I wanted to write depressing shiz so here we go

¡!¡Trigger Warnings!¡!

Suicide

If you are sensitive to the topic of suicide and overall just dark thoughts, then please don't read. I don't want anybody to be hurt emotionally or even think about hurting themselves physically just because they read this. Stay safe, you guys.

~Colby Brock's POV~

I've never really realized it, but my life is depressing. Everything, honestly, is depressing. I mean, no matter what we do in life, we're gonna die. It doesn't matter if I'm a billionaire or a beggar on the street, I'm still going to die.

What even happens after death? There's no proof of any sort of afterlife, even though me and Sam spend our lives looking for paranormal activity, it's probably just luck. I mean, isn't that all life is? It's not like there's just a magic switch that makes the things we want to happen. I've always been a skeptic, and even though I'm getting more evidence that should make me believe in an afterlife, it just makes my beliefs fade more.

...What would it be like if I was dead? Sam, he would be fine, right? He still would have Corey and Jake, plus all of our other friends. God, it makes me crazy, just by thinking about Sam. He's just... he's a special person.

Quite honestly, he's the reason I haven't ended it yet, and just kept doing the paranormal videos. The Sam and Colby channel wouldn't be 'Sam and Colby' if I was gone; it'd just be 'Sam.'

Anyway, life. Yeah, it's depressing. There's no point in it, honestly. I tell the fans that they need to live, because life is a blessing and so much more, but I can't even believe that myself. I want to know if there's an afterlife. I don't want to be alive anymore, either. This is the best way to find out, right?

Mom always told me to never give up on my dreams, and well, learning what happens after death is my dream. So, I guess this is my end.

I open the window, looking down at the concrete below. I'm on the second story, meaning if I "fall" out, it should, in theory, kill me. Well, I guess this is it, I think before sitting in my window frame. Images of Sam flash in front of my eyes, and I can't help but smile. "I love you, Sam Golbach," I murmur before letting myself fall from the window.

~Sam Golbach's POV~

Colby's been gone for a month now. Nobody has even dared to work on a video since, none of the fans knowing what happened to Colby. All I've posted on any social media is just a simple tweet, saying 'I lost it all.'

"Sam, we need to work on videos. The fans are all getting worried about none of us posting much anything, especially after your last twitter post the night he was officially... gone.." Jake says gently. "I know, things won't feel the same, but we need to do something. Just because Colby's life... stopped, doesn't mean ours does too."

I don't say anything. I know Jake is right, but it hurts, way too much. I loved Colby, as more than just a friend, but now he's gone. He's been gone, for over a month.

Why couldn't I have seen he was struggling? Why couldn't I have helped him..?

I sigh, wiping my eyes with my sleeve. Well, the sleeve of one of Colby's jackets I stole from his closet. It still smells like him, though the scent has faded over the last month.

"Hey, I have an idea," Corey says, looking up at me and Jake. "What if we try doing a seance, in Colby's room? We might be able to contact him - and we could do a video for it, so it'll be a two in one."

I don't say anything, but Corey seems to take my silence as a yes. I mean, he is willingly going to do a seance, so that should be a plus.

***

We set up a camera and get all the stuff to do the seance, and I just stay quiet. "Hey guys, this is Jake. I know, this is going to be uploaded on the Sam and Colby channel, but... the channel is going to change, a lot," I hear Jake saying to the camera, then giving an explanation to that and why we haven't been active on social media at all recently. Corey comes in the room, hugging me.

"We all miss him, bud. It's gonna be okay though, right?" he says softly, and I hesitantly nod. I've already made up my mind. If we get any proof that Colby's in the afterlife, I'm killing myself so I can be with him. I can't keep living on without him, especially knowing he's somewhere else...

Jake comes back in, putting the camera down where it can see us sitting on the floor of Colby's bedroom. We almost immediately start the seance. "Colby Brock, we summon you here," Jake says once we officially start the seance. "Give us any sort of sign if you're here, Colby."

For a bit, there's nothing. "Colby, please, give us a sign you're here," I step in. "Please..."

There's silence for a moment, but then I hear something in my bedroom falling. It sounded like the painting. Corey and Jake both seemed to hear it, and I can't help but smile. I'll be there with you soon, Colby, I think silently.

"Oh my god, Colby's actually here," Corey mumbles. Then, knocking comes at the wall. There is five of them, very spread out. Five knocks. Five letters in 'Colby.'

"Okay, Colby, knock on the wall once if you don't want to talk to us, knock twice if you do," Corey requests.

One knock.

"Do you want to talk to any of us specifically? One knock for no, two for yes," Jake adds.

Two knocks.

"Who is it?" I ask quietly. "Three for me, four for Jake, five for Corey."

Three knocks.

Corey and Jake both nod, covering their ears. "Are you happy, Colby?" I ask quietly. "One knock for yes, two for not sure, three for no."

Two knocks.  "I miss you," I hear a raspy voice say in my ear. I immediately know whose voice that is. Colby's.

"I miss you too, Colbs... why did you leave..? I ask, despite knowing there's no way he can answer that. No noise comes from that question.

"I love you, Colbs... I miss you, so, so much..." I say quietly, my eyes watering. I have no idea if the camera caught what I said, though I hope it didn't.

Another faint whisper is heard in my ear, this time much weaker though. "I love you too, Sammy."

Me, Corey and Jake decided to end the video there, ending the seance. I still have tears in my eyes, and Jake seems to notice. He pulls me into a tight hug, rubbing my back. "It's gonna be okay, Sammy... he's in a better place now.."

So will I, soon, I think silently, not saying anything.

***

I head up to Colby's room, opening the window. The window, being the window that Colby took his life at, and where I'm going to take mine at. I close my eyes. I know, what I'm doing is dumb; I'm going to hurt Corey and Jake, so much, but I can't control it. I want to be with Colby, and that means dying.

Taking a deep breath, I glance over at the note I left on the desk. Then, I jump, and afterwards everything goes black.

~~~

Not the best, but better than recently
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Cookie Da Queen~