SOLOMON

"So how's the packing going?" Asks Eddie.

I leaned back in my chair and sighed, "It's coming along. I'm just trying to pack everything," I chuckled, "I am definitely not packing light."

Eddie smirks, "Yeah well you'll need a lot going to England. You're stepping up quite a bit, bro."

I shrug and take a swig of my beer, "Well it's not like I have anything else to do. It keeps my mind busy which is what I want so."

Eddie leans on his elbows over the table, "So ummm...how are things, bro?"

I shake my head, "I'm sick of talking about me. Yeah my life's not the best, no point sulking about it now. I should be asking you that question. How are things with Lily?"

Eddie gulps, "It's been hard man, she cries at night. I can see she's trying to be strong. But it's taking its toll."

"I'm so sorry, Eddie. If I had been there earlier, if I had noticed her earlier maybe she would-"

"Nah man," Eddie cuts in, "You've got enough on your plate. Don't add this to it too. Zapora and I don't blame you one bit. So don't hold on to this. You hearing me?"

I look down at my beer and nod my head silently, "Thank you, man."

Eddie leans back and smiles at me, "England will be a big adventure for you man. No doubt about it. I think it'll be good for you, being away from the war and this place full of memories."

"Yeah that's what I'm looking forward to. Change. I'm excited for a change of scenery and people. Won't remind me of what I've lost every minute of every day."

I could see in Eddies eyes he pities me. He looks at me and says, "We haven't talked much. But I'm sorry for everything you've gone through."

I shrug as if it was nothing, "Sorry for what? It's my own fault. I did this to myself."

"I know man, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't suck. It must be hard to not have your family with you."

"It's harder to not have them love you either."

"Do you think they will come back?"

"Honestly," I paused, "No. I think I've accepted a long time ago that they won't come back. And I think that's why I've tried so hard to keep myself busy because if I don't. I might die of alcohol poisoning or I might do something that might end with me dead."

Eddie nodded his head understandingly, "It's good to keep busy. But it's also good to be at peace too. Try find your peace when you're in England."

I think of peace. What is peace? What is my peace? My peace was Ayla and Milo. I can't have peace. I shake my head as I stare into nothingness, "Nah man. Peace is a luxury that I don't have...and I think I won't ever have."

Eddie and I left the pub and went back to the camp. We shifted into our wolves and began to run.

***

Once we finally got home it was after dinner. Fires were being lit and families and friends were gathering around them.

I sighed. I always stay in my tent at around this time. It's just straight up depressing seeing families. Males with their mates and pups. I envy them.

I see Lizzy whisper something to Xander, he smiles and nods his head. She gets up from the log and makes her way over to me. 

"Hey Stranger." She says with a smile.

I chuckle and nod my head, "Hey Lizzy."

It's pretty crazy it's been about four or five years since Lizzy first came into the picture. She's grown a lot. now she's got her own pups and is a leader of a Pack.

She plops herself next to me and pats my knee, "How's my favourite Nightwalker?"

I smile and nod my head, "Everything's okay. I'm excited for trip though, so that's good."

Lizzy pulls a sad face, "Do you really have to go? I mean, it's bad enough you travel domestically but internationally?"

"I need to do this. I think it will help me."

Lizzy sighs, "Well, I guess I can't stop you. At least it's only a month."

I nod my head but stay silent. But that didn't work. Lizzy always knew how to read me.

She arches her brow and said, "It is going to be just for a month...right?"

I turn and look at her and stay silent.

That was when I knew that she knew. Her eyes leaked some sadness and she said in a quiet voice, "You're not coming back." It wasn't a question. It wad a statement. 

I smiled sadly at her, "There is nothing for me here, Lizzy. I will do my part pf the war in England. Trust me it's better this way."

Lizzy shook her head, "No Soul! You can't leave. You're too important to me and to this whole family. We need you."

I softly shook my head. I lean and whisper, "No you don't. You all have families to focus on. Ayla and Milo are safe in Italy. Me...I'm a lone wolf," I chuckle. 

Lizzy looks down at her hands and sighs. She raises her head again, but her eyes are glistening with tears. I cup her cheek and whisper, "Don't cry, Lizzy."

"When will we see you again?" She says breathlessly.

I shrug my shoulders, "You will see me...but I don't know when."

Lizzy nods her head, "The kids will miss you."

I chuckle, "Yeah, of course they'd miss me. I'm the best uncle ever. I would be highly offended if they're not miserable in my absence."

Lizzy laughs and shakes her head, "You always made jokes in very serious and inappropriate times."

