[Synopsis: Dum has always been pretty squeamish about snakes, so she's a bit put off when she learns that her boyfriend owns one. So what's Captain's solution to this predicament? Make the two of them friends, of course! Hopefully, she doesn't freak out when he takes Charlie out of his cage.]

[Location: The Skeld]

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"Hmm...I know they're in here somewhere..."

Captain was busy scanning the freezer for the supply of food he had in there for Charlie. He knew he told the other crewmates about it so that they wouldn't throw it away, so he couldn't begin to fathom why it wouldn't be there anymore. Nobody would have stolen it, would they? What on earth would a crewmate want with a box of frozen-

"Hi, Captain!"

He turned around to see Dum approaching, heading over to the panel on the wall to fix the wiring underneath it.

"Oh, hiya, Dum! How are the tasks coming along?"

"Pretty good! Yours?"

"I finished mine a few minutes ago. Now I'm looking for Charlie's box of food. I gotta feed him."

"Is Charlie a pet of yours?"

"You bet he is! He's the best pet I could ask for. But for some reason, he really doesn't like the mailman. He bit him one time...I wonder why?"

"Well...I guess all pets can get a little protective sometimes, y'know?"

"Yeah, he loves me. Maybe he was just a little weirded out by him, since he didn't get to know him all to well...Ah-HA! There you are!"

Captain finally eyed Charlie's food bag and pulled it out of the freezer, then set it down on one of the tables and started to fill up a bowl of water in the sink.

"You know, I'm sure Charlie would really like you," he remarked as he stuck the water bowl in the microwave. "He seemed pretty fond of Player when I introduced them to each other."

"He did?"

"Yep! Curled up on his lap and wouldn't let him get up for almost an hour."

"D'aww, he sounds adorable...!"

"He absolutely is," Captain smiled as he opened up the food bag on the table. "He's my little white ball of friendliness...You want to go meet him when I'm done getting his food ready? He's in my room right now!"

"I'd LOVE to, hee hee~!" the pink crewmate nearly squealed. "What kind of dog is he?"

"Uh...dog?" her boyfriend echoed. "Well...I guess Charlie is a pretty common name for a dog, so that's an understandable misconception."

"He's not a dog?"

"Nope," he replied, taking something out of Charlie's food back, which, upon closer inspection, turned out to be...

...A dead mouse. Dogs didn't eat those, as far as she knew.

"Oh. So he's a cat, then? I like those too!"

"He's not a cat either, Dum," Captain corrected, sticking the mouse in the heated water bowl. "Huh...You know, maybe it'd be better if I cleared up any misunderstandings myself instead of just keeping people guessing."

"Well...What is Charlie, then?" Dum inquired.

The answer she got wasn't one she was expecting at all.

"He's a lavender snow ball python! And even though he's not a dog, he's got the sweetest little puppy mouth you could imagine."

"Uh...p-python?"

"Yeah!"

"As in...snake?"

"That's right!"

"Uh...Hmmmm..."

Captain started to see sweat beading on his girlfriend's forehead, and she wasn't making eye contact with him anymore.

"Something the matter, Dum?"

"I...I guess I just didn't expect it to be a snake," she answered him, awkwardly scratching the back of her head.

"Do you...not like snakes?"

"W-well, uh...I wouldn't say I don't like them. It's just that they're...you know, kinda freaky with the way they slither and they're forked tongues, and how they don't have any legs, a-and they're sneaky, and slimy-looking, and scary in general, and..."

She paused to read the look on Captain's face...They both knew the truth, so she just admitted it.

"...No, I...I don't like snakes. I-I'm kind of afraid of them, really," she said to him. "...Is that a problem? I mean, I don't mind if you like them, Captain. It's just that...I don't know, I guess if you actually own one, I don't want that causing a problem between us, y-you know?"

"Hmm...That is a problem," the white crewmate nodded thoughtfully. "The last thing I want in our relationship is an ultimatum between you and Charlie. That'd be just. Plain. AWFUL."

