At some point after her step-father's death, Emilia's feelings about the way he died started changing. They became confusing.

At first she was happy that she could finally be free. Then came the guilt. When she actually realised that she had, in fact, killed him and that she almost enjoyed it in a way. She became a killer. She only killed one man and is not planning on killing anyone else but still. What did it made her?
A monster? He was one for sure. Not the kind of monsters you find in stories. No a real-life human monster. So does killing a monster makes you a monster aswell? What does it make you. She still has no answers to that
She also felt afraid. She was scared that someday someone would find out how her step-father died and that it wasn't an accident. She was scared of what might happen to her if it was discovered. And she feared how people, she met when she started a new life, would see her if they ever heard about it. She never told anyone about her step-father. She "created" herself new parents. Nice ones, but parents who were not often around, because of work. If she was asked about her family she would talk about her fake one. The family she wanted to have but never actually had.