Y/n

I take a deep breath as the summer breeze brushes against my slightly sweaty face. My hair dances as my legs keep bouncing along to the music beneath me, my fingers tapping my right leg.

"You sure you're not hungry?"

I hear a sweet, mesmerizing voice ask.

"I promise I'm ok. Thank you."

I giggle with a blush, up beat music tickling my ear drums.

"Do you like the music?"

My dearest friend grins as our eyes connect making me smile.

"Oh, this is unforgettable, Shawn."

I laugh before feeling my stomach burst with butterflies when his hand rests on my left thigh.

"That's great. Is this ok?"

Shawn stops and I nod with my bottom lip in between my teeth.

"I love it, it feels good."

I explain with a blush and he chuckles.

"Oh, yeah?"

He smirks and I roll my eyes with a laugh, softly smacking his hand.

"Yes, dummy."

I smile and look out the window, my mind taking a picture and keeping this memory...

Before I know it, my eyes open and I'm met with a white ceiling.

"Why do I have to fall for idiots?"

I huff in annoyance from how many times I've replayed this in my mind. It never stops and it happens exactly the same way every single time.

"Why did you have to choose me?"

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion and sit up to rub the sleep out of my eyes. I smile as I stretch and fall back on to my memory foam mattress. My eyes close and I slowly start to doze off before my door flies open making me jump up to see the very person that deprives me of sleep.

"Why are you still in your pj's?!"

He exclaims and I groan.

"Shawn! It's Saturday! I dont have to work or go to school, I'd like for you to let me lounge in my owl pajamas in peace, okay?"

I raise my hand to his face with my eyes closed and he jumps on my bed to sit beside me.

"Well, at least let me join you, I'm bored and lonely."

He pouts as he put his head on my lap.

"Oh, yeah? Well, last time I checked, you have a girlfriend, don't ya?"

I raise my brows with a stern look as I stand up making his head rest on my bed.

"Well, yes, but she's with her family on a trip!"

He whines and I scoff.

"Oh! So I'm the second option??"

I slightly exclaim and he sits up with a concerned expression.

"Y/n...of course not. Where is this coming fro-"

"You know what, Shawn?! Why don't you just leave?! I don't wanna see you!"

I interrupt in anger and he furrows his eyebrows in confusion.

"What's the problem, y/n??"

He questions quietly and I huff.

"You're the problem, Shawn. You."

I say with tears brimming my eyes.

"Just leave! I already said I don't wanna see you!"

I yell and he begins to grow angry.

"No! I'm not leaving 'til you tell me what I did wrong!"

He yells back and I groan loudly.

"I'll gladly tell you what you did wrong! You chose her! HER! When I was there for you all along! I never left your side and never will, but you don't see that! She treats you like a side piece and I hate seeing you sad when I'm pretty sure she's having a blast when she's away from you! It just frustrates me how oblivious you are to how she treats you!"

I yell with tears running down my face, not realizing that I'm shaking.

"Y/n..."

He begins and I whimper.

"Just...j-just go, Shawn."

I sniffle as I look up at him and his face immediately melts into guilt.

"Stop, stop crying, please."

He begs continuously and I whimper with frustration.

"Leave! Why are you still here?!"

I scream with devastation and he grabs my hands making me rip my hands away.

"Y/n, stop..."

He begs, sadness dripping from his tone as he grabs my hands again, this time with a stronger grip so I couldn't pull away.

"Shawn, let me go."

I sob as he holds my hands and I begin to struggle against his strength.

"No."

He says sternly and I start to whimper, struggling harder, this time hitting him with my fists.

"Why?! Just let me go!"

I sob and he finally turns me around to wrap his arms around me, holding my arms against my chest before slowly sitting on the floor with me in between his legs.

"Just stop, y/n, please."

He pleads, but this time I could hear his voice break in sadness, making me stop abruptly. I sit there, tears flowing from my swollen eyes, his arms still keeping me close.

"I'm sorry, y/n..."

He finally breaks the silence with his voice barely above a whisper.

"No, I'm sorry. It's none of my business who you wanna date or don't."

My voice shakes as I sniffle and my face begins to feel hot from all the crying.

"I didn't wanna date her or anyone for that matter."

He sighs and I furrow my eyebrows.

"What're you talking about?"

I ask hesitantly and I feel his chest slowly rise and fall as he takes a deep breath.

"You, y/n. I'm talking about you."

He says quietly and I stay silent.

"I can't go a day without having you in my mind. You replay in my mind like a broken record, y/n. Not a second goes by that I dont think about what it would be like to hold you and show you how important you really are to me."

He explains which makes me cry uncontrollably.

"You're the reason I always look forward to waking up the next day because I know somehow someway im going to see you. My only wish every day is to be able to see you smile at least once."

He continues and I'm speechless at this point.

"But...knowing I'm one of the reasons why you don't smile...is devastating."

His voice breaks and I sniffle before turning around to face him, still in his arms.

"Shawn..."

I whimper as I lift his head with my hands on each side of his face, making him look at me. The sight before me broke my heart when I see his eyes glazed over with tears, his red nose and cheeks, and his pouting lips.

"You are the reason why I smile every day. You bring me so much joy and peace when you're around. Sometimes I don't know what to do with myself when you're not around, it feels wrong when I'm apart from you. That's why it makes me so angry and upset to see you be so unappreciated. It makes my blood boil when I see how unhappy you are because all I want for you is to be okay and to feel loved."

I explain as I wipe his tears with the pad of my thumb.

"I never wanted her, y/n, she and the rest of them were just distractions to help me forget about you, but the way I feel about you just gets stronger and stronger the harder I try to push it away."

He says softly as his hand brushes through my hair and I lean my head into his hand.

"Why didn't you say something??"

I grab his hand while looking at him with a thoughtful expression.

"I didn't want to risk our connection, what if you didn't feel the same?"

He explains and I shake my head.

"Turns out, I do."

I smile weakly and he returns it before resting his hand on my cheek.

"Good, because I've been wanting to do this for awhile now."

He says as he pulls me in closer and makes my heart burst when his lips touch mine.

"Mm.."

I sigh softly as we pull away and I stand up with my hand extended for him to take.

"Nah."

He says before grabbing my waist and throwing me over his shoulder.

"What is your weird obsession with man handling me??"

I laugh and he takes a deep breath as he lies me down on my bed.

"My 'weird obsession' is I can't keep my hands off of you."

He says in a hungry tone when he hovers above me.

"No one said you had to take them off in the first place."

I smirk and he chuckles.

"You're right, but now I can assure you I'm never going to stop touching you."

He says before attaching his lips to my lips.

"Mmm.."

He breathes and I open my legs to let him come closer.

"Is this okay?"

He asks as he begins to kiss my neck, his hot breath tickling the skin.

"It's perfect..."

I sigh and slide my bottom lip in between my teeth when he begins to suck and gently bite.

"Shawn..."

Who knows if I'm doing the right thing by letting him come back? Only God knows, I'm just really glad he is.

**********

This one...this one is a little peek into something I went through. I wish he would come back, but he hasn't and I don't think he ever will...so...I can at least imagine it right..? :/

-Leslie