14.5 | epiphany
a moment of sudden revelation

dedicated to nightqueenss

THE BED BESIDE me was notably empty when I awoke in the morning. Rubbing the sticky residue from my tired eyes, I sat up, threw my shirt from last night into the wash basket, and made my way to Damon's closet. The white-painted doors had been strewn open, and I smiled at the selection before choosing an extra-large black band t-shirt and flung it on. Surprised that the man owned something other than a suit, I almost neglected the glare of sunlight on the slick black surface of an item tucked away in the left corner of the wardrobe.

Intrigued, I edged forwards, blocking the reflected light with my palm. At first I thought it was a phone - but it couldn't be unless Damon had two? It definitely wouldn't surprise me if he did - he could easily afford it.

I walked closer, just to be sure that I wasn't hallucinating. I blinked again, focusing on the slick space-grey object burning under my gaze. No- surely it couldn't possibly be.

My breathing sped up rapidly as I bent down and picked up the object. It was light in my hand, and fit into my palm as it had for a year of my life. I couldn't believe that it was here. And that it had been here this whole time.

I felt anger bubble up in my body like an erupting volcano, my phone's black screen reflecting my angry expression. I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs; to swear so loudly that the whole of London could hear. Damon knew that I needed my phone, and this whole time he had had it in his possession.

Furious, I clicked on the unlock button and held it down until the tiny apple symbol glared on the screen. I sighed as relief flooded through my body, hoping that the device had enough charge for me to read the messages and texts I had exchanged with people over the eight days my memory was wiped. It would reveal what I had messaged to Damon, to Nathan - to anyone. Maybe it would even reveal who had compelled me to forget everything.

I heard the door click open to the bathroom, and in a panic I urgently tapped against the screen, willing the phone to turn on. After a second, my lock screen flashed before my eyes in a haze of blue light. Hannah and myself smiled in the photo, and my anger was pushed aside as I remembered asking my mother to take it at a carnival in Southampton. Posing in front of a candy floss stall, there was no worry lined on our faces. Our lives were simple back then - I wished I had appreciated it at the time.

I opened my messages, hearing Damon whistling as a wave of warm air hit me from the opening of the bathroom door. I wanted to rip all of his fucking suits to shreds; wanted to forget everything that had happened last night.

He had lied to me. Straight to my face.

Then a thought struck my mind like a bolt of lightning, and I almost screamed. Had it been him all along? Had he compelled me to kill Alexander? But then why did he need me to tell him where the heart was buried in this first place if he already knew?

Damon exited the bathroom, a broad smile plastered on his handsome face. His hair dripped with translucent water droplets, sparkling ethereally in the sun like stars. He had a towel wrapped around his waist, revealing his sculpted chest. He moved around the corner, and I froze in place.

"Hey, so I was thinking, we could go out to Frankie's and grab a keba-" The man's foot appeared around the corner, but as Damon's eyes settled on me and what I held in my hands, his words were cut off. His mouth remained open, gulping like a fish out of water.

Time slowed down. Seconds become minutes. Minutes became centuries.

I hated to admit it, but he looked handsome. Yet, I was too furious to care. As I glanced in his direction, I couldn't bring myself to form words. There were so many things I wanted to shout at him, yet nothing came out of my mouth.

I clenched my jaw so tightly my teeth hurt, feeling as though they would break under the pressure. My stare hardened so that it could kill anything in a ten-metre radius, and my eyes fell on Damon. I hadn't read the messages yet, but I could already see who my last text was from and when. There were no texts between the fourteenth and the tenth of December, but the latest messages were ones of worry from my mother, and below that, an unread one from the fifth of December paired with the name Nathan.

It read: I'm taking you out to dinner tonight, your choice. See you soon blondie xxxx

What? How in the fuck?

I knew that the two men had some sort of feelings towards me as I had towards them, but had I really gone for Nathan in the first place? Was that why Damon wanted to compel me to forget - so that he could have the girl, and win her over gaining a stupid dead, mouldy, rotting heart in the process?

My hands clenched into fists at my side, vision sliding into a veil of maroon.

"Ginger," Damon stepped forward cautiously, my gaze fixated on the wall as my jaw pulsed. If he came close enough I would lash out and ruin that pretty face of his. Because there was one thing I couldn't stand more than anything, and that was liars. Adam had lied to me and gained a broken nose because of it. I didn't even fall for Adam. God only knew what I would do to someone I liked more than chicken kebabs. "I can explain."

