April 9th, 2019
10:52 pm

i'm tired. i feel like i've fought this battle for way too long. and i've won then i lost then i won again...but now it feels like i'm really losing this fight this time. what do i do? do i keep fighting, even though i feel like the only right thing to do is put my sword down? i keep thinking of how bad you hurt me, and how bad i hurt myself whenever you would hurt me. you would scream all these words at me i just had no idea what to do with them. those words ended up just being stuck in my head. just running around inside my skull raising its voice at me. every. freaking. second. and i try to be happy but it doesn't work. and you DO make me happy, but i guess the sadness shows more than the happy. why is that? why do i have to be so sad? why can't i just be happy..?