There's a coffin at the center of the altar. They are grieving for the lost of my beloved boyfriend.

Mahihina ang hakbang ko palapit sa nakaitim na babae na patuloy ang paghagulgol. Sinubukan kong makuha ang atensyon niya sa pamamagitan ng pagtawag dito.

“Tita..” I called her.

Medyo natigilan sa ginagawa si Tita at mabilis akong hinarap. Isang malakas na sampal ang iginawad niya sa akin na nagpamanhid ng kanang pisnge ko.

“At may karapatan ka pang pumunta rito?! Matapos mamatay ang anak ko dahil sa panloloko mo sa kaniya?!” kitang-kita sa mata ni Tita Janice ang galit habang sinisigawan ako sa harap ng maraming tao.

Wala akong nagawa kundi yumuko at umiyak. Umiling ako.

“I am really sorry, Tita. Hindi ko po niloko si Dave, maniwala kayo. Kaibigan ko lang si Sam, walang namamagitan sa amin.” pagpapaliwanag ko habang pinipilit na hawakan ang kamay ni Tita Janice.

Iniiwas niya ang kamay niya bago ako malakas na itinulak dahilan para mapaupo ako sa sahig.

“Sinong maniniwala sa iyo?! Ang pagpatay ng lalakeng iyon sa anak ko, paano mo iyon mapapaliwanag? Tandaan mo ‘to, Karyl. Isasama kita sa hukay ng anak ko, umalis ka na kung ayaw mong isunod na kita!” halos masira ang tenga ko sa lakas ng sigaw ni Tita Janice.

Kahit gusto kong makita sa huling pagkakataon ang katawan ni Dave ay pinili ko na lang na umalis sa simbahan.

My boyfriend, Dave. He died after my best friend named Sam shoot him. Dave thought I have feelings on my best friend but I think that's opposite, because Sam didn't want to continue my relationship with Dave. And that night, when Dave proposed to me, Sam did the worst thing he could ever done, that is to kill my boyfriend.

“And you have the guts to go here?”

Seeing my best friend acting rudely makes me wonder if he has in his right mind. I try to compose myself before saying anything.

“Are you in love with me?” the only words that comes out from my mouth.

Behind the glass walls I saw how his reaction turns to different emotions, from being shocked, remorse and disbelief.

Dahil sa naging reaksyon niya kaya mas nahiwagaan ako sa nangyari.

Kitang-kita ko kung paano siya ngumisi at umiling-iling.

“How long did our friendship lasts? More than twelve years? Twelve years, Karyl. Yet, you are still clueless about something.” halos maluha siya habang pigil ang pangtawa na nakatitig sa akin.

Isa lamang ang naramdaman ko nung mga oras na ‘yon. Takot. Takot na hindi ko na kilala ang lalakeng kaharap ko at nakasama ko sa mahigit na sampung taon.

Habang nakatingin kami sa isa’t-isa ay inalala ko ang mga nangyari sa nakalipas na mga taon na magkasama kami.

He was my listener, my soldier, my protector before Dave entered our lives. Dahil sa tagal naming magkaibigan ay inakala ng lahat na magkarelasyon kami. But they were all wrong, because no matter how they tried us to feel anything it is always end with the platonic relationship that we had. Kaya ganoon na lang ang pag-aakala ni Dave at ng pamilya niya na may namamagitan sa amin ni Sam dahil sa tagal ng pagiging magkaibigan namin.

My tears started to fall when I remember how Sam treated me and couldn't believed why we are here in this point of our lives.

“Samuel, I am here to know the truth. Dahil best friend kita sa mahigit na sampung taon. At kahit gaano kasakit ang ginawa mo sa akin, you still have a value for me. Kaya gusto kong malaman what went wrong, anong dahilan para patayin mo si Dave?” malungkot na wika ko habang umiiyak at nakikipagtitigan sa kaniya.

Muling sumeryoso ang mukha niya bago pinilit na ngumiti.

“The only good thing happened to me for the past eight years was you, and the only bad thing happened to me for the last four years was you also.” he said before he cried, “Karyl, hindi lahat ng nakikita mo totoo. If you said I still have a value for you, think again. You will never know the detail if you are still clueless.” he said with disappointed tone then he smiled at me.

The smile he has when he pointed a gun... on me?

Hindi ako makapaniwala habang binabalikan ang gabing nangyari ang pagkamatay ni Dave. Does he trying to kill me and not my boyfriend?

Halos matulala ako sa narealize ko at manginig ang mga kamay dahil ayaw maniwala ng buong sistema ko.

But remembering our friendship, there is a pattern that brings me the idea I don't want to believe.

He don't have any romantic relationship with a girl.

Always curious about my make up.

Choosing my outfit everyday.

I saw how he looked at some men but didn't think about it.

How he reacted when I introduced Dave as my boyfriend four years ago.

How he seems so jealous with how Dave treated me.

How he was angry that we are planning to have a family after years of being in a relationship.

That was the sign, I thought it was for me. All his action's was not for me at all.

Tumayo na siya at balak na sumama sa pulis para bumalik sa selda nang magsalita ako.

“So, tell me.. are you in love with Dave?” the words that first come out on my mouth.

Kitang-kita ko kung papaano siya natigilan, and with that reaction I know now what went wrong with our friendship.

Hindi ako makapaniwala pero nagawa ko pang magsalita ulit.

“I am not the clueless one now, huh?” tila nang-aasar kong tanong.

Humarap siya sa akin at proud na ngumiti, “Yes, and we have a secret relationship. Dave and I have one thing in common, we like guys. And we kept it a secret from you.” pagbubunyag niya na yumanig sa buong sistema ko.

“So, you didn't try to kill Dave? It was me all along.”

He nodded, “Ikaw ang balak ko patayin, Karyl. Humarang lang si Dave kaya hindi ko natuloy. Sayang nga e, minahal ka pala niya. Kung hindi, edi sana nagsisisi akong napatay ko siya.”

Tila nakakapanghinayang na pangyayari sa buhay niya ang mga nangyari at ang hindi natuloy na pagpatay sa akin. Napahagulgol na lamang ako sa dami ng nalaman ko at hinayaan na si Sam na makaalis.

What went wrong? Because I am the clueless one. That's the reason.