(School was already hard and ughh, annoying. But Covid made things worse. This Isn't really a poem or story, basically just a rant. This gets emotional, It's just one of those days.)

———

Staring at the board,
Copying It down,
Writing so fast and pressing down so hard,
That I put an Indent In my finger,
Can't read my handwriting,

Staring at the screen,
Can't read, can't focus,
Just listen to music,
Then forget everything,
Wanting to run away,
Just disappear to a different world,

School doesn't teach me,
Doesn't interest me,
Doesn't care about me,

Fake friends,
Carrying heavy bags,
Work I don't understand,
And even the teachers and parents can't do It,

I don't know what I want to do or who I want to be,
But there's nothing here that interests me,

Math Is used to be simple,
English used to be fun, just reading and writing short stories,
Now there's letters In math,
And you have to analyze every word In English,

PE used to be all games,
Now you have to run around until you drop,
Art and music used to be an escape,
But now we aren't being taught and the teachers hate me,

The good and quiet kid,
Teachers pet,
Good grades,
The creative artist,
The friendly one,

Now I'm just,

Stuck In my room,
Staring at the screen,
A disappointment,
Grades dropping,

Can't even do one assignment,
No friends,
Can't be motivated about anything,
Lost my spark, even for art,

Going through things at home,
School used to be the escape,
Now I can't even think of school without having a panic attack,

Like that time In computer class,
Worked on an assignment all week, just for a zero,
I couldn't speak or move,
No one saw or cared,
I was so scared,

Everyone yelling at me for bad grades and not focusing,
But never bothering to ask why,
Did they see I was suffering!?,

Lost everything I cared about,
Tired of being judged and graded,
I just wanted to feel happiness again,
I wanted to run away find peace,

Things looked as they might turn up,
The few assignments I did would be good grades,
But I didn't care enough to be able to focus on the others,

Until I got class called social problems,
I got to say my opinion on all the problems In the world,
Even though It wouldn't solve anything,
It felt good to let out my emotions,

When I went through that rough time,
A teacher actually noticed,
Even through a screen,

Some teachers even put together a box of things for me,
Oh, but they didn't know the full story,

I was a great kid,
But I saw the truth of the world,
And wanted to just sleep,
So I wouldn't have to live In this world any longer,

But after all of that,
My worst fear happened again,
I haut wanted one person to listen,
But of course they didn't
Who would ever listen to a kid?,

I lost one of the most important things In my life,
All the pain resurfaced,
Not even a year after last time,
School was the least of my problems now,

I became my family's biggest fear and disappointment,
A dropout,
But they couldn't see or understand!?,
After everything I went through!?,

I was to young for all of that trauma,
But you only cared about the numbers,
You told me to follow my dreams,
Just to shatter them,

Now I'm just sitting here,
Writing this,
Trying to make It through the day,
Over and over,

Why couldn't things be different!?,
I lost my childhood,
I lost my friends,
I lucky just to see my family twice a year,
But some of them are to toxic to say In my life,
I gave them thousands of chances,

Yet I'm still right here alone,
Even In a crowd,
No one seems to know the real me,
Except strangers online and them,

My brothers know me better than anyone,
They heard my screams for help,
Saw the signs of me drowning,
When they weren't even there with me,
They knew I was struggling and needed help,
Because they went through the same thing,

This Isn't just about school,
It's about life,

Just let me find my happiness and live,
That's all I ask for,
Unfortunately my happiness and peace will never be able to exist In this world,

So when I zone out to My Imaginary Word,
Don't judge me for It,
Because maybe you'll finally know why,
All those nights I cried,
Being stuck here,

I know I need help,
But change scares me so much,
I'll never be able to handle having a "normal" life,
And If my family finally sees the real me,
I'm scared they'll never love the true me,

So I write down my feelings,
But my fingers can only type so fast,
My brain flys faster than the music In my headphones,
And this Is only just part of my head,

The rest Is too much to write down,
You wouldn't want to see everything,
I keep quiet,
Just to spit out all my emotions,
Scaring everyone off,

That's just who I am,

Sometimes I miss having school,
A schedule, something to do,
Friends and teachers,
But I can't handle being In school anymore,

It's not about learning anymore,
It's just drama and bulling,
I hate our society and new generations,

I think humans should be wiped out,
Then I can finally find my peace.

(And having to explain why I'm not In school, sucks everytime.)