"Yeah...I don't want that either..."

"This is gonna take some thought on my part. Give me a minute to ponder the situation, okay Dum?"

"However long you need. I-I'm sure you'll think of something!" the pink crewmate assured him, giving him a half-confident thumbs up.

Captain kept thinking for about another minute, pacing around the table as he wracked his brain for a solution to the problem he was faced with...Finally, his head perked up and he snapped his fingers, a smile on his face.

"I've got it!"

"You do?"

"It just might work!"

"I'm all ears!"

"I'm going to teach you how to love snakes!"

Dum's elated expression shifted to one of scared shock in the blink of an eye.

"...Uhhhhhhhhh..."

"His food's done thawing!" Captain continued, grabbing the mouse by the tail with his left hand and lifting it up out of the water while using his right hand to grab Dum's. "Onwards! To the Captain's Quarters!"

"Wait, wait, CAPTAIN WAIT-!!"

"We'll sort things out once we get to my room!"

"CAPTAIN!!!"

But no matter how much she protested, he continued to lead her to his quarters...Which she was decreasingly eager to enter now that she knew there was a SNAKE in there.

He only stopped when they finally made it to his door. And at that point, Dum was nearly in hysterics.

"Okay, Dum. Charlie's in his terrarium right now waiting for his weekly lunch," Captain explained to her. "But before I feed him, I'd like to properly introduce you to him."

"Captain, I don't WANT to be introduced to your snake!" she continued. "I don't even want to be in the same room as it, those things SCARE me...!"

She felt the sensation of tears pricking at the corners of her visor as she tried to slow down her rapid breathing...The confident smile fled from Captain's face as he better read the look in her eyes, and he sighed deeply.

"Look. Dum...You know how much I love you, right?"

She hesitated for a moment before giving him a light nod.

"Listen to me...I know what it's like to be scared of something. P-personally, I have a thing with thunder and lightning...But I want to try and help you get over that fear. Wouldn't you rather conquer a fear than just put up with it your whole life?"

"I...I guess so."

"See? We're already making progress, and we haven't even gone in yet!" Captain smiled. "Now look. Both you and Charlie mean so much to me, I couldn't possibly put my adoration for the two of you into words. I don't want you to have to be afraid of him. And you'll be happy to know that if he isn't afraid of Player, he probably won't be afraid of you."

"Well...If you say so," she nodded lightly, emitting a shaky sigh. Captain reached up and caressed her cheek with his free hand before using it to take her own.

"You can hold my hand as we go in, if you want," he told her, gently curling his fingers around hers. "Just to give you a little more reassurance."

"...Thank you, Captain," she smiled lightly.

"Any time...Now. Let's get you two properly acquainted."

He motioned for her to open up the door for him(since both of his hands were occupied at the moment,) so she turned the knob and slowly pushed it open, scanning his room for anything that might catch her by surprise as they entered. Captain sensed her growing anxiety, and he gently patted her hand with his own.

"No worries, babe," he assured. "He's a nice noodle!"

She gave him yet another nod, shutting the door behind them...It didn't take long for her attention to fall upon a large glass terrarium sitting on a wide table next to Captain's bed, not unlike a fish tank. But it wasn't filled with water; it was dry, with what looked like a small thermostat along its back wall, and the bottom of it was lined with a brown, fibrous substrate. There was a hollowed-out hunk of wood in the left corner, a water dish sitting towards the front center of the tank, slightly off to the right, and a large, grey cave-like structure sat in the right corner. A few fake plants were scattered across the enclosure, along with a handful of small to medium-sized rocks.

"Is that where you keep him?"

"Sure is. That's his own personal mini-habitat."

She dared to step closer to it for a better look, and expected to find the python slithering around in there...But she failed to find anything of the sort.

"...I don't see him."

"He's probably hiding," Captain surmised. "See that little mini-cave right there with the opening on the right?"

"Yeah..."

