14 | vemödalen
the fear that everything has already been done

dedicated to bitchmafia , kolsmikaelson , lucksless and DankFabio - thank you for being just amazing 💙

FOR THE FIRST time in a week, I was finally able to shut my eyes without fear of the nightmares that may pursue. No flashbacks, visions, or horrible fragments of my memory came to haunt me as darkness wrapped a heavy veil around my sleeping body. Cheek pressed up against the passenger window, and legs curled beneath me with unease, I had never felt so comfortable since discovering my past had been removed.

Perhaps it was because I finally knew what I had done, even though I couldn't live with it. Or perhaps it was because Damon was sat beside me, the Toyota hurtling back in the direction of his hotel room.

Alexander's brown heart was still ingrained in my mind. And so was the memory of me cutting it out of his chest. The thought made me want to throw up, and cause my intestines to fasten in a ball too tight to unknot. Yet the question still lingered - who had compelled me to go against all my morals?

And as far as I knew, the answer lay with my phone.

My cracked, iPhone SE, which was lost.

I didn't awake from my slumber until I felt Damon's strong arms wrap themselves under my legs and carry me out of the car. My head fell against his chest, heart beating steadily and soothing me as he carried me from busy London street, into the Hotel lift, and onto his hotel double bed.

After a moment cuddled into the soft sheets, I finally scraped open my eyes. The initial wave of tiredness had washed over me, leaving a burning feeling of guilt and nausea in its wake. Damon had had the ingenuity to turn the lights off, leaving the multicoloured horizon to light up the room. Red traffic lights glared in the distance, and the bright white outlined Damon's silhouette figure against the window like a perfect picture. He had stripped his suit jacket off his body, leaving him in a long-sleeved shirt and blood-stained trousers. Cufflinks undone and hair ruffled, I wanted nothing more than to see his face.

"Damon?" I enquired softly, still too tired to sit up. Instead, I pushed my arm out from below my body and rested my head on top of my bicep.

The man peered around, his face illuminated by the London streets. His hazel eyes glazed over with a mystical beauty, ethereally glowing like a sunrise.

Damon strode over to the bed, and stood above me with a soft gaze that made my heart tingle. He stroked my cheek before moving away. "Get some sleep, princess."

I tugged at Damon's sleeve before he could retreat fully, pulling him back to the bed and forcing myself into a seated position.

"Damon, I can't," I sighed, blinking until my eyes were wide open.

"Just try, ok?"

I wanted to nod my head, but instead I shook it. I was wide awake, and there were still parts of Damon's past I was yet to uncover.

"You once said that Alexander raised you," I questioned as Damon turned his back to walk away. But as soon as I mentioned the name of the deceased King, he froze mid-step and turned to face me. "I'm sorry that this happened to him."

Damon's jaw clenched. In slow, agonising movements he sat across from me on the edge of the bed and stared at the outside world spinning against the universe.

"He had it coming," Damon exhaled, fiddling with the sleeves of his crisp white shirt. My heart shuddered, realising that I had never heard the vampire speak about anyone else in such a quiet tone. Despite being as hard to read as ancient latin, there was no doubt that he had cared about the King in one way or another. "He had a lot of enemies."

I curled my legs into my chest, intrigued. "Damon, don't pretend he didn't mean a lot to you. Because he clearly did."

"He did," Damon's eyes glanced over the sheets to my body. "He was the person who turned me into a vampire. One wrong turn down a narrow street in Rome, and he made me drink his blood before snapping my neck. I woke up with others like me - the newbloods. Alexander forced me to become part of his army otherwise he would kill me and my sister. As newbloods, we were stronger - faster - than most other vampires. Alexander used us to regain control of his clan in Hong Kong and to do his bidding. If we stepped out of line, we were killed. As soon as we turned a decade old, he killed us.

"During my time, it became clear that I had a natural skill for combat. Alexander saw this and promoted me to his inner circle. He taught me how to fight and how to control my blood lust, as well as have a good time.