My sight still infiltrated with ruby, I raised my hands to stop him coming closer. I didn't need to look at his handsome face, because I knew that my heart would speed up, and all my feelings for him would gush out. If I looked at him, I wouldn't - couldn't - be angry at him despite what he had done. In a past life, back at secondary school, I had been deemed 'too nice'. I couldn't hurt anyone's feelings otherwise I would feel guilt that would slowly consume me. But right now, I had to be tough. What was happening between us had to end, and I had to leave. I didn't need him in my life, and there was no reason to stay near him.

Fuck my memories, but I think I've just figured out what happened on my own.

I didn't need the man. I never had.

"Stay away from me, Damon," I warned as he dared to take another step forward. He was in reaching distance, and I had to will every cell in my body not to lash out. I dug my nails into my palms to distract my attention, but it did nothing, the exertion of my anguish forming tears. The salty droplets appeared effortlessly, building up in my eyes and blurring the world red.

"Cora-" Damon started, but I waved my hand and broke off his words.

"No, don't you fucking dare use my name now of all times," I waved a finger in his face, and stepped forwards, squaring up to the vampire with a sudden rush of adrenaline. I finally rounded up the courage to glance into the man's beautiful hazel eyes, but regretted my decision straight away. Although Damon was not crying, water sparkled among the whites of his eyes. A deep part of my soul wanted to comfort him - to stand on my tiptoes and kiss those lips - but instead I grew angrier.

"W- Why?" I shouted, my body suddenly unable to remain still from frustration. I threw my hands in the air and walked away from the man who was staring at me with eyes as beady as a hawk's. He didn't know how to react, body hunched over in defeat. 

"Why Damon? Why the hell do you have my phone?"

"I-"

I didn't let him speak. He didn't deserve to speak. "You had it this whole time and didn't say anything. Why?" I demanded, turning my attention back to the black rectangle in my hand. There was only seven percent remaining, but it was all I needed. My thumb hovered over the text messages to Nathan, questioning whether to open them or not. It remained there for seconds - would I like what I saw? I might've sent these messages in a past life, but I needed to grasp the past with both hands and piece the intricate puzzle together.

I finally opened the messages, flooded by an abundance of virtual kisses and conversations that spanned three weeks.

"Were you trying to hide this?" I enquired, forcing the white screen into Damon's face. He hadn't moved an inch, chest rising and falling dramatically with each breath. But the man didn't have time to reply as the world flashed to black in a blink, ebony swallowing my surroundings in the blink of an eye.

Confused, I glanced around but all I could was an endless abyss of nothing. I brought my hand up to my face, but I couldn't see it. I began to panic, fear rising in my throat like bile. I didn't want another flashback, and this one had been the worst yet.

Eventually, colour bled into the nightscape like ink in water. A wall materialised beside me, and I jumped away, only to feel the rough pavement winding down Seventeenth Cannonway beneath my feet. I could recognise the alleyway with my eyes closed - the wind whistled here with a particular tone that made my skin crawl. In the flashback, it was nighttime, and leant up against the lamppost at the entrance to the alleyway stood Damon, cigarette in mouth. He blew a plume of grey smoke into the crisp air, and I watched as it intertwined with the oxygen like an uncoiling rope.

Then, out of nowhere, the figure of a girl emerged from the shadows. From the back, it took me a moment to realise who it was. With brown hair reaching past her ribs that tinted ruby in the moonlight, and her hands bloodied, I knew exactly who it was.

It was me.

I took in a sharp breath, and edged closer to the scene. It was strange to watch myself from afar, as though I was gazing through someone else's eyes. As I got closer to the previous version of Damon and myself, I could see the channels on my cheeks where tears had cut through the skin. My skin was white, and covered in bruises form ordeals I simply could not remember. I looked terrible, and the thought made my stomach clench. I felt sick to the point I didn't want to move in fear that I would retch up all of my major organs. 

"Hey!" I shouted at the vision, but nothing stirred in the night. I gulped down my fear and stalked closer to the pair so that I could listen in to the conversation.

Damon chucked the cigarette on the floor the moment he noticed me approaching. His face contorted into a smile, and the half-Italian removed his hand from his pocket to invite me into an embrace. The girl before me took his invitation without hesitation, and buried her head into Damon's suit jacket.

I could see why he'd been calling me ginger. Under this light, my generic brown strands lit up ruby, crimson, and red - a splash of colour in the bleak surroundings.

I loved my red-gold hair. After all, it was something I had inherited from my mother, and God only knew where I'd be without her.

"Hey," Damon muttered to the girl tucked into his suit jacket. "Hey, what's wrong?"

The woman sobbed, refusing to leave the vampire's touch. "I did something bad. Really fucking bad."

