◤ chapter three ▸ head held high ◢

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        TESSA WOKE UP WITH a pounding headache and confusion about where she was. She sat up from the bed she was on, looking around as her hand reached to her head, hoping to soothe the pain. It did nothing. "Fuck," she swore when she realized that she was still at the party, getting to her feet and stumbling slightly.

       She looked around at the room she was in, not finding anyone else which was a good sign. Her clothes being on was also good. So, she crept out of the house, checking her phone and swearing to herself again.

       It was Thursday. Thursday meant school and judging by the time that her phone showed she was already two hours late. She pondered skipping. It had already been two hours and no one would miss her, she knew some people were rejoicing about her day off.

       And she really didn't want to see Caden yet. Well, honestly she never wanted to see him again but especially not the day after she broke up with him. Not the day after her trial. Because this was the first day without Finn, this was the first day without Finn for a whole year.

       He was gone but she was still there. She was still living and life was still swirling around her and she couldn't stop it. She couldn't just freeze her own life, couldn't just skip school until he returned. Finn wasn't coming back any time soon and she was still here. She had to move on, but she didn't want to.

       Tessa knew that she would be alone when she went to school. She would be alone when she went home. She would be alone every night unless she filled the hours with meaningless partying to try and cover the void. Nothing would ever fix it but she could pretend, at least for a moment.

       She hadn't been alone at school since the beginning of last year, when she was new and had never had true friends before. And then, her life had been clouded with people, never a moment alone it felt like. She wasn't used to it anymore and she didn't want to go back to it. That seemed so sad and lonely, she didn't want to be alone anymore, but she couldn't go back to Caden.

       He would help fill the void. He would keep her entertained, but he would also hurt her. She would be so much worse, she would deteriorate...but at least she wouldn't be alone. He would be there and she wouldn't be alone. He would smile and look so cute, he would hold her and she would feel safe in his arms. Relaxing and falling.

       No. She couldn't go back to that – she wouldn't. She deserved so much more than him and going back would be weak. She wouldn't be weak.

       But that didn't mean she was ready for school. He would be there, unrelenting because he knew that this was the time when she was the most weak – when she had gotten just a taste of freedom, of loneliness, and she wanted to forget what it was like. He would prey on her like a lion, taking her because she couldn't bare the empty house or going through her day not talking to anyone else.

       So, she went home. She went back to the apartment she had been living in for years, with old Ms. Duval who had been a widow for so long and never had her children visit her. All alone, just like she was now.

       She showered, feeling disgusting and took the painkillers to keep her head from pounding for much longer. She went to bed, ignoring the stillness that always engulfed the apartment and slept.

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         She still didn't feel much better the next day, but she couldn't stay home again. Finn wouldn't like her missing school like this, scolding her lightly for her actions before asking why she was doing this to herself. She was pulling away from everything because she already felt separated – just like Finn.

       Even the thought of that made her sick. Made guilt rush through her because she was doing this herself, Finn had no choice. Finn was stuck somewhere, life on pause, while hers was still going and she owed it to him to make it magical. To do something good with herself.

       So, she got ready for the day and pulled herself together. She could do this, she could get through one day of school. She didn't have to think about tomorrow or what would happen next, she would to focus on now and today. And she could do this.

       With her nose turned up, looking like perfection, Tessa Cormac walked the halls of Lincoln High to get to her locker. People didn't look at her, they never did and that never bothered her. No one cared about her, and maybe that was sad, but at least she wouldn't have to lie about where she was yesterday as to not relive the past two days.

       At least tomorrow was Saturday, she could do nothing and have a pity party. Finn would never need to know about that, he didn't need to know how she cried over him because he meant so much to her and she lost him. To her ex-boyfriend as well.

       The locker that was usually empty (some girl had it until she got pregnant and her parents made her drop school) had a new girl there. She had blue hair and seemed to be concentrating on opening her locker. Tessa could see all the fresh textbooks (fresh in the sense that they were new to her, not that they had been recently purchased) that she was piling into her locker before choosing which ones she would need for the day.

       Tessa never claimed to know everyone at Lincoln High, that would an obvious lie, but she knew that this girl was new. But Tessa already liked her. She looked cool and she absolutely did not care that others were glancing her way in confusion, having her name uttered and rumors spread about why she had relocated to Lincoln High of all places.

       "You have Physics first?" Tessa asked. Maybe a new friend would be good. No, she knew it would be. She needed people, that was true, and new people were always better. They didn't know her past. A fresh start for the both of them.

       The girl nodded. "Yep. How about you?" the girl then asked her.

