Warning: this chapter contains talk of suicide and suicidal thoughts, as well as homosexual slurs and self-harm

Chapter Two

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The bell rang, signalling the end of the school day. A sea of people exited from their classrooms into the hallway. Eli got caught right in the middle, being pushed towards the front doors with no way to escape, as if they were a school of fish, too scared to break away. A few of them diverted to their lockers, or through different doors leading out of the school. An arm wrapped around Eli's shoulders and pulled him from the crowd. He looked up to see his friend Hayden, the only true friend he felt he had right now, smiling widely.

"Up for a party tonight, bro?" He asked and Eli looked at him confused.

"But it's Tuesday." Eli pointed out, looking around at the now empty hallway with few students lingering at their lockers as he was.

"Has that ever stopped us?" Hayden chuckled and Eli cracked a smile, shaking his head lightly while looking down at the ground. His eyes met Hayden's, with his eyebrow raised and a grin placed on his lips.

Eli replied, "never." Hayden patted him on the back with a laugh and they headed outside.

"For real though, it's Josh's birthday and his parents are out of town so he's throwing a sick party," he said, clearly looking forward to it.

"Sounds like it. Girls, booze and no parents? How could it not be." Eli didn't like the social aspect of parties, he would be much more comfortable chilling at home with a few of his friends and a bottle of whiskey, but it was hard for him to do that when none of his friends had parents who were cool enough to let them.

"Well, see you there. I'll text you the info," he said and ran off, calling out to a guy drowning in his dark hoodie.

Eli made his way to the hill again, it was kind of a routine. He went to school, then to the hill, and then went home for dinner. It's been that way since he started high school. Even in the rain, he would trudge through the mud. Walking through the forest, he admired everything around him, as if it was the last time he was going to see it. The leaves had started to change colours and a few fell to the ground in front of him. The sky was a dark grey, and it looked like it was about to storm, yet a warm breeze passed over him. Eli stared at the contrasting colours of orange and grey above him as he walked, until there was a sudden thud.

Eli's palms hit the first path and groaned in pain, opening his eyes that shut impulsively on impact. Eli thought he ran into a tree or tripped over a root, but to his surprise, there was another person on the ground in front of him, rubbing his head.

"Oh god, I'm so sorry," said Eli when he stood up. He extended a hand to help him, and he looked up at Eli, his piercing blue eyes panicked. Reluctantly, he grabbed Eli's hand and he pulled him up.

"It's okay, I should've been paying attention." He looked down at the ground and then reached to pick up his camera, frowning at the cracked lens. "I think the worst part is I saw you, but I was looking through my camera so I didn't think you were that close."

He turned the camera screen towards Eli, an image of him appeared on the screen and he took the camera to look closer. In the image Eli was paying no attention to his surroundings, just looking up and admiring everything, with the grey sky separating from the golden forest.

"Wow, you're really good," Eli said as he handed the camera back to him.

"Thanks..." There was a pause as he kicked the dirt and both of them waited for the other to say something. "Well I better go, I need to get this fixed as soon as possible."

"Ok, good luck." He nodded to Eli and walked past him. Before Eli even took a step forward, he heard the guy yelling.

"My name's Kael, by the way," Eli spun around and smiled as Kael waved.

"I'm Elijah," he yelled back with a small laugh, waving as well.

"See you around, Elijah," said Kael, jogging into the forest, disappearing almost instantly.

"See you around," Eli said to himself, a silly smile stuck on his lips.
When he got to the peak of the cliff, he sat down and laid out his homework in front of him. Eli was not extraordinary at anything, at least that's what he thought. He wasn't over intelligent, or super creative, nor could he run a marathon; he was just average in his own eyes, maybe even below.

Eli didn't consider school important, if someone asked him where he saw himself in 5 years, he would have told them 6 feet underground in a wooden casket. Though if his mindset was changed, he would have told them he wanted to be an author or a poet. He knew he wouldn't get very far in modern literature, but he would rather do something he loved than something he loathed. He always thought about how teachers should be asking students what they would love to spend the rest of their life doing, and have them focus on that, as well as parents, and not have them force being a doctor or a lawyer down their throats. Eli didn't want to do something he hated for the rest of his life because he would grow unhappy, and lonely, and off himself because he wouldn't be able to handle the repetition of doing the same mind-numbing thing every single day just to pay the bills.

His mind was running a million miles a second and he closed his eyes to focus on them all. Trying to go through each thought was like counting grains of sugar; it was almost impossible. Just as he thought he could collect them all, his phone rang and he snapped open his eyes, pulling his phone from his pocket and answered it.

"Hello?" He said, closing his eyes to rub them and yawning.

"Eli, the fuck bro, do you not check your phone? I texted you like, 8 times. Where are you, man?" Hayden said loudly through the phone, his tone angry, but laced with concern. Eli opened his eyes and looked up at the dark sky in confusion.

