"suicide note" by athena c. (aka alfie)

Scars on my arms

Scars on my legs

There's a gun to my throat

And a gun to my head

My mind says

"Thanks for the relief

Thanks for the pain

Thanks for a world with both the sun and the rain"

I wish I coulda died

Died sooner than this

Died sooner with bliss

Just one last kiss

Suicide, suicide note
I'm gonna take my life

Gonna leave this world

Gone, far and farther behind

Leaving everyone, everything

Everything i see

Fuck everything at this point, right?

I'm sorry mom

I'm sorry dad

I'm sorry but I tried to be glad

But I'm just mad

Mad at you

Mad at him

But really just mad at myself

Because I can't write this fucking note

Suicide, suicide note

Watch me bleed out

As I slit my throat

I'm sorry mommy and daddy

I just couldn't be happy

I couldn't live a life full of lies

And crimes so now I'm just wrapping

Wrapping up my feelings

And throwing them out the door

But what door?

We don't have a home

And without a house we can't have any doors
But we're poor

We're living out on the streets

Without anything too eat

And only smoking until we die and can't see anything

Suicide, suicide note

You fucking bitch

Just come and pull my heart out of my throat

So I don't have to survive this life

I didn't choose to live

That I didn't choose to win

Because life is a game

And how can you win

If there are no rules or reasons behind it

Just get a piece of paper,

A rope and a pen

Write to your mama

And the family that you love

"I am not an angel

I won't see you up above

But this life is just a game

And I don't wanna be loved

I don't want to win this game

I never even liked

So now I'll tie the noose

And say nighty night."