◤ chapter two ▸ life of the party ◢

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TESSA FELT ODDLY COMFORTABLE at parties. Most people tensed up, the loud music pounding and leaving them with headaches, and freaked out when someone touched them. Others welcomed the alcohol, losing themselves and only beginning to enjoy the overwhelming aura of parties when the alcohol infiltrated their bloodstream and everything was slower inside until thoughts weren't clear and they were gone; the person was gone.

However, for Tessa Cormac, even standing in the middle of a room with no alcohol in her system – completely sober surrounded by drunks – she felt calm. At peace. After so many experiences there, being dragged around as the designated driver, she found herself comfortable with her surroundings. Everything about parties made her feel at home.

This was a place she knew well. She was used to people not in their right minds, she was used to the loud music and headache in the morning, and she liked it. She felt her muscles relieve themselves, closing her eyes and move along with the music as a smile graced her features. She felt good. Really, really good.

She moved to ruffle her hair, the nice look she prepared for the trial long gone as she shook her head and laughed. If everyone around her was sober they would think her insane, but lost, they welcomed the laugh and laughed along with her. These were her people, she felt at home.

It was probably wrong to think of drunks as family, to think of a stranger's home they lent out for the night as her home, but to her, someone who had spent so much time losing themselves in these scenes but finding herself as well, she connected it with safety. She was probably the only one.

And she didn't want the feeling to stop. She never wanted the feeling to stop. She moved to the kitchen, finding it easily as she moved with the stream of people, the alcohol right there waiting for her. And God, did she need it. Everyone who went to a party had a want, a need. For the general public like herself, it was to get drunk and forget. No one asked what happened, why, they all helped each other.

For others, it was to make a profit. She knew those people, the ones who didn't fully engage. They stood in a small crowd because more people looked natural, fit in more, than one lone soldier. They would wait until someone came up to them and held out cash, not fully conscious in their head to realize what they were doing, and in return they would have something to prolong a high feeling.

Then there were those who were dragged alone. The ones who stayed tense with a sharp look to their friend, only there to please them and watch over them. She knew that person well, she was best friends with that person. That person was gone now.

But everyone had a reason, and Tessa's was simple. It wasn't some deep, psychological reason that needed to be dissected, it was simple. She wanted to forget. No, she always forgot. Before, she would forget every wrong Caden committed against her and let it happen over and over again. No, she didn't want to forget, she wanted to be gone. She wanted to lose herself in the night, in the crowd, in the alcohol touching her lips now as she chugged the contents in the cup. And she would; she already was.

When she downed all of the cup, she moved to get another one before moving out of the kitchen and back to where everyone else was. Always stay with the crowd, never lose the crowd. Tessa knew how to play it safe. Alone, she was defenseless. No one was stupid enough to act with witnesses, no matter how drunk they were.

So she stayed and she danced and she smiled. She felt good in the moment, the alcohol entering her bloodstream and the disconnect from her brain appearing wonderfully. She was going, going, gone and she loved it more than anything in the world.

She sipped at her beer, letting the putrid taste into her mouth, not even thinking of the flavor. Tessa remembered, in the beginning, when Caden held her hand and introduced her to this world he laughed at the faces she made when she drank. "You'll get used to it," he told her. She thought he was lying because it was so bad, how could she get over it and begin to enjoy it? Now, it barely even registered in her brain.

Soon, the beer was gone and someone who was much more sane than her would give it a rest for a moment, letting the alcohol she had sit with her for a moment before going to get another, or maybe not even go refill her cup at all. But her name was Tessa Cormac and she was anything but sane, so she moved away from the crowd.

She looked around for a moment, surveying the crowd, just taking it in, before moving again only to be stopped with the sound of her own name. "Tessa! Hey – Hey, Tessa!" the caller shouted after her and she turned around to see a face that was all too familiar with her.

Jared Long. He was the person that got Caden into drug dealing the summer before his freshman year, he was the person that convinced Caden to get Finn into the business as well. This was the person who ruined Finn's life and she wanted to punch him.

Tessa wasn't a violent person, she really wasn't, but when she looked at Jared all she wanted to do was give him a black eye or attempt to break his nose. But instead, she smiled at him and walked towards him because they had spent countless nights together at these parties as she sat on Caden's lap, feeling good in his arms. She remembered the games Jared would play with Finn, always daring him to get a guy in the room. He'd always pick the challenges, like the sons of known drug dealers, always tell Finn to fuck the guy and steal from him. Finn always did, he could charm anyone.