"I killed a lot of people, Cora. I did things I wasn't proud of. Villages fell by my hand, vampire clans were wiped out. Alexander wanted to be a Pureblood, and because of that he craved power. He craved to be their superior."

I creased my brow at the new term. "Purebloods?"

Damon nodded his head, his eyes finally locking with mine. His stubble was beautiful against his tanned skin, but the lines carved into his skin only made me worry.

"The first vampires. The strongest creatures in the world, and the only creatures with the ability to kill anything pure," Damon continued, and I gulped. "I'm not proud of my past, Cora, and by the time my decade was up, I managed to escape before Alexander killed me. I made it back to Rome and forced what remained of my family to move to the United States. I lived with my sister and her husband for years until I got wind of Alexander and fled to keep them out of danger.

"Then, after travelling for a century, I found myself in Iran. And as you know, there I met Sage, servant to Princess Aaditya. For the first time in my life, I fell in love. But of course, Alexander found out and killed her in front of me," Damon's voice cracked. I reached forward without second thought, and took his larger hands in my pale ones. Sparks flew like a lightning storm, and I shivered at my actions. What was I doing? I was cautious about what Nathan had told me: that Damon had killed Sage, but at that moment I had never trusted anyone more in my life.

"I'm sorry, Damon. That's fucking messed up. No one should have to go through with that."

Damon flashed me a tight smile. "It's ok. It's been a century."

"And? Time doesn't heal everything."

The man didn't respond to the comment, continuing to stare desolately ahead; transfixed on something that wasn't there. "I never forgave him after. I tried to kill him, but it was pointless. I wasn't strong enough, and he became King soon after.

"Of course, Sage never truly died, but becoming a vampire changed her. She took off with another vampire - one of the Purebloods. Last time I saw her she was two decades ago, covered in blood after she killed a whole Clan in Virginia for the Purebloods. She's been with them ever since." Every single word stung the man, and I pressed forwards, resting on my knees. I released my hand from one of his, and brought it up to his face so that it was facing mine. The tears he had been attempting to hide were blatant, studding his eyes like distant stars.

I ran my thumb over the bristles of Damon's dark stubble, biting my lip involuntarily. My eyes took in his lips, hungry for more than just a touch. This man made me feel everything I hadn't felt before. He made my body come alive, and drew me in like a moth to a flame.

But before I had the chance to make a move, Damon swept my hand away and stood up from the bed. I shivered the moment he moved away, his warmth no longer present. For some reason, he couldn't look at me, so he pointed to the heart that was wrapped up in his suit instead.

"Which is why, after tomorrow and this whole Heir Trial shit is over, I have to go," Damon whispered, balling his hands into fists. My heart fell from my chest, stomach growing butterflies like I was on the world's fastest roller coaster. He was leaving?

"What the fuck, Damon?" I seethed, clambering off the bed. I staggered in front of his angrily, glaring at his hazel eyes which refused to meet mine. "You- you what?"

Damon staggered to his feet, unable to maintain eye contact. I stared right at his face, jaw clenching with every heartbeat. The man pointed a finger towards the heart wrapped in his expensive suit jacket.

"That heart is the reason I needed to find out what happened to Alexander. The reason we had to undo your compulsion. And people will kill me, you, and everyone I have ever known to get it."

The words stung, and I let the truth that I had been used to kill the king sink in. "So you lied to me?"

"No, Cora! I may be fucked up, but I would never do anything other than protect you. I knew that if I found his heart, this would happen. I didn't want this to happen. Not when-" Damon sighed, hands scrunched into fists by his side. And in the blink of an eye, Damon grabbed his suit jacket and hurled it against the nearest wall with enough power to leave a dent. "Fuck!"

