146 days until the premiere

[Thursday, 07:34 p.m Notting Hill, Louis Apartment]

He hadn't slept. How could he with all those feelings tumbling around in his stomach like a windmill? Confusion. Guilt. Desire,...He slammed the bathroom mirror door shut, sighed as he looked himself in the eye. He looked miserable, like a fucking trainwreck and without a single drop of alcohol to get him there. That's what it does to you he guessed bitterly, the sense of concern, being the good guy, lying awake with a hard-on for three damn hours. He should've taken care of that when he had the chance he realised as he buttoned his jeans, it would be a day full of frustration now.

[07.58 a.m. Jermyn Street Theatre]

He arrived at work right on time. Always right on time. That was one of the things he wanted people to notice about him, he was someone you could count on, someone who took responsibility. He hung off his things in the loge, noticed he was the third to arrive. His eyes travelled over the empty spot where Harry's coat usually hung before walking over to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee. As he entered, Camille and Nick greeted him with warm smiles before turning back to each other, taking no notice of him.

"What am I supposed to do? I'm pissed at him, but seeing him like that yesterday,...should I talk to him?" Camille said, her hands clutching onto a reeking cup of tea.

Nick leaned backwards in the couch, "I don't know, love. Harry is,...Harry. It's not the first time he's been like this and he always comes back."

Louis grabbed the coffee pot but slowed down his motions at the mention of Harry.

Camille sighed and placed her cup on the table, "But what if he doesn't this time? What if he,...Sure, I'm pissed at him, but when am I NOT pissed at him?"

He grabbed a mug and poured the coffee with ease.

"Fair point," Nick agreed.

Camille continued and Louis could hear her frustration without even looking at her, "Yeah, and somehow I can't help to think it's my fault he freaked out yesterday!"

"No! It's not your fault, at all. Harry's a grown person, he can stand for his own actions. Okay?" Nick said with a firm voice, "It's not your fault. You can't go around taking responsibility for other people's actions, that's not healthy. You have a valid reason to be pissed at him, okay?"

Louis realised what he was doing, he was snooping around in something he had no part in, but somehow he couldn't make himself leave the room. So he opened the fridge, grabbed the butter and a half-eaten cucumber, placed them on the zink as he took a slice of bread from the basket on the counter.

"Yes, I know, you're right, but it bugs me. I don't want him to hurt?" Camille said, concerned.

"None of us does," Nick agreed in a soft voice, "We all want him to be happy; his normal glittering self, but lately, I don't know. He's struggling."

Louis swallowed, scooping up butter on a knife.

"I don't want him to struggle,...Should I go to see him maybe?" Louis glanced at Camille, who was now dragging her hand through her hair.

"That's up to you, Cam. But if you ask for my opinion, I think no. You have enough of your own problems, you don't have to take on his as well," Nick leaned forward again, "You've been looking out for him for such a long time now and what have he given you in return? Good dick now and then, and what else?"

Camille snorted, "I guess you're right."

"I'm sorry to say this, but he's no good for you, at least not now."

"Ugh, why do you always have to say the things I don't want to hear?" Camille whimpered, slurping on her tea.

"Somebody got to talk some sense into you, I happen to be that someone."

"Yeah, yeah, fuck you. So,... should I call him then?" She asked as Louis grabbed a cutting board for the cucumber.

Nick gave out a sigh, "Text him if you really feel the need to. Do not call."

"Okay, text is good. No call, thank you, Nicky," she said and rose, gave Nick a peck on the cheek before walking out, "See you in there, Louis."

"Yeah, I'll be in in a second!" Louis smiled at her as he placed three slices of cucumbers on his sandwich.

"That's a depressing sandwich, mate," Nick said with a laugh.

Louis turned to him, taking the seat Camille just left, "Yeah, maybe. Better than nothing tho?" he said and took a bite. Nick was right, it was a really depressing sandwich, "So, Harry and Camille, huh?" The words flew out of him before he could stop them.

Nick looked up from behind his cup, "Ugh, yeah. A never-ending story."

Louis sensed the long growing disinterest, "So, are they like- a couple?" He asked, sipping his coffee.

"A couple?" Nick said and snorted, "No, I wouldn't say so. Harry's nowhere near ready for any sort of relationship. They're like, a thing, but a small thing."

Louis gulped, "I see."

"Any reason for you asking?" Nick rose a brow, smirking.

Louis shook his head, "No, it's just something I've picked up on. The tension. Camille could barely look at Harry at rehearsals yesterday."

"It tends to get like that," Nick sighed, "I love Harry, I really do, but he can be a complete dickhead sometimes."

Louis frowned, "Oh?"

"I mean,...he often does it without the intention of being a dick, but nonetheless, he's a dick. God, I should stop saying dick now I think," he mumbled down into his cup, "He's a great lad, just-, burdened."

"Has any of you talked with him since what happened yesterday?" Louis asked, still frowning, his shoulders tense.

"Zayn, I guess," Nick said, emptying the last of his coffee, "Zayn's really the only one he ever talks to about that stuff."

"That stuff?" Louis asked, following Nick with his gaze as he walked over to the counter.

Nick placed the cup in the sink, turned to Louis, "You know, the 'I'm chaotic, I can't deal with life, I'm dying'-stuff," he said and pinned his lips together, "Would you look at that, I've let my mouth ran again, oops. See you later, going upstairs to rehearse scene ten."

As Nick left the kitchen, Louis leaned deeper back in the couch. How was it everybody seemed to think Harry was this complete ass-hole when all he could see was someone longing for understanding? Longing for someone who dared to see him for who he was. Was he wrong? He didn't know and it was certainly not something he would find the answer to inside of a shabby theatre kitchen at 08.13 on a Thursday. With a grunt, he rose to join the cast in the auditorium.