"That's where he usually sleeps," he explained. "It's nice and dark and quiet in there, so...Oh, hey, look who just woke up!"

Dum immediately looked down at the opening, and surely enough, there was a pale, scaly head poking out of it, a little over two inches long.

And likewise to Captain's description of him earlier, Charlie did indeed have the appearance of a split upper lip; a "puppy mouth," as he'd described it as.

He flicked his forked pink tongue out, detecting the smell of a new person in the room, and seemed to look right at Dum with his curious round eyes...They were a soft shade of navy blue. She never thought that snakes, of all creatures, could have blue eyes, but here she was looking at one with them.

"Huh...I guess he does have kind of a cute face."

"And you still have yet to see the rest of him," his owner remarked. "Oop, here he comes, out of his cave!"

Slowly but surely, Charlie started to mosey on out of his hiding spot, and the rest of his body became visible quickly...For a ball python, or ANY snake for that matter, Charlie had VERY light coloration. He looked almost as white as his owner's suit at first glance, but when Dum looked a bit closer, she could see that he was actually a pale grey beige, patterned with milky white blotches all the way down to the tip of his tail.

"What do you think, Dum? Bet you've never seen a snake like that in your backyard, have you?"

"Can't say I have...Subtle, but still pretty," she nodded.

"Think you're acquainted with him well enough for me to take him out of his tank and have you meet him up close and personal?"

"Uhhm...I-I don't know. You sure he won't bite?"

"I know how to take preventative measures if things get tense between you two," Captain assured her, patting her hand before letting go of it; he did need both to be able to properly lift Charlie out of his habitat. "You'll be happy to know that ball pythons are pretty laid back, so there shouldn't really be a problem."

"A-and, uh...I'm assuming he's not poisonous?"

"Poisonous? Ball pythons? Not at all! Why on earth would anyone with a functioning brain buy a venomous snake to keep as a pet!? If pet stores sold things like rattlesnakes and copperheads, they'd all go out of business for the insane amount of lawsuits they'd be dealing with on a daily basis for selling people such dangerous animals...!"

He tried to make himself sound serious, but he found both of them laughing as he went on his banter.

"Hee hee hee hee~! I guess you've got a point, Captain!"

"You know I do...I don't like venomous snakes. They always seem to look angry...Not Charlie. He's got a cute happy face all the time."

"Yeah...You are right about his face." Dum nodded. She drew in a deep breath and let it back out, preparing for what was about to happen.

"Okay...I guess I'm ready for you to take him out."

"Got it. Just watch."

He set the dead mouse down on a paper plate that was by the tank and started to open the enclosure. At that point, Charlie was raising himself up along the glass walls of his terrarium, watching the lid opening and his owner's hands reaching in to take him out. He smelled Captain's palm, just to confirm that it was indeed him, before sliding right up into his grasp and letting the white crewmate take him out of the tank...He wrapped his front end around one of Captain's hands and scanned over Dum, curiously flicking his tongue out at her to analyze her scent.

The pink crewmate tensed a bit; the snake's tongue was still a little weird; especially when pointed right at her.

"It's okay, Dum. He's just trying to get to know you better."

Once Charlie was done smelling the new person in the room, he turned his head around and slid it back onto Captain's hands. His plump body was entwined snugly around them to keep himself in place, as he had no limbs to grasp things with. To the python, it felt safe and secure. To Captain, it felt like his version of a friendly hello hug.

"I'm glad to see you too, Charlie."

"You, uh...like that?" Dum asked him, tilting her head to the side. "Aren't snakes, like, slimy and bumpy?"

"Not in the slightest. Like pretty much every other ball python I've ever known, Charlie's skin is dry, glossy and smoother than the finest silk. Care to see for yourself?"

"Uh...I-I don't know. He still looks a little...damp."

"No worries, Dum; that's just the natural sheen of his scales. Would I lie to you about something like this?"

"Well...I guess not," she nodded.

"Just go ahead and run two of your fingers down his back. I'll keep my eye on him, so don't worry."