"Damon, stop!" I shouted. The man paused at the sound of my voice, but continued to pick up the enclosed heart and throw it across the lounge area, knocking over a dainty vase and smashing it into a trillion pieces. Despite the fear that Damon would accidentally hurt me in his rage, I rose from the bed and reached for the male's arm before he could destroy more of the hotel room furniture. "Damon."

In the blink of an eye, Damon's hand latched onto my wrist and my back thumped against the wall gently. I let out a gasp of surprise, and closed my eyes, only to open them with hazel lingering on me like a thirsty animal. Damon's body was pressed against mine, his muscular physique pinning me against the vintage wallpaper with ease. His usual musky smell was laced with body odour, but it only made me crave more. The moment my eyes met his, I could feel my heartbeat increase until I could no longer tell the separate beats apart. His breath fanned against my face, hot.

Damon panted loudly, and encircled both wrists and pinned them to the wall.

"Calm down," I ordered, watching the anger on Damon's face persist.

"Cora, there's a reason that heart didn't turn to dust when Alexander was killed," Damon explained, inching closer. I didn't fear the man, but all of my nerve endings were tingling with anticipation as his fingers squeezed tighter on my wrists. "That's because it can't be destroyed. And when a King or Queen dies, everyone goes after the heart.

"Because if you eat the heart, you become stronger. Faster. Deadlier. Powerful. Indestructible. You turn into a Pureblood. Vampires kill to get it, and if I don't leave, people will figure out I have it sooner or later. The longer I leave it, the more likely you'll get killed. I can't have that, ginger."

I scrunched my brows, Damon's nose centimetres away from mine. "Can't you just burn it, or- or give it to someone else? Bec-"

The vampire shook his head, sorrow swelling in his eyes like the open ocean. "It doesn't work like that, sweetheart. The heart cannot be destroyed and the original Purebloods are ruthless. We don't need more in this world. I need to make sure no fucking vampire gets their hands on it."

"I didn't realise you gave a shit."

"Princess, believe it or not, I have a heart."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't believe it."

"This is not a joke, ginger."

I grit my teeth. "I know Damon! But right now I'm freaking the fuck out because not only did I kill someone, but you then go and tell me you have to fucking leave me too! How else do you want me to react? Do you want me to wave you off and smile knowing I'm never going to see you again?" I paused, every single part of my body convulsing with a kind of pain I had never experienced before: heartache. "Because- because I can't do that! I won't. You're not leaving."

"Cora," Damon's face softened, his hand soothing my cheek before I angrily pushed it away. "You have your whole life ahead of you. University, shitty first dates, and a whole load of office work. If you come with me, you'll die."

"Well maybe I don't want an office job! Damon," My voice strained, my agony pouring out as words. What was I supposed to say? Damon was leaving to protect me - he was leaving the only person he had cared about in centuries because, for once, he cared too much. "There has to be a way out of this."

"There is," Damon said, leaning in. "I get the fuck out of here, and you get to live out the rest of your life."

"I'm coming with you."

"Cora now is not the time to be... you."

I pushed myself away from the wall, until my chest was pressed up against Damon's. Through the thick material of my shirt, I could feel the shuddering of his undead heart. It made me feel alive.

"I'm Cora fucking Hawk," I stated, taking a step back. I sent him a bitter smile and turned around to face the bed, ready to sink deep into the plump duvet and attempt sleep. "You can't get rid of me that easily."

In a rush of air, Damon was in front of me before I could jump onto the bed and sleep my sorrows away. The news hadn't fully set in yet, and all I could feel was adrenaline pumping through my veins. I couldn't quite believe that my bare hands had cut Alexander's heart from his chest after I drugged him with a lethal dose of vervain, nor could I believe that the man who had tore at my heartstrings was leaving me.

"Trust me, ginger, I know," Damon sighed, my body colliding with his as I tried to move past him. The man kept his lips in a tight line, but admiration was worn on his face like a mask. His hand moved to my face, and I held my breath in anticipation. "Because I've been trying to ignore what I feel - to get rid of this feeling. But I can't."