"I can't help myself sometimes."

I stand up and so does Lizzy. She rubs her eyes and smiles up at me, "I hope you find what you're looking for, Solomon. You deserve it."

I lean in and hug her tightly, "I will, Lizzy. And I hope for your sake that Xander stops getting you pregnant."

Lizzy laughs and pulls away. I hold her heads and I sigh, "I have one last thing to say."

She leans in to listen as I say, "Do you trust me?"

She frowns and says, "Of course I do. I trust you with my life."

"Do you think the family trusts me."

"You're our brother, uncle and friend...of course."

I nod my head, feeling a bit of anxiety being lifted, "Good. Times a head are going to get hard, Lizzy...but in the end...I want you and everyone here to remember as I am right now, can you do that for me?"

Confusion was floating in her eyes. She slowly nodded her head, hesitant to what she was promising. I pulled out an envelope from the back of my jeans and I hand it to her, "Also, if Ayla ever comes back here, give this to her. There is also some letters in there for Milo, too."

Lizzy nods her head, "I'll keep it safe until they come back."

I nods my head. I step back and smile down at Lizzy, "I love you a lot, Lizzy. You've always been there for me. Thank you for everything that you've done."

Lizzy fans herself and looks up at the sky, "Damn it Solomon, stop making me cry."

I chuckle, "I'm being serious though. I truly look at you as a little sister." I pull her in for another hug and I kiss her on the head, "Keep Xander in line, will ya?"

She nods her head against my chest. We separate and step back from one another. Lizzy gives me a small smile. A smile I will miss. And then she turns and walks away. 

I sigh and turn my back to everyone to go back into my tent. I sit down and am silent. I grab the big calendar I bought a while ago and I cross out today. Ayla's been gone for ten months now. Almost a year. I sigh and lean back. I opened up the roof of the tent so than I could see the stars when I sleep. 

The stars were so bright tonight, the brightest I've seen them. My heart hurts every time I see the night sky because I know how much Ayla loves it. It reminds of all our times together. I some times think it's pretty crazy I've known her since I was fifteen. It's weird to think we went to high school together, we shifted into our wolves together, she sneaked out of her house for the first time to hang out with me, we found our love of music together, we always had each other's backs, we were inseperable. She was just always there. And me, even though I was a dick and player, Ayla was my soft spot. If I knew I girl I hooked up with hurt Ayla, or disrespected her, I would drop them in a second because I couldn't tolerate the thought of anyone hurting her.

It's pretty ironic though that I ended up being the one that hurt her the most. For the first time ever since Ayla left, I shed a tear. I clench my jaw to try and keep everything inside. I missed her. I missed her and Milo so much. I've been a zombie, a dead man still walking ever since they've left. Everyday I relive that day I realised they had gone...because everyday the pain has never dimmed, it might have been numbed, but there has been no relief of the pain I felt ever since that day. So, I learned to adapt. I would keep my mind busy, I would add more work, I would do literally anything to keep myself busy because if I thought of them, I knew for a fact that I would break...and if I broke...it would be the kind of broken that you can't return from, that you can't fix. I've been through a lot pain, grief, agony, torture, everything. But nothing is as bad as feeling hollow. Feeling alone knowing that the people you love will soon move on and you become a memory. 

AYLA

We were an hour away. My heart hasn't stopped beating at a hundred miles per hour. I looked over at my little baby boy and smile. He was drawing. His curly hair, twisting into little brown ringlets along with his big brown eyes. He looked so much like his father. 

"Milo?"

He looks up at me with his beautiful eyes. I smile and run my hand through his hair, "I'm sorry baba, I'm sorry that you had to go through such hard things in Attic. I'm sorry that you didn't know your papa soon enough, I'm sorry for everything. I wish your life was more happy and complete than this."

Milo stared at me for a while. I wondered if he understood what I was saying, what I was meaning. He looks down in his lap, his brows pulled together as if he was searching for something in his mind. But what surprised me was that he raised his head revealing a big smile, "It's okay Mama, you took care of me, you love me."

Hearing him say those words...it was the best thing I have ever heard. Tear flooded my eyes and I nod my head as I said breathlessly, "That's right, Milo. I do love you. I love you with all my heart and I would do anything for you."

I pull my baby out of his seat and unto my lap. He wraps his arms around my neck and rests there as I hold him tight. I take a deep breath. No matter what happens...I will always hold on to my baby...until I have to let go. But I hope that when I do let go of Milo...I won't be alone, that there will be someone there to love me..always and forever.