wooyoung san

nothing was making much sense. he wasn't concentrating on the burly security guards eyeing them cautiously; nor the way they kept checking their watches and murmuring gruffly into walkie talkies.

he didn't mind the inquiring glances thrown idly their way, didn't even notice the pandemonium of the station as passengers hurried to catch their trains. it was all a gaussian blur of insignificance. all he could see was the boy in front of him, who's smile enhanced his handsome features that san missed so much, brighter than he'd possibly ever seen it.

wooyoung's naturally darkened hair still held traces of the lilac it once beheld, the ruffled locks a mess of wind ravaged beauty. in his panting state, he was clearly not the most composed he'd ever been, but san's heart clenched and unclenched, his whole chest aching as his entire being sang beautiful.

one of them had to break the silence, but wooyoung was too caught up in catching his breath and devouring the sight of san before him, so he took the liberty to at last speak first, knowing time wasn't on their side.

"what're you doing here?" san questioned in bewilderment, adjusting his bag strap to keep his hands busy.

"what does it look like?" wooyoung answered with another question, shaking his head like it doesn't matter, and taking a step towards san, smile never faltering.

san didn't step back, although he unconsciously tensed up, unmoving on the spot in front of wooyoung, who reached out to caress his cheek ever so lightly, as if checking if he was real.

"i came to my senses." wooyoung continued, furthering his explanation. "i've been such an idiot, god. it's time i did something incredibly selfish, something i've held back from doing because i thought it was best for you."

as he spoke, the other male's quivering hands reached to cup san's face, the gentle touch making his senses go haywire, the hair on his arms standing up as if he'd been electrocuted.

"what're you saying?" san asked, shaking his head slightly in confusion, reaching up to place his own hand over the one belonging to wooyoung.

"i'm saying," wooyoung started, holding his gaze tenderly as if peering straight into his soul, making san feel oddly exposed and vulnerable. "right here, right now,"

san waited as the other paused, holding his breath and hanging onto every word as wooyoung leaned a little closer. he didn't know what he was doing - but he knew that he missed wooyoung so, so much, and right here, right now, that was all that mattered to him.

"that i love you, little choi." wooyoung finished, the nickname tugging at san's heartstrings.

san let out a small gasp, releasing the breath he'd been holding, and a wild smile overtook his face as the words registered in his mind. they changed everything- he finally felt validated, like he meant something, that he had a purpose in this world.

"you- you do?" san stuttered almost disbelievingly, taking his own first step forward to shorten the distance between them.

"god, yes." wooyoung assured him, eyes darting around san's face as he stroked his cheek with his thumb. "so fucking much."

his breath caught in his throat, the words replaying in his head over and over again like a broken record playing the most beautiful tune. "i didn't come here expecting you to say it back," wooyoung hastily added, eyes not moving from his face. "i just needed you to know-"

"i love you, too, jung wooyoung." san interrupted with a quiet laugh, euphoria warming his insides, giddy with joy and bursting with the honesty of admitting his feelings. "no matter how hard i tried not to. i really do."

whatever wooyoung had been anticipating - it hadn't been that. he let out a short surprised laugh, and due to their proximity san noticed tears brimming in the other's eyes.

the raven haired boy gripped wooyoung's wrist tighter in reassurance, leaning into the touch as his eyes formed crescents with his smile.

"even after-" wooyoung shook his head for the nth time, drawing san closer towards him so that their chests brushed against one another faintly, a ghosting touch. "shit." he swore, at a loss for words. "i just love you."

san brushed the other's fingers delicately with his own, relishing in the simple touch that'd been absent for so long. it was like he could breathe again. "say it again." he requested softly, eyelids fluttering as his eyes closed expectantly.

wooyoung pressed his lips to san's in a sealing kiss, both of them savouring the feeling of being this close with nothing but love between them, pulling away after a moment to oblige. "i," he began with a more subtle, gentler smile, reaching up to brush san's hair affectionately.

"love you." the way wooyoung spoke the word 'love' set san on a different kind and of fire. the art of it simply rolling off his tongue as if it were music straight from orpheus lit flames of utter devotion, the word alone so much more than a word- how wooyoung breathed it out made it sound raw and painfully sincere.

"no one has ever said they love me before. or loved me, to my knowledge. not even remotely like you do." san admitted shyly, etching closer.