"Holy fuck, what time is it?" Eli asked and stood up, grabbing his bag

"Eli, what the hell do you mean what time is it? Were you sleeping or something? It's 9:00, the party started an hour ago." This happened to Eli fairly often, he'd get so engrossed in his thoughts that he would lose track of time. It started with a few minutes going by, but it turned into hours as he had more to think about.

"Shit, I'll be there soon," said Eli as he began walking quickly, "Did you text me the address?"

"Sure did, see you soon." Hayden hung up the phone and Eli rushed home to drop off his bag. As soon as he stepped through the front door, he ran into his mother who was headed upstairs.

"Hey, Hun, where have you been? I tried calling you," she asked and Eli groaned internally, not wanting to worry his mother. She had enough on her plate with work and taking care of his other siblings that he didn't want to burden her.

"I was doing homework and I had my phone turned off. Sorry about that," Eli paused briefly, "can I stay over at Hayden's for the night? I'll come back for my bag in the morning."

"Of course, just don't forget you have to pick up Fawn from school tomorrow," she said smiling and hugged him goodbye.

"Ok, I love you mom," Eli said and kissed her on the cheek before he ran out of the house and around the block to the party.

When he walked in, it was like a scene from a movie. The house was filled with people dancing and drinking from red solo cups. People were flirting against the walls, others making out like there was no one else in the room. The last party Eli went to was very similar to this one, but there were twice the amount of people all crammed together in a small house.

Someone tapped on Eli's shoulder and he turned around, only to be met face to face with Maxxie, his eyes bloodshot, a grin placed upon his lips. He was teetering back and forth, unable to maintain his balance.

"Hey man," he said and Eli stifled a laugh. He hadn't seen Maxxie this fucked up before, and for some reason Eli found it hilarious.

"Hey," replied Eli and then there was a short pause. He opened his mouth to say something else, but Maxxie got distracted and walked away. Eli pursed his lips and walked towards the kitchen, searching around for some alcohol, and figuring that the room with the loud commotion coming from it was the jackpot. When he entered he saw Hayden laying on the tiled floor, a tube placed in his mouth and a few guys around him held it up in the air.

"Where the hell is the thing?" One of the guys asked loudly while he searched through the drawers and cupboards aggressively.

"What thing?" Eli asked and Hayden looked up at him, surprised, and pulled the tube from his mouth to stand up.

"You made it!" He exclaimed and rushed over to Eli, pulling him into a hug. "We're looking for a funnel, so I can chug some beer."

"Found it!" The guy announced triumphantly, holding it high in the air like it was a trophy. Everyone in the room cheered and Hayden high fived the guy.

"Let's fuckin'go!" Hayden hollered and repositioned himself on the floor, as he was when Eli came in.

"Why don't you sit in like, a chair or something? I don't think it's going to end well if you lay on the floor." Hayden bit his lip and looked around to the guys that were holding the tube.

"Genius." Hayden got up quickly and disappeared to look for a chair. Eli chuckled and exited the kitchen, still on the hunt for something to get him fucked up.

He ended up in the dining room, where different bottles of alcohol were scattered on top of a table. Eli circled the table and read some select bottles, then decided on a bottle of Smirnoff vodka. He opened it up and started to drink rather than getting a cup. It burned on the way down, and Eli's faces scrunched up in disgust. He pulled the bottle from his lips and gave his body a moment to recover, then went to take another sip, but a voice stopped him.

"Save some of that for me," they said in a sultry tone. Eli looked up in shock, his eyes meeting the guys' from the forest. "Told you I'd see you around." Kael took the bottle from his hand and he was too shocked to disagree. He tilted back the bottle and downed twice as much as Eli did and winced at the burning sensation, handing it back to Eli.

"What are you doing here?" Eli asked and put the bottle back on the table.

"Well, a friend of a friend told me there was a party going down, and I thought, why not? Free booze and drugs on a fucking Tuesday? Hell yeah," he said with a smirk, "what about you? What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at home studying or something?"

"Same reason you're here." Eli attempted to sound intimidating, but it came out the complete opposite. Kael laughed then walked over to the table, and picked up a half-filled bottle of whiskey, then left the room. Scoffing, Eli picked the bottle of vodka up again and drank the rest, then grabbed a beer and headed back into the kitchen.

Hayden was sat on a chair as the guys poured can after can into the funnel, and as entertaining as it may have been, Eli was upset and left the room. He ended up in the living room where mostly everyone was. Eli's eyes scanned the room and he noticed Kael sitting on the couch, a blonde girl was on his lap kissing his neck. He seemed more amused with the bottle of whiskey as he sipped on it and looked around the room at everyone else. His eyes landed on Eli and he raised an eyebrow. Eli panicked and swung around, heading upstairs into an empty room.

Eli sat on the edge of the bed, he could feel the alcohol course through him. With every sip of beer, he felt himself slip further into intoxication. His lips began to lose their feelings and his fingers began to tingle. He brought the bottle to his lips for another sip and was left disappointed when there was nothing left. Eli dropped the bottle to the floor and stood up quickly. He regretted it as he almost fell over. Opening the door, he stumbled to the top of the staircase and looked down.

