[SYNOPSIS: Heavy under the influence of sugar, Veteran reveals his longing for someone who hasn't been around in the lobby for the longest time...or so he thinks, at least.]

[LOCATION: The Skeld]

The premise for the one-shot was requested by @Bootieos16. Hope you enjoy it, doc! 

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"Ohh, ghee whiz TheGentleman. You sure do know how to host a heck of a dinner party!"

"Why thank you, Mother," the charcoal crewmate in question nodded, tipping his hats to her. "Nothing but the best from the five finest chefs in the lobby, of course. It was of utmost importance to me that practically everyone attending would be satisfied with the banquet, so I made sure that the variety was not lacking!"

"I can tell; you really went all out with the choices! Salmon temaki, pot au feu, loco moco, cheesy tater tot casserole? Oh, my boys really love that, lemme tell you. And the aspic? Wow...I've seen my fair share of old movies so I know what the stuff is, but I never thought I'd see it brought back like it was tonight!"

"Yes, and I'm especially pleased with the variety presented there as well," TheGentleman agreed, looking over to the display of a few intricate molds of savory jelly on one of the tables. "I personally am very fond of the tomato and beef stock kind presented in the lion-shaped mold; quite a rich flavor combination!"

"Whoever brought those to the table sure knows their foodstuffs. Who exactly did bring those to the get-together?"

"Why, it was none other than-!"

"Ohhhh, heyyy Gentledude. Is it karaoke time yet?"

The black-clad bean was interrupted by Veteran stumbling over, a bottle of root beer in one hand and a spoon in the other. Unsavory smudges of brown smeared his face, and his eyes weren't focused in the slightest.

"Wh...? Veteran, I already told you there is no karaoke bar to be taking place here tonight!" he scolded him.

"Ugh...Sorry, TheGentleman," Player apologized, hurrying over from his seat at one of the tables. "He kind of had too much ice cream before, and washing it down with root beer didn't exactly help his case."

"Mm, yes. Intoxication via sugar. Can't say I haven't seen it myself in a movie before...If that is the case, then I recommend you try to entertain him for the time being, Mr. Player. I doubt Mother would like to see him galivanting about in a stupor like this in front of the children."

"I'll do whatever I can. Gives me something extra to do, I guess."

"Hey Player! Need a hand?" Captain offered him. "Three guys can have a fun night out if two of them are sober!"

"Uh, well...If you want to, Cap. I don't wanna pull you away from your food."

"What? Nah, I'll just bring it over! This green jelly stuff's got a lot of vegetables in it anyways, so I doubt Veteran will make a grab for it."

 The conversation between Mother and TheGentleman devolved into background noise as the red and white crewmate dragged their inebriated companion back to his spot at their table, plopping him back in his seat.

"Awwww...I wanted to go back to the dessert buffet."

"You've had more than enough dessert for one night with the way you're acting," Player said to him. "Besides, you still have a bottle of root beer in your hand you haven't finished yet."

"Should we let him finish it, Player?" Captain inquired.

"Eh...Waste not, want not. Besides, it's almost gone by now."

"Daaaaang...It's almost gone already?" Veteran asked, seemingly looking over the little amount of liquid left in the bottle. "I thought I still had...two gallons left."

"That's barely a quarter gallon, Veteran..." the red crewmate pointed out.

"It is...? Huh..."

"Wow. He really IS out of it," Captain remarked. "...Well, at least he's not hogging the pizza anymore! I had no idea CiCi's did delivery, y'know?"

"Eh...I guess not. But to be honest, I'm not as big on their pizza as you are. Or my dad, for that matter; that's...probably the only reason we've ever been there at all, really. Usually for his birthday. Seems like their food gets greasier every time I go there."

"Yoo, what? Greaser?" Veteran asked, apparently having not heard him right. "Is he, like...here? Where?"

"Greaser??" Player echoed. "You  of all people still remember him? He hasn't been around since last year's Christmas party."