The pink crewmate drew in one more deep breath in preparation for what she was about to do, then let it out slowly, her gaze hardening with anticipation.

"Okay...Here it goes."

She rubbed her hands together, flexed her fingers, then stuck her index and middle fingers out as she slowly reached her hand closer to the snake.

Just trust what Captain said, she reminded herself, trying to convince herself that the python wasn't slimy and wet.

He wouldn't lie to me...Just trust him...

Finally she made contact, and ran her fingers down Charlie's back, just as was instructed.

"O-oh...Oooooooh, wow..."

Why did I ever doubt him...?

Captain had been absolutely right. Charlie's scaly hide was smooth, soft, and slightly warm to the touch.

"What'd I tell ya?"

"You told me the truth," Dum grinned.

"Think you're ready to try holding him?"

"Hmmmm..."

She was a bit less off-put by the python now, but she wasn't sure if she was ready to make that leap yet. Besides, the last thing she wanted to happen if something did end up going wrong was to accidentally hurt Charlie by mishandling him.

"Not sure, Captain."

"I have an idea. Why don't you and I sit on the bed and see if he curls up in your lap? That's what he did with Player!"

"Huh...Well, I-I guess it wouldn't hurt to try," Dum nodded. It didn't sound like a bad idea.

"Okay! Just sit right here by me."

Captain gingerly sat himself down on the side of his bed, and his sweetheart followed suit.

"Alright. I'm gonna sort of show him the spot, and we'll see if he decides to switch from me to you. Sound good?"

"Sounds pretty good."

"Great...Here we go."

He carefully moved Charlie's head out of the comfortable cocoon he'd wrapped himself into around his owner's hands, then showed Dum to him.

"You remember Player, right? This is Dum; his sister and my better half. So she's a friend, okay?"

Charlie tilted his head to the side, flicking his tongue out just one more time to confirm the familiarity of Dum's scent...He seemed to finally make a connection of some sort, and it was no later than that moment that he slid himself off of Captain's hands and right onto Dum's lap.

"Whoa-!"

"Take it easy, Dum. I think we're going in the right direction, here."

When his head finally made it across to her far leg, he turned around and curled into himself a few times, wedging his head under a portion of his long body. It was only when he stuck his head back out from hiding that he came to a halt, and Dum could practically feel Charlie melt into her lap, completely content.

"Ha...! Would you look at that, Dum!?" Captain cheered. "He loves you already! That's exactly what he did to Player!"

"Really? Th-that quick?"

"Just look at him!"

She looked back down at Charlie; he looked even more comfortable than a dog or cat, curled up the way he was.

"Hee hee...I guess he is pretty cute."

Dum ran her hand down the upper part of his long noodle body again, enjoying the silky smooth feel of his scales...At that point, she'd almost completely forgotten about how scared she was of meeting him earlier, and it'd have completely escaped her mind had Captain not brought it back up.

"It's kinda hard to believe you were so adamant about not meeting Charlie just a little bit ago," he remarked. "But I guess we got that little mess sorted out, didn't we?"

"Well...To be completely honest, Captain, I'm still not that big on snakes in general..." the pink crewmate admitted. "But I guess they're not as bad as I though they were before. And I'll make an exception for Charlie here. He is a nice noodle."

"So...you wouldn't mind living in the same house as him, if it ever gets to that point?"

"Probably not. Especially now that I know how much of a sweetheart he is," she gushed, petting him some more. "D'ooh, you're just adorable~..."

"Phew! That's wonderful...Now there's no risk of an ultimatum."

"Tee hee hee...Guess not. But you know, even if I hadn't warmed up to him, I probably wouldn't have ever gotten that upset over something like that. I love you too much."

"Ha ha, well..."

"I'd have had you keep him out of the bedroom, though."

"Ha! That's reasonable. But it didn't come down to that, did it?" Captain grinned.

It was only a moment later that he perked up, his visor widening in realization.