       Tessa shook her head. She was not nearly smart enough nor did she have the track record of caring enough for that class. "It's not for me, but I can show you where the classroom is."

       The girl smiled at her appreciatively. "Thanks, and the calculus classroom?"

       "You take calculus?" Tessa asked, taken aback. She started to move with the girl behind her, shocked that someone would take those classes here. Obviously she knew that people did actually like to challenge themselves and were smart enough, but she didn't surround herself with those people and the concept just seemed foreign.

       "Yeah, but doesn't everyone?" the girl asked. An innocent yet smug tone to her words.

       Tessa snorted even though she could feel the cockiness radiating from her, knowing that it was a limited group she could apply herself to. "Not even half. You must really be something then."

       "I like to think so," she shrugged, "Oh, I'm Rylie."

       "Tessa," she introduced herself back, "Nice to meet you. Any reason you're coming to Lincoln High with classes like these?"

       "I wanna be Valedictorian, this seemed like my school if I wanted to reach my goal," Rylie said before snorting, "Kidding. I mean, it would be cool and there are definitely smarter kids at my old school who I could never beat, but I don't really care about it."

       "Yet you're taking calc," Tessa shot back at her with a raised eyebrow.

       Rylie shrugged, "I like math, as blasphemous as they may sound. And everyone just kinda took these classes."

       "What kinda school did you come from because virtually no one takes these classes here," Tessa asked her.

       "Midtown," Rylie told her.

       Tessa didn't even have to consider it for a moment before saying, "Makes sense. My friend has a cousin going there, which means I get to hear him bitch about the school all the time. His mom wanted to go there."

       "Really? Who's the friend and is he hot?" Rylie asked.

       She felt a pang in her heart because she wouldn't hear Finn bitch about the school anymore or Toni. She wouldn't be able to introduce Rylie to him because he wasn't there anymore. He was gone.

       "First," she said, deciding not to be all sad about it, "He's gay, although he is very cute. And second, he doesn't go here anymore."

       Rylie frowned. "Rats, could've gotten myself a boyfriend on my first day," she joked before asking, "Why doesn't he go here anymore?"

       Tessa shrugged. "Homeschooling," she lied.

       "Well, you'll have to introduce me sometime," Rylie told her.

       "Yeah, later. Why'd you transfer here?" Tessa asked her, wanting to steer the conversation away from Finn even though she was the one who brought him up in the first place.

       "I got kicked out," Rylie said nonchalantly, as if they were talking about the weather.

       Tessa couldn't help but choke on her spit, eyes widening. "Wait – really? Or are you just playing with me?"

       Rylie laughed. "I'm not. I got kicked out because I never did any of work – and apparently that's bad and I have to – and because I dyed my hair. Said that was the last straw and I needed to go and everything. Whatever, I don't really care. Midtown was never really for me but my parents still forced me there. Sucks for them."

       "Wow," Tessa breathed out, "You know, most people wouldn't just go around saying that. They'd lie and say something about family issues or not fitting in."

       The girl just shrugged. "I don't really care. Let people form their opinions on me, paint me as whatever they want. They already are because of my hair."

       "Oh, Kristin is really going to be on it – she's kinda the ringleader of the gossip circle," Tessa told her.

       "Good to know. Glad that I'll get people talking though, I've always liked to be the center of attention," Rylie grinned in her direction.

       Tessa laughed at her, leading her to the door where Physics was. "Here you go. Oh – and on the other side of this story are all the math classes, you'll find calc there."

       "Thanks, Tessa. See you later?" Rylie asked her.

       "With your classes, probably not. But we'll have lunch at least," Tessa told her.

       "See you then," Rylie smiled, going into the classroom and leaving Tessa.

       She didn't wait a moment before going to her own class, only have a few minutes before the late bell rang. Successfully, she avoided Caden and made sure to hold her head high.

       She didn't know if Caden had told the whole school about their breakup. Didn't know if the information had spread to his friends and then to Kristin through the one that was fucking her. She honestly could not remember his name, he was new and often forgotten, leading him to be great to get information out of for Kristin.

       Considering Caden, she decided that he probably hadn't. He was still waiting for the momen that she sprang back into his arms, begging for forgiveness and kissing him as if her life depended on it. That was how it happened every other time, so she couldn't exactly scoff at the notion because that had been her past.

       But it was her past. She was over it, she was wiping her hands of him and moving on. Her life was going forward and she wasn't going to wait anymore for it, wasn't going to subject herself to being less than him because that was what he led her to believe.

       But she didn't care even if he did tell them. He could've said they were on a break or done forever, she didn't care. She was done with him, she was paving a new path without him. All she had to do was get through her classes, at least she had Rylie with her during lunch.