I creased my brows, suddenly unable to breathe. "Damon?" I whispered.

Damon didn't reply with words. Instead, he leaned in within the blink of an eye, landing his lips onto mine. They were soft against mine, and I stayed still as I tried to comprehend what was happening in my head. We were kissing. We were finally fucking kissing.

And I wanted him. Badly.

I closed my eyes, allowing the sparks to circulate from my lips to the rest of my body. I moved my small lips against his, moving my frozen hands after seconds of shocked silence. I snaked an arm behind his back, the other entangling itself in his hair. I pulled him closer, using my strength to bring me as close to him as possible. I wanted more. I wanted him.

I moaned as the kiss deepened, electricity whirring between us like an infinite storm. His hand reached down, running across the small of my back to my bum I had spent zero time in the gym preparing for this moment. I felt self-conscious, yet safe in his hands.

I groaned as the vampire slid his tongue into my mouth, and pushed his body fully against mine. He knew what he was doing - after all, he had had enough practice.

I squealed as his hands grabbed my thighs and pulled them around his waist, stopping to smile before leaning in to kiss him once more. The sexual tension between us was electrifying - how had I not noticed it until now?

The man carried me over to the bed, placing me down gently on the sheets before unbuttoning his white shirt and chucking it to on the bedside table almost elegantly. I stared at his rock-hard chest, and the abs that broke through the skin like mountains. Unlike bodybuilders, Damon wasn't overly muscular, but I liked his build. He was strong, protective, and had a sarcastic personality to match.

I wasn't falling. I had fallen.

Hard.

My own hands fell to the hem of my hoodie and shirt. They lingered for a moment, debating whether to pull the garments off. I felt safe around Damon and I was confident about my body, but I also knew the consequences of falling for someone, my parents being the prime example. My father leaving my mother for someone ten years younger had torn our family apart.

I bit my lip, flipping us over so that I was straddling Damon. Above him, I felt nothing but boundless power. Using the rush of confidence, I put aside all negative thoughts and pulled my garments over my head, hair spiralling into the darkness. I blushed, left on top of the vampire in my flimsy bralette. Yet the red pigment faded into the night, and my heart quickened as Damon's smile grew.

I had done this before with my ex, Adam. In fact, I had done everything except sex. But with Adam being the football goalkeeper and one of the most talked-about boys in school, it had been hard for me to integrate into his more popular circle. Our relationship was never meant to happen, but like in any cheesy film or romance novel, we had sat next to each other in Chemistry and struggled to understand the difference between exothermic and endothermic. After sitting next to each other for a three hour train journey to-and-from the Natural History Museum, we realised our similar interests. He would love to call me out for cussing, and I wanted nothing more than to make fun of his double-jointed thumbs.

I never fully trusted his intentions with me. It took three months for the trust to build up, but after discovering his very active Tinder profile, I had ended the relationship with the help of multiple tubs of ice cream. I was left heartbroken, he was left with a new girlfriend in the year below.

It had shattered my confidence. For the first year of university, I was afraid to let someone else in knowing that they would eventually leave my life anyway. Relationships were just a line: they had a beginning and an end, and when one ended, another began. I was still not ready for that cycle.

But as Damon placed his rough fighter hands on the small of my waist, all my tensions were alleviated. His lips quirked upwards, chest heaving under my legs like a beautiful, perfect machine. I knew he was too good to be true, yet here he was. He was mine.

I leaned in, placing my lips on his. They were soft against mine, moving perfectly in sync. His hands roughly pulled me closer so that my body was pressed against his. I groaned, my heart feeling a rush of dizzying euphoria. I raked away my hair from my eyes with one hand, cupping Damon's face with the other. His stubble was prickly against my palm, the scent of pine trees and deodorant making me crave more.

But, despite the euphoria and lightheadedness, I couldn't help but pull away. My lips left his, Damon's face turning into a mask of confusion.