"Fuck." He muttered to himself and paused before attempting to conjure up the ability to walk properly. Eli took a step forward, thinking that he was capable, but after a few steps he tumbled down the stairs, landing at the bottom with a thud.

"You're kind of a dumbass," Kael said with a short laugh, extending an arm to help him up. Eli scoffed as he looked up at him from the floor and pushed his arm out of the way, getting up on his own. He walked into the dining room, Kael following closely behind.

"What do you want?" Kael asked Eli as he gestured to the table.

Eli looked at the table indecisively then said, "anything, all of it."

"Alright, how about some brandy?" Kael picked up the bottle and poured some into a cup for Eli. "You don't get the whole bottle this time."

"Fuck you," said Eli, as he drank all the contents of the cup and took the bottle from him.

"Alright," he laughed and took a step toward Eli, grabbing his waist and pulling him in. As their lips touched, the bottle slipped from Eli's hand and smashed on the ground. The smash drew some attention towards them, and Kael jumped back in realization of what he did. Eli looked up at him in confusion, frozen where he stood.

"Whoa, Elijah, I'm not gay..." Were the first words Kael uttered out and he looked around worriedly as if Eli was the one who came on to him.

"I-neither am I?" Kael grabbed a bottle off the table and hurried away, footsteps of him going up the stairs echoed through the house. Eli glanced behind him, to make sure not too much attention was drawn to them, then his eyes met Hayden's, who looked angry.

"Hayden, I'm no-" Hayden turned and walked through the nearest doorway, getting lost in the crowd of people. There it was, his last friend slipped right through his fingertips and he couldn't do a damn thing about it.

Eli grabbed a beer off the table and rushed upstairs. The door to the room he was in before was closed, so he resorted to the bathroom where he sank to the floor and set the beer beside him. He rested his head in his hands, breathing deeply while tears fell from his eyes unwillingly and soaked into his shirt. His chest began to ache over the secret that was exposed, a secret he didn't even know he had.

Eli pulled himself up from the floor, bringing his beer with him. He popped the cap off and chugged it back while looking in the mirror. His black hair fell over his stormy green eyes and his face was more pale than usual. When the bottle was empty, Eli put it in the sink where it clanged around for a moment before settling in silence.

He stared into the mirror, his sadness turning quickly into anger. Eli gripped the sides of the sink, his head was foggy, but his thoughts screamed at him. In a swift motion, he grabbed the empty beer bottle and threw it at the wall. It shattered and the pieces scattered amongst the floor.

Desperately, he grabbed a shard of glass and rolled up his sleeve. He pressed the sharp edge to his wrist and held it there, contemplating whether or not he should add another scar to the collection. A knock on the bathroom door startled him, and the glass sliced across his skin. He began to bleed, and looked at his arm, his eyes wide, staring at the blood dripping off onto the ground.

"Yo, you almost done in there?" A guy yelled and banged on the door once more.

"Yeah, yeah," Eli grumbled back and quickly looked around for something to wrap his arm in. Rummaging through the medicine cabinets, he found a small roll of gauze. He rinsed off his arm, then wrapped it in gauze and tied it off in a tight knot. Eli kicked some of the glass out of the way, then rolled his sleeve down before he unlocked the bathroom door and slipped out.

The guy who was banging on the door cursed at him and he clenched his fist in anger. Eli's intoxicated body had trouble moving forward, or any direction for that matter. He hit a door by accident while he stumbled through the hallway, and it swung in, him following with it. Falling to the floor with a thud, he looked around with a quiet laugh. He kicked the door shut from the floor and laughed louder. Eli then crawled to the bed and pulled himself up, seeing the leg of someone laying down. The further he rose from the floor, he realized it was Kael. He laid peacefully, his eyes closed and his head tilted to the side.

Eli walked around the bed and nudged his arm. When Kael didn't react, Eli began to shake him roughly. He groaned and rolled off the bed, then sat up quickly, looking up at Eli.

"Sorry," Eli said sheepishly. Kael stood up and fixed his messy hair, then sat back down on the bed, adjusting his eyes to the light in the room.

"Sit," said Kael, patting the bed next to him. Obediently, Eli sat, his legs crossed and his hands in his lap. He could feel Kael staring at him, but looked around the room to avoid it. Finally, he made eye contact, but Kael quickly looked away.

"What?" Eli asked and Kael shrugged, his face turning a light shade of pink. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

"I'm not gay," he said flatly, repeating what he had said after they kissed. Eli ran his tongue over his teeth repeatedly, trying to piece together how to reply, but Kael spoke again, "I'm just drunk, ya know? It's nothing."

"Yeah, exactly." Nothing. It's always nothing to someone else, but never to Eli. He wanted to scream that it wasn't nothing to him. That it was proof of what he had always locked away, come out to bury him.

"But..." Kael reached out his arm and gently placed his hand on the side of Eli's face and leaned in. Their lips touched lightly and Eli tried to wrap what was happening around his mind. The atmosphere around them changed drastically, within a split second they went from uncomfortable silence to lust.