._.__.~Dean~.__._.

Christmas. The time of celebration and happiness and presents. What did I have to be happy about anymore? Fine, I admit it, I liked Cas. I still do, in fact. I have for a while now. But now he has Felicity. And what was I left with? Nothing.

I should've told him sooner. I knew I should've. I just didn't have the guts. I was a coward, there was no doubt about it.

Ah, Christmas. The most wonderful time of the year, my ass.

But I wouldn't let my hurt get in the way of the spirit of Christmas. It was wrong of me to feel this way, I should've been happy for them. But my feelings got in the way of that.

Four days till Christmas, I was sitting in the library, drinking a beer, listening to Christmas songs on the radio. It's like they knew I was tuned in, because they started playing a... particular song.

"I'll have a blue Christmas without you,

I'll be so blue thinking about you."

Sam walked in on me sulking and got curious.

"Dean, what're you doing?" He asked me.

I glanced up at him before taking a sip of beer. "Nothing. Why?"

"Really? Because it looks like you're wallowing in self pity."

I simply scoffed. "Please." I mumbled, taking another sip.

"It's because of Cas, isn't it?"

My grip on my beer tightened slightly. "What do you mean, Sam?"

"I know how you feel about him, Dean. Trust me, I know. I've seen the way you look at him, the way you act around him. It's easy to tell."

"Alright, you know what-"

"Dean," He cut me off. "Just tell him how you feel. He might have Felicity, but he deserves to know. You need to just get this off your chest."

"Well excuse me, Dr. Phil, for not being the most touchy-feely kinda guy." I remarked sharply.

"I'm just saying, this is gonna eat you alive, man."

"So what if it does? I'm already listening to friggin Elvis!"

"What's wrong with Elvis?"

I looked up at him incredulously. "You like Elvis?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. He's not that bad. I can dig him."

"You can do what now?"

He scoffed. "Doesn't matter. The point is, you can't keep doing this; bottling up your emotions, refusing to open up. It'll be the death of you."

I nodded slightly. "I can live with that." Another sip of beer.

He sighed. "Fine. Whatever. Enjoy your blue Christmas." And he left.

I stared down at my beer bottle, picking at the label with my fingernails. As much as I hated to admit it, Sam was right; this was eating me alive. This was going to be the death of me. Which was funny, because I honestly felt dead inside.

._.__.~Three Days Later~.__._.

I realized I was a serious Grinch. Christmas Eve and I was feeling lower than I ever had before. Whenever I saw El and Cas together, it just broke me even more. But when El said she had something planned for today, I knew I couldn't skip out on it.

I went into the library, where everyone was sitting at the table drinking eggnog. Oh god, the frigging eggnog.

"C'mon, Dean!" El called. "It's Merry-oke time!"

"Merry-oke? Really? You can't just call it Christmas Karaoke or something?"

"I don't understand it either," Cas smiled. "But I've learned to just 'roll with it'." He took a sip of eggnog.

El came up to me with a mug of eggnog. "Let me know if I need to add some more brandy."

I took a sip and felt fire in my throat. I coughed a little. "Nope. I think we're set."

She looked back at Cas, who had just finished off his booze with a side of eggnog. "Castiel, I've got something special for us." She smiled.

She picked up her MP3 player, which was hooked up to a speaker, and picked a song that I didn't recognize.

I sat down at the table and watched as she took Cas by the hand. They stood next to the table, holding hands, which didn't help the rotten feeling in my stomach. As the song played, El sang along.

"I don't want a lot for Christmas,

There is just one thing I need.

I don't care about the presents,

Underneath the Christmas tree.

I just want you for my own,

More than you could ever know.

Make my wish come true.

All I want for Christmas is you, yeah."

The tempo picked up, and their dancing quickened. They were spinning each other around, and it made me feel even more... lonesome.

"I don't want a lot for Christmas,

There is just one thing I need.

And I don't care about the presents,

Underneath the Christmas tree.

I don't need to hang my stocking,

There upon the fireplace.

Santa Claus won't make me happy,

With a toy on Christmas Day.

I just want you for my own,

More than you could ever know.

Make my wish come true.

All I want for Christmas is you,

You, baby.

Oh, I won't ask for much this Christmas,

I won't even wish for snow.

And I'm just gonna keep on waiting,

Underneath the mistletoe.

I won't make a list and send it,

To the North Pole for Saint Nick.

I won't even stay awake to,

Hear those magic reindeer click.

'Cause I just want you here tonight,

Holding on to me so tight,

What more can I do?

Baby, all I want for Christmas is you,

You, baby.

Oh, all the lights are shining,

So brightly everywhere.

And the sound of children's,

Laughter fills the air,

And everyone is singing,

I hear those sleigh bells ringing,

Santa, won't you bring me the one I really need?

Won't you please bring my baby to me?

Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas,

This is all I'm asking for.

I just want to see my baby,

Standing right outside my door.

Oh, I just want you for my own,

More than you could ever know.

Make my wish come true,

Baby, all I want for Christmas is you."

Once the song faded, they began to kiss. Damn "Felistiel". Why'd I have to think of that? I'm such an idiot.

Sometimes I wished we'd never hunted those ghouls. Sometimes I wished we'd never found her. It was an awful thing for me to think, but I couldn't help it. My jealously was getting the best of me, and I didn't know how to control it.

All I want for Christmas is my baby in a trench coat.