Last time, I had rushed into things with Adam. And after watching my parents' relationship deteriorate, I needed to know that the feelings I felt was not just sexual. No matter how much I wanted him.

I turned away from Damon, blushing as I sat on top of him in my bra. Sighing, I clambered off the man and shuffled so that I was sat uncomfortably at the edge of the bed, gazing at the luminous horizon.

I heard the bedding shift behind me, but didn't look back. It was only until Damon's hands slid around my waist that I was broken from my trance. A smile formed on my lips, but it was one of despair - one that knew I still couldn't let him in.

The bedding shifted behind me, and in a blink Damon was knelt before me. His hand lifted my chin so that my eyes were staring directly into his. The hard, stern face I had grown so used to had melted, replaced by soft eyes.

"You ok?" He asked gently.

His voice. His voice was fucking beautiful.

"Hey," he whispered when I refused to reply. "Why do you keep pushing me away, ginger?"

I pried my lips open, unsure of what to answer. "Because that's all I can do. A- after watching my parents fight - watching them go through four years hating each other, I've seen what love does to people. I don't know if I'm ready for that. Because when you give someone your heart, you're also giving them the power to destroy you. I don't let people in, Damon." My voice grew louder, and in a sudden burst of anger I pushing his hands away and looked back to the city lights.

"Neither do I!" Damon protested.

"That's not the point, arsehole!"

"That's exactly the point!" Damon's frame rose and fell with each quickened breath. He cared, and the thought had me euphoric and scared at the same time. "Cora, you cannot tell me that after all this time you haven't felt everything."

"Damon-"

"After all this fucking time you cannot be telling me that."

"I've felt everything, ok!" I shouted, throwing my hands up in rage. My eyes widened - had I just admitted that to him? "I've felt everything. I'm just not ready to let you in."

Damon ran the back of his hand against my face. "You don't have to let me in. Not yet."

"I know," I shook my head, clearing all unhealthy thoughts about the handsome man sat before me being a murderer and surviving off human blood for a living. I would be lying if I said it didn't bother me, but he had shown me nothing but kindness. "I just- You've done some fucked up things, and I'm prepared to live with that. You have no remorse to anyone. You don't care about anyone else. And I'm not prepared to believe that I'm an exception. All you've ever done is protect me, and I don't understand, Damon."

Damon puckered his lips as if to answer, but all he could do was sit there in deafening silence.

"Why me, Damon?"

"Because," he paused, like he didn't know what to say. I was shaking from anticipation. "In all my three-hundred-and-sixty-three years of life, I have never, ever met anyone remotely like you. When I first met you in London, you made me smile like no one ever had. You don't remember, but your kindness spun my fucking head."

"Oh," I muttered, speechless. It wasn't the answer I had expected, but then again I hadn't expected an answer at all.

"I like you a lot, ginger," Damon shook his head, hands falling away from my face. He stood up and paced around the room with his head in his hand. "Fuck. Fuck."

"What?" I asked, worried by the sudden change in his posture. The concerned and adoring look from his face had been reduced to a mask of worry. I stood up, legs shaking from adrenaline and strode over to the vampire, tearing his hands from his face. I gripped them in mine, unable to believe that I was confidently standing in front of him in my bra without a worry.

"I don't think I can stay away from you."

"Then don't," I whispered, leaning forward with a newfound confidence to place a small kiss on his lips.

"Cora, that's not how this works."

I waved a finger, lacing my arms around his neck and biting my lip. This felt so right my horny self couldn't control my body anymore. A single look from Damon's lustrous hazel eyes had me melted on the red carpet.

"No, that's how you want it to work. This is shit, I get it. But I'm not going to let you leave. Either you stay, or I come with you," I muttered. Damon looked down at his feet, but I pulled his focus back to my face with a kiss to his forehead. I knew that everything I was feeling was real, but I wasn't ready to let him in. It took months for me to build up my trust in someone, and if Damon was the gentleman he thought he was, then he would wait.

