Trigger warnings; suicide

I'm watching the stars in the dark. They twinkle as if they are tiny jewels who decided to float up and make themselves known to the world. It is beautiful. But then again, it is also sad. The vastness of the universe makes me head pound and I stare into the sky, the lonely planets shining back at me. They are there, and we are here. We are small. So small and so insignificant. We are the ants of the universe. I smile. No one would miss me if I disappeared. That thought saddened me but also lifted my spirits a little. Nothing would be effected once I was gone. Time would still move on. It doesn't stop. We don't deserve it to stop for us. We are nothing. We have done nothing. And then again, we have done everything. Our actions will not make a dent in the universe. Our names will be forgotten throughout history. Time robs us of everything. It takes and it takes and it takes and history obliterates.

The party behind me is still going on, the sounds of partygoers muffled by the loud and steady beats of some rock music. My gaze shifts to the sky. The moon is hidden tonight. A pity. I would've loved to see it one last time. I could always postpone it. Do it tomorrow, or the day after, or even the day after that. But I was done running. I had had enough. It had to be tonight.

The crunch of gravel made me turn around.

"Figured I'd find you out here"

"You can't talk me out of this" I lied, knowing dam well that he was the only one who could.

He sighed, "I know"

My guard fell. He was never like this. My brain was spinning. Why wasn't he trying to talk me out of it. Why did he look so defeated. Why-

He came to sit next to me on the railing overlooking the cliff, our fingers brushing together slightly.

He looked down somberly, into the dark depths of the dark waters beneath us.

"I'm done" he choked out, his voice cracking.

"What?"

"I don't see the point in living anymore"

My heart jumped in my throat. It was never meant to go like this.

"You have a whole life ahead of you" I said, wincing slightly as it made me a hypocrite.

"Bullshit" he whispered, hoping the words would float away with the wind.

I fell silent.

The silence was slowly suffocating me and I was relieved when he opened his mouth.

"Do you believe in the afterlife?"

The question caught me off guard.

"No"

My answer seemed to surprise both of us, but it was the truth.

"We are reborn" I forged on, "in our infinite cycle. Over and over and over and over again. Just the same repetitiveness. And when you think of it that way, it makes everything seem meaningless"

He seemed to ponder my answer.

"It isn't though."

I looked at him, his bright blue eyes gazing into the starry sky.

"I don't think it's meaningless at all. You mean something. All our memories together mean something. And you're not meaningless to me. You're important, even if it's only to me. And you've given me the best moments anyone could've asked for. Life may be meaningless, but the life you gave me is not, and I know that for certain. Our names may not be remembered, and no future historians will remember our names and praise us, but why do we need such validation? I think existing in those moments with you is validation enough. We don't need to prove something. Because even though anything we do doesn't matter, that doesn't mean that we should throw everything away, it may not matter to everyone else. But those small microscopic events matter the most, although you don't know it yet."

I didn't know how to feel. Everything was so fucking numb and everything hurt.

"I'm sorry"

He nodded, as if understanding what I had to do. "I'm sorry too"

He slid his hand into mine easily and gave me a small sad smile, the last one i would ever see. And he leaned over and kissed me. A kiss that portrayed sadness and happiness and regret and confusion and euphoria and finally, hope, all at once.

If I had to feel anyone's lips for the last time, I wouldn't have wanted it to be anyone else other than him, the love of my life.

We jumped, the wind whistling in my ears, the tightening of his grip on my hand, the waves rushing upwards to meet us, the strong ocean smell overwhelming my senses, his body next to mine, the first drops of water