"Truer words have yet to be spoken, buddo," Captain agreed. "Heck, it even took me a moment to remember what he looked like when you mentioned him."

"Awwww, maaaan...Why not? He was, like...so cool, and stuff! Don't you remember how much RIZZ he brought to the table?"

"The only thing he brought to the table that I can remember was a bawling panic attack when PoopyFarts killed me."

"Oh-ho, snap!" Captain grinned. "That was a good one, Player!"

"Broooo, come on man," the yellow crewmate slurred, taking another long swig of his root beer and finishing off its contents. "Didn't, like...his HAIR make up for it, at least? His shining, slicked-back...perfect hair...? I just wanted to touch it, dude. I just...wanted to see if it was actually as smooth as it looked...like butter..."

It was at that point Veteran slumped over at the table into what was nothing short of a sugar coma.

"...Is he okay?" Captain asked.

"I don't know; he's never eaten two whole tubs of ice cream before. One and a half is his limit from what I've seen."

"TheGentleman let him eat that much??"

"Well, no one else wanted the butter pecan. Sheriff might've, but he was a no-show since he had to take Alamo to the vet for an emergency X-ray."

"That's true. I'm more of a vanilla bean person myself."

"Ghee, I wonder why..."

They both stared down at Veteran, who was just barely conscious enough to mumble something unintelligible about Greaser in the state he was in.

...A cheeky grin suddenly appeared across Player's face.

"...Say, Cap. What was that you said about us having fun earlier?"

"Three guys can have a fun night out if two of them are sober?"

"Yeah, that...Why don't you and I take the opportunity to mess with him?"

"You and me? Mess with Veteran? We've never done that before, just you and I!"

"There's a first time for everything..." the red crewmate smirked, taking his beanie off and tucking it away into a pocket in his oxygen tank. "Keep an eye on him for just a moment; I'm gonna go change my hat and skin really quick."

Captain gave him a salute, then watched as Player dashed into the other room. The red bean rummaged through the box of apparel, pulling out the items he needed as he went along...The pants and overcoat from the Scrooge skin, a white T-shirt from under one of the Polus jackets, an old, dilapidated blue beanie with holes in the side...

...And a fake pompadour wig, not too much different from Greaser's head of hair.

Player grabbed a boxcutter from atop one of the other crates and used it to make a large, gaping hole in the old blue beanie, then stuck it over his head so that his visor popped through the opening like a ski mask. Then he donned the shirt, jacket, pants, and finally the wig.

This is gonna be a riot...

He ran back into the Cafeteria and back over to the table where Captain was still hovering over Veteran, getting the former's attention with a snap of his fingers.

"How do I look, Captain?"

...The white crewmate in question held back the urge to snicker, fearing he might wake Veteran up a moment too soon.

"A heck of a lot like Greaser!" he confirmed.

"Awesome. Go ahead and wake him up. Go along with the act and make it seem like you're really excited I'm here."

"On it, compadre."

On queue, Captain shook Veteran a little bit and prompted him to finally wake up and raise his head.

"Hey Veteran...Wake up, Vet, there's someone here to see you!"

"Huh...what...?"

The yellow crewmate, still not exactly able to think straight, reluctantly lifted his head and looked over to where the disguised Player was standing.

"Heyo, Veteran!" he greeted him, trying to impersonate Greaser's voice to the best of his ability. "It's your ol' pal Greaser in the house! Roodily-toot-toot!"

The red bean wasn't even sure his ruse would convince him for half a second, but judging by the look of awe and admiration on Veteran's face it was clear that Player had overestimated the yellow crewmate's remaining cognitive function.

"Yo, what? Greaser? You're actually here!?"

"Who else could it POSSIBLY be, yo?"

"Ohhhhhhhh  my god! I didn't think you'd ever come back! I thought I'd never get to bask in the shining gelled glory of your pompadour ever again...!"