Damon pushed me away from his chest and held me at arms length. The girl stared up at the vampire with scared eyes. Her clothes were torn to shreds, her black leggings sporting holes of varying sizes all the way down her legs. Through the black was an abundance of healing scratches, all scabbed over and ruby with fresh blood. I could smell my fear from meters away, and almost choked.

The vision blurred for a second, time merging into an unreadable sequence of events.

Damon licked his lips and sighed. He opened in mouth, and I stared as the pieces fit into place.

"You're going to forget the vampire world," The man stated, words rolling off his tongue as though he had practised the lines several times before. Most likely because he had. "You're going to forget that you killed Alexander, and never think about it again. You're going to forget that Nathan and I exist. You spent the last eight days studying hard for your exams in January, and you're excited to go home for Christmas to see your mom."

I wanted to punch the man in the face, but it suddenly all made sense. The realisation hit me like a truck. Someone had compelled me before Damon, and it had been done so badly, I had begun to remember everything again. I had turned to Damon for help, but in turn his compulsion had proved just as weak. And that landed me at only one conclusion.

That it had been Damon all along.

That the vampire warrior wanted me all to himself, and compelled me to forget everything until he got his prize.

That Damon had made me kill someone. Why he needed me to find the heart was still a mystery, but I was getting to that. Nothing made sense. Yet it did, and every puzzle piece fit together too well for my liking.

After uttering the last words, the vision began to vanish. The colour bled out of the picture as though it had faded with time, the red-gold of my hair diminishing to a bleak grey. But before the world could disappear altogether, Damon pushed my hair from my neck. In the blink of an eye, his teeth sank into my vein, leaving two burning red marks on my neck.

Leaving a permanent memory on my body.

I'm touching the scars when I'm snapped back to reality. As I resurfaced from the illusion, my legs suddenly gave away. I gasped as my body hurtled to the floor, only for a strong pair of arms to break the fall.

Once upon a time - and that time being last night - Damon's touch had felt electrical, like fireworks igniting over inch of my pale skin. It had felt like a storm had developed in my stomach, and morphed into a fully fledged hurricane. But as Damon held me, and brought me back upright, his touch like a third-degree burn. I winced away as soon as I was able to stand, my whole arm scolded.

I staggered away from the man and away from his heartbroken eyes. I had never seen him like this before. His adam's apple bobbed as he watched me, hands clenched to fists by his side. Lines scarred Damon's tanned face, creasing in confusion and a hurt so deep it ran to the bone. Looking at him shattered my soul, but angered me more than I thought possible.

"Don't fucking touch me, Damon," I said, panting from the vision. The phone was still held in my hand, and I glanced down at the black screen. The reflection was not a welcome one, but it was better than looking at him. "I know what you did."

"Cora-"

"This whole time, it was you," I shouted, and swallowed my fear so that I could look the liar square in the eye. "You were the one who compelled me to forget everything. This whole fucking time."

"Cora, no I didn't. You came to me panicked. Someone else has tried to compel you and did a shit job. You were freaking out. You begged me to compel you to forget everything. And I did because it would've destroyed you if I didn't."

I didn't need to listen to more. I wanted to believe that there was a slither of goodness in Damon, but all the walls the man had built to keep the truth out had come crashing down. He couldn't deny that he had compelled me - I had watched the whole scene unfold.

"I'm sick and tired of all your bullshit! If that's what happened, then why bite me after making me forget? What the fuck was that about?" I jeered. I dared to advance forward, pointing an accusing finger at the man. Damon, much to my surprise, flinched and stood his ground. There were no longer any tears in his eyes, but a look of fury that was burning like a wildfire encapsulated in his hazel orbs.

"I wanted you to remember," Damon confessed. "I wasn't ready to let you go."

"No," I spat and shook my head. "No. Don't even fucking pretend like you did this for anyone else. You did this for you. All you care about is yourself, Damon." I was yelling so loudly that I was sure the rest of the hotel could hear my voice, but I didn't care. I didn't care. "Did you even care at all?" My voice turned to a whisper, my tone wavering. I didn't want to admit it, but the thought of him answering no sent my chill down my spine.

Damon opened his mouth, but couldn't formulate a reply.

I knew it. I fucking knew it.

Of course it had all been too good to be true. Since when did a person I liked ever like me back?

"You know what, don't even answer that."

I needed to get out of here. With Damon's suffocating presence, there was no way I was staying within a one-mile radius of the man. In fact, I never wanted to see him again. I needed to get back to my old life of studying for end-of-term exams, and make my way back home for Christmas. I needed to call my mum to let her know that I was alive.

Without thinking twice, I willed my legs to move, and gathered up my clothes and rucksack that had been slung beside Damon's bed. The sunlight taunted my eyes as it trickled in through the curtain, illuminated the room until it glowed. For the most horrific situation of my life, at least the view was decent. And I was not talking about Damon dressed only in a towel.