"Jared, hey," she said, getting close. Jared stood up from his place with his friends. People that, at one point, Tessa would call friends as well – though that had always been a loose term.

"Hey, where's Caden? Or did he finally let you come to a party like herself since you're such a big girl?" Jared asked with a teasing tone.

Her jaw clenched at the name of her ex-boyfriend – fresh ex. God, how could she have stayed with him for so long? How could she...because she loved him. That's what she always said, she always said that she loved him and he always said the same thing back to her and she felt complete. Her life didn't need to go further, she didn't need to travel the world anymore, she had Caden and that was enough.

She wanted to travel again now.

"Caden and I aren't together anymore," Tessa informed him, watching the shock roll over his features.

"Damn, here I was thinking that Caden would never let you go," Jared then added jokingly, "He always said that no matter what he did, you'd always be there. Wonder why he gave that up. You know, since it's true and all."

Her head turned up, ashamed of herself because she had proved his statement true before. She had stayed with him when he lied to her, when he cheated on her. But a sense of pride was felt as well, since she had broken it; she didn't stay. She left.

"Actually, I broke up with him," Tessa said. She wasn't going to lie and feed into Caden anymore, she was done with him. And part of that meant not lying to protect him. She was the one who finished their relationship and she was going to tell the truth.

"Fuck. You got some balls on you, girl," Jared said, probably meaning it as a compliment but Tessa didn't take it that way.

"Thanks," she said dryly, "Well, I guess I'll be going then."

Jared made a move to grab her arm, keeping her there. "Come on, you don't have to go. Just because you aren't fucking Caden anymore doesn't mean you can't hang with us," he said.

She ripped her arm away from his grip. "Thanks, but I'm fine. I kinda just want to forget about Caden for the night."

His smile turned to a smirk, a dark look in his eyes, "Then you're in luck. You know, the ladies always say that I am great about blocking out the world for him."

That caused her to snort, looking sideways to everyone else dancing for a moment before going back to Jared. "I can assure that, as a woman, your cock is not that magical and they probably didn't say that."

"You weren't there," Jared rolled his eyes, jaw clenching, "So you don't know shit."

"You're right. I wasn't there, don't wanna be either. But whatever, if you want to believe that, who am I to stop you?" Tessa questioned, "Bye, Jared."

"No you don't bitch," he moved in front of her, "I kept my mouth shut while you were Caden's girl, but now that he's gone, you're fair game."

She took a step back. "I'm not a piece of fucking property, I was in a relationship with Caden but I wasn't his. So fuck off."

He grabbed her again and she struggled in his grip. "Let go of me, asshole!" she screeched but he just laughed.

"You'll be begging for more by the end of the night, trust me," Jared said, bringing her face up to kiss her, though she kept turning out of his direction.

"Hey!" they heard someone else say, taking him off of her, "Get the fuck off of her!"

She looked at where Jared stumbled, caught off guard by the fact that somebody else came to stop him. He looked at the guy, who was a bit shorter than him but definitely had a better build and scoffed. "Whatever, asshole," and he walked off to sit back down with his friends.

Tessa didn't even spare him a look before going to the guy who saved her. She held herself as she looked at the ground. "Thanks for helping me," she told him and he just shrugged.

"No problem," he told her, "He shouldn't have done that in the first place."

Tessa let out a chuckle, "No kidding, but it's cool that you got him off me."

"It was nothing," he said back, looking past her, "Just, be careful."

"Yeah, I will," and the guy moved past her. She watched him go, eyeing his back features and deciding that she liked it. Maybe she could find him later, when she was much more gone. She needed someone to cleanse her palette of Caden, maybe he could help.

But for now, she moved past a girl who came from the doorway and made her way to the kitchen.

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Flash didn't know what to expect when Betty knocked on his door. Dinner had just finished and he was helping his sister clean the dishes as his mother cleared the table. It was just the three of them, as it should always be, and he didn't mind how they never spoke. He didn't want to talk just yet.

But there, to disrupt the silence, Betty Brant with her bob and bangs and bright smile leaning against the doorframe as she stared at her best friend with a twinkle of mischief in her eyes. Immediately, Flash eyed her suspiciously and said, "No."

Betty scoffed at him, rolling her eyes as she stood up straight and walked through the door to enter the Thompson family home, waving at Jesse – his sister. "I haven't even said anything yet so you can't say no," she told him, turning around to look back at him.

"I just did. Whatever you want, the answer is no," Flash deadpanned, "I'm serious, Betty."

"You always are until I magically sway you," Betty teased him, "For all you know I could be asking for some help in Physics."