"should i say it once more?" wooyoung asked huskily, and san let himself nod timidly. "i love you." he reciprocated cheesily, causing san to blush and smile again.

hearing it again was enough, and he wanted to hear it again and again and again until the other couldn't speak, but there were other ways to achieve that outcome. so san wound his arms around wooyoung's neck, tilting his head as he connected their desperately patient lips in a slow, hungry dance, burning coolness and passionate intimacy between them.

the kiss was unlike any other they'd ever shared beforehand, yet somehow exactly the same. their lips knew each other, moving perfectly in time, the movements seeming rehearsed like they'd prepared for this moment all their lives - familiarity in every touch.

wooyoung smiled into the kiss against his mouth, arm latched automatically around san's waist while the other remained cupping his jaw. their foreheads rested against each other despite the end of the kiss, and neither of them wanted to part any time soon. right here, right now, san figured if he was born into this world with the sole purpose of wooyoung loving him, then his reason for being was accomplished. and he was perfectly content with that purpose.

but their whimsical moment could not last forever, and an awkward clearing of the throat signalled their time to be more than up.

they pulled apart, san lacing his fingers with the other's to hold onto his hand and avoid breaking all contact. "it's okay." he murmured to wooyoung confidently. "i won't catch my train, we can-"

but a third security guard in police attire marched over to them, cutting him off after a silent exchange with the other two guards. "jung wooyoung? are you the owner of a vehicle with the number plate 0V98 ***?"

confusion replaced wooyoung's previous smile as he turned to face the man, clearly recognizing the number. "yes?" he confirmed, with a hint of doubt in his tone.

san looked between them nervously, expecting wooyoung to be fined for failing to pay for parking or something to that effect; nothing too serious.

"your vehicle has flared up on speeding cameras all the way from seoul university to yongsan station." the officer elaborated, jaw clenched as he regarded wooyoung's appearance and their joined hands.

"alright," wooyoung admitted, but the confusion remained evident. "but people speed every day. i don't see why this requires an officer of the law to confront me?"

"that's not all, mr jung." san braced himself, wary of what would come next. "you've been found to be in the possession of excessive amounts of varying illegal substances. as this is a violation of the law-" the man recited on, and wooyoung's face fell.

san stopped listening, the gears in his head spinning out of control, processing the situation before he realised what was happening. he felt wooyoung's grip tighten around his hand, and vaguely heard the other's breathing speed up. his worst nightmare was coming to life. he was about to lose someone to the same evil hand - in a different way, but lose them all the same.

"since you are still a minor," san heard the officer state nonchalantly, and bile rose in his throat. the man didn't care what he was tearing apart. "you'll have two options." he only cared about his job and doing it correctly.

san turned away, unable to hear what followed. tears of panic rose in his frantic eyes, beginning to spill over his cheeks. he'd only just got wooyoung back, but he was in love with an idiot so of course something had to give. everything was happening so fast, there wasn't enough time- there was so much he had to say, to do-

"san." wooyoung's voice came gently behind his ear. shockingly, the boy sounded terrifyingly calm. "baby-" the new pet name only made the taller cry harder.

san turned to face the other, and wooyoung's eyes softened immediately. he pulled him to his chest, and san cried into the crook of his neck, shoulders shaking while wooyoung stroked his back soothingly. "calm down," he tried tenderly.

san raised his glassy eyes to look at the other gazing down at him adoringly, feeling secure and reassured in the warmth of wooyoung's hold. "i'm sorry," he spluttered trepidatiously, the manor the words were spoken contradictory to the way the other boy made him feel.

wooyoung shushed him soothingly, but san shook his head ashamedly. "this is all my fault," he sniffed in culpability, guilt fracturing his words. "if i hadn't left without telling you-"

he broke off, struggling to breathe. wooyoung enveloped him closer still, pressing a long chaste kiss on his temple before laughing quietly. "it's not your fault. it's mine, for turning to the only comfort i knew without you. i should've been stronger than that, for your sake."

before san could object, and direct the blame back to himself, wooyoung released him from the hug, holding him by the shoulders at arms length. "now you listen to me." he began, and san could tell he was trying to hold it together. "i'm not going to some ruthless prison or a juvenile detention centre. they offered me another option: rehab."

san felt himself tear up again, every inch of him against the idea. rehab took time, and he only just got his wooyoung back- "i'm taking it. not just for you, for us. but for me." he released a shaky breath. "we both know deep down that's it's what i need. it's not fair to you to have me in your life whilst i'm still a mess like this. hell, half the reason i spontaneously showed up here was because i was higher than anything." wooyoung admitted. "i don't want to be that guy any more."

san weakly got out a barely audible 'no', even though he knew wooyoung was right. he just wished it wasn't so soon.

the officer had let sympathy creep into his emotionless expression, but regained the right demeanour and gripped wooyoung's arm tightly, signalling they had to go soon. the younger boldly ignored the hold, longing to savour what could be his last moments with san for quite some time.

