They headed into the basement where loud chatter was coming and Kael interrupted them.

"Guys, this is Elijah, treat him like one of our own." His friends waved to Eli, and he waved back shyly, then sat down. A girl with dark hair narrowed her eyes at him as if she was trying to figure out where she recognized him from.

"Wait, Elijah? Like the fag who told Bea to kill herself, Elijah?" She asked angrily.

"I didn't te-" Eli was quickly cut off by Kael.

"Danielle, fag, really?" He asked and she rolled her eyes.

"Sorry, forgot you were bi." Danielle stood up and walked over to Eli, leaning in close. "If you ever fucking talk to my little sister like that again, I'll have your fucking head. Got it?"

"I-I didn't tell her to kill herself!" He stuttered out in a panic, trying to defend himself and she looked at him, her expression confused. "She lied. All I said to her was that if she kept hurting herself, people were going to see her as attention-seeking because she told me the reason she was doing it is to seem dark and depressed."

Danielle took a second to think, "it wasn't your place, Elijah."

"I'm sorry, I was just trying to look out for her," Eli frowned, looking down at his hands.

"But thank you for trying," she smiled and Eli looked up, smiling back. He knew if he just had a chance to explain it to someone, they would understand he was just trying to help, he wasn't trying to hurt her or offend her. No one would listen to him though or give him a chance to tell his side of the story.