"Yeah, Veteran! Isn't it great?" Captain remarked, still holding back the urge to laugh.

"So, Veteran my man, my homeslice breadslice dog," the false Greaser continued. "What is it about the great and fabulous ME that captures your eye so much? Eyyy?"

"More than I can put into words!" Veteran gushed. "Everything about you, Greaser...RADIATES with amazingness. No one on this earth can compare to your style...your charm...your HAIR..."

"Oh, what? This old thing?" Player asked, flicking the overly-gelled wig with his thumb and forefinger. "You should see it when it's OFF my head."

"Wait...huh...?"

Captain realized what Player was about to do, and he held back a gasp when he removed the wig from his head and displayed it in the air.

"Yoooooo, WHAT...!? It was...a toupee this whole time?"

"Were you convinced it was real? I'm REAL good at fixing it up, my dude."

"My God..."

Player snickered, wondering if he'd actually managed to lower Veteran's lofty view of Greaser with this "revelation" as he awaited a further response.

"I never would have been able to tell. Like...at all! You...you're a master of craftsmanship, too? You get better and better in my undeserving eyes every second...!"

He didn't. If anything, he raised it even more.

"Well if you think THAT was cool, wait 'till ya see my...my, uh...vintage Barbie collection!"

Captain couldn't help it anymore. He turned around and stifled a WHEEZE behind his hand.

"You collect stuff? Whooooaa, Greaser...I've got a collection of outdated consoles myself. We have so much in common...y'know that...?"

"Well, Mr. Vet man, great minds think alike," the disguised crewmate nodded.

"Greaser...don't ever leave again, now that you're back. Please..." Veteran said to him, inching closer to the false figure on his knees. "You were the best thing that's ever happened to this lobby. The best thing that's ever happened to ME...!"

"Oh. Uhh..."

"You gotta stick around now that you're back, my sweet gel-haired king...Ever since you left, I've had this...emptiness inside of me. I never told anyone else...they wouldn't understand. They would NEVER understand you and I..."

"Ah...Well, um...Ghee whiz, Veteran, I...didn't know you felt that way."

"Uh-oh..." Captain remarked. Neither he nor Player had expected things to turn so far in this direction, so how would they go forward from here?

Not to mention, by now they had garnered the attention of the other guests with Veteran's loud, slurred rambling.

"Greaser...I...Y'know, I'm not good at putting things into words, but...I think you and I would...y'know...make a great duo."

"Um...What about Player, Veteran?" Captain spoke up. "I mean, you're not gonna just leave him in the dust, are you?"

"What...?" the yellow crewmate asked, reluctantly breaking away from "Greaser" to face Captain Player took the opportunity to distance himself by about a yard before things got any more...awkward, then lent an ear to Veteran's response.

"Nah, n-no way Cap. He and I are like, uh...peas in a pod! What's goin' on between Greaser and I is...it's a different kind of connection there. It's hard for me to say...exactly what it is. But whatever it is, I don't wanna lose it...not again...You know what I'm saying, Greaser?"

"Well, stick me in a zoot suit and call me Elvis. If I'd have known I sent you to Cloud 9 with my presence alone, I might've made the scene more often."

Captain looked up, and Player looked over to his right, having not opened his mouth at all since Veteran's last inquiry...The white crewmate blinked once, then twice, to make sure his eyes weren't deceiving him. But it didn't look like they were; there were TWO Greasers in the room now, and #2 didn't look anywhere near as...fabricated  as Player's ruse. It was blue all over, and lacked the skin to hide the red exosuit underneath...

"Wait a minute. GREASER? Is that actually you!?"

"The one and only. Who do you think brought all the fancy-schmancy aspic, ey?"

"Uh...Wow," Player remarked quietly. "That's...timing, if I ever saw it."

Veteran hadn't even noticed that there were two of them now; the real Greaser was within his line of sight, and he was stepping closer again.