"the train to daegu is departing shortly." a distorted monochrome voice rang out above them on a speaker. "could all passengers boarding platform 6 please ensure they are aboard."

san didn't want to go, and he only stepped closer to wooyoung and further from where he was supposed to go. the shorter boy managed a sad smile, inching gradually backwards. "you're going to miss your train."

"but i only just got you back!" san broke frantically, throat constricting in desperation like a hatchling being torn from its mother who'd it relied on all its life. "this is all so fast!" he protested futilely.

wooyoung surveyed him regretfully, glistening eyes a clear window into what he was going through his head. "how did we end up here?" he asked himself quietly before answering more audibly; "you're going to be okay."

"this is the last warning. calling any passengers who haven't boarded the train to daegu from platform 6; you will miss your journey."

"i'll see you in a couple of months." wooyoung told him emptily, allowing himself to be guided away. "don't miss your train." he urged san inarguably. "and remember," he was getting further away, and san couldn't go after him. "that i love you."

and just like that, wooyoung was gone.

"i love you too." san whispered in turn into the empty space, no one there to hear him.

the blaring engine of a train shocked him back to reality, his feet moving in obeying motion to wooyoung's request, running for his life, he pleaded for the driver to wait. san would go to daegu, like he planned. he would get his life back together, do everything he vowed to do, except forget everyone from his past. because no matter what followed - he would wait for wooyoung.

he would wait forever if he had to.

san wooyoung

a drive handcuffed mandatorily in the backseat of a cop car was not how he had expected today to end.

of course, a lot of things had happened today that he hadn't expected, things he'd once deemed unfathomable. somehow this one was the most reasonable, the only occurrence that made sense.

the silent ride gave him plenty of time to think, and in all that time he repeatedly came to the same conclusion: rehab had been inevitable if he truly wanted to stay with san. although it was true that the other boy made him a better person in every way, he couldn't serve as a replacement addiction forever.

it was a good thing this had happened, wooyoung begrudgingly agreed with himself. this way, san could have some time to learn how to live without depending on him to feel alright. while it made him feel special to know the boy he loved functioned simply in the notion wooyoung was by his side, it also wasn't sustainable nor healthy.

they both needed time away from each other that wasn't painful and unwanted, but rather time away from one another in which they knew the other was waiting for them. time apart that could be calm for both of them knowing they were loved and wanted somewhere.

these conclusions floated in his mind even when he was out of the car, being escorted into the infamous seoul rehabilitation centre. the building loomed promisingly ahead, fashioned simply and designed to appear welcoming. those who stepped through these doors were either praying for another chance at life or praying for someone else's other chance, and some has stepped through many times, simply throwing away countless chances handed to them like clockwork.

eventually, he was seated in a hard wooden chair at a rickety table in what appeared to be some sort of reception room. across from him sat a neatly dressed, pudgy looking fellow, a sickly sweet smile adorning his grizzly face. skewed glasses rested crookedly on his hooked nose, and wooyoung was willing to bet money that this was someone released from rehab at least once himself.

"so," the man croaked interestedly. "you've made the wise decision to go through rehab." he adjusted a form of paper in front of them in the middle of the desk, pen in hand.

what is this, an interview? add this conversation to the list of things wooyoung hadn't anticipated.

"juvie would've certainly been the easier, shorter option. any other young lad's first choice." so this is a speech, wooyoung concluded, pretending to listen intently.

"why did you choose rehab?" he supposed the question was supposed to hit hard and achieve some philosophical answer, but the response came easily to him.

wooyoung smiled secretively, glancing down at his hands as images of a raven haired boy with sparkling dark eyes and the face of an angel he'd grown to love came to surface. "i met someone." was the simple reply.

the end

-
please don't be mad if this ending wasn't the one you wanted because i had this planned since like the 10th chapter and i'm quite happy with it.

let's be real: i had to debunk the juvenile assumption that love fixes all your problems. it doesn't. i couldn't have wooyoung not get some help after he'd gone through addiction that badly for 40 chapters.

anyway i read all your comments on the last part and they all really warmed my heart and made me smile so hard istg i love you all to the ends of this universe <3 to those who stuck around: thank you. truly.

i'm super excited because i've been drafting a new woosan book for a while and i can finally get to work on it!! i hope y'all are ready for it because hoo boy

oh and, should i write an epilogue?

xxx