"We both know you aren't," Flash pointed out, going back to helping Jesse clean the dishes.

"But I could," Betty said again before joining them in the kitchen, standing beside the sink, "You're right, though, I'm not here for school. I heard about party."

"Not interested."

"Come on, Flash, loosen up. You've been tense all week with school and Decathlon isn't helping. Seriously, someone needs to tell Michelle to slow the fuck down and give us a chance to breathe, but whatever," Betty stopped herself from ranting, "And, it's in the neighborhood."

"Wonderful. Still don't care though," Flash told her, placing the last dish down in the other side of the sink with the rest of the newly washed dishes.

Betty sighed, deflating a bit before bringing up the puppy-dog eyes, "Please, Flash? It'll be fun, I promise. You can any time, so what does it matter?"

"It matters because he doesn't want to go, Betty," Jesse broke in, staring at the older girl.

"Jesse," Flash scolded her softly, though there was no real heat in it.

"What?" Jesse turned to him, "If you don't want to go, don't let her force you."

"Fine. You don't wanna go, that's fine, but I am and I'm coming over here to crash when I'm done over there," Betty said decisively.

"Betty, you can't," Flash told her, struck with fear again even though there was no reason. He felt himself tense but he told himself to calm down, there was no reason to get worked up. He was fine, he was fine, he was fine – he was.

"Why not?" Betty asked, "I'll stay on the couch and I'll be out before your mom gets up."

"You just – you can't," Flash said, heart still beating as he attempted to calm himself.

Betty stared at him for a moment, taking in his panicked state because of course she noticed – she didn't get her internship at the Bugle for nothing. "Okay, fine. God, you were a lot more fun at the beginning of year. Remember Liz's party?" she asked.

Flash did. He remembered having fun, being the DJ for the night, as he always loved. He remembered what happened the following week because of it more, he hated that memory. He didn't want that to happen again. "A lot's changed since then," he told her.

"I know. Believe me, I know that things changed," Betty said, "I just thought you would stay the same."

The way she said sent a sharp stab to his heart. Flash swallowed, attempted to look the same and he hated that just that one sentence could make him change. Could make him agree to anything because he didn't want to seem different because different was suspicious and no one could know.

"Okay, fine. I'll go with you," Flash said, watching Betty's face break out into a grin as she practically squealed as she brought him into a hug.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you! You won't regret it!" she exclaimed in his ear.

He leaned away, the noise too loud for him, though he was proud of himself for suppressing a flinch. "Whatever," he said, "Now let's go."

She broke away from him and they went to the door, Flash turning back to tell Jesse to cover for him. The girl agreed with a disappointed look towards him and he felt another sting in his heart. But he was fine, he was Flash Thompson – of course he was fine. He could never be anything else.

And as Betty said, the party was located only a few houses down and when they arrived, it was in full swing. He swallowed, hating the loud noises, but he said nothing about it. Betty grabbed his hand and rushed to the kitchen where the alcohol was always located.

She greedily filled a cup and Flash made a move to get his own, but unlike her, didn't take a sip once it was full. Flash didn't drink much, he hated alcohol, but he had to keep up a look.

They moved throughout the house, Betty immediately going into the crowd as Flash stayed by himself near the outskirts. He turned his head to find Betty before realizing that he couldn't see her and stopped. He still tensed, though.

He couldn't stop his eyes moving across the crowd hanging along the back with him. Most interestingly, he found a blonde girl talking to a guy, but not in a relaxed stance. She looked uncomfortable and kept glancing behind her, alerting Flash that something wasn't right.

He hated that look, he hated that look because he sported it so many times. She wanted someone to save her, to take her away from the situation she was in, but no one was coming.

Then, the guy grabbed her and brought her close and Flash stood up straight. She was struggling in his grip but he didn't budge, moving to bring their faces together for a kiss. Flash moved closer, setting down his cup – not that he was drinking what was in it anyway – and as he did he heard the guy say, "You'll be begging for more by the end of the night."

Disgust filled him as he yelled out. "Hey!" and he made a move to throw the guy off her, "Get the fuck off her."

The girl glanced at him but he kept his stare on the guy, who was stumbling around for another moment before stabilizing himself. The guy looked at him and surveyed to see if he could take Flash before ultimately saying, "Whatever, asshole," and walking away.

Then, the blonde girl said, "Thanks for helping me."

He shrugged, trying to act nonchalant about it even though his mind was racing and bringing back to the moments when he cried out for help yet none came. "No problem. He shouldn't have done that in the first place."