"So. It's Veteran, right?"

The yellow crewmate nodded, visor sparkling with fascination and awe in spite of the tired bags beneath it.

"I figured such...So listen here. It just so happens that I have  been lookin' for a new pad to plant my roots in. I've been a wanderer for a while, hoppin' from one lobby to another, makin' all the other crewmates swoon over just how smooth I am. But I never found a place to really stick, ya dig?"

"Heh...I-I dig, man."

"I was hopin' you would...And I guess you could say you helped me to make up my mind."

"Huh...Wait, so does that mean...y-you're gonna stay?"

"Prob'ly. Just keep in mind, though; roots...take time to grow. So for now, what say I pop on for game day next weekend and see how things roll from there?"

"N-next Saturday?" Veteran asked him. "Hah...sure, man! I-I'll be there!"

"Well, that's wicked, Daddy-O! I'll be there!"

"Ha...!"

Veteran inched closer again, still on his knees, practically groveling at Greaser's feet.

"You don't know just how happy this all makes me, man...I...I-I'm...I guess you could say I'm..."

"Real gone for this cool cat?"

"Y-yeah...! You took the words right outta my mouth..."

"Well, whatever those words mean, I'm glad YOU understand them," Captain shrugged. "Sorry about my lacking lexicon, Greaser. I just don't understand...vintage slang all that well."

"Well, what can I say? I'm a blast from the past," the blue figure remarked. "Say Veteran, one more thing. If I'm gonna be stickin' around and you're gonna be...stickin' to me more or less, how's about you and I hit up The Golden 50 for some grub and bash ears for a while? Saturday, after the games wrap up?"

"The Golden 50? The diner...? Just...you and me?"

"Yeah, how 'bout it?"

"Yeah, dude..." Veteran nodded, leaning back as though to further take in Greaser's grandeur. "We can just...sit and chat. And you can tell me all about your vintage Barbies..."

"Ey, whoa, whoa, whoa..." the blue bean interrupted him. "...How'd you know I had a collection o' vintage Barbies?"

"Uhhh..."

Player tensed up a bit when he saw Veteran's eyes land back on him.

"Hey, uh...d-did you bring your brother here, or somethin', Greaser?"

That was when the blue crewmate, who hadn't noticed until now, turned and looked off to the side of the table to see what looked to be another him standing there...Player shrugged, knowing the gig was up, and he removed his mask and wig.

"Well, what do you know? My lie came true."

"Wait a minute...PLAYER?? What the...?" the yellow crewmate wondered along, blinking several times to make sure he was seeing this correctly. "...Oh. So, uh...THAT'S where your jacket went, Greaser. It was...never on you. Uh...my bad."

"No need to apologize, Veteran...It's THIS lousy mock-up who needs to be doin' that."

"Uh-oh."

Player backed away a bit more, but to no avail; Greaser was stepping towards HIM now, and he was closing the distance between them to a mere foot.

"Thought you'd be able to pull off some lumpy disguise there, huh? Make a fool outta me? Well you're cruisin' for a bruisin' if ya think I'm gonna let that slide!"

Without any further warning, Greaser grabbed Player by the hand and dragged him to the space between the two upper tables, flashing a pair of cerulean fists at him.

"Show me your own!"

"Uh..."

Player wasn't sure how to respond, really. Was Greaser actually asking him to fight? Well...he was a proven coward, so he decided to satisfy the blue bean without going too far.

"Come on, snake...Let's rattle-!"

Smack

Player landed what was perhaps the slightest of slaps across his cheek...But it was enough to make greaser stop in his tracks, then twitch a bit...

...And then start BAWLING.

"Wow. Same old Greaser, it looks like."

"Whuh...!? Player...How could you do such a thing...!?" Veteran exclaimed...The red bean just sighed in response.

"Oh, boy...Veteran, take it from me; you're gonna have your hands full with this one."