"Oh, jeez. I almost forgot. He still has to eat!" he exclaimed. "Sorry I have to take him away from you, Dum, but he's better off eating in his cage."

"Oh, that's fine! Here you go!"

Now not afraid to pick him up, she gently slid her hands underneath Charlie, lifted him up off her lap and transferred him to Captain's waiting hold...All the while, he skillfully remained curled up in the same ball position he'd been in on her lap, and the white crewmate brought him back to his terrarium, setting him down in the center on top of the substrate.

"So, Captain...I don't see you taking dead mice out everyday," Dum remarked. "How often does he eat?"

"Grown ball pythons only need to eat once every ten days or so," he answered her. "I think it has something to do with their really low metabolism? At least, that's what I've read."

"Huh...Is it, uh...really messy and bloody when he eats? I do like him okay now, but I'm not sure I wanna see a dead mouse get torn up."

"Nope. It's nothing like that. He just swallows the thing whole."

"Really?"

"Really."

"Wow...I, uh...Well, that doesn't sound quite as bad, but I still don't know if I wanna see him eat the mouse."

"That's alright, Dum. I usually leave once he has it in his mouth, myself; he prefers to eat in private, y'know?"

"Oh, okay. I'll be over in Admin looking at the map if you need me, okay, Captain?"

"You got it," he nodded, lowering the mouse into Charlie's terrarium. "I'll meet you in around five to ten minutes! Oh-and make sure ya wash your hands after holding him!"

"I got it. And Captain?"

"Hm?"

"...Thanks for making Charlie and I friends," she grinned as she opened the door to leave. "You know, you seem to be able to take two people you'd never thought would ever get along and make them friends, you know that?"

"Ah, well...I guess it's a hidden talent of mine," Captain replied, a light pink blush dusting his face. "...Love you, Dum."

"Love you too, Captain. See you in a bit!"

She headed off into the main part of the ship again, a bounce in her step...

And it was the very moment she was gone that Charlie lunged his head out towards the mouse and grabbed it in his jaws, wrapping his upper body around it to ensure that his "prey" wouldn't escape(even though it was already dead.)

"You waited until she was gone so she wouldn't have to see you eat it, eh?" Captain said as he closed his cage back up. "...I think we're all going to get along just fine."

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Story time!(grab the tissues, it's less than happy until the very, very end.)

Once upon a very long time ago, I, too, owned a ball python, whom I named Oliver. I loved that snake with all my heart; took him out regularly, tended his needs, etc, you know how it is.

But about six months after I got him, he stopped eating and had a messy shed. There weren't any snake-savvy vets in the area at the time(I'm not really sure there are here and now rly,) and I wasn't finding any hard answers online. We made one more attempt to feed him, and then he died the next day...That was a punch in the feels for me.

So what did we do? We got another ball python; a female that I named Olivia(y'know, in honor of the first, but it's a girl, so...)

She behaved just fine during the FOUR months we had her, but then one night, we came back from having gone out of town all afternoon and evening, I go in my room to check on her, aaand she's lying flat on her back, dead as a doornail.

...Another punch in the feels.

After Olivia passed away, it dawned on me that we were probably doing something wrong with caring for the pythons, so we decided not to get another one(a wise decision, I believe.)

Looking back on the situation and reading a bit more into it, I think I know what the problem was: we were using heat lamps instead of a heat pad. Not only does that provide inconsistent and potentially too much heat, but it also dries the environment of the cage out. Snakes need an adequate level of humidity in order to stay hydrated and properly shed, and if it's too dry, they'll have trouble shedding, which can lead to more health issues down the line.

So yeah, that was a mistake I don't think I'll be making again. I still love ball pythons tho. XP

The pet I have now has long out-lived the snakes, and we don't have to buy dead frozen mice to feed him with, so automatic plus.

Here's a photo, in case anyone's curious.

*the feathers on his crest are longer than they appear against the beige-yellowish background. he's a handsome boi.