I thought I'd try something different for this!

This happened quite a while ago, and I swear I'm remembering correctly, but I was very young and it was a very bizarre occurrence, so I wouldn't be surprised if the details are a little bit screwed up. No, I did not dream this.

So, when I was a kid, my Mom worked as a jewelry salesperson for a company I will not name, and she earned two tickets for a Royal Caribbean Cruise through the Bahamas, and my parents bought me an extra ticket, and we all went. (Yes, I am acutely aware of how much that screams "privileged.") This is one of the only trips that I've been on where I remember exactly how old I was, and even what month it was. I was nine years old at the time, and it was about the middle of March.

The reason I remember this is because on the cruise, on one of the days where we weren't stopped at one of the islands, my parents thought it would be a good idea to drop me off at this little daycare portion of the boat called Splash Academy for an hour or so while they went to do something on their own, and I was completely on board for that because I've always loved making new friends, and I thought this would be a good opportunity for that. I was placed in the Seals group for ages 6-9, and that was kind of disappointing for me because the Dolphins group was for ages 10-12, and I was just two months shy of my tenth birthday, with my birthday being May 18th. But whatever, I loved Seals too, so I was fine with that group.

And then I wasn't.

I was in a group with mostly six and seven year olds, and it was very loud, and it was a small room, and a lot of the kids were packed pretty close together. Nine-year-old me, likely being an undiagnosed autie, definitely did NOT like this, (I don't have many issues with sensory overload from loud, packed environments now, but I did then), but thankfully, it didn't upset me too much, and I was able to join the other kids in building a city of blocks within the time limit- a weird challenge, but I was able to take it on nonetheless. After a few minutes, the time ran out, and here's where things took a major turn.

They sat all of us down criss-cross applesauce on one side of the room, and then they turned the lights off. There was illumination from the nearby lobby down the hall, but it was still slightly dark. (It may have been darker than I remember, since I've always had good night vision.) I don't remember what we started talking about, but seemingly out of nowhere, some person in a 20 dollar reindeer costume busted into the room gripping a fake sword.

I'm not joking.

One of the female employees shouted out in terror: "Look out, it's Mr. Monkey!" and all of the rest of the children started screaming. I was just confused, like "Are reindeer suddenly monkeys now??????" But nonetheless, I started screaming as well, because everyone else was screaming, and I felt like this was an appropriate scenario to be screaming. The reindeer person's sword then fell apart in their hands, and they just set it on the counter and played it off like it didn't just happen. They then kicked apart the block city, and at this point, I was confused, concerned, and a little bit annoyed.

And then, the costumed figure grabbed one of the male employees, and DRAGGED him out of the room, kicking and screaming. 

Relax, it's not going in the direction you think it's going.

In the very few seconds after the man got "kidnapped", my mind was racing at a mile a minute. I very quickly tried to come up with a logical explanation. Eventually, I came to a conclusion. Unfortunately, young me was an avid fan of Yandere Simulator (eugh, I know), which taught me that masks hide your identity and gloves don't leave fingerprints, and so my conclusion was that Mr. Monkey was a serial killer, and he was taking that employee to his death. And now, I was properly horrified. This was definitely not helped by the fact that as a child, I would make fast conclusions. I reasoned all of this in about two seconds.

A million thoughts raced through my head at once. They're going to kill that man! What if they decide to go out and kill more people?! They might kill my parents! They might kill my mom's coworkers! They might kill my dad's new friend Chris! They can't kill Chris! The man was in three Rush cover bands! He's an icon! And he's just gone through a divorce! He can't handle the stress of being murdered! Not on this week!

I was also taking Kenpo classes at the time this happened, (If  you don't know what Kenpo is, it's a form of karate) and I somehow came to the idea that I, as an almost ten-year-old child, using the techniques I learned, could take down this grown person who, from my perspective, was out for bloodshed. 

Now, I was considered "gifted", and because of this, some people may tell you that I was smart for my age. This is entirely false. I was not. I was a rather unintelligent child.

I let out a straight-up battle cry, and made a beeline for the door. I have to say, I made quite the distance. I must gone about, from my memory, a good one and a quarter feet before I was grabbed and held down flailing and sobbing by the two other staff members. (In hindsight, I feel very bad for those other children. They must have been so confused. I can only imagine what was going through their heads. What the heck is the deal with this lunatic? Do they really hate caribou that much?)

After they had turned the lights back on and reassured me everything was fine, that employee just came back into the room, said he had fought off Mr. Monkey, and acted like everything was fine, and he didn't almost die just there. After they tried to go back to normal and didn't contact law enforcement, I realized the entire thing had been for show, and I was ticked. The male employee took me to a closet and showed me it was just a costume, so clearly, nobody understood the reason for my outburst. Like, I may be stupid, but I'm not stupid, Randy. I can tell the difference between real and fake animals, and I can definitely tell the difference between a primate and a cervidae, ya geebweezer. I was scared because based on your reaction to the scenario, I thought this strange, threatening costumed figure was going to disembowel you, and then come back and saw our arms and legs off.

But I was upset, I was mentally tired, and I was in a state where I just couldn't make myself speak anymore, so I didn't care to explain the reasoning for my emotions. At this point, I decided I was just done. I had been at the Splash Academy for what had to be about 8-10 minutes, and I was already done. I decided to go up to the front desk and ask them to call my parents so they could pick me up. And then when I went there, I saw it. That damn reindeer, with a child on its lap, and it waved at me like nothing had happened. I decided to just wait it out.

I don't even remember what we did for the rest of the time I was there, but lemme tell ya, I was very relieved when my parents came back. Thankfully, I wasn't the only person who found that experience odd. I told my parents, and they were like, "The hell???" I told my mom's friend and her husband, and they were like, "The hell???" I even told my dad's friend Chris, and he was like, "The hell???" And then when we got home, I told my grandpa, and he was like, "The hell???", and then he made light jabs at me for getting upset and crying during the ordeal, which made me feel bad and contributed to the adversion I already had to expressing my emotions, so thanks, Grandpa.

But you know, the rest of that trip was great. Easily the best vacation I've ever been on, and also my first time in a plane, which I loved. 10/10 vacation.

Anyways that's the story of how a cruise ship daycare traumatized me with a deer murderer. I am scarred for life, and I will never be able to watch Bambi ever again. (/j) I don't know if I'll ever do a storytime like this again but I figured I might as well do this one since everyone I tell it to is very weirded out by it.