[Thursday, 15.00 p.m Jermyn Street Theatre, Jeffreys Office]

Louis tapped his pencil against the notes in his lap as the door opened, Zayn's lean figure making its way inside, "You wanted to see me?" He looked to Jeff behind the desk, and then at Louis, "Oh, both of you I guess."

"Take a seat," Jeff said, smiling. Louis swallowed, not smiling.

Zayn sat down in the wooden chair in front of them, a crease on his forehead, "What's this about?"

As if he didn't know, Louis thought, crossing his legs.

Jeff cleared his throat as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, "It's about Harry and Dorian."

Zayn eyes widened, "Alright," his eyes darted from Jeff to Louis and back to Jeff, "What about it?"

"We've decided-" Jeff sneaked a glance towards Louis who stared down at his notes, "to let you rehearse his lines alongside Lord Henry. You think you can manage that?"

Zayn's eyes narrowed, "Wait,...you want me to take Dorian?" he made a squirm in his seat, "I don't know, Jeff, it feels kinda weird."

Jeff nodded and pinned his lips, "I know, I get it, but I want you to think of what's best for the whole production, not just what's best for Harry in terms of being your best friend. We need you as a backup. What if he doesn't come back this time?"

There was a twitch in Zayn's face, "He,...he always comes back, you know that, Jeff."

"What if he doesn't this time?" Jeff said, flexing his arms over the desk, "What if I don't let him?"

Both Zayn and Louis winced, "Wha-?" Louis began but stopped as Jeff gave him a side eye.

"You wouldn't let him come back?" Zayn said, "Why? He's your star."

Jeff gave out a long breath, "And what does that matter if he can't do his job properly?" before Zayn could answer, he put a hand up, "I'm simply doing what's best for the cast, for me, and for you."

Louis clenched his jaw. Jeff knew what he was doing, and it was a dirty game he played. He looked to Zayn who sat with his hand over his mouth, puzzlement draped his eyes, "Zayn, you don't have to decide this right now," he skimmed in, ignoring the dark look from Jeff.

Zayn met his eyes, and nodded, "Yeah, yeah, it's a lot to think about. It's a lot to ask of me, Jeff. You know that right?"

"Of course I do, I wish I wouldn't have to put you in this position, but you're my last hope."

"Don't pressure him like that," Louis argued, knowing full well he wasn't supposed to.

"No, it's fine. I get it. It makes sense," Zayn said looking at Louis, "But can I at least get a day to think about it?" he turned to Jeff.

"By all means," Jeff said, looking down at his papers, "Think about it until tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," Zayn said with a short nod, "May I leave? I really need a smoke."

Jeff pointed him towards the door, "See you tomorrow, oh, and Zayn?" he added as Zayn was halfway out the door.

"Yes?"

"Don't say a word about this to Harry, okay?"

"Not a word," Zayn mumbled before disappearing out the door.

As soon as the door closed, Jeff turned towards Louis, "I thought I was being clear when I said you wouldn't let your dispraise show? It's important we get Zayn to agree to this. We need a backup."

"Honestly Jeff, I get it," Louis turned to meet his eye, "But I don't get why you have to pin two close friends against each other. That's how you destroy friendships in this business, and I'm not here for that. If we're quite finished, I really need a smoke as well," he said and rose, grabbed his sweater from the chair and left the room without hearing another word from behind the desk.

[Thursday, 15.22 p.m Jermyn Street Theatre, Backyard]

"I reckon this wasn't your idea?" Zayn said as Louis lightened his cigarette, flicking the one in his hand so the glowing ash fell to the ground.

"I don't see the point in lying," Louis gave him a crooked smirked, "So no, this wasn't my idea."

Zayn sighed, looking up at the grey sky, "Will you see me like an idiot if I accept?"

Louis inhaled, "No," Zayn looked at him with mistrust, "Hey, how long have I've worked here? Two weeks?"

"More like one,..." Zayn murmured and Louis gave out a laugh.

"Right, and who am I to be judging your work after a week?" Louis said, watching as Zayn squinted his eyes, "I get it, you think I'm judging you for even considering 'taking over' Dorian. I promise you, I'm not. Hey, I mean it," he added when Zayn gave out a sigh, "It's a tricky situation, and Jeff knows you best. My, not so discreet dislike," he whispered, "Is coming from a place where I don't want anyone to get hurt."

"Hey man, I get that, I salute you for it. But you don't know Harry as we know Harry," Zayn said, tossing his cigarette inside of an ashtray, "I know how you're feeling right now, how you want to protect him from all the bad things in the world, he has that effect on people," he turned to face Louis, "I've been there, we've all been there. But you can't save anyone that doesn't want saving. It consumes you and at one point, you've had enough. So don't come moralising over me if I accept Jeff's offer, I've tried saving him for years, and it's never enough."

Louis gulped as Zayn shut the door behind him. He dragged a deep puff of the cigarette, his lungs growing tight by the heat. He had seen the sadness inside of Harry's eyes, the obscure feeling of being completely alone when surrounded by so many. Had anyone really tried saving him, for real? Zayn's words ringing in his head, it consumes you. Eight days, eight fucking days was all it took for him to toss sanity out the window. He should stay away from him, at least three people alone had shown him that just in one day, but,...He tossed the cigarette inside the ashtray where Zayn's cigarette laid still reeking.

He grabbed his phone, searched his contacts and moved the phone to his ear. Four signals, "Hi, are you busy? Want to go for a cup of tea? I know this awesome place where they also serve delicious vegan pancakes."