This was right, but it wasn't right at this moment in time.

Damon finally responded to the kisses, and pressed back gently with a sadness that he could no longer contain.

"I knew what I was doing. I knew that this was going to happen, but I didn't realise it would be this fucking hard," Damon sighed against my lips, creating goosebumps on the back of my neck.

"Hey," I muttered, trying to hide my anger. He had never wanted it to come to this, despite knowing that it was the inevitable. We were scarily compatible, and both of us weren't blind to the effect we had had on each other since we had met.

"Let's not think about that now. I still don't know who wiped my mind, and I feel like finding out has something to do with my phone."

Damon's face turned white, but he still spoke with his confident tone. "You had another flashback?"

I nodded and bit my lip. "Yeah. So we find out what arsehole did this shit and make him pay. Then we'll figure this shit out."

"Ok, but we're not going anywhere tomorrow," Damon replied hastily.

I scrunched my forehead and bit my lip. "I thought I told you you can't fucking tell me what I can and can't do."

"Cora, I didn't mean that," Damon rolled his perfect eyes, and I found myself smiling. "The trial ends tomorrow at midnight, and the new heir gets crowned at the ceremony on the Winter Solstace. The final day is dangerous, and I don't want you caught up in that."

I nodded. Damon smiled at me, taking my cheeks in his hands and placing his lips on my forehead. I closed my eyes in bliss, shivering once his touch faded away and the shuffle of bedding snapped me out of my daze. My heart was beating so fast, it sounded like war drums were being strum right next to my ears.

I swallowed the lump in my throat and laid down in the bed beside Damon. I had never felt so comfortable around a man before in my life. Adam had brought my trust issues to the surface, and Damon had been the only person able to bury them back in the grave they came from.

"Damon?" I asked quietly. The man responded with a moan, clearly exhausted from a day of driving and murderous activity. Not that that was anything new to him. "Why are you still in the Washington Clan? I don't understand why you stick by Nathan if you hate him so much."

I held my breath, wondering if my burning question was one step too far.

"Nathan and I have been through a lot together," Damon whispered, stroking my hair as I lay with my back to him. "He may be an asshole, but he's always been by my side. He knows I'm dangerous, which makes him paranoid and scared I'll take his position as leader, but I've never wanted to be a leader. He's never understood that."

I nodded as though I understood, which I did - slightly. A relationship as complicated as Nathan's and Damon's couldn't be explained in words, and I wasn't ready for three-hundred-years worth of history lessons.

"He's also pissed me off a lot recently," Damon chuckled into the sheets. "We happen to like the same girl."

The pigment of my cheeks went from white to pink to red, knowing full well who he was talking about.

"What will you do if he becomes King?"

"Leave him to it," Damon exhaled. "We've got enough shit with this heart to be thinking about. You can't trust anyone about this, Cora. No one can know we have it."

"I won't tell anyone," I whispered, smiling at the feeling of Damon's hands wrapping themselves around my body. He pulled me towards him so that my body was pressed into his perfectly like a complete jigsaw puzzle. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest; the beating of his heart; and the warmth of his breath on my back. London lights illuminated the room through the half-drawn curtains, and in that moment I had never seen anything more spectacular than the cloudy sky and the grey moon attempting to shine through it.

"Night, Damon."

"Night, princess."

AND WE'RE BACK WITH A BANGGG

I HOPED YOU ENJOYED MT BABIES AND AYAYAYA IT FINALLY HAPPENED DAMORA IS HERE!!

Sorry for taking so long to update but I have big news (sadly not to do with sv) coming soon woo!

I've also set myself the challenge to finish this by march, so wish me luck and expect some quick updates ;)

Only 5 chapters left to go - what do you think's going to happen next?

Thank you so fucking much for reading!! Lots of love, Lotte xxx

thank you to yoonymi for this incredible cover!! 💕