A chuckle came from her, "No kidding, but it's cool that you got him off me."

The 'other people wouldn't be as nice as you' was left unsaid, but Flash felt it in his bones. He didn't comment on that, instead settling with saying, "It was nothing. Just, be careful."

He spotted Betty behind her, raising a suggestive eyebrow at him and he suddenly hated Betty Brant more than anything, yet was grateful for her because if no, who knows what would have happened to this girl? He certainly didn't want to think about it.

"Yeah, I will," the blonde girl told him and he just nodded, walking past her and towards Betty.

"She certainly looked into you," Betty said to him when he got over to her.

Flash rolled his eyes, "Nothing like that is going to happen, Betty, so stop thinking about it."

"Oh come on, I brought you here to loosen up and part of that has to be getting you laid," Betty looked at him.

His jaw clenched. "Thanks, but I'm good," he practically snapped at her but Betty didn't flinch away from him, already used to his anger issues.

She had to be if she was going to be friends with him. Real friends, not like Cindy or Liz, who were nice but never stuck around. At least Sabrina was nice, she seemed to really care about him, but she wasn't like Betty. Betty stuck by his side through everything and was the only person he ever even thought of telling the truth.

Thought was the key word, because still, he kept it a secret from her. Paranoia always crept into him, he couldn't take a chance with this. She could tell everyone, she was the resident journalist and gossip queen of the school. Maybe that was another reason he stayed close, to make sure she would never say anything bad about it. Betty didn't spread rumors about the people she liked.

"Fine, whatever, at least finish the rest of this for me," Betty handed him her cup, knowing that he hadn't even touched his because of how long she had known him. Then, she walked away from him and he just rolled his eyes at the black of her head.

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She didn't know long she'd been at the party, but guessing by the fact that people were beginning to hook up and leave, an hour or two at least. It was probably sad that she could tell how long a party had been going on, or at least how long she had been in attendance to one just based on the fact, but that was her life and she was happy with it. It wasn't like she could change it, really.

Tessa felt lighter, less like herself, and the hands on her waist felt nice and she turned over to look the boy in the eyes and teasing him again, taking sick pleasure in watching him suffer. Then, she walked away from him and went to someone else. He wasn't the one she wanted, so why would she waste her time with him?

She moved out of the crowd, it was getting a bit too crowded for her now and she needed to pee anyway – alcohol did that. She moved through the kitchen and found the quiet hallway where there was barely anyone. She guessed that the bathroom was close.

But, as she fully entered the hallway, and she smiled as she saw him, "Hey! You're the guy from earlier!"

This was her guy, the one she wanted to fuck her and cleanse her palette from her bad ex was there and he sent her a tense smile.

"Yep, you good?" he asked her and she nodded.

"Amazing, though I could be better," she said the last party suggestively, going closer to him and stepping right into his personal bubble. "I'm sure there's a spare room here not being used."

Gently, he moved her away from where she was. "Um, I'm going to have to decline."

She frowned, "Come on. I'm okay now, all of that from before is gone and I really just need to get fucked."

"Sorry, not in the mood," the guy told her and she felt her frown deepen.

"Really? I spent all this time looking for you, even rejected another guy," Tessa told him, "Whatever, it's fine. Your loss anyway."

She moved past him, seeing a door open and peeked inside, confirming that it was the bathroom and going inside there. She looked at herself in the mirror. She knew she wasn't a model, but she didn't think she was hideous. Her roots were very apparent but that was because she just hadn't had the time to dye it, and personally she didn't think it looked that bad.

She wasn't unattractive, but maybe she had just lost her appeal. Maybe Caden had ruined her for everyone else, maybe no one else would ever want her. She felt tears spring in her eyes thinking that. God, had Caden really ruined her? Would she forever live like this, knowing that everything about her was in shambles because of him? Was he really going to win, always having control over a part of her life?

Fuck. She hated him so much, she hated that he ruined her. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

No, she wasn't going to cry over him, he didn't deserve any more of her tears. She had wasted enough on him and she was determined to never waste any more on that asshole. She was moving past him, and that meant she couldn't cry over him.

She swallowed, looking at herself and wiping the spring of tears from her eyes. She wasn't ruined, she wasn't going to let herself be ruined because of a mistake she made. Just because that dude didn't want to fuck her didn't mean no one else did, and she would find them. She would prove that she wasn't ruined for herself.

She was Tessa Cormac; she wouldn't be ruined by such a small thing.

ramblings !
this was written in comic sans yeehaw