Damon could go fuck himself.

I stuffed my hoodie that had been drying from the rain last night into my bag, hissing as my shoulder resisted the action. Yet the adrenaline in my veins was enough to make the agony feel like nothing more than a pinprick.

I stuffed my hoodie that had been drying from the rain last night into my bag, hissing as my shoulder resisted the action. Yet the adrenaline in my veins was enough to make the agony feel like nothing more than a pinprick.

"Where are you going?" Damon's husky voice emanated from behind me.

I froze in place and closed my eyes with anguish. "The hell away from you, that's where." I turned around and stormed over to the cabinet by the door, snatching up my black and white Reeboks from the floor and quickly slipped them on.

The air around me parted and threw my hair across my face in a whirlwind. In a millisecond, Damon was standing in front of me, wedging himself between me and the door. His hand moved to grip my own, and encircled the flesh like a vice.

"You're not going anywhere. It's not-"

"Safe?" I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, I don't give a shit. You know what's not safe? Being around you. You lied to me, Damon. You knew I had trust issues. So get it through your fucking head that I never want to see you again." With that, I wrenched my arm out of his hold with all my remaining strength and made my way towards the door.

"Cora-"

I turned swiftly on my heel, rage beginning to fuel the violent part of me I had managed to keep buried for months. "Don't. I've had enough. You did this. Like what you did to Sage."

Damon's bushy eyebrows drew together in confusion. "What're you on about?"

"Nathan told me you killed her, not Alexander."

Damon was taken aback by the comment, and his eyes lowered to the ground in defeat. He looked like he had been charged with murder.

"Oh my god, was that a lie too? You killed her?" I paused; I didn't know what to say. But then, what did you say when you found out the man you liked killed his previous girlfriend? I suddenly felt like throwing up all over the hotel's expensive decor so that Damon would have to pay to replace it. "Did you even feel anything for me, or was that another lie so you could get your stupid shitty heart?"

Damon scratched his arm and gulped. "Alexander compelled me to."

Even though I wanted to rip his entire suit collection to irreparable shreds, I still wanted to comfort him at the same time. His eyes held pain like I had never seen before, and the sight saddened me enough to feel a slither of sympathy. Yet, he had messed with me. And the moment someone messed with me, my mother, or my friends, they were not getting out unscathed.

The anger bubbled back up like an erupting volcano in a split second, the air around me warming from the crackling heat. "If I were to believe you - which I don't, by the way - then you could've told to truth in the first place! All those feelings, were those lies too?"

The vampire shook his head, on the brink of tears. "I would never fucking lie to you about that."

Not letting my facade crack by Damon's sudden display of emotion, I unlocked my phone and found the messages from Nathan. I turned the screen his way, and scrolled through the long, heartfelt texts. "Then why did you hide these?"

"Because- because I didn't want you to find out you were falling for him," Damon admitted. In that moment, I couldn't breathe; couldn't think. This whole stunt had been to win me over? This whole time, and Nathan had been the one telling me the truth - telling me to stay away from the vampire who was so close I could slap him. Why hadn't I listened? Why had I fallen for the handsome face and neglected the repercussions?

When I didn't reply the man continued. "Cora, Nathan's manipulative. He doesn't care about anyone other than himself. I hid your phone to protect you. Nathan lies to get his way, and his feelings towards you were to use you. All he ever wanted to do was sacrifice you at the coronation. It's all a game to him. It always has been."

"You know what? Nathan said the same about you. And right now I'm not believing a word that comes out of your mouth," I shouted as loud as I could, my lungs hurting from the sheer lack of oxygen. "I'm leaving, and if you try and stop me Damien, so be it I'll ruin that pretty face of yours with my fist."

I threw my rucksack onto both shoulders in a single moment, stealing one last glance at the handsome man before side-stepping him and placing my hand on the door. His eyes were as beautiful as ever, the flecks of emerald igniting in the brown like cotyledons. His perfect body glowed effortlessly in the afternoon sun, bringing colour to the grey-dominated hotel room. The dark tufts of his drying hair were stuck flat to his beautiful head, stubble at the perfect length and framing his thin lips. The lips I had kissed.

I sighed, and smiled at the vampire as I passed. I expected him to stop me, but he didn't make a single move. My hand fell against the wooden door, and I pressed it open without hesitation, refusing to look back.

This wasn't a fight. This wasn't a breakup. This wasn't temporary.

This was goodbye.

.... (:

please don't kill me

all will make sense soon, and thank you for reading and the incredible comments <3

xoxo lotte