wooyoung san

back to school. back to trudging through enclosing hallways with his head down, flinching at sounds around him and praying no one talked to him.

the gates were looming bars that promised doom, pillars appearing as gothic gargoyles for a second who ushered him to an unavoidable fate.

of course, in the blink of an eye, san only saw what was truly in front of him; half polished weak iron gates set between two chipped creamy pillars of brick beholding years of ridiculing graffiti - a gift from past students leaving their mark of surviving high school.

he'd be fine. just as long as he avoided wooyoung and consequently everyone else.

-

so far, so good.

he'd managed to dodge yunho on the way to combined science, and had ducked into a supply closet after ignoring wooyoung in english to avoid running into seonghwa, mingi, minho and hyunjin who had come to meet the younger.

now came the harder part: break. he wasn't about to sit in the cafeteria and risk seeing them all, but wasn't brave enough to scout the hallways when everyone was free to roam those, too. going outside was an option, but was quickly eliminated when he remembered the two possible routes included passing a main corridor or through the cafeteria.

so that's how he ended up staying in the supply closet, backed in the corner while trying to breathe as quietly as he could so not to alert faculty of his presence.

sounded as pathetic as it was in reality. fitting, since pathetic was about the only word he associated with himself recently.

and all was going well until he heard a soft knock, widening his eyes and sending his heart into an unsteady rhythm of rapid beats.

"san? it's me..." came a deep voice from the other side of the door. "i followed you after english."

a pause. "what are you doing in a supply closet?"

san bit his lip, making a quick decision. it was felix. he could trust felix. and god, did he need someone he could trust.

"...hiding." he replied feebly, the last syllable raised like a question rather than a statement.

"can you come out so we can talk? we're- i'm worried about you."

san had begun to move towards the handle, but retracted his hand as if the knob was burning hot to touch. "is someone else there?"

"no- no one's here. just me." a loud clearing of the throat. "i promise."

warily, the raven haired boy opened the door, edging himself slowly into the open to find felix. standing alone, nothing but worry in his dark eyes.

immediately, san launched himself into the arms of his friend, hugging him tightly, melting into the comfort of someone he knew.

felix stiffened in surprised, but quickly relaxed, returning the hug even though it was a little awkward on his side. the last time they hugged it didn't end so well. and felix was remembering it all too clearly.

finally, san pulled back, unfazed (unlike the other), and offered him a smile. "i'm glad it's you." he confessed.

"u-uh, yeah," felix stuttered, scratching his head awkwardly. "i wanted to talk to you about... wooyoung."

the smile fell like summer rain, san stepping back as if the word hit him with a physical force. "why?"

"you should talk to him, san." felix tried, grabbing at san's wrist as the boy began to walk away. "you don't look good. you-" a sigh, as if it strained him to admit. "you need him."

"no," san replied forcefully, spinning around suddenly in the other's grip to face him with a burning flame of confusion and defiance in his eyes. "i don't." a sharp laugh sounded from his paled lips. "you of all people. why are you lecturing me?"

felix tried to take a step back, eyes clouded with hurt. "that's- that's not fair."

"you should be happy." san went on, advancing mindlessly. "i thought you wanted us broken up. so you could have me to yourself. hell, i wouldn't be surprised if you sent the video yourself."

the hurt morphed to anger. "i would never want to see you hurt! why would i want to see you this broken?"

san suddenly gave a shy smirk, almost in triumph. "i can trust you? you care about me?"

"of course i do!" felix shouted back, riled up at having to express feelings he knew san knew.

"then maybe," san started desperately, reaching out with shaky hands, one touching his friend's face. "maybe i could care in the way you wanted me to. you can fix me. i don't need- i don't need him."

felix hesitated. let himself light up at the touch of the boy he'd loved for so long's hand. "that's not fair." he repeated softly.

"don't do this to me." felix shook his head, a tear escaping his eye as he pushed away san's hand. "i know you're not in the right state of mind right now. but that's too far."

san watched as felix walked away, backing against the wall and shutting his eyes. he was so good at screwing everything up, but he didn't want to screw up his last funny functioning friendship.

"felix!" he called, after going him.

his friend stopped, letting san match his pace.

"i'm sorry. accusing you of sending the video was too far." he apologized. "but i wasn't joking about trying to care about you the way you'd like."

"it's too soon." felix sighed sorrowfully, glancing down at san tenderly. "you don't know what you're saying."

-

later, lunch whirred around, and he wondered a lonely corridor by himself, hands in his pockets and head in the clouds.

he was so 'with the fairies' that he somehow managed to take a wrong turn and end up at the main cafeteria entrance, in full display for anyone to see him.

san panicked, turning his heels and discretely speed walking away, but sharp eyes had spotted him, and someone was not far behind.

"san, wait!" the boy called out after him.

"go away, hyunjin!" san yelled. "i don't want anyone else to tell me i need to crawl back to wooyoung!"

"that's not what this is about!" hyunjin answered, catching up to him easily (damn football jock), placing a firm hand on his chest to stop him getting away. "it's about felix."

"it's about-" san faltered, being pulled against his will somewhere quieter. "wait! how do you know-"

"i was there." hyunjin interrupted, tone clipped. "you couldn't see me, obviously, but it was yeosang and i who decided to get felix to talk to you-"

"yeosang was there too!?" san questioned frantically, hand over his heart in mock betrayal.

"no, just me." hyunjin assured him, but quickly switched back to strict dad mode.

"i heard everything." disappointment flashed in his eyes. "san, what you did this morning was unbelievably stupid! you can't lead him on like that! do you realise how utterly selfish you're acting?"

"i-" san tried, but hyunjin held up a hand.

"i know you're messed up right now. but that was way out of line! i get that you're upset, feeling betrayed, don't want to trust anyone - i understand why you're lashing out. but you need to stop for a moment. have you looked in a mirror? san," hyunjin's voice cracked slightly, a hand landing on the other's shoulder.

"you're destroying yourself. you can't blame us all for trying to help you! but you're so caught up in your own self-pity that you're unknowingly trying to destroy everyone around you. you're so desperate for someone to love you that as soon as someone breaks your heart - you're clawing for love from someone else, anyone else, even though it's your best friend! and in that enclosed head if yours, you spun yourself the idea that you're not worth love because of all the shit you've been through! so anything that comes close is good enough. you'll forgive too easily, love too easily, but that's okay."

he took a breath, looking at something behind san instead of at him anymore. " because you're worth it. and someone loves you. you know he's so damn in love with your sweet self, and i know you're just as in love with his sorry ass! so what you really need is to listen to him."

"thank you," wooyoung himself spoke quietly, having somehow followed them from behind and heard hyunjin's speech.

san whirled on the boy who must've been a few feet behind him the whole time: hyunjin was facing them both as he spoke

stunned into silence, the truth of the words settling in, san opened his mouth and closed it. all he could get out was, "b-but he-" before hyunjin was interrupting him again.

"say it to him." a point at wooyoung. "i'm going.

hyunjin stalked off, satisfied with his work, leaving the two to face each other.

"i didn't rape you." was the first thing wooyoung blurted out. "you were drunk enough; so i didn't spike your drink too much. y-you gave consent. god, that doesn't make it any better, but i'm sorry."

"consent?" san couldn't help but laugh. "wooyoung, spare me. i can't even remember most of that night. i was in no shape to give consent."

wooyoung bit his lip, knowing he spoke the truth. "it's no excuse, but i was high. drunk. i don't remember much, either. i couldn't make a decision on whether your consent was given sincerely or not."

"it doesn't change anything." san ended the discussion, rubbing his eyes. "i'm fucking done with speeches today."

san wooyoung

he stayed in the hallway after san left. contemplated.

san was willing to give felix a chance at his heart.

and wooyoung found that was okay. he only wanted him to be happy.

-

too soon?

!!RELATIVELY IMPORTANT A/N I'D RATHER YOU DIDN'T SKIP!!

on another note, i'm considering renaming this fic because i'm not sure 'soft' fits the content

it's only a consideration though, so please tell me your thoughts...

p.s without giving away too much, don't give up on this fic yet. things are shit now but i planning on giving woosan the right ending and it